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My ex started crying when I told her I love you


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Me and my ex broke up on the 6th of February, so for the first time in 2 weeks we had a discussion (I was trying to reconcile) on Saturday, I accidentally told her I still love her and she started sobbing. She only seems to remember all the bad stuff in the relationship at the moment, nothing good. I tried bring up good moments but she would just tell me, "Stop, stop, I appreciated it, but that's not fair". It's so weird, I wish we could just sit down and talk like people but she doesn't even want to do that she said if she see's me feeling might start "rushing back". She was acting so cold and distant with me.

 

I haven't spoken to her since im just going to go NC and work on myself. Today I saw her Twitter page (went to unfollow her) and she's still angry at me and she says her feeling are conflicting. Idk what's going through her head, I'm just going to give her her space.

 

What do you all think?

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xinaxxsdertf

sorry to hear about this man. this is the perfect example to go to NC.

 

your ex sounds just like mine. shes in that state where shes angry and emotional and is hurting over what went wrong too much. my ex was in the same situation, she got to the point where she would swear at me and tell me to stop hurting her and leave her alone. i was trying to reconcile too but she had blocked out all the good stuff and only had the bad stuff in her head (im not sure if she still has at the moment or not).

 

thats where you are forced to go into no contact because every time you contact her, you are reminding her of all the bad things. she needs time without you to start missing you. otherwise she will only see all the bad things and continue to be angry at you. but after a while of not hearing or having you in her life, the bad things fade away and the good times come back and thats what creates the effect of missing someone. she sounds in a real emotional state so if you disappear from her life right now and go into complete no contact then that gives her time to start forgetting the bad moments and after that, all that is left is the good memories. its hard i know but it got me back my gf last year when she dumped me. it took a whole month but she still came back.

 

my ex is also the same as yours with the stubborness. after she broke up with me nearly 2 weeks ago, i asked her to come over to my house a few days later so we could talk. she came over and it was magical again. she was falling for me again right in front of my eyes. but then as soon as she left my house, all the bad things came rushing back and she sent me some nasty texts and saying coming over was a mistake. so even though the good things come back when you see each other, as soon as she gets time alone after it, she will start to resent you again. so you need to give her time to recover and forget about any bad moments. i can tell you now that the bad moments dont stay in her head, its only while things are stiill heated. once she sees she doesnt have you at all in her life, they will fade away.

 

all i can say is go no contact. and let her reach out to you when she is ready. use this time to work on yourself and be selfish and find happiness without her. once you realise you can be happy without her then you will be ready to be with her again if she wants you back. but if u rush back to her now, all the bad things are going to still be there and maybe even end the relationship on a worser note that may destroy any chances of a future

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sorry to hear about this man. this is the perfect example to go to NC.

 

your ex sounds just like mine. shes in that state where shes angry and emotional and is hurting over what went wrong too much. my ex was in the same situation, she got to the point where she would swear at me and tell me to stop hurting her and leave her alone. i was trying to reconcile too but she had blocked out all the good stuff and only had the bad stuff in her head (im not sure if she still has at the moment or not).

 

thats where you are forced to go into no contact because every time you contact her, you are reminding her of all the bad things. she needs time without you to start missing you. otherwise she will only see all the bad things and continue to be angry at you. but after a while of not hearing or having you in her life, the bad things fade away and the good times come back and thats what creates the effect of missing someone. she sounds in a real emotional state so if you disappear from her life right now and go into complete no contact then that gives her time to start forgetting the bad moments and after that, all that is left is the good memories. its hard i know but it got me back my gf last year when she dumped me. it took a whole month but she still came back.

