Is there any hope ?? Want her back

[2727]

It has been 2 months since my 4 year old gf broke up with me. I want to get her back but Im not sure if it will work. It was so strange. I am 21, she is 20, we met when we were 17. We were each others first gf/bf. When we were dating for 2 years, we had some issues because some guy wanted to date her, i freaked out and lost my trust in her, I started to become more and more indifferent and my gifts to her and the flowers i gave her every month, were gone. Since then things were not ok. So she decided to take a time apart 2 years after things were not perfect, (last september) they were ok. I was not that heartbroken and honestly was a little relieved. During this time, i realized she was the one, probable want to marry her in the future, so i decided to change, i decided to trust in her again, regain my trust and love her as i never did. She agreed, and told me she missed me a lot. And that she wanted to get back. Everything was perfect, we haven't been this happy in a long time, our relationship felt fresh but yet filled with great memories. Suddenly, on November she sent me a message and she told she didn't want anything with me. I was so confused and went to see her that night. We talked and everything was fine again. We went to dinner the next night and it was the happiest dinner of our lives, she looked so happy, and two days later she told me again that she didn't want anything. I assumed her girlfriends had something to do, they don't know me.

 

I was in finals, so we waited for me to finish a tough one. She didn't spoke for at least 3 weeks. I stupidly messaged her without control. Then, by the end of November, she told i limited her and told me she wanted to try new things. She didn't want anything. But she told me there was no one else. We cried a lot, because we were going to be 4 years by the end of the year, and I left, I begged. The next night I discovered your site. Followed your instructions, except on Twitter, I stalked her and we tweeted innuendos for each other. BIG MISTAKE!

 

I didn't message her until i saw she started dating 3 weeks after we broke up. I lost control and thank her of everything. BIG MISTAKE. She started to tweet how she was doing great and stuff. A week later, the day after Christmas, she told me she didn't want any contact, and didn't want us to be friends after everything that we lived. I replied on New Years Eve, and talked my feelings, about this other guy(she dated him on new Years Eve and several days before) i told her that i felt cheated because she told me there was no one ese, and i felt like she hadn't had a hard time with the break up. She didn't replied. I waited until two weeks and message her, even though she is still seeing this guy. No response. I went to her house last Thursday. She didn't open, but her father did. He told me she wasn't ready to talk. I told him what I wanted, i wanted to know if this was her final decision or if is there any hope left. Because i can't stop thinking there is not a chance, but deep inside i know there might be one. Im confused. He told me she hasn't been that good, and that he appreciated that i showed interest in her, that i should give her time. Time is what i don't want to give to this other guy. But i don't know. I talked with her parents that night and they told me that they were going to try to tell her to talk to me. That they didn't know for sure if there might be any hope left or not. And told me that i was a great guy. That i should be strong. They gave me hope. But im not sure.

 

What do you think? During this time I know the possibility of not getting back, and i am seeing a therapist, I know i **** up during my time with her, didn't fully appreciate her but i Changed, and when everything was great she decided to break up. What should I do?? I am not as heartbroken as before, but iknow i can beat this other guy and get her back if she talks to me.

[Seeker12]

Mate honestly, just go full NC, its what helped me, i can say i freaked out personally, even though i had a mutual break up myself, but you have to cut off all dropping her texts expressing your feelings, turning up to her house etc.

 

As SoThatHappened would say, become a ghost, it will aid your recovery, give it time just like her dad say, and by time, we mean a good while, enough for you to recover and see clearly and her too.

[2727]

I just don't want her to date this other guy. I really hope it's a rebound... And I went to her house to see if that's what she really wanted, in order to fully disappear and stop waiting.

[Seeker12]

Dont go to her house, you will look creepy, desperate and everything she doesnt want in a man, you will seriously push her away further than pluto, cut her off asap man.

 

Unfortunately, and i had to learn this too, shes not obliged or committed to you, so whatever she does its her own mature, adult choice, it hurts, its damn painful, but its what shes choosing to do, plus most of the time rebounds dont last.

 

Talk to yourself, this girl, who you love, is choosing another guy over you at the present time, are you seriously going to hang around and let yourself be treated in such a manner?

 

Let her do what she wants, but that also means you should do what you want now, grieve, then snap yourself out of it and go enjoy yourself.

[2727]

That's what I thought. But something tells me she will regret her decision , and that she only wants to fill the gap I left, after all we were together for almost 4 years. How do I know if she misses me or if she doesn't care anymore?

[melonmint57]

Definitely don't go to her house and stalk her. I'm in a similar situation where my ex is in a rebound, I absolutely know where the girl lives because he was cheating in our relationship, but not once did I drive over. It will make you look bad and will only be a disservice to your recovery.

 

I definitely know the feeling of hurt on the inside, but for now surround yourself with family and friends-try to find inner peace.

[Light Breeze]

There is a really big possibility that she broke up with you suddenly because she was getting interested in another guy or at least, wanted to be with anyone else but you.

 

Obviously, I don't know the dynamics of your relationship, but my guess (based on what you wrote) is, that this guy isn't a rebound. I think she was interested in this dude before she even broke up with you hence, not a rebound.

 

Don't do things that will make you look weak, pathetic, clingy, or needy. Those are attraction kilers. If there's a chance that you and her might get back together in the future then you don't want her last memory of you tarnished by being desperate.

 

For now, focus on yourself first.

