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My Ex Is Getting Irrational..He's Contacting My Mother Now


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Okay. So I'm going to try and make this as short as possible. I was with this guy for like 3 years. I've known him since I was like 18. We were just friends, but we lived far away from each other, so of course we could never date. Junior year of college, we started dating because I went to college in a state all the way across the country from where I grew up, and it happened to be in his state (not why I went to that college though).

 

-In the beginning he was somewhat nice to me. But he always had like an attitude problem. He was like one of those guys who always got angry at every little thing. And whenever I wanted to talk to him, he'd say I talked too much. And he always argued with me about everything, and always put my ideas down. And basically just always was negative.

 

-During summer breaks when I was back in my home state. He would never answer my calls. Never wanted to talk to me. Always hung out with all of these girls who would tweet about him, and they would write things like "We've got our Eric back, finally" because I told him that it made me uncomfortable for me to see him in pictures hugging up on girls who would tweet provocative things.

 

-I would always see pictures of him on instagram with these chicks. I would ask him about what he did the night before. And he'd lie. Then I'd send the picture. And his excuse, if this is even an excuse, was "I only lied because I thought I wouldn't get caught" ...Wtf?

 

-I went through his phone. (I know that's bad, but he had given me so many reasons not to trust him) and he was texting girls. asking them to hang out with him. asking them to smoke with him. And goodness it broke my heart. I stayed with him.

 

-During Christmas times and his birthday, I always bought him gold jewelry because he had never owned gold before he met me, and I wanted him to feel special. and he always "Forgot it was my birthday, didn't know we were exchanging Christmas gifts, or didn't think I 'cared' about Valentine's Day"

 

-He would always be really nice and kind to me when he wanted me to write his papers and do his homework for him. Which I would do, because I didn't want him to keep failing classes.

 

-He just wasn't a sincere person. He would say sorry, but there would be this sociopathic aura about him. Like I could tell that he didn't care, but he would be feigning regret. It was almost chilling.

 

-I went to grad school in his state, instead of moving back to my homestate, even though it was more expensive. But I wanted to be by him. It was in a different part of the state where I didn't know anyone and it was far from my friends at college. But I wanted to be by him. He would NEVER come drive and see me. When we would hang out, we'd just stay in his apartment watching tv. Most of the time he'd tell me to shut up and just put his headphones on and smoke cigarettes.

 

-There was a big hurricane coming. the weather man had been predicting it for days. I wanted to stay with him at his friends house in safe area, but he just told me to stay in my apartment. and he didn't give a damn about me. I spent the whole night huddled in the corner. afraid that the big glass door in my studio apartment was going to burst and throw me onto the balcony.

 

-He totaled his car, so I let him use my car. He would pick up girls in my car. He even lined up all of his favorite sports hats in the back window of my car. As if it was HIS.

 

This is what finally made me draw the line. One day we were in a heated argument, probably about some girl he was hanging around. And I punched him in his chest several times, then he threw me onto the bed, smacked me, and choked me out. (I'm not saying I was right for hitting him, and I'm not saying I deserved to be choked out, I'm simply stating what happened..And please don't move this to a domestic violence section, this is not what this post is about)..Anyhow, after he did that I decided that this was not the life that I wanted to have. And I left him. Moved back to my hometown. And cut him off cold. Changed my number. Deleted all of my social media accounts. And just began my new life. I haven't spoken to him since November 2013. But for the past 3 months he's been sending me weekly letters to my parent's house, asking me to get back with me. Flooding my old college e-mail account, sending me flowers, and now he's texting and calling my mother at work! Because he doesn't have my new number or any way to get in contact with me. He keeps saying crazy things like he can't live without me, and that he would chop off his limbs to be with me.

 

I don't want to ever talk to him again, because I don't think that he deserves to. Or has the right to speak to me again. I know my self worth, and I know I gave him everything a woman could give a man. But now I'm afraid he may harm himself. What should I do?

Edited by Rapunzel5
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I know it's hard but keep NC. This might sound cold, but if he drags you back in again that would be bad. He sounds like he has sociopath tendencies so I wouldn't put it past him to harm himself to get closer to you. You have to do what is best for you. I'm very sorry that you're in this position.

 

I'm glad that you saw you were better than his treatment of you. He probably had GIGS and is now back because he realized how awesome you are.

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I know I gave him everything a woman could give a man.

Holy ****! In only three years?

 

But now I'm afraid he may harm himself. What should I do?
Do nothing. He's loony tunes. Arguing, angry, self-centered. He choked you? He's going to cut his limbs off?

 

Stay away and hope you don't have to be the one that cuts his limbs off.