 

my ex is also the same as yours with the stubborness. after she broke up with me nearly 2 weeks ago, i asked her to come over to my house a few days later so we could talk. she came over and it was magical again. she was falling for me again right in front of my eyes. but then as soon as she left my house, all the bad things came rushing back and she sent me some nasty texts and saying coming over was a mistake. so even though the good things come back when you see each other, as soon as she gets time alone after it, she will start to resent you again. so you need to give her time to recover and forget about any bad moments. i can tell you now that the bad moments dont stay in her head, its only while things are stiill heated. once she sees she doesnt have you at all in her life, they will fade away.

 

all i can say is go no contact. and let her reach out to you when she is ready. use this time to work on yourself and be selfish and find happiness without her. once you realise you can be happy without her then you will be ready to be with her again if she wants you back. but if u rush back to her now, all the bad things are going to still be there and maybe even end the relationship on a worser note that may destroy any chances of a future

 

I have anger and insecurity issues and I'm currently in therapy now. I told her about it and she just didn't care. Her defenses were all the way up. I'm in NC now for my own good not for her, if she wants to talk she has my number. She broke up with me, I tried to get her back, I failed. Honestly, I feel like it might just be over, she hasn't messaged me once this month, but she keeps putting stuff up on twitter about me or our failed relationship. I'm just going to focus on getting my anger and insecurity issues together. It doesnt whether or not my next relationship is with her or another girl I want it to be healthy.

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xinaxxsdertf

yea with No contact you need to also force yourself not check any of her social media. unfriend/unfollow her on all social media and block her if need be. I didnt block mine because i convinced myself as soon as i started NC not to check any of her things like facebook etc. its been 8 days since NC and i havent checked her FB not even once.

 

I have had plenty of urges to check it but i know that if i see something thats going to hurt me then im probably going to break down and go crazy and be back at square one again. im surprised ive come this far, its only 8 days but i have held my ground and its worked!

 

you dont need the negativity she is giving you, also you need to go on with life pretending you are doing better. dont let her know of your struggles, dont let her see that it is hard for you because it shows weakness and it pretty much tells her you wont move on. you need to hide that struggle and let her think you are doing well. the moment she thinks you are happy without her will be the moment that she will start thinking "has he moved on? whats he doing? does he not need me anymore?". yea it seems like you will be putting on a cover for her but it also helps yourself feel better for now and have a more positive outlook.

 

in my first few days of NC i was breaking down and so depressed all the time. yes i still say to myself right now that i miss her. i even tell my best friend i miss her (i think hes getting annoyed hearing about her) but i dont let anyone else know it. i pretend like its all fine. but what ive noticed is that me pretending im not hurting over her, is actually making me smile more now. im laughing again! im singing along to songs with mates and just having fun. i miss her so dearly and still struggling but im not depressed now and mornings are getting easier to wake up to

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yea with No contact you need to also force yourself not check any of her social media. unfriend/unfollow her on all social media and block her if need be. I didnt block mine because i convinced myself as soon as i started NC not to check any of her things like facebook etc. its been 8 days since NC and i havent checked her FB not even once.

 

I have had plenty of urges to check it but i know that if i see something thats going to hurt me then im probably going to break down and go crazy and be back at square one again. im surprised ive come this far, its only 8 days but i have held my ground and its worked!

 

you dont need the negativity she is giving you, also you need to go on with life pretending you are doing better. dont let her know of your struggles, dont let her see that it is hard for you because it shows weakness and it pretty much tells her you wont move on. you need to hide that struggle and let her think you are doing well. the moment she thinks you are happy without her will be the moment that she will start thinking "has he moved on? whats he doing? does he not need me anymore?". yea it seems like you will be putting on a cover for her but it also helps yourself feel better for now and have a more positive outlook.

 

in my first few days of NC i was breaking down and so depressed all the time. yes i still say to myself right now that i miss her. i even tell my best friend i miss her (i think hes getting annoyed hearing about her) but i dont let anyone else know it. i pretend like its all fine. but what ive noticed is that me pretending im not hurting over her, is actually making me smile more now. im laughing again! im singing along to songs with mates and just having fun. i miss her so dearly and still struggling but im not depressed now and mornings are getting easier to wake up to

 

Does NC really work at getting your ex back? I haven't really seen much success come out of it, but I do have no choice. Because if I chase I will crash and burn, miserably.

