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Broke NC by accident and now broken hearted


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I have been NC with my ex fiancé for about 3 months. She had me deleted on facebook and that was end of it. Today while I'm at gym I see her ****ing fat

Bf pop up that I knew him and I clicked on it and there it was both of them and then it was too late and I clcked through all photos and felt so hurt inside and sad and it's so painful. I loved her with all my heart and soul and even though I made a lot of mistakes and took her for granted I never stopped loving her and her son.

 

Now I am so easily replaced and now he is in their lives where I used to be. I blocked both of them immediatly and deleted the facebook app. I noticed on her end that she has unblocked me and is friends with a women she thought I was seeing which I def wasn't. I find that strange and question it. So I blocked them all and now I have south pain and should

Not have looked at any of it. I am ok some days

And some days I'm so emotional and hollow and feel so down. People see me smiling more and joking around

But behind my eyes I'm so hurt and in so much pain it kills me. Everything reminds me of her and our time together. I even went on couple of dates and had a valentine and all I was thinking of was her. I have lost like 30 lbs and go to the gym 6 days a week and got another job to keep my mind busy but nothing works.

 

I wish I can take back all the wrong I have done and the hurt I have caused her. I took her for granted and I feel like I take all the blame when it takes two. I go to therapy and I have been in therapy with her all to fix the problem but I couldn't learn from any of it till I was too late. I pushed her away and now

She's gone.

 

I hav severe depression and everyday is a struggle. Now that I saw that on facebook I feel so much more in pain and in tears. Hurts me so bad. Wish I didn't look.

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Ah, I'm sorry that happened. My ex left me for another woman, and I know how seeing pictures of the happy freakin' couple hurts. Especially if you didn't intend to see them.

 

There's one good thing about you seeing them. It will help you move out of denial mode like nothing else. This is a small consolation, but it will help move you forward in your healing, if you were stuck there at all.

 

I have depression too, and can relate there as well. My therapist was a lifesaver, and I hope yours is too. Just keep going, you will get through this. I had days where I had to struggle to make it through each hour without losing it. But I made it, and am much, much stronger for the experience. If I could come back from mt heartbreak, nothing is ever going to keep me down.

 

My therapist used to say, "Plan for your future, but concentrate on your now". I used to get through by telling myself that in six months I would be that much more past the pain. Or three months. Or one month. Just trust that you can and will feel better.

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I know how you feel. The same happened to me when I broke up with my BF over 9 months ago. I had no clue he was seeing someone else, and I looked at his FB one day when I was about 1 month N/C and saw he met the women while we were still together. It hurt for about 2 days, but then like the other poster said, it made me realize that it was best he was gone and I got over pretty quick after that. So feel the feelings, talk it out with your therapist, and hopefully this will help you heal faster.

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Thank you guys. I appreciate all your responses. I am glad I can come here and vent. It just hurts me so bad. I was at work tonight and I kept picturing all the stuff I saw and every couple I saw it triggered my thoughts over and over again. I just can't believe she's gone and jumped into another mans arms when I was her fiancé and loved her and her son so much and made mistakes and those mistakes cost me them. I always took care of them the best way I could and would have done anything for them. I will talk it over with my therapist and the therapy office triggers my thoughts because she sat there in the empty seat next to me and now I see that chair and get emotional.

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I just can't believe she's gone and jumped into another mans arms when I was her fiancé and loved her and her son so much and made mistakes and those mistakes cost me them.

 

Try not to blame yourself for all that has past. From your latest post, it seems you project all mistakes and the result of those mistakes as your fault. Why?

 

Please don't expose yourself to any further photo's, digital or not. Keep venting here! (and keep hitting the gym for those endorphin's). The numbness phase will pass in time.

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Tough Love comment:

 

For some reason, when you were with her you chose to have her as the exact centre of your universe.

 

You were in orbit around her.

 

Then she was gone and you had nothing to orbit.

 

The only possibility of recovery for you is to place the centre of your universe inside yourself.

 

Once you have done that the empty place inside you will no longer be empty, and you will begin to enjoy life again.

 

Take care and be well.

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Thank you guys. I will try not to take all blame for my mistakes but it's so hard. It feels so empty without her. 3 years I spent with her. I find myself still using some of her joking words or lines and it reinforces thoughts and sadness. But thanks guys for replying. I will not try to orbit around her and will try to put myself in center for once

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