[2727]

I know it might be like this. But I also know that we share more than they. I know that if she talks to me and if I put some effort, I can make her miss me and realize that our relationship was worth it. I just can't understand why she doesn't miss me...

[Holmes85]

It has been 2 months since my 4 year old gf broke up with me. I want to get her back but Im not sure if it will work. It was so strange. I am 21, she is 20, we met when we were 17. We were each others first gf/bf. When we were dating for 2 years, we had some issues because some guy wanted to date her, i freaked out and lost my trust in her, I started to become more and more indifferent and my gifts to her and the flowers i gave her every month, were gone. Since then things were not ok. So she decided to take a time apart 2 years after things were not perfect, (last september) they were ok. I was not that heartbroken and honestly was a little relieved. During this time, i realized she was the one, probable want to marry her in the future, so i decided to change, i decided to trust in her again, regain my trust and love her as i never did. She agreed, and told me she missed me a lot. And that she wanted to get back. Everything was perfect, we haven't been this happy in a long time, our relationship felt fresh but yet filled with great memories. Suddenly, on November she sent me a message and she told she didn't want anything with me. I was so confused and went to see her that night. We talked and everything was fine again. We went to dinner the next night and it was the happiest dinner of our lives, she looked so happy, and two days later she told me again that she didn't want anything. I assumed her girlfriends had something to do, they don't know me.

 

I was in finals, so we waited for me to finish a tough one. She didn't spoke for at least 3 weeks. I stupidly messaged her without control. Then, by the end of November, she told i limited her and told me she wanted to try new things. She didn't want anything. But she told me there was no one else. We cried a lot, because we were going to be 4 years by the end of the year, and I left, I begged. The next night I discovered your site. Followed your instructions, except on Twitter, I stalked her and we tweeted innuendos for each other. BIG MISTAKE!

 

I didn't message her until i saw she started dating 3 weeks after we broke up. I lost control and thank her of everything. BIG MISTAKE. She started to tweet how she was doing great and stuff. A week later, the day after Christmas, she told me she didn't want any contact, and didn't want us to be friends after everything that we lived. I replied on New Years Eve, and talked my feelings, about this other guy(she dated him on new Years Eve and several days before) i told her that i felt cheated because she told me there was no one ese, and i felt like she hadn't had a hard time with the break up. She didn't replied. I waited until two weeks and message her, even though she is still seeing this guy. No response. I went to her house last Thursday. She didn't open, but her father did. He told me she wasn't ready to talk. I told him what I wanted, i wanted to know if this was her final decision or if is there any hope left. Because i can't stop thinking there is not a chance, but deep inside i know there might be one. Im confused. He told me she hasn't been that good, and that he appreciated that i showed interest in her, that i should give her time. Time is what i don't want to give to this other guy. But i don't know. I talked with her parents that night and they told me that they were going to try to tell her to talk to me. That they didn't know for sure if there might be any hope left or not. And told me that i was a great guy. That i should be strong. They gave me hope. But im not sure.

 

What do you think? During this time I know the possibility of not getting back, and i am seeing a therapist, I know i **** up during my time with her, didn't fully appreciate her but i Changed, and when everything was great she decided to break up. What should I do?? I am not as heartbroken as before, but iknow i can beat this other guy and get her back if she talks to me.

2727,

 

Based on your post above, you have done a lot for this girl, but this girl has done NOTHING for you. She took everything you did for granted and tosses you aside when she "feels" like it. You try to talk her back into things but exploring other guys is on full swing on her mind.

 

You cannot control other's actions but you have full control on yours. By remaining in constant contact with her, you are reminding her that you are at her disposal and she can toy you around as much as she pleases (which lets be honest here, is exactly what's happening right now).

 

If you want results, here is what you need to do, this may sound counter-productive but you need to cut all ties with this girl. If you are worrying that if you don't keep in contact with her, she will forget you, I can assure you 100% that she won't and if you think since you aren't going to contact her she will fall in the arms of someone else, then let me tell you this right now, this is inevitable, she already has someone she's interested in and she is going to puruse it whether you like it or not.

 

You delete her from everywhere, you don't spy on her, you don't keep yourself up-to-date from her life, you don't respond to her breadcrumbs, the more time has passed by the more doubts are going to start to creep in her mind, the honeymoon phase lasts 6 months to year, if you treated her really well and the other guy starts messing up, she will automatically think about you and get in touch with you.

 

During the time apart, I want you to work on yourself. Make yourself better, catch up with your hobbies or revisit old ones. Make an effort to get out of this emotional mess, it's certainly not going to happen if you keep in touch with her. Once you have regained control of your emotions and your life, only then you would be in a better position to make a decision whether you want her back or not.

[2727]

I know, but how do I know that Their relationship won't last?? What if she is really happier? Right know she only thinks of the bad things our relationship had. Instead of the great ones. I really hope we could start from scratch. Her parents gave me hope, they told me I was a great guy, but I don't know what to think. Her "free" attitude is just wrong.

[2727]

I forgot to tell you. I realized I CAN live without her, that I CAN live with myself. I've learnt a lot about myself. The thing is I don't want her to date this guy, and I don't want to throw away this last 4 years... I want to get back with her, I don't need to. I think there is a big difference. And I think our relationship is worth it. Even her mom was about to cry when I told her how I felt and what I wanted, so I suppose it is worth it. However she has to make up her mind.