If she doesn't contact me after NC is over should I never message her again?

Sadly she has no way of telling if I'm doing better. I blocked her on twitter and Instagram, and she blocked me on Instagram. So it's almost as we're dead to each other. However, like I said, she has my number she knows where to reach me.

Edited by Jonp219
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Does NC really work at getting your ex back? I haven't really seen much success come out of it, but I do have no choice. Because if I chase I will crash and burn, miserably.

If she doesn't contact me after NC is over should I never message her again?

Sadly she has no way of telling if I'm doing better. I blocked her on twitter and Instagram, and she blocked me on Instagram. So it's almost as we're dead to each other. However, like I said, she has my number she knows where to reach me.

 

NC is never over. Trust me, there is no other option then going NC.

 

If she dumped you, then she needs to reconcile. You don't message, your a ghost to her. Keep NC.

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NC is never over. Trust me, there is no other option then going NC.

 

If she dumped you, then she needs to reconcile. You don't message, your a ghost to her. Keep NC.

 

That's going to be so tough. I feel like I'm dead to her...

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NC isn't a tool for you to win your ex back, it's something mainly for yourself to heal. To get rid of the pain and helps you move on. You need to accept that this relationship is over between you and your ex. You need to get rid of that hope in you that you guys will be back together again.

 

As counter intuitive it sounds, this is the best way for you to regain yourself and perhaps the first step for her to think about you more clearly. I'm not saying she will come back to reconcile with you but like I said in many of my other posts I believe that if you were a great bf/gf, your ex will someday reappear in your life... whether or not that's for a second chance it's really up for each individual.

 

So right now you need to focus on your own life and try to stop trying to win her back because it's not what you do that would make her want to come back. If she wants you back she'll be the only person to do things or decides to, nothing you do or say will do anything. If you focus on your own life and bettering yourself and get to the point where you can be indifferent about her, that would be the best way.

 

Good luck

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NC isn't a tool for you to win your ex back, it's something mainly for yourself to heal. To get rid of the pain and helps you move on. You need to accept that this relationship is over between you and your ex. You need to get rid of that hope in you that you guys will be back together again.

 

As counter intuitive it sounds, this is the best way for you to regain yourself and perhaps the first step for her to think about you more clearly. I'm not saying she will come back to reconcile with you but like I said in many of my other posts I believe that if you were a great bf/gf, your ex will someday reappear in your life... whether or not that's for a second chance it's really up for each individual.

 

So right now you need to focus on your own life and try to stop trying to win her back because it's not what you do that would make her want to come back. If she wants you back she'll be the only person to do things or decides to, nothing you do or say will do anything. If you focus on your own life and bettering yourself and get to the point where you can be indifferent about her, that would be the best way.

 

Good luck

 

I wasn't a great boyfriend. I could of been better, but I wasn't.

 

What about if I'm over her and I break NC?

 

My friends girl broke up with him twice and he goes NC for 2-3 months and then they get back together again because he contacts her.

Edited by Jonp219
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Jon I think its still too early for you to think about contacting her and getting her back.. This is not the time for you to be imagining and thinking about that. You need to first accept the relationship is totally over and she doesnt want to be with you. I'd stay NC until you can be honest with yourself that you truly are over her and that you've improved as a person.

 

Its not going to help you if you're thinking about reconciling down the line and talking about it now. You need to focus on yourself now and heal yourself firet and after that, you can think about reconciling then.

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I wasn't a great boyfriend. I could of been better, but I wasn't.

 

What about if I'm over her and I break NC?

 

My friends girl broke up with him twice and he goes NC for 2-3 months and then they get back together again because he contacts her.

