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My story.....what are the chances?


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Hi all. This is a great site. Very therapeutic. So here's my story.

 

We met online and there was awesome chemistry. We were together for about a year. We had 2 minor breakups during the relationship. Both had to do with previous marriage baggage. She felt I was not making her a priority. Emotionally I understand this and was open in talking about it. I didn't want to get hurt again.

 

Months later I broke it off with because I felt I was on an emotional tread mill trying to keep up and I needed a break. We got back together 2 weeks later (both breakups lasted about 2 weeks). Sometime after that she was planning on visiting me while I was sick and instead of coming to my house she texted me she couldn't. I knew something was up an we talked on the phone. She broke up with me saying it was same issue. She went on vacation with her kids and when she came I never told her I missed her. She said its the same issue that hasn't changed even though we discussed it and I tried to explain that I recognize my issue and I just needed more time.

 

Our kids got along very well so there was another dynamic in this. And her kids really liked me and vice versa. We no contact for about 2 weeks and then started talking about what went wrong. There was some anger which was natural but neither of us said anything of regret. NC for another 2 weeks and then we started talking again. She wanted to be friends but of course I have a hard time doing that because I'm in love with her and because of the level and depth of our intimacy just don't think I can go backwards.

 

So NC for a few weeks but I called her on her bday at midnight...she answered right away and we talked for about an hour....nothing heavy.

 

NC for over 2 months until she wished me happy bday last weekend. She did wish me a merry Christmas via text but I did not respond. I did on my bday.

 

2 days later I ended NC and I had her cracking up in seconds. She always said no one ever made her laugh as much as me. Our texts have been light but I feel like I'm chasing her again and I don't want to get hurt. I feel like I need something from her that says I still matter....even a small initial text which all the texting has been initiated by me.

 

So.....not sure where to go from here. Thank for reading this long post. Any opinions would be appreciated.

Edited by a LoveShack.org Moderator
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marcelo.santos

Sorry, but looks like she is not interested in you anymore but has you as a good friend - - all she is doing is just checkin around if you are still available or want to be your friend that would not be a good deal dor you.

 

I know it hurts - do not take it personal from her, this is how the game works.

 

Move on.. go full NC and dont break it again as it will not help you - do like you did on your bday: ignore her - this is not a game, this is a way to you feel happy alone again and be ready for open your mind again in the future for a new love.

 

Dont waste your time.. move on... in some weeks you will be ok again

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I hear ya. I opened up communication with her this past Tuesday. And we have texted sporadically since.....nothing heavy. I've been reading a lot of posts and I've come to the conclusion that she knows I'm open to hearing from her and if she wants to get back together she would make a move. When she broke up with me last year she came back. When I broke up with her she made it known she wanted me back. Bottom line is the ball is in her court. I have to just move on with my life.

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Call me crazy, but it kinda sounds like shes into you :confused:

But don't let that get you super excited, I could be totally wrong.

I think you might have a chance, but be prepared for it not to work out

Good luck

If you keep up no contact and answer some texts and not others it'll drive her away.

My ex played those games with me and ultimately I got sick of it and I won't go back because of that ****.

If you're no contact do that, if you want to try, then try, don't play head games.

He's done no contact with me and blocked me, because of that he's ruined any chance of us getting back together. I initially wanted to reconcile but I don't anymore, he was really disrespectful the way he went about it, so thats it even if he does come back.

If you want no contact be respectful and tell her why in a kind way.

Edited by Tarot777
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Of course I want contact....lol. There are positive signs though. I know her relationship before me did not end badly but ultimately told the guy to stop contacting her as there was nothing to their relationship...friend or otherwise. When she first broke up with me she wanted to remain friends but I felt like I was being strung along. I don't believe there was another guy taking her interest....just not her style. She wanted to remain friends to see how things would go but it was too painful for me. She respected the NC not including Christmas and my bday. I texted her after 2 months of NC. Told her I had a funny story to tell her and she asked me to call her. I made her laugh very quickly and the convo was only 10 min. We texted a few times and she's going to call me tomorrow. Just not sure what the next move is. Don't want to dive right into "where we at" type discussion.

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I thought it was promising before and it flopped. We broke up very early sept. She texted a couple of weeks layer asking if I could talk to her daughter who was having hard time with it. Her kids really liked me. After that talk we started talking and met a couple of times. I got frustrated because I felt I was being strung along...I was also texting a mutual friend (more her's then mine) and I think that didn't help but confused me more. One night she tells me my ex is reading a letter I wrote and was crying. Her friend said "she's having regrets...trust me." The next morning I spoke to the friend and she said they spoke that morning. She then said my ex was crying about the letter and stated "I'm glad I was loved that much." I got pretty angry. One minute hope of reconciliation and the next closure. That's when I went into NC. So I'm hopeful but trying not to get too excited. Thanks for the support though.

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I'm pretty down today. I don't want to be the next person to make a move. I feel like she hasn't reached out to me and it's been me initiating the contact. I have been in 2 other serious relationships and am kind of shocked how bad I feel....lol. I figured after 5 months I would be over her and be able to move on. I'm a pretty rational person and in the past been able to transition into acceptance.

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So I texted her asking her if she was ok and responded. We texted back and forth about our plans for today. She said she was meeting her friend for lunch who was the go between us last fall. I'm not sure if her friend was accurate in her info at that time. She sent mixed signals a lot. But I told my ex to tell her I said hi. She said she would and that they haven't seen each other since the holidays. And that they had a lot of catching up to do. I think I'm going to pull back now to see if she initiates any contact. I feel like I'm torturing myself.

