I just need answers , What was her motive? How to find closure?

[corsair427]

If you can stick through this story than thank you, but I need answers.

 

Ive been mentally distraught over this case for the last 8 months. A little background so you know where im coming from; I had trouble meeting girls all my life and was turned down everytime I asked one out. I was always lied to and excuses were made, so i thought it was my looks. For 6 years I resigned myself that i would never even get a date or a kiss. Currently I am a successful commercial pilot and have a great future doing so. I finally got my first date when I was 24 but she just went out with me to "be nice" as she put it. But the one I meant this thread for has really ed up my mind. She was 27 and just got out of a 5 year abusive relationship, shes outgoing herself and very confident.

 

Out of nowhere one day she sends me a message on facebook and tells me how handsome i am and that she would like to meet me. Now after what I just told you about my past how do you think I would feel? especially since this girl was a stunner, she even worked as a Disney princess! I couldnt believe it but I agreed to a date. That night I was just myself honest and open with her about everything. She knew I was shy she knew how girls treated me and she knew i didnt even get a kiss. She told me those girls will seriously regret not giving me a chance. She then told me to sit next to her and proceeded to give me my first kiss! Later that night she texted me saying she couldnt stop smiling the drive home and wanted to see me the next night. We went out again, I picked her up and on the way back to her house she held my hand and we made out in the car. She texted me again saying "If you keep this up i may end up chasing you yet",.....from there on things took off, she texted every morning with "good morning handsome" and "I miss you, is that weird to say?" stuff. After one particular date she said "I like you more and more,the way you hold me, the way you kiss me the things you say, I hope this continues" She even gave me a photo of herself saying she wanted to look pretty for me if I become her boyfriend......Oh and thats one thing she would avoid.......actually calling dates a date or me her boyfriend which confused me. We went out two more times and i met her family. That night things went normal as I held her for the last time unknowingly. I told her to text me about tomorrows date to the local winery. She even texted me that night but the next days never came.

 

 

I waited a week and on facebook i saw a post by her that said "All good men are either gay, married or dead" there was a rant about how terrible guys are. I texted asking if everything was okay and she said yes im fine ......I then said i havent seen you and miss you and would like to go out thursday, because im still interested. There was a pause, then my nightmare came true. She sent back "Please realize we are just friends right now, i in no way want nor am I ready for a boyfriend anytime soon, I just got out of a 5 year abusive relationship and need time to focus on my career and myself, I dont want to lead you on" I responded with "I understand I wasnt asking for that, I just want to see you again"....she kept going and said...."I think your getting a little too attached and i need to make sure this doesnt become anything more than what it needs to be".......I said I understand again and dropped it, 8 hours later i get a text from her saying "I still want to see you".....I told her I dont need to be hurt like ive been in the past and I really genuinely liked her but if shes going to tease me then I can walk. She responded two days later and said "Again i just want to be friends right now"....I said I will be here for you as a friend. After that I had to endure more of her guy bashing on facebook such as "Ive decided im done with men right now they are all s and treat me just like my ex did".......

 

I saw that and was hurt inside, I sent her a private message saying That what she said wasnt true and that I cared about what we were doing and blah blah. She said "Look, those posts werent about you. Im going through so much stuff right now, stuff i did not want to drag you into.Your a really sweet guy but you'll find a better girl than me, I dont know what a good guy is and I dont know how to be in a loving relationship, im in a really dark place right now"....After this I told her to take care of herself and i would still be here for her as she meant alot to me. She didnt really respond. A month later I saw her last facebook message, it read. "Hook line and sinker he keeps this up ill be his forever" I made no response But after that she wiped her facebook account off completely made a new one and blocked me from it. Keep in mind I have said zero to her in a month, so I didnt provoke this.

 

This whole thing happened last summer, however that month in June was the greatest I can remember, It was the summer love I always dreamed of and the memories still haunt me. How could something that was so profound and brought me so much joy have turned into 8 months of hell? I even had nightmares for the first month after those horrid texts. I tried to date other girls but nothing works I find I still am thinking of her. I guess I have two real questions. One being why did she do this to me? Was it me or her? and how am I supposed to get over this, how do I find closure. Funny thing is she kept my cellphone number and on occasion texts just to check up I guess but she never wants to actually do anything. Whats this girls deal? Opinions? Thoughts?

Edited February 11, 2015 by corsair427

[ForgingAhead]

I read your story. 2 major points stood out:

1: She was not wanting to call you her boyfriend, and no label on "dates".

 

2: She was in a long term abusive relationship according to her.

 

She was playing the field, and how she treated you is not a reflection on you, but her.

 

Rest assured that if you cam attract a Disney princess from an looks perspective, then you should be able to get women you are attracted to.

 

Take this time to process, realize you are a great person with lots to offer.

 

Your attachment to her was based on her paying attention to you, and giving you a kiss, which is great.

 

Dig down deep inside yourself, and release your awesomeness!

Your a pilot, you can go wherever you want, and that will give you a huge advantage on meeting women.

 

Its going to hurt, what she did was malicious, but she sounds so immature.. You can get way better and you know it, believe in yourself!