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His well being is not your concern. I get that you feel like you need to do something - if that's the case, let his family know you think he might harm himself and let them take care of him.

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First OP, well done for getting out of a bad situation when it presented itself. I tip my hat off to you on that front.

 

As far as the crazy ex goes, ignore him. That is the only way that he will go away. Most abusers are like 5 year olds, crying and lashing out for attention. The more attention they see they are getting for their horrible behaviour, the more they will ramp it up and play towards your empathetic side. Whatever you do, do not break NC (and neither should your mother), any attention from you will just cause things to get worse.

 

As cruel as it sounds, dont worry about him harming himself, he is not your child or your problem. His decisions and choices have nothing to do with you. Focus on yourself and on staying as far away from him as humanly possible.

 

IGNORE! AVOID! IGNORE!

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Keep ignoring this guy. Congratulations on getting out of a really bad situation with a really bad person. As people have said, you're not responsible for his mental health, and his threatening to harm himself is just a ploy.

 

He's going to keep going for a while, so just keep ignoring. Do your best so you don't even have to actively ignore stuff from him. However, if he just keeps harassing your family and you, especially if he starts threatening violence of any kind, it is possible for you to take legal action and get a restraining order for situations where someone stalks you and harasses you.

 

That's a legal route however, and you would need to get in touch with a lawyer to find the art of the possible there. Might be expensive and make the whole thing a huge ordeal, so I'd leave this option along unless he starts going truly too far with this nonsense.

 

Good luck and if you haven't considered it, please look into therapy or counselling. This sounds like a very damaging relationship and you're staying with a guy like that for so long makes me think you may have some underlying issues you'd want to address before getting in another relationship in the future.

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Glad you walked away from that loser and cut him off so swiftly. He's just dying for your attention so will say anything to get you to respond and is currently playing the sympathy card. It might be something else next week so don't fall for any of it. You don't owe him anything x

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Do nothing. He's loony tunes. Arguing, angry, self-centered. He choked you? He's going to cut his limbs off?

 

Stay away and hope you don't have to be the one that cuts his limbs off.

 

I would like listen to Mightycpa and the others because this guy is a sandwich short of a picnic and like you really need to stay away from such a bad dude...

 

Do not ever go back. Ask your family to ignore him too and tell him to go away. He doesn't care for you, never has, he is just peeved that you walked away from him. Do not ever go back

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Update: First of all I want to thank all of you for telling me to ignore him. I really felt like I was obligated to respond to him, like I owed him something, but you all are right. I don't owe him anything. Once again, thank you all for taking the time to respond and give me advice. I'm grateful.

 

...So I've been ignoring him. And JUST like I suspected. The idiot found out that since I've left him, I have a major fashion blog. I didn't want to think that he could be that low, but I'm sure he's seen my instagram page with over 200k followers, and he's been to my blog, and my twitter page with over 300k (I didn't mention this in my first post, because I thought it was irrelevant, and I didn't want it to come across as bragging, and my idiot ex had made it seem like he had no idea about my blog, because in his letters, he said he couldn't find me anywhere online..Because I deleted my facebook)...And it's so funny. Because in the letters. He would act as though he had searched for me high and low, and he had no way to contact me but through writing me letters or calling and texting my mother. When in fact, if you google my name, my fashion website, my instagram, and my twitter account are the first 3 things to pop up....Well now he emailed me on my official email address for my blog... And he said that he didn't want to resort to this, but he had to. I THINKG he didn't want to resort to it, because he wanted to pretend as if he didn't know about my recent success.

 

(Please, I do not want anyone to think I am being arrogant or that I think I am "famous" ...I certainly do not. This is just something that I started after I left him, and it has helped me to rebuild my self esteem, and help other young women rebuild their own self esteem as well, and now that he sees that it has taken off. He wants to be apart of my life again. Am I right? Am I wrong?)

 

He keeps saying the usual crap in the email..That it's his mission in life to be with me. That he thinks I'm the one for him..BLAH BLAH BLAH. And that he just needs a response, and then he'll leave me alone.

 

SHOULD I GIVE HIM A RESPONSE? OR IS IT A TRAP?

 

It's so funny..Because when I was with him, I had such low self esteem, no self respect. He treated me like crap. And I stayed. And catered to him. And now that I've left.. It's like I appreciate myself, and I'm helping OTHER girls to appreciate themselves.. And now he's begging and pleading for me?!

Edited by Rapunzel5
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It's so funny..Because when I was with him, I had such low self esteem, no self respect. He treated me like crap. And I stayed. And catered to him. And now that I've left.. It's like I appreciate myself, and I'm helping OTHER girls to appreciate themselves.. And now he's begging and pleading for me?!