 

If you're over her you won't feel the need to break NC

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If you're over her you won't feel the need to break NC

 

I mean there's always going to be feelings there

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I mean there's always going to be feelings there

 

Being over her is feeling indifferent to her, so if you believe you will always have feelings for her then there really is nothing you can do other than focus on yourself and leave her be. If she has any inkling she wants you back, trust me she will contact you one way or another come hell or high water

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Being over her is feeling indifferent to her, so if you believe you will always have feelings for her then there really is nothing you can do other than focus on yourself and leave her be. If she has any inkling she wants you back, trust me she will contact you one way or another come hell or high water

 

She told me if she does and realizes it's too late that she wouldn't contact me out of fear that her pride might get hurt.

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She told me if she does and realizes it's too late that she wouldn't contact me out of fear that her pride might get hurt.

 

Then she doesnt deserve you, and she's immature if she cant drop her pride. Why would you want to settle for a person like her? You deserve someone that will be willing to do anything for you and love you truly. Not some girl who lets her pride and ego gets in her way of reaching out.

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smellysocksuni

Hey man,

 

I split up with my ex-girlfriend this January and it was tough. I went through all sorts of hell. People would tell me to go NC and I held on for a long time... I didn't go NC until 5 days ago. Imagine, flogging a dead horse for almost two months! Anyway, my point is.... you need to go full NC. It will hurt. But you have to do it for YOURSELF. I know you want to get back with her, and I understand that feeling - but please, for your own sanity, go full No Contact. It will help you to heal much faster.

 

Good luck, man.

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Simon Phoenix
She told me if she does and realizes it's too late that she wouldn't contact me out of fear that her pride might get hurt.

 

Then she's an immature idiot quite frankly. If her pride would hold her back, her love for you isn't that strong.

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Then she's an immature idiot quite frankly. If her pride would hold her back, her love for you isn't that strong.

 

I'm guessing she just said I that be cause she was pissed. Maybe after she cools down a little she'll start to remember all my positive qualities.

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Then she doesnt deserve you, and she's immature if she cant drop her pride. Why would you want to settle for a person like her? You deserve someone that will be willing to do anything for you and love you truly. Not some girl who lets her pride and ego gets in her way of reaching out.

 

After all that I put through I feel like I deserve all of this. I took her for granted.

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After all that I put through I feel like I deserve all of this. I took her for granted.

 

I feel your pain, trying to re-kindle the fire, and all she can do is put it aside instead of facing it. Women want love, care and attention above all, and they get hurt easily when neglected. This I understand but to me its just a bit immature that she remember only the bad times, when there is so much good in it. Instead of sitting down and talking and work things out. She took the easy way out. She just tend to shrug it off and make you feel a bad person.

 

Either way just give her space, she may come to her senses and move on, or miss you that much and come back.

 

Nothing much you can really do at this point, this is about her and she has her own struggles.

 

Be Strong...

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I feel your pain, trying to re-kindle the fire, and all she can do is put it aside instead of facing it. Women want love, care and attention above all, and they get hurt easily when neglected. This I understand but to me its just a bit immature that she remember only the bad times, when there is so much good in it. Instead of sitting down and talking and work things out. She took the easy way out. She just tend to shrug it off and make you feel a bad person.

 

Either way just give her space, she may come to her senses and move on, or miss you that much and come back.

 

Nothing much you can really do at this point, this is about her and she has her own struggles.

 

Be Strong...

 

Thank you I appreciate the support I'm getting from all of you.

I feel so much better today compared to how I felt after the first week. She's my first love and I'm hers, so this is hard on both of us right now.

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bathtub-row

I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but NC is neither your friend nor enemy here. From what you're saying, you screwed up dismally and, sorry to tell you, but most people with anger and insecurity issues rarely change. Hopefully you will be different and this horrid event of losing your gf will have the effect of teaching you a very big lesson. She is not likely to ever trust you again, though, and the worst of it is, if the two of you got back together, all the same dynamics would start all over again. I know you think you've changed, but you haven't.

