autumnnight Posted February 16, 2015 Share Posted February 16, 2015 I am seriously too old for this, no, really.... lol I have been seeing someone for a little over 2 years. Daily contact, lots of visits (we live a couple of hours apart), I love you's, all that jazz. I know his kids, he knows mine. So a couple of weeks ago, I sent him an ecard. We do that from time to time. His last text said "Thank you for the card darling. I love you baby." Haven't gotten a text since. Or an email. Or an answered phone call. Nada. I didn't really notice for a couple of days. And yes, I'm embarrassed to say I did look at the obits in his town just in case - I mean, his kids are young so would I even know if something happened to him? I guess his brother would call me. I'm not a beggar. I sent one last message telling him if it's goodbye I can handle it, but I'd at least like to hear it. I don't do stalking and bunny boiling. I'm assuming we're done? Thoughts? I haven't really dated much since the 80's except for this Link to post Share on other sites
Ralph79 Posted February 16, 2015 Share Posted February 16, 2015 Maybe this is bad advice because i'm admittedly very naive but, if I were in your shoes, in a 2 year long relationship, which seems to be on good terms, based on what you posted here, I would insist on finding out if he's simply ok. I mean, I'm going to assume you both care about each other, so I would put aside the breakup fears for the moment, or the fear of looking desperate, and just simply try and get in touch or see him just to say "Hey, just wondering if you were ok. I was worried." And leave it at that. I haven't read other threads so i don't know much about your history with this guy, so take this advice very lightly. Just my opinion based solely on your last post. Link to post Share on other sites
Author autumnnight Posted February 16, 2015 Author Share Posted February 16, 2015 I have sent him a couple of messages to that end, and I haven't heard anything. I also left a voice mail after trying to call a couple of times. I have a mortal fear of being "too needy," so I don't want to cross that line. I mean, we've been "in love" supposedly for 1 1/2 of those 2 years, so it kind of stings to just hear....nothing for 2 weeks. Actually it more than stings. It kind of crushes, and I'm embarrassed about that. Link to post Share on other sites
Ralph79 Posted February 16, 2015 Share Posted February 16, 2015 Hmm It's really beyond cowardly to start a breakup through NC. If that is really his intention, then I'm sorry. I'm pretty sure it would be easy for him to let you know what's going on. There's a chance he merely lost his cell phone, but he would have emailed you. All I'm suggesting is don't automatically assume something good or bad. Maybe something terribly bad happened to him. In my opinion contacting him with: "Is this it? Is this your way of breaking up with me? Are we through? Will you let me know if we're done at least?" Seems something a needy and clingy partner would say. Contacting him with: "Hey, I'm starting to get worried. Haven't heard from you in 2 weeks. Are you ok? Did something happen? Are your kids ok? If I don't hear from you soon I'm coming over to check up on you". Seems something a concerned and caring partner would say. Do whatever you must to feel ok. But again, you know him better than anyone, so it's really your call. I'm just offering different perspectives. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Rejected Rosebud Posted February 16, 2015 Share Posted February 16, 2015 No, this is just WRONG after 2 years and "I love you"!! If you think hard about it can you think of anything that might have caused this?? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author autumnnight Posted February 16, 2015 Author Share Posted February 16, 2015 Thanks. I do see the distinction in those two messages. It's funny, my first assumption was not that something happened to him but that he was tired of me. Hmmm...maybe I still have some leftover post-marriage insecurity. It's just strange to be so heartbroken. It made sense when I was 22, but in my 40's I thought I would be more dignified. Link to post Share on other sites
Author autumnnight Posted February 17, 2015 Author Share Posted February 17, 2015 Oh well, that was all a waste of time....he was cheating Link to post Share on other sites
Haydn Posted February 17, 2015 Share Posted February 17, 2015 Oh well, that was all a waste of time....he was cheating What a tosser. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author autumnnight Posted February 17, 2015 Author Share Posted February 17, 2015 Yeah, well, so much for dignified. I'm pretty much a wreck. Every time I look at my phone I think, "You're really not going to say anything. You really ARE just gonna disappear with a new woman." I can't decide whether I feel like a fool or if I want to kill him lol Link to post Share on other sites
Haydn Posted February 17, 2015 Share Posted February 17, 2015 Yeah, well, so much for dignified. I'm pretty much a wreck. Every time I look at my phone I think, "You're really not going to say anything. You really ARE just gonna disappear with a new woman." I can't decide whether I feel like a fool or if I want to kill him lol Sorry AN, it hurts, always does. I didn`t mean to sound so flippant. You found out? He told you? Link to post Share on other sites
jus d'orange Posted February 17, 2015 Share Posted February 17, 2015 Don't worry about feeling awful and torn up about it. That's only human and you won't find many on this board that don't know that feeling, even when it's over somebody who doesn't deserve to be cried over! He is a tosser and although it will hurt because your image of the man you loved and this cheater don't seem to go together, over time you'll get past it, and you can start being glad soon that you aren't with somebody who would do that. Best of luck to you! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
somedude81 Posted February 17, 2015 Share Posted February 17, 2015 That's horrible. What a piece of scum. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Ralph79 Posted February 17, 2015 Share Posted February 17, 2015 Oh well, that was all a waste of time....he was cheating Ugh, really sorry to hear that. I hope it doesn't take you too long to recover emotionally from this. On the bright side you found out and won't keep living a lie. But yeah I agree with everyone else. What a loser. And to simply break it to you by NC out of the blue... What a piece of human garbage. People like him make me regret giving advice from a naive perspective. I'm just gonna stop. Link to post Share on other sites
