Are we screwed

[Quarterly]

I've tried to make this short but it's hard, and i don't want to miss any info that could be crucial.

 

I've been known for being a bit of a womanizer (thats not what i'd call myself, there's a story behind it, basically i lost someone i loved very much years ago and i've felt alone since and never met anyone that could fill the void for me).

 

I met someone who i felt had a chance of doing this in november.

We got together, got on like a house onfire, had a very good connection etc.

The only issues were she constantly told me i wasn't giving her enough attention etc.

 

She told me she loved me early on.

For instance, we were in a book/coffee place 2 months ago and there was a fairly attractive woman there. She saw me apparently LOOKING at this girl a few times and broke up with me over it. Yup.

 

Anyway more recently, was an idiot, we were having a bit of a crappy day on valentines, i sent a message to an ex i hadn't seen in 2 years as i was still struggling with myself. it's only been a few months and i suppose i'm afraid of opening up or giving myself completely to someone in case i get badly hurt like i did before.

I sent a silly text, the girl replied twice, i only deleted the first message. And i felt awful after i did that and started realising "man i do love this girl, i can't f*ck it up". So i started making a real effort and found myself really starting to enjoy the relationship etc.

Anyway i gave her my phone for something, she checked all my messages, found the message,confronted me a day later.

 

I lied and promised her it meant nothing etc. Now just to point out, after that "you looked at her" fight, we were apart for 4 days. She at that point found an email her ex had sent her, and sent a half page reply. It wasn't anything bad, just how are you, great to hear you're doing well, happy new year etc Take Care. But i was on her laptop (my other laptop) and her email was open with other tabs, i clicked on it harmlessly and straight away saw the very clear name of her ex. Of course i kinda freaked. She got panicky and red and started saying "so what?? it's just an email like whats the big deal". And later admitted maybe it was a call for attention.

 

Anyway, she also had my laptop, and snooped my old email messages and saw things i'd said to other women in the past and said something along the lines of "you just say the same thing to every girl including me".

 

Here's the part that pisses me off. Everything was going great, we spent the day together taking video/photo's for her school project (i am very diligent in trying to help her be the best she can in what she's passiionate about). I took a BUNCH of beautiful videos that i thought she could make use of in at least some small way. I decided to stay home on monday night. She had taken the girls number from my phone, asked me her name and kept badgering me about what did you say, what did you say what did you say". I kept lying or hiding the truth as i knew i had no intention of following up on this and knew i'd made a mistake that wasn't cheating, but was disrespectful and regretted it.

So monday night she calls my ex... phonecall. My Ex is a lovely respectful girl with high morals and wouldn't be the tersest of people when being asked honest questions or being put on the spot. She told her i'd sent 1 message saying "i miss you, do you still love me". She also told her i didn't reply to her and i hadn't seen her in 2 years.

 

So 6pm monday this happened. She continued ti be nice and the usual apart from she was VERY smiley and smug. i knew something was up but ignored it. She came to me to get something, kissed me said we'll meet for coffee tomorrow babe.

We were then texting (still monday night), she asked again a couple of times what did i say. I obviously lied as it wasn't important to me.

I said what can i do to make you trust me. She said delete all these women off your facebook, so me thinking it was ok did this and said "check my fb now darlin, noone on it anymore bar family" and she said calmly enough "in the morning babe im sleepy xx".

 

So the morning of truth. She collected me, i noticed she was looking amazing. Heels, short skirt, hair done beautifully (she's a part time model and art student, maybe that explains alot). I commented a few times you're beautiful and she was smiling away and kissed me.

We went to McDonalds to sit and use the laptop, my videos for her were on my phone. I just thought of something now also, she asked me for a book of hers back saying her friend needed it back. (presumably part of her sinister and devious plan).

Anyway we were talking and i said "you're acting differently, you're all smiley, somethings up what is it? you were like that last night too". She pretended i was wrong, sat next to me and cuddled me putting her head on my shoulders and looking at the videos i'd taken for her project saying they were beautiful.