 

Just because you're doing something about your issues is not a reason for her to suddenly trust you or come running back. You should've done the work while you were still with her. Too much damage has probably been done and even though she probably loves you, she can't get past the things you did. Nor should she. You had your shot and screwed it up. Going forward, I hope you'll never be like that again. It is very, very hard to recover from.

 

I know you don't want to hear what I'm saying but I hope you'll take it for what it's worth. I have an ex who had very serious anger issues. Wild horses couldn't drag me back into a relationship with him ever again. I wish him the best but I don't wish for him to be in my life. I told him over and over again that his anger would destroy us. Either he didn't care or simply couldn't control himself. The reason why makes no difference to me. He ripped me to shreds emotionally and he'll never get the opportunity to do it again. I'm guessing this is possibly how your ex feels.

 

About the best you can do at this point is to let her know that you know you've lost her but you still want to let her know how sorry you are for having treated her the way you did. I had someone tell me that before and it was very healing. He had no agenda. He just apologized. And I thanked him. And I never forgot his words because they were sincere.

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I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but NC is neither your friend nor enemy here. From what you're saying, you screwed up dismally and, sorry to tell you, but most people with anger and insecurity issues rarely change. Hopefully you will be different and this horrid event of losing your gf will have the effect of teaching you a very big lesson. She is not likely to ever trust you again, though, and the worst of it is, if the two of you got back together, all the same dynamics would start all over again. I know you think you've changed, but you haven't.

 

Just because you're doing something about your issues is not a reason for her to suddenly trust you or come running back. You should've done the work while you were still with her. Too much damage has probably been done and even though she probably loves you, she can't get past the things you did. Nor should she. You had your shot and screwed it up. Going forward, I hope you'll never be like that again. It is very, very hard to recover from.

 

I know you don't want to hear what I'm saying but I hope you'll take it for what it's worth. I have an ex who had very serious anger issues. Wild horses couldn't drag me back into a relationship with him ever again. I wish him the best but I don't wish for him to be in my life. I told him over and over again that his anger would destroy us. Either he didn't care or simply couldn't control himself. The reason why makes no difference to me. He ripped me to shreds emotionally and he'll never get the opportunity to do it again. I'm guessing this is possibly how your ex feels.

 

About the best you can do at this point is to let her know that you know you've lost her but you still want to let her know how sorry you are for having treated her the way you did. I had someone tell me that before and it was very healing. He had no agenda. He just apologized. And I thanked him. And I never forgot his words because they were sincere.

 

This post made me cry...

I think this is exactly how she feels. I did try to get my anger issues under control when I was with her, but individual therapy doesn't help me much. I'm now under a group setting and although I haven't changed much I'm learning a lot more about myself here. My anger has been under control lately because I've been doing mental exercises to shift my focus from distractions that are currently going on in my life. However, I do remember here telling me she was scared on me, and that it's going to be tough to earn her trust back (and I don't blame her). I messed up, I messed up emphatically and I can't take it back. I couldn't sleep last night, all I was having was dreams about her, I was tossing and turning the entire night. Probably some of the worst dreams I've had since the break up.

I already apologized for the way I was with her. I'm not going to bother her anymore shes been through enough. I'm just going to let it be and see what happens from here on out.

 

Let me ask you something...

Was it always bad with your ex? Did you ever take you to any special places or treat you? Did he ever make you feel beautiful or make you into a stronger person?? Although I was an *******, I did a lot of good in this relationship for her.

Edited by Jonp219
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Let me ask you something...

Was it always bad with your ex? Did you ever take you to any special places or treat you? Did he ever make you feel beautiful or make you into a stronger person?? Although I was an *******, I did a lot of good in this relationship for her.

 

 

 

I know you didn't ask me but I will tell you how it was for me as I also had a relationship with a man who had serious anger/abandonment issues.