Author autumnnight Posted February 17, 2015 Author Share Posted February 17, 2015 The stupid man sent me a text by mistake. Then I checked his FB page....it was pretty easy to put 2 and 2 together. Part of me wants to make him admit it. But that wouldn't really accomplish anything except make me look pathetic. I hate crying. It makes my nose all stuffy. Link to post Share on other sites
Haydn Posted February 17, 2015 Share Posted February 17, 2015 The stupid man sent me a text by mistake. Then I checked his FB page....it was pretty easy to put 2 and 2 together. Part of me wants to make him admit it. But that wouldn't really accomplish anything except make me look pathetic. I hate crying. It makes my nose all stuffy. Really sorry AN, delete everything you feel you should. You know it makes sense. You are not pathetic. You have an army of followers here. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
writergal Posted February 17, 2015 Share Posted February 17, 2015 The stupid man sent me a text by mistake. Then I checked his FB page....it was pretty easy to put 2 and 2 together. Part of me wants to make him admit it. But that wouldn't really accomplish anything except make me look pathetic. I hate crying. It makes my nose all stuffy. Wow, he's a real slimebag. I'm so sorry that this happened to you. The thing is, he probably won't admit that he cheated. And even if he did, would that change the way you feel about him? It wouldn't make you look pathetic to confront him. But most of the time, the people we confront have already shown by their actions that they don't respect us or care about our feelings, so it seems pointless to waste energy confronting the person. Do what you need to do to feel better. He's a real jerk and doesn't deserve the time of day from you. Link to post Share on other sites
ZiggyZoo Posted February 18, 2015 Share Posted February 18, 2015 Oh, geez...how wonderfully mature of him. My most recent ex ignored me completely for a month, but at least was decent (ha!) enough to let me know in a FACEBOOK MESSAGE that we were through. I remind myself of this middle school BS every time I start to miss him. Oh, and I'm 38, he's 41. I'm sorry to hear that yours was cheating too, on top of it all. I don't think mine is, or was, but I'm almost to the point where I don't care anyway. It still stings though, and you get a big hug from me. I just posted about karma biting my ex-husband in the butt, you should check the post out. Might make you smile. Link to post Share on other sites
Rejected Rosebud Posted February 18, 2015 Share Posted February 18, 2015 I would punch him for you if i had the chance. :mad: 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author autumnnight Posted February 18, 2015 Author Share Posted February 18, 2015 Right now I am cringing over every less than compassionate thing I ever posted in ignorance on the infidelity forum. I mean all I did was date for 2 years, and my chest feels like it's being crushed. I cannot fathom how a married person feels. Link to post Share on other sites
Tiger Lily Posted February 18, 2015 Share Posted February 18, 2015 I'm sorry, autumnnight ((hugs)). You did nothing to deserve this. This is all on him and his sin. Though it's hard, try to keep your focus above. Praying for you, an. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author autumnnight Posted February 18, 2015 Author Share Posted February 18, 2015 I really am not in my 40's - how embarrassing. Last night I bought a bottle of sparkling wine (first mistake), drank too much of it because it tasted good (2nd mistake), and wrote a long rambling, how dare you, was it all a lie, you douche email.... I am very put out with myself, and of course there will be no response. I really wanted to take the high road. I don't think I even did anything THAT silly when I was in college. I just ate ice cream, watched Pretty Woman, and wrote bad poetry Oh, and I am in my 40's...I just acted like I was 14 last night 2 Link to post Share on other sites
writergal Posted February 19, 2015 Share Posted February 19, 2015 I really am not in my 40's - how embarrassing. Last night I bought a bottle of sparkling wine (first mistake), drank too much of it because it tasted good (2nd mistake), and wrote a long rambling, how dare you, was it all a lie, you douche email.... I am very put out with myself, and of course there will be no response. I really wanted to take the high road. I don't think I even did anything THAT silly when I was in college. I just ate ice cream, watched Pretty Woman, and wrote bad poetry Oh, and I am in my 40's...I just acted like I was 14 last night Welcome to the Sisterhood of the Rambling Rants. That's how we roll after a breakup and you know what, ITS OK. Don't beat yourself up about it! Venting is good for the soul. Get all that toxic stuff out of you. Doesn't matter that you sent it. He deserved a response frankly based on the douche-y way that he broke up with you. When I was in college, I just ate Checkerboard Pizza (cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger). watched Ghost, and wrote bad fiction. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BlueIris Posted February 19, 2015 Share Posted February 19, 2015 I would punch him for you if i had the chance. :mad: I'd punch him too. I'm sorry, Autumn. hugs. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author autumnnight Posted February 19, 2015 Author Share Posted February 19, 2015 You all are very comforting and sufficiently violent I think this kind of breakup is hard on me because I like to understand things and I like to have the last word haha Opening up is always a risk. Sometimes the risk works out and sometimes it doesn't. Don't think I'll be doing long distance again though. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Tarot777 Posted February 19, 2015 Share Posted February 19, 2015 I didn't take my break up gracefully either, whats done is done. He's a coward anyway 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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