vanilla27 Posted February 26, 2015 Share Posted February 26, 2015 We dated for a year, he was emotionally manipulative, guilt tripped me and twisted things to be my fault so I'd end up apologising constantly. He’d neglect me to play video games, was reluctant to do anything out of the house - sex was the only time I felt he was interested in me & even then he wouldn't stop sometimes when I asked. He was aggressive and wore away at my already low self-esteem. He cheated twice & I forgave him (he lied about who it was that he had cheated with, too, but later I coerced the truth out of him) as he promised to change, but didn't. Bitter drunk arguments ensued for a couple of months afterwards, I was diagnosed with depression, then he dumped me saying he can't cope with the arguments. The arguments stemmed from him offending me (admittedly, I am quite sensitive) and me standing up to his behaviour, and him arguing back. It really hurt that somebody who badly hurt me, and who I gave everything to, was giving me this final slap in the face of leaving me despite all of my efforts, love & forgiveness. It was 4 months ago that we broke up, 3 months ago we last spoke, when he said that I am bitter, manic and paranoid. I want is to stop thinking about him, replaying it all in my head, what did I do wrong? Would he treat any girl the same? If a girl was more independent/detached/assertive, would he chase after them and treat them like gold like he did his previous crush (who had a boyfriend & rejected him in the end)? How can I forget this and let go? Link to post Share on other sites
badpenny Posted February 26, 2015 Share Posted February 26, 2015 By finding a good, reliable supportive therapist and building your self-esteem, self-worth and dignity back up. He is nothing. He's in the past, gone and you should be grateful he is out of your life. Never, ever agree to speak with him, or be contacted by him again. Wow, what a bullet YOU dodged! Find a good counsellor, and focus on finding the real, proper and genuine you, again. Link to post Share on other sites
Stercrazy Posted February 26, 2015 Share Posted February 26, 2015 He probably would treat anyone else the same. As far as your happiness that will take some time....and its up to you. I would never have contact with him and start doing things for yourself that make you happy. Link to post Share on other sites
ballycastle Posted February 27, 2015 Share Posted February 27, 2015 We dated for a year, he was emotionally manipulative, guilt tripped me and twisted things to be my fault so I'd end up apologising constantly. He’d neglect me to play video games, was reluctant to do anything out of the house - sex was the only time I felt he was interested in me & even then he wouldn't stop sometimes when I asked. He was aggressive and wore away at my already low self-esteem. He cheated twice & I forgave him (he lied about who it was that he had cheated with, too, but later I coerced the truth out of him) as he promised to change, but didn't. Bitter drunk arguments ensued for a couple of months afterwards, I was diagnosed with depression, then he dumped me saying he can't cope with the arguments. The arguments stemmed from him offending me (admittedly, I am quite sensitive) and me standing up to his behaviour, and him arguing back. It really hurt that somebody who badly hurt me, and who I gave everything to, was giving me this final slap in the face of leaving me despite all of my efforts, love & forgiveness. It was 4 months ago that we broke up, 3 months ago we last spoke, when he said that I am bitter, manic and paranoid. I want is to stop thinking about him, replaying it all in my head, what did I do wrong? Would he treat any girl the same? If a girl was more independent/detached/assertive, would he chase after them and treat them like gold like he did his previous crush (who had a boyfriend & rejected him in the end)? How can I forget this and let go? I ask myself the same question as you-my ex was with his ex before me for 9 years and with me for, well I don't know how long he was with me because we never broke up officially. But it was around 3 to 9 months. I am still jealous of what she had that I didn't. Despite never communicating in a true sense with me (distant/selfish/uncommunicative) he often complained she never spoke to him. They had separate bedrooms and never had sex. Despite all this I blame myself for not having it in me to have the same qualities as his ex in the fact he stayed longer with her. I have absolutely no idea how anyone has a relationship due to fact that for the last 12 years all mine have failed. How on earth do people stay together? It has scarred me so much I will never allow anyone near me again. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted February 27, 2015 Share Posted February 27, 2015 You did not cause him to be badly behaved. That was on him not you. What you did "wrong" was fail to acknowledge that he was a bad BF & end it. Instead you kept apologizing, thinking that him cheating on you was your fault. Work on your self esteem issues & learn to recognize these red flags so you don't make these bad choices going forward. Link to post Share on other sites
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