Break up after the loss of our baby?

[boo26]

Hey. I'll try to keep this short. Basically my boyfriend and I had been together about one year. I had gotten pregnant. It was not planned, but he was really excited and looking forward to the baby. I have two kids of my own from a previous marriage, and he was really attached to my kids as well. He adored them. I thought things were going really well. We were talking about moving in together, and the future. he was telling me that he loved me. he was very supportive of me, and always there for me. Any way. when I was about 16 weeks pregnant, I went to the doctor and they couldn't find the babies heart beat. Turns out I lost the baby. My boyfriend was so heart broken. He took it really hard after we lost the baby, and it felt like he pulled away from me. He started acting very distant and depressed. He still insisted we were fine. but then 5 days after we lost the baby, he told me that needed time and space to think about things. he broke up with me. Said He wasn't sure if he was ready for a commitment, and needed time alone to think. I am just so confused. How he can go from saying he loved me so much, being so excited about the baby, to breaking up with me 5 days after we lost our child? very heart broken. It's been about 3 weeks since we broke up. I'm trying to accept that we are over, but i'm still so confused about what even happened. he couldn't have really ever loved me, if he broke up with me after the loss of our child? Maybe he was only really with me because of the baby? Some one just talk some sense into me, tell me how to let him go?

[ZiggyZoo]

Oh, first of all, I am so sorry for your loss. I've had four miscarriages of my own, and it is the most gut-wrenching thing to go through. I wish I could give you a huge hug, but please know that you two are both in my thoughts.

 

As far as your boyfriend goes, normally I'm all for going no contact and just cutting all ties, but grief is a funny animal. People act out of character and do things they normally would never do. I know that my ex-husband said once that he felt completely helpless after one of ours, and was just angry at everything and nothing because of it. He got very distant too, and it took about a month of grief counseling to get him to really open up so we could figure it all out. Maybe this is something to consider for you guys? I don't want to give you any false hope, and you may be ready to be done with HIM after this, but this is a special circumstance.

 

So, if you are ready to move on, then the best thing to is no contact. It'll hurt like crazy, but in the end, it's the healthiest way to recover from a break-up. And as far as coping with missing him during it, the key is to focus on yourself by eating right, exercising, and doing activities that make you feel good. The pain of the loss gets better over time, and eventually you'll come to a point where you realize that you don't miss him anymore, and can move forward.

[d0nnivain]

Please accept my condolences on the loss of your child.

 

 

Sadly, shared tragedy drives more people apart then brings them together.

[tobrieornottobrie]

I'm so sorry for your loss, I can't imagine how difficult this must be. I can tell that you're just really hurting right now and I hate that for you. Are you open to the idea of counseling or therapy? I think that could potentially be really helpful for you, having a professional to talk to may enable you to sort through the emotion of everything that's happened. You'll be in my thoughts and prayers.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

the brie's cheese knees

[sabd]

I'm so sorry for your loss, boo26. I'd give your guy some time, he's obviously going through some stuff and perhaps leaving him to do the thinking he says he needs to do is the best idea for now. (He might benefit from grief counseling too.) Just leave him be for a bit and see how things are in a few weeks.