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Why is it so easy for her


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Dated a girl for 2 and a half years. very serious, lived together did everything together plans for the future everything. One month ago, got in a fight and i said things i didnt mean and she left for a few days then decided she no longer wanted to be in this relationship anymore, no talk in person no accepting apology nothing. Moved back to her state, quit her job and tossed me out of her life and won't talk to me at all. In the beginning i begged and tried to talk but i knew it was pressuring her so I've been in NC for 18 days. Relationship was going great until fight and she really was in love with me and even told me i love you so much in her break up text. Why does it seem like me not being in her life anymore is so easy and its so easy to toss someone as important as i was to her out of her life completely?

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I am 100% confident it has been on her mind for a while. The fight was just the catalyst. Women begin the break up process way before ever letting us men know whats up. Grieving, rationalizing, discussing it with friends and family. Everything. And, most of the time we never see it coming. Many, many threads on here about that... Oh, and that happened to me too =)

Edited by mtnbiker3000
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Yea I've thought about that over and over but we just moved into a new state together with my family and she got a job a month before all this happened to save for our own place so i don't think she would have ended it without me screwing it up. She dumped me but i feel like i broke her heart that made her do it.

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You just think it's easy for her. You have no idea or true facts. She may cry herself to sleep every night or cry in the shower. I did.

 

 

From her perspective the man she loved & shared her life with & planned a future with suddenly & without warning turned into the vile guy who spewed all the stuff you now say you didn't mean. More importantly to be with you she gave up a lot -- changed states etc. She probably ran home to lick her wounds.

 

 

You can't focus on her. You have to deal with your issues & feelings.

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What did you say to her that you did not mean?

 

i said "i want you out of here tomorrow" at the end of an argument. i have a problem when i get worked up i lose control and say things without thinking. as soon as i said it i was apologizing but it didnt matter. I'm working on myself to control it but she doesn't think it won't happen again.

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You just think it's easy for her. You have no idea or true facts. She may cry herself to sleep every night or cry in the shower. I did.

 

 

From her perspective the man she loved & shared her life with & planned a future with suddenly & without warning turned into the vile guy who spewed all the stuff you now say you didn't mean. More importantly to be with you she gave up a lot -- changed states etc. She probably ran home to lick her wounds.

 

 

You can't focus on her. You have to deal with your issues & feelings.

 

i told her i didnt mean it the second i said it. i am working on myself cause i don't want to ruin things when its not even my true feelings. Do i have a chance at her forgiving me?

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What matters most is how you feel and how you want to live your life.

 

I think you're still in the 'shock' phase, and feeling confused and perplexed, but that will pass, and you'll find your point of equilibrium.

 

Spend your time doing things that make you feel good in a healthy way.

 

Notice your good qualities, and what you contribute to the people in your life.

 

This breakup is testing you, but it won't break you.

 

It will make you wiser and stronger.

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What matters most is how you feel and how you want to live your life.

 

I think you're still in the 'shock' phase, and feeling confused and perplexed, but that will pass, and you'll find your point of equilibrium.

 

Spend your time doing things that make you feel good in a healthy way.

 

Notice your good qualities, and what you contribute to the people in your life.

 

This breakup is testing you, but it won't break you.

 

It will make you wiser and stronger.

 

I keep telling myself and believe it will make me stronger. Just wished i changed sooner before losing the love of my life.

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i told her i didnt mean it the second i said it. i am working on myself cause i don't want to ruin things when its not even my true feelings. Do i have a chance at her forgiving me?

 

There is a chance, but don't focus on that.

 

Focus on yourself and become the best you can be.

 

This time alone is very valuable. It's an opportunity.

 

Whether with her, or without her, you can make real progress.

 

You know that.

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Im not worthy of her