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Also when I did text her and asked if everything was ok....she didn't even bring up the fact that didn't call. She knew.....just not sure of the message she is sending me. @Tarot777 so what's a good time to text again. Don't want to do everyday now....but want her to know I'm still around/open unlike your ex.

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Dude, you've been texting back and forth for a while now and even if the conversations are pleasant, there's no indication that she wants to come back.

 

 

I think you really need to do a hard NC and start moving on with your life. There's probably tons of girls that would love to go on a date with you, but that can't happen until you stop texting the one that doesn't.

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True. I have had many relationships and 2 serious ones before this. 2 engagements 1 divorce. This one cut deep and I feel like before the NC (10 weeks) and since I have opened the lines of communication I feel like I have been kept in limbo.

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Well we talked tonight. She's with someone else. I would encourage anyone to talk to their ex after a NC for clarity. It helps speed up the healing process especially if it's hard to let go. I can now fully heal and seek a new love when I'm ready. Thanks all who have read and commented.

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Ouch, at least you know, I'm guessing she didn't know or want to just say it, women can be a bit like that in my experience, fear of your reaction.

 

Move on now, heal yourself, go total NC, she'll find you if she ever wants you back by which time you will be healed and a better person with more experience.

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Yeah she actually returned to guy she dated for a year before we dated a year. When she broke it off with me she gave me the BS that she has never been alone and needed to do that for herself. Never being alone I believe but I would guess she was in contact with her less then a month after I initiated NC and explained why I was doing it. In our last conversation she asked if I was dating and I said yes but nothing serious at this time. She asked if she could call me and I explained that there really is no point. So she said "so only contact you if I have interest?" In said yes. After the phone call I texted thanks for her honesty and she stated she was never dishonest which isn't true. She told me some white lies when she was angry with me. She then stated that she was happy and her kids were happy and that's all she ever wanted. Funny.....while she was dating this ex the first time around she told me she was never really sure about that relationship and never introduced her kids to him. Meanwhile after our breakup and while we were still in contact her middle son actually made a "Team Stercrazy" shirt. It was funny. Anyways after the final text when I told I was happy for her I blocked her phone number.....which I never did before. FB block yes but not phone block. I've got more reminders to get rid of and that will be that. Throughout my journaling I have gained a lot of insight into the relationship. I encourage everyone to do that. Just writing thoughts and feelings down about the relationship. It helps.

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Cleaning up and just found the grad card she gave my daughter who was going into the first grade. That hurt!

We had no contact from thanks giving through my bday 2/15. She did text merry Christmas but I didn't respond. Our last conversation 2 nights ago I told her no more of that stuff. She agreed. I probably should have never responded to her happy bday text. Although I feel better for the closure I just wished it happened last fall. She always wants me in the background. She's never really been alone. I can't do that.

Edited by Stercrazy
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Well, she's in for a rude awakening. There's a reason why our Ex's are our Ex's.

 

I think she caved after I said NC last November. Truth is she doesn't know what she really wants. In our last conversation she said "I want to see where this goes" with the other guy. Which is what she told him when we got together.....duh! Then after the conversation and we texted a little she said "I am currently happy and so are my kids. That's all I ever wanted. Hope you understand that." WTF is "currently"? She wants me as back up. I would suspect when we were together although I don't think she had much contact with the ex. I think he left the door open if we didn't work out.

I still have everything blocked. She's going to have to work hard if she wants contact with me.

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Going to a mall today (here's) to pick up a specific shoe that my daughter wants to wear at our "Daddy Daughter Dance" tomorrow. I have this gut feeling we're going to run into my ex.......ugh!

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Ok well the good news I didn't run into her. However.....the location flooded me with memories. I haven't decided if this was a good thing or a bad thing. I feel a little better tonight. My thoughts aren't consumed by her but I'm not there yet. Getting better though.

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I'm glad you made it out of the mall without a run-in! ;)

 

Reading through your story, it struck me all her back and forth with exes and such.... makes me think it isn't the person she values so much, as the Honeymoon rush of endorphins. All the breakups and reconciliations and going No Contact and breaking No Contact.... all that DRAMA, that's what I think she values most. The rush, the infatuation, the ATTENTION.

 

She sounds pretty immature. And as has been said before, she's in for a rude awakening now because exes are exes for a reason!

 

I feel bad for her kids, watching her rollercoaster through a series of post-divorce romantic melodramas.

 

Keep going forward -- you sound like you're doing great!

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You know....I looked up that same thing about the infatuation. And I think that's right. She enjoys the rush in the beginning. What I will say is she told me (at the time) that she has only introduced her kids to me. Not sure if that's true or not but that's what she told me....including the ex she went back to. After the BU and when we started talking again I brought up the fact that it's not fair for the kids. Like I said before....we started talking again and her middle son made a "team stercrazy" shirt. Her kids really liked me.

Anyways.....I'm taking my daughter to a Daddy daughter dance today and am going to use the camera. Of course there were a few pics of her and the kids on it so I deleted them. It was hard looking at them again but bareable. I know I have a ton more on my computer to delete but haven't looked at them since before the BU. I won't dwell on looking at them later tonight but I need to get rid of them. I don't feel weak just a little sad. I have plenty to keep me busy and focused. I think of her less and less each day although I still think of her a lot. I deserve better.

She gave me the "I love you but not in love with you" line and did a lot of research on it. The infatuation came up along with some other insights that nailed it. Who ever had heard this line should read up on it.

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OK so deleted any pics associated with the ex. I made a stunning observation though. 1.) No pics of us as a couple. 2.) Most pics were of the kids playing together. 3.) Of the pics I did take of her she never looked into the camera.

Now I don't think of her in the "loss of a relationship" category. More like a "relationship evaluation" category.

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