XIBOI Posted February 16, 2015 Share Posted February 16, 2015 Hi all, my ex and I broke up about two weeks ago after being in a long distance relationship for about two years. During the actual breakup she told me we were on hiatus until we can visit each other, I told her I understood and let her be. I contacted her a few days later asking about this hiatus, it felt like her way to string me along. She said she still cares for me and she doesn't enjoy doing this but wants to be friends for now and that there's hope we may get back together again if things pan out. I told her I understood, and left a few days later I wrote her a message on Facebook telling her I don't want to be friends because my feelings are too strong, and I wished her well. I plan on not bothering her from now on and to try moving on with my life. I would like to be with her sometime down the line, I was wondering if telling her no I don't want her friendship and that I'm letting it go was too harsh/definite and will it hurt my chances of us ever being together. Thanks for taking your time to read. Link to post Share on other sites
PearTree Posted February 16, 2015 Share Posted February 16, 2015 You have absolutely done the right thing! Well done! Link to post Share on other sites
Author XIBOI Posted February 16, 2015 Author Share Posted February 16, 2015 You have absolutely done the right thing! Well done! Thanks PearTree, it comforts me that someone thinks so. I figure I should workout and work on myself in the meantime but when my mind wanders to her, I start to wonder if I was a bit too harsh with the 'My feelings are too strong to be your friend' and that I'm basically letting her go and wishing her well. Feels like I kinda blocked all door ways to any future reconciliation. Link to post Share on other sites
PearTree Posted February 16, 2015 Share Posted February 16, 2015 Thanks PearTree, it comforts me that someone thinks so. I figure I should workout and work on myself in the meantime but when my mind wanders to her, I start to wonder if I was a bit too harsh with the 'My feelings are too strong to be your friend' and that I'm basically letting her go and wishing her well. Feels like I kinda blocked all door ways to any future reconciliation. It's going to sound harsh, but does that really matter? There's no reason why you both can't be happy apart. You both might hurt at first but eventually you'll both move on and live your lives. You've given each other the chance to grow and learn and become stronger. It's beautiful in a way! What would you like to do to work on yourself? Link to post Share on other sites
Author XIBOI Posted February 16, 2015 Author Share Posted February 16, 2015 Yeah it does sound harsh, but I have to let it go, like I told her I would. Thanks for the tough love. I'm trying to learn how to communicate better, and build my self confidence as well as getting physically fit. I figure it'll be great to do this for my own personal growth and if we get back together or if I meet someone new who I like more. Link to post Share on other sites
PearTree Posted February 16, 2015 Share Posted February 16, 2015 Yeah it does sound harsh, but I have to let it go, like I told her I would. Thanks for the tough love. I'm trying to learn how to communicate better, and build my self confidence as well as getting physically fit. I figure it'll be great to do this for my own personal growth and if we get back together or if I meet someone new who I like more. Those are brilliant goals. Do you have any plans how you are going to achieve them? I joined a yoga class to throw myself out of my comfort zone and reset my brain a bit by trying something new - it really helped! In a few weeks I'm planning to join a pottery class for the same reason, it feels pretty great to do new things. Link to post Share on other sites
Author XIBOI Posted March 18, 2015 Author Share Posted March 18, 2015 It's been about a month since the break up. I traveled for a bit worked out, did some reading tried to stay positive. I haven't broke NC, I do have mutual co-workers with my ex and we all keep in touch through FB chat with everyone in it including her. I left the chat while I was traveling but when I returned I was re invited and read a bit of what I missed. I read about her going to a party and some guy trying to date her but she turning him down. It made me upset. I muted her status updates and muted the FB chat then asked my co-workers to contact me directly if there's something that pertains to me that's work related. I believe I'm doing the right thing for me in the long run. Some days are harder than others though still. I'm taking it one day at a time though. Link to post Share on other sites