 

There you go, you've answered yourself. I'd block his e-mail address and continue to ignore him. And good job on coming out of it and helping others to do the same. You don't owe him sh*t, and have proven that you're actually way better off without him.

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Keep doing what you're doing, and try not to worry about him. Think about the alternative. You don't want him back. That's not what he wants to hear, so there's no point in contacting him. It could easily make things worse for him AND for you. You're not his crutch anymore, and he can't stand it. So what? You're doing so well!!! Don't let him suck you back into his garbage. If he really needs help, he should consult a therapist and/or a shrink. If he hadn't acted like such a sh#t, you'd be right there helping him. His loss. Your gain. Run with it!!!!

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So. It's just seriously gotten out of hand. Guys, please don't ever be this guy. If your ex wants to be left alone. Please leave her alone. Here is some brief background info for those of you who didn't see my old thread: my ex was calling and texting my mother everyday (she ignored him, never responded), sending me multiple letters a week, flowers, trying to be with me. I haven't even spoken to him in over a year and a half. We broke up in the middle of 2013. He treated me like crap, choked me, cheated on me, spent my money, was always angry, he's 25 yrs old and only 1/4 the way through undergrad...not because he took breaks, but because he keeps failing and withdrawing from classes. After he choked me, that was the last straw. All of the horrible treatment is one thing, but I do not tolerate physical abuse. I refuse to be that woman who gets beat up by her boyfriend or husband. I packed up my stuff and moved out of the state, changed my number, cut him off. In June of 2014 he sent me an e-mail, I ignored it. I became a popular blogger (over 500k combined followers on twitter and instagram), and he found out, and now all of a sudden since November of 2014 he's been desperately trying to get in contact with me.

 

I was just going to continue ignoring him, but he kept saying that he's going to show up at my house, and he kept saying if he had just a response from me, and knew that I didn't want to be with him that he'd leave me alone. So yesterday night I firmly told him to please leave me alone, and please never contact me again, and that I will only respond this once. I told him I'm not playing hard to get. That I genuinely want him to leave me alone. And that if he comes to my house, I will get a restraining order on him and call the cops.

 

Then he sent me 4 more e-mails saying that he has to prove how serious he is to me, and that he is coming to my house. And that he does not care if I call the police.

 

So now I have to go and get a restraining order on him. This is stressful. It's giving me anxiety. I had nightmares about him. Guys, if your ex wants you to leave them alone. Please leave them alone. Please don't be this guy. I'm happy in my life, and I've found success and peace, and it's like he wants to latch onto me. He's openly said it several times that he is desperate for me. It sickens me. I want to cry. I feel hopeless that he won't leave me alone. Why the hell won't he leave me alone?! I could maybe understand if this was just weeks after the breakup. BUT IT HAS BEEN OVER A WHOLE YEAR! IT'S BEEN OVER A WHOLE YEAR!

Edited by Rapunzel5
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I'm so so sorry for what you're going through!

 

That is stalking -- it's a very dangerous, even life-threatening occurrence!

 

Please be safe. He sounds mentally ill. File that restraining order now, don't wait for him to show up at your front door! He's already attacked you once -- I'm serious, he could do you serious injury at this point.

 

Do you live alone? This is a time to have people around you all the time -- and I'd consider getting a dog if you don't have one!

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I got ahold of his father. And his father is going to talk to him. And his mother is flying into his town to see him and talk to him. They begged me not to get the police involved or to file a restraining order. As they don't want it on his record. And I don't want to taint his record either. But if he tries to contact me again and says the crazy things he's been saying like "I don't care it's my mission to be with you. you'll just have to call the cops on me" then I'm just going to have to file that restraining order and alert the police station in my county and tell them what I'm dealing with.

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I got ahold of his father. And his father is going to talk to him. And his mother is flying into his town to see him and talk to him. They begged me not to get the police involved or to file a restraining order. As they don't want it on his record. And I don't want to taint his record either. But if he tries to contact me again and says the crazy things he's been saying like "I don't care it's my mission to be with you. you'll just have to call the cops on me" then I'm just going to have to file that restraining order and alert the police station in my county and tell them what I'm dealing with.

 

Please do follow through and get the restraining order if her contacts you again. Because if he's like this with you, chances are he'll be like this with his next girlfriend too. And if he's already got one restraining order on his record, the authorities take it much more seriously. A friend of mine was severely beaten and raped by her ex, and when she filed charges, three more girls said he did the same to them. She had told the police he was harrassing her, but because they were looking at him as a first time offender, they didn't take it as seriously as they would have if they'd known his past with this behavior. Or at the very least, report it to the police so there's some sort of record.

 

Sending you a big hug, this is some scary stuff.

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