 

 

I loved him very much and still do but I could not tolerate being berated, intimated, and scared for another second when I decided to move out.

 

 

Of course there were times that he made me feel beautiful and did special things for me. Actually much of the time he was the best bf I had ever had. If he was just all angry fits and controlling jealousy I obviously wouldn't have even been with him in the first place. Like you, he thought that the good things he did for me and us should overshadow the bad but it just doesn't work that way. In fact his cycling between the 2 extremes just increased my emotional anguish and confusion. Eventually I couldn't even relax and let myself enjoy the good times because I knew more misery was just around the corner and I was always tense while waiting for it to come.

 

 

In the end it didn't matter how good he was when he was good, all that mattered was how much misery I was in when he was bad and how even when he was good I still felt damaged and hurt. I tried to explain to him how the world is a big scary place sometimes and I need my home and my bf to be my safe haven. A place of comfort and security. Our relationship had gotten to the point where I would look forward to leaving for work and dread coming home because the majority of my stress was at home. When dealing with an angry insecure person, one has to walk on eggshells all of the time and constantly be on guard not to set the angry person off into a tirade, even when things are great. It's an exhausting soul sucking hell. The angry person throws an abusive tantrum and then they feel better but the person on the receiving end becomes more and more hurt, stressed, and distrustful. Imagine walking around feeling emotionally unsafe and threatened 24 hours a day. It's horrible. Again, he wasn't being a jerk 24 hours a day. If I had to pin down a time frame I'd say we'd have an big episode about once every 3 weeks.

 

 

I think it's great that you are seeking real help now and I'd strongly recommend that you keep working on that regardless of if your gf wants you back or not, because if don't then you will end up with a bunch of failed relationship s.

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I know you didn't ask me but I will tell you how it was for me as I also had a relationship with a man who had serious anger/abandonment issues.

 

 

I loved him very much and still do but I could not tolerate being berated, intimated, and scared for another second when I decided to move out.

 

 

Of course there were times that he made me feel beautiful and did special things for me. Actually much of the time he was the best bf I had ever had. If he was just all angry fits and controlling jealousy I obviously wouldn't have even been with him in the first place. Like you, he thought that the good things he did for me and us should overshadow the bad but it just doesn't work that way. In fact his cycling between the 2 extremes just increased my emotional anguish and confusion. Eventually I couldn't even relax and let myself enjoy the good times because I knew more misery was just around the corner and I was always tense while waiting for it to come.

 

 

In the end it didn't matter how good he was when he was good, all that mattered was how much misery I was in when he was bad and how even when he was good I still felt damaged and hurt. I tried to explain to him how the world is a big scary place sometimes and I need my home and my bf to be my safe haven. A place of comfort and security. Our relationship had gotten to the point where I would look forward to leaving for work and dread coming home because the majority of my stress was at home. When dealing with an angry insecure person, one has to walk on eggshells all of the time and constantly be on guard not to set the angry person off into a tirade, even when things are great. It's an exhausting soul sucking hell. The angry person throws an abusive tantrum and then they feel better but the person on the receiving end becomes more and more hurt, stressed, and distrustful. Imagine walking around feeling emotionally unsafe and threatened 24 hours a day. It's horrible. Again, he wasn't being a jerk 24 hours a day. If I had to pin down a time frame I'd say we'd have an big episode about once every 3 weeks.

 

 

I think it's great that you are seeking real help now and I'd strongly recommend that you keep working on that regardless of if your gf wants you back or not, because if don't then you will end up with a bunch of failed relationship s.

 

What if you and this boyfriend crossed paths again and youvsawcthat he has made significant changes to what he formally was in his past relationship with you?

Would you ever give him another chance and see if it works out the second time around? Just curious.

My goal at the moment is to go to the gym, focus on school, and do my best in therapy. Even if me and my ex give it a second try right now I know it's going to fail. But I do feel like contacting her again someday to meet up for coffee or something. No time soon, but later.

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