marcelo.santos Posted March 18, 2015 Share Posted March 18, 2015 I read about her going to a party and some guy trying to date her but she turning him down. It made me upset. you are doing great, but you did a little mistake here reading the information above - if she had not refused but accepted the invitation you would be in a mass today and it would hurt you for the next weeks - try to do no risk your healing in the future: Learn that it is very important to block her in all ways possible, NC is not just not contacting her directly. Try to stay a hundred steps away from anything that have any possibility of getting any news from her - I would quit this chat and not only muting it, dont care if you miss something work related there - they will find you if they need you or if you need them - quit this thing. The break up is still recent in your case, but you are doing great and will get better day after day if do not break NC accidentally like happened. Link to post Share on other sites
Karin2rinkashi Posted March 19, 2015 Share Posted March 19, 2015 Skydiving! Link to post Share on other sites
Author XIBOI Posted March 20, 2015 Author Share Posted March 20, 2015 you are doing great, but you did a little mistake here reading the information above - if she had not refused but accepted the invitation you would be in a mass today and it would hurt you for the next weeks - try to do no risk your healing in the future: Learn that it is very important to block her in all ways possible, NC is not just not contacting her directly. Try to stay a hundred steps away from anything that have any possibility of getting any news from her - I would quit this chat and not only muting it, dont care if you miss something work related there - they will find you if they need you or if you need them - quit this thing. The break up is still recent in your case, but you are doing great and will get better day after day if do not break NC accidentally like happened. Thanks for the insight Marcelo, I took your advice, I told them that I'm leaving that chat and if they want to contact me they know how to get me. I'm considering removing her from Facebook and blocking her as well. It's conflicting because I do want to work things out with her but from what I can tell there's really no hope as the last thing I read from our group chat was that she found out her new crush is single which equals jackpot for her. Saying that while knowing I could read it made me realize that I should just move on, and not hold on to any hopes of reconciliation. Hopefully things go much smoother from now on with these changes. Link to post Share on other sites
Author XIBOI Posted March 22, 2015 Author Share Posted March 22, 2015 Today was super hard, at work some co-workers and mutual friends of ours mentioned that she's been hanging out with some other guy in the building a lot and spending most of her free time with him. I'm a mess, I didn't contact her but since we do work together I tried to keep as much distance as I could. Yesterday she said hi to me and I said 'hi everyone' to play it off without directly talking to her. After finding out she's been spending so much time with this guy and he's buying her stuff I got super upset and blocked her on social media and in work group chats. We work in the same building so I asked to get transferred to another side as to avoid her. Doing this will lessen my chance of running into her and having to see her or him together. It kills me to know that she's spending so much time with some other guy. Link to post Share on other sites
Author XIBOI Posted April 1, 2015 Author Share Posted April 1, 2015 Saw her today and yesterday while I was out. I couldn't avoid her as she saw me. I waved and smiled and went my own way. Both times she's waved back. I want to talk to her so bad, I don't know what to do. Is waving when you run into her breaking nc? Link to post Share on other sites
SheleftmeforMichael Posted April 1, 2015 Share Posted April 1, 2015 You both work together in the same vicinity. As it pertains to your job, you should be civil in the work place. Outside of the workplace is a different matter. I don't think waving to her breaks NC. It's what any coworker that knows you would do even if it wasn't her. Just don't start conversation with her and if she engages to start conversation with you, be short and move on. Be civil in the workplace. Link to post Share on other sites
Author XIBOI Posted April 1, 2015 Author Share Posted April 1, 2015 You both work together in the same vicinity. As it pertains to your job, you should be civil in the work place. Outside of the workplace is a different matter. I don't think waving to her breaks NC. It's what any coworker that knows you would do even if it wasn't her. Just don't start conversation with her and if she engages to start conversation with you, be short and move on. Be civil in the workplace. Thanks for the response, I don't want to be an ******* to her but I also want to heal.This no contact thing is tough cause I just want to say something to her but I know I'll get emotional when I do. Thanks everyone who's responded and helped me through the tough times. I'll try to keep it up. Link to post Share on other sites
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