9 months post break up: motivation for others

[michael-034]

Hello,

I'm posting under a new name, because honestly I forgot all about this website. I'm going to try and make this short because else it's too boring and long to read. So long story short: met a girl when I was 12, ''love at first sight'', was in love with her for 10 years, the first girl I ever loved and the first I kissed, the first in many things etc. You get the picture. We were together when we were 15, then ''lost'' eachother (she screwed me over) then I found her when I needed her when I was 21. Im 23 now. She came out of a break up (terrible idea to date a girl whose coming out of a break up), I loved her and I was there for her, as a friend. We used to talk 8 hours a night for every single day, for literally weeks, reassuring her, comforting her etc. etc. I backed off and she went on a rebound. I got pretty mad over that, telling her that I deserved that I thought I deserved that chance. She broke up with the rebound in about 2 months. I got the chance then. We were together for about 1.5 years, she wanted to live together and get married ASAP, I obviously agreed but asked her if she didnt feel anything for her ex (her first ex so not the rebound) she reassured me a million times that she didnt, she even got mad if I talked about it.. Then she went on a holiday where she ''accidently'' met the fellow.. She lied about it to me, she then used some excuse to break up, reassuring me that it had nothing to do with her ex. Few weeks later turned out that on that holiday she was getting tapped by the guy.. (the signs were there though: she turned off her phone, she was trying to cause fights/arguments to break up etc. etc.).. I was heartbroken, absolutely heartbroken. I felt like dying.. Now about 9 months later, it's been a while and I can honestly say I feel pretty fine about the whole situation., I actually became indifferent toward it. The next step for me personally is to get to a stage where I can forgive that wretched manipulative slimy mother****er. Im actually getting there, I actually hope that I can stop seeing her as this slimy bitch.. maybe a defense mechanism, who knows, who cares.. Point is this:

 

I hope this might help some poor kid who is going to a break up because he's been ****ed/used/ lied to whatever it is.. But realise that the advice most people give you here is just average of law. Usually you're not ''one of those people who had something different'', you've been most likely, simply just ****ed.. by a girl/boy and they are not the same person they were or you thought they were or you wanted them to be.

Take it from me, this is the first girl I loved and I literally thought she was an angel so I was hurting terribly. I didn't got out of bed for a month, I mean we talked literally day and night, if we weren't together we talked on the phone for 8 hours straight... My grades suffered aswell. I would have given my life for her in a heartbeat.. And Im oke now.. You just feel like youve been stabbed. I actually developed an anxiety disorders because of it and it was just ****ed up. The thing is though that if you just try to accept it, and I know it's hard, things do get better. Accepting is hard, I know this. I realise this. I've been there. You fool yourself thinking she still cares, she doesn't. Try to realise though that it is better for you to not contact her because if you do, you'll just stop the process of healing. I promise you, you'll regret it. If she wanted you, she'd contact you. And why do you want to be with some person who cares like.. not.. for you. I contacted her for ****ing 3/4 months after the break up (crazy!). I needed her, or I thought I did. I know it looks bad right now, but I promise you in a few months, it might be 2 months, it might be 7 months, you'll feel better and you're laughing at yourself. Im sorry to tell you this too, but it helped me: we don't have it that bad.. People are dying, getting tortured in warzones or dying out of sheer hunger, their parents killed, their family killed and beheaded.. and we're bitching about some bitch or some boy not wanting us.. I know it's harsh to say this, but I hope you can put things in to perspective if you think this way..

 

I just feel a lot of shame for the way I acted towards her. I should have been gracious and accepted the fact that in life, people leave and we lose people. That's what life is about anyway. It's about letting go, getting and letting go, meeting and letting go. And the more graceful you get in it, the higher you get spiritually. What I'm trying to say is this: if I, a guy who never loved anybody since he was 12, love a girl and think about a girl for 10 years.. every..single..day.. Can get over it, so can you. It just takes time. After the break up I thought my life would never be the same again and that I would become and/or stay this angry, depressed little punk. Things change. I promise you. You just got to keep hanging on. Don't quit and don't give up, its not worth it.. You can get over it, not only you can, but you will.. Take it from me, I climbed out of that ****, if I can do it, anyone can do it..

[erklat]

I as a vet here find your post very comforting.

 

Pity though many will take coach Corey Wayne's advice

over yours because you are spot on.

 

There are not many things on this earth as liberating as

not being able to imagine speaking to her ever again, let

alone loving her.

[michael-034]

I as a vet here find your post very comforting.

 

Pity though many will take coach Corey Wayne's advice

over yours because you are spot on.

 

There are not many things on this earth as liberating as

not being able to imagine speaking to her ever again, let

alone loving her.

 

True man..That's the problem. I mean people realise that it's a very dumb idea to break NC. For example you look at her facebook hoping she broke up, calling her hoping she changed or she isn't the person she is, text her etc. etc. You know it's a ****ing like terribly dumb idea, but it's really like a drug. When I saw her outside or if I gave her a call I got that adrenaline-like rush, it's like a drug addict getting his rush by taking coke or smack or whatever.. So you know that the advice as people like yourself is very good advice, but because of that ''euphoric'' like state when you see her ( even if it is in old pictures or see her old texts), you keep trying to get that rush.. I for example would make up my mind and say: '' never again''.. Then in a weak moment a week or a few days later when I was feeling alone at nights I would call her.. Only to hate myself afterwords.. So again for all the guys going through a breakup: your brain is exploding with oxytocin.. Once that nasty chemical will run out, you'll feelings will go and you'll just see the person for what they really are.. It's not about who they are inside, or who you think they are.. You should judge them by their actions or inactions.. funny though that people (like me) wouldn't take advice, thinking their relationship is ''different'' than others..

[Farid]

Thanx for that buddy.

I needed it.