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Do breaks work?


alexandrathegreat

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alexandrathegreat

I have a few questions regarding relationship breaks:

Have you ever been on a break with someone? Why?

Did you establish any rules with your significant other while on a break?

If you did have break, did you guys get back together?

What do you think the positives and negatives are of a break?

In your opinion, how do breaks differ from a break-up or are they the same thing?

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I think you need to define your goal: what do you consider "working"?

 

I don't have any personal experience, but from what I've read on here, they seem to be pretty effective at ending relationships. So if that's what you're after, then yes, they generally "work" pretty well.

 

Being a little more serious, I am serious about defining your goal. I think that often a major problem is that the two people have different ideas of what a 'break' means, so actually, I think your questions are good ones to ask. If you don't have a meeting of the minds about why you are doing it, what the "break" is for, and what the goals and ground rules are, then you're asking for trouble.

 

Watch out for the situation where one person wants to break up, but doesn't want a lot of drama, so they ask for a "break." To the other person, who doesn't want to break up, this sounds MUCH MUCH better than a breakup, so they stay nice and hopeful and positive, (and low-drama) which gives the other person time to drift away and make some distance between them, with the intention that they can make an escape without a big scene. Eventually, of course, things have to come crashing down - maybe the escapee/dumper starts dating or some other relationship thing going on - but at least then there is some distance, both physical and emotional, so the escapee/dumper has cover to stay away and not get entangled in the drama: "Hey, we're on a break, you know - you agreed to this..." and the dumpee is left both to realize the truth of the situation, and to pick up the pieces, on his/her own.

 

Here's a prediction: if you're considering a "break", ask yourself, is it truly a mutual intention, or did the suggestion come from one side (probably going to be the dumper) and just got accepted by the other side (probably the dumpee) as more hopeful than breaking up?

 

If that's the case, then when the dumpee tries to discuss the goals, the timing, and any possible behavioral guidelines or ground rules for the "break", I bet the dumper gets frustrated, and does anything possible to avoid entering into such a discussion and being constrained by such concerns.

 

Help us out here: is this happening to you? What role are you playing - or considering you might play - here?

Edited by Trimmer
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Oh sweetie, I've read through your other threads and I'm very sorry, but I have to agree with the feedback you've already been given.

 

Your situation, with your ex suggesting a 6 month break in which you can sleep with other people? Because of a 30 mile distance? It's not good. It's not the behavior of someone who's seriously wanting to be with you.

 

I'm sure they must exist somewhere, but I personally have never experienced or heard of anyone else experiencing a break with a happy ending. I've heard of and experienced breakups that ended with reconciliation after an extended period of No Contact.... but breaks? How they've usually played out is they end in permanent breakups. A break is generally a way for a dumper to keep you around as an option while they "try out" being broken up.

 

Please don't put yourself through this. It's much better to accept a breakup and work on healing than waiting for months for an ex to decide whether or not they want to be with you.

 

If he REALLY wanted to be with you.... he wouldn't risk losing you with a break.

 

Here's a guide that will help you: http://www.breakuprecoveryguide.com

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My ex asked for a break 5 months ago because things were moving too fast, I have not heard from her since. So yes breaks do work in helping you move on from them and finding someone who truly wants to be with you

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Breaks work in the sense that they break the relationship apart permanently & cause more problems than anything other than cheating.

 

There is no such thing as a break. If you are on a break, you are broken up. Both parties are free to do whatever. It's a test drive to see if you can make it apart. The BS about I need to think is just that. You can think inside a relationship. What you can't do is be with other people.

 

People come here on LS to bemoan the fact that their partner was with someone else while on the break & they can't handle that now that the partner wants them back. Most of the time the partner wants to come back is that the new person dumped them & they come back to their 2nd choice back up plan.

 

If you want to fix what's wrong in the relationship work TOGETHER. Crawling off into your own corners & not talking making things worse, not better.

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