 

After this she moved back over to her side. Said "i brought you here to take those videos off you because i need them for my project, and now i've got them im gonna tell you that i called Stephanie, and i know everything. i know what you said. She told me everything. I also know about penny and the other girls you were talking to before, you say the same sh*t to every girl including me.

 

I said "you tricked me into coming to take your videos? thats kinda sick, i would have just given them to you, they're your videos girl".

She started being a bitch, but i interrupted her and told her "i knew it was a mistake, you know that, i started trying to fix it, but deleting the girls on facebook, changing my number etc, you saw the difference in our relationship, things have been going SO much better with us as i now know i have what it takes to make you happy".

She said "yeah, takes you to really hurt me to know you love me". Then she started getting abusive to me so i left and she shouted smugly "have a nice life".

 

So for a day and a half i was messaging her trying to apologise etc, she deleted as a friend on facebook.

She ignored everything. So i went up there and left her a memory stick with a portrait photo of her on it she always loved that i did and always asked me for. And a small note asking if i could still take her son over night saturday with my little niece as they were looking forward to it. Her friend came to the door and said she's not coming out to talk it's too late.

She didn't reply. I then wrote a letter on paper and walked up again, and knocked to hand it to her. She came to the inside of the door and said what, i said can you open the door, she refused and said she was scared (it was 12 midnight) i said "Scared?? of what? jesus i just came to give you a letter, will you read it for me?) she took it in the letterbox and i left.

It outlined everything, how i felt, everything.

No reply still.

I was messaging her the next day too, i told her i'd downloaded a bunch of tutorial videos i'd found for her that would help her use Sony Vegas (which i usually do for her) and it's the first time she replied saying "i'll get those off you, how will i get them", Not to be pushy i told her i'd leave them on a stick outside my house behind a plant. She came and went without letting me know.

 

The last time i messaged her was on Thursday night. Still no replys.

Another final note, when she firt confronted be about the text she found, she was crying and told me "it's such a shame, i've never met a boy in my life i've had such an amazing connection with, someone i could literally sit and talk to for hours on eend about nothing". I have tried to say to her are we really going to throw all of that away over a silly message you KNOW i regret and had no intention of following up on?

I'd also asked my friend who's happy with hes girl for 6 months now had he done anything sily, and anyone i asked said yes, similar stuff. I just got caught, i told her this.

 

Anyway, still no replys. I asked her multiple times, if this REALLY is it... tell me, just tell me to leave you alone and i will. Nothing.

 

Please, without calling me childish etc, what should i do. Started Tuesday morning, it's saturday afternoon now and hasn't eased in any way etc.

Is this really it, is there ANYTHING i can do?

I got upset earlier, she was saying "i was so stupid i even put a 300 deposit on a holiday for us, what an idiot". She asked for all her stuff back, a book, pictures and videos etc. She has my laptop, so i thought, well if she really wants to destroy our relationship without being adult enough to even talk to me to say goodbye, then i want my laptop i gave her back. I messaged her this morning saying "Im leaving at 1pm, if you could drop my laptop back to my house before that time it'd be much appreciated".

I know i know... But she uses it for college, i would have presumed if it was really over she'd have already been working on xferring her stuff off of it and dropped it back to me, but it's 3pm now and not so much as a reply.

 

Any advice would be brilliant.

If nothing else, can you guys at least let me know what the ignoring me, apart from when collecting videos i got for her helping her learn something means?

Wouldn't she be all yep no problem if it was off? Thank you

 

Quick update, my sister just messaged me saying "she just put up a pic of herself on facebook all done up to go out saying off to a christening now, finally feeling myself again, feel fantastic!".

 

Is she?

Edited February 28, 2015 by Quarterly

[badpenny]

Way too long, I couldn't work through all of it, but believe her.

Go No contact - because that's the standard normal behaviour upon breaking up.

 

Looks like it's over.

 

You cannot determine for sure how she really feels; you'll just have to take it as read.

 

Oh, and ask your sister, please, to quit updating you with all the latest.

no good will come of it.

[Ruby65]

Sounds like you were kind of a player before meeting her, and were contacting other women while you were together?

 

So not cool.

 

If she's gone because of your inappropriate behavior with other women.... why would she take you back?

 

I can't think of any advice to give you, other than to stop treating your girlfriends so badly and maybe your next relationship will go smoother!

[ConfusedHumanBeing]

I've tried to make this short but it's hard, and i don't want to miss any info that could be crucial.

 

I've been known for being a bit of a womanizer (thats not what i'd call myself, there's a story behind it, basically i lost someone i loved very much years ago and i've felt alone since and never met anyone that could fill the void for me).

 

I met someone who i felt had a chance of doing this in november.

We got together, got on like a house onfire, had a very good connection etc.

The only issues were she constantly told me i wasn't giving her enough attention etc.

 

She told me she loved me early on.

For instance, we were in a book/coffee place 2 months ago and there was a fairly attractive woman there. She saw me apparently LOOKING at this girl a few times and broke up with me over it. Yup.

 

Anyway more recently, was an idiot, we were having a bit of a crappy day on valentines, i sent a message to an ex i hadn't seen in 2 years as i was still struggling with myself. it's only been a few months and i suppose i'm afraid of opening up or giving myself completely to someone in case i get badly hurt like i did before.

I sent a silly text, the girl replied twice, i only deleted the first message. And i felt awful after i did that and started realising "man i do love this girl, i can't f*ck it up". So i started making a real effort and found myself really starting to enjoy the relationship etc.

Anyway i gave her my phone for something, she checked all my messages, found the message,confronted me a day later.

 

I lied and promised her it meant nothing etc. Now just to point out, after that "you looked at her" fight, we were apart for 4 days. She at that point found an email her ex had sent her, and sent a half page reply. It wasn't anything bad, just how are you, great to hear you're doing well, happy new year etc Take Care. But i was on her laptop (my other laptop) and her email was open with other tabs, i clicked on it harmlessly and straight away saw the very clear name of her ex. Of course i kinda freaked. She got panicky and red and started saying "so what?? it's just an email like whats the big deal". And later admitted maybe it was a call for attention.

 

Anyway, she also had my laptop, and snooped my old email messages and saw things i'd said to other women in the past and said something along the lines of "you just say the same thing to every girl including me".

 

Here's the part that pisses me off. Everything was going great, we spent the day together taking video/photo's for her school project (i am very diligent in trying to help her be the best she can in what she's passiionate about). I took a BUNCH of beautiful videos that i thought she could make use of in at least some small way. I decided to stay home on monday night. She had taken the girls number from my phone, asked me her name and kept badgering me about what did you say, what did you say what did you say". I kept lying or hiding the truth as i knew i had no intention of following up on this and knew i'd made a mistake that wasn't cheating, but was disrespectful and regretted it.

So monday night she calls my ex... phonecall. My Ex is a lovely respectful girl with high morals and wouldn't be the tersest of people when being asked honest questions or being put on the spot. She told her i'd sent 1 message saying "i miss you, do you still love me". She also told her i didn't reply to her and i hadn't seen her in 2 years.

 

So 6pm monday this happened. She continued ti be nice and the usual apart from she was VERY smiley and smug. i knew something was up but ignored it. She came to me to get something, kissed me said we'll meet for coffee tomorrow babe.

We were then texting (still monday night), she asked again a couple of times what did i say. I obviously lied as it wasn't important to me.

I said what can i do to make you trust me. She said delete all these women off your facebook, so me thinking it was ok did this and said "check my fb now darlin, noone on it anymore bar family" and she said calmly enough "in the morning babe im sleepy xx".

 

So the morning of truth. She collected me, i noticed she was looking amazing. Heels, short skirt, hair done beautifully (she's a part time model and art student, maybe that explains alot). I commented a few times you're beautiful and she was smiling away and kissed me.

We went to McDonalds to sit and use the laptop, my videos for her were on my phone. I just thought of something now also, she asked me for a book of hers back saying her friend needed it back. (presumably part of her sinister and devious plan).

Anyway we were talking and i said "you're acting differently, you're all smiley, somethings up what is it? you were like that last night too". She pretended i was wrong, sat next to me and cuddled me putting her head on my shoulders and looking at the videos i'd taken for her project saying they were beautiful.

 

After this she moved back over to her side. Said "i brought you here to take those videos off you because i need them for my project, and now i've got them im gonna tell you that i called Stephanie, and i know everything. i know what you said. She told me everything. I also know about penny and the other girls you were talking to before, you say the same sh*t to every girl including me.

 

I said "you tricked me into coming to take your videos? thats kinda sick, i would have just given them to you, they're your videos girl".

She started being a bitch, but i interrupted her and told her "i knew it was a mistake, you know that, i started trying to fix it, but deleting the girls on facebook, changing my number etc, you saw the difference in our relationship, things have been going SO much better with us as i now know i have what it takes to make you happy".

She said "yeah, takes you to really hurt me to know you love me". Then she started getting abusive to me so i left and she shouted smugly "have a nice life".

 

So for a day and a half i was messaging her trying to apologise etc, she deleted as a friend on facebook.

She ignored everything. So i went up there and left her a memory stick with a portrait photo of her on it she always loved that i did and always asked me for. And a small note asking if i could still take her son over night saturday with my little niece as they were looking forward to it. Her friend came to the door and said she's not coming out to talk it's too late.

She didn't reply. I then wrote a letter on paper and walked up again, and knocked to hand it to her. She came to the inside of the door and said what, i said can you open the door, she refused and said she was scared (it was 12 midnight) i said "Scared?? of what? jesus i just came to give you a letter, will you read it for me?) she took it in the letterbox and i left.

It outlined everything, how i felt, everything.

No reply still.

I was messaging her the next day too, i told her i'd downloaded a bunch of tutorial videos i'd found for her that would help her use Sony Vegas (which i usually do for her) and it's the first time she replied saying "i'll get those off you, how will i get them", Not to be pushy i told her i'd leave them on a stick outside my house behind a plant. She came and went without letting me know.

 

The last time i messaged her was on Thursday night. Still no replys.

Another final note, when she firt confronted be about the text she found, she was crying and told me "it's such a shame, i've never met a boy in my life i've had such an amazing connection with, someone i could literally sit and talk to for hours on eend about nothing". I have tried to say to her are we really going to throw all of that away over a silly message you KNOW i regret and had no intention of following up on?

I'd also asked my friend who's happy with hes girl for 6 months now had he done anything sily, and anyone i asked said yes, similar stuff. I just got caught, i told her this.

 

Anyway, still no replys. I asked her multiple times, if this REALLY is it... tell me, just tell me to leave you alone and i will. Nothing.

 

Please, without calling me childish etc, what should i do. Started Tuesday morning, it's saturday afternoon now and hasn't eased in any way etc.

Is this really it, is there ANYTHING i can do?

I got upset earlier, she was saying "i was so stupid i even put a 300 deposit on a holiday for us, what an idiot". She asked for all her stuff back, a book, pictures and videos etc. She has my laptop, so i thought, well if she really wants to destroy our relationship without being adult enough to even talk to me to say goodbye, then i want my laptop i gave her back. I messaged her this morning saying "Im leaving at 1pm, if you could drop my laptop back to my house before that time it'd be much appreciated".

I know i know... But she uses it for college, i would have presumed if it was really over she'd have already been working on xferring her stuff off of it and dropped it back to me, but it's 3pm now and not so much as a reply.

 

Any advice would be brilliant.

If nothing else, can you guys at least let me know what the ignoring me, apart from when collecting videos i got for her helping her learn something means?

Wouldn't she be all yep no problem if it was off? Thank you

 

Quick update, my sister just messaged me saying "she just put up a pic of herself on facebook all done up to go out saying off to a christening now, finally feeling myself again, feel fantastic!".

 

Is she?

 

You treated her crappy during the relationship and lied to her. Now you are being super creepy with showing up at her house with letters and what not. Just digging different holes.

 

She seems immature as well. You both seem crazy young. If not, your actions need to match your age.

 

Just let it go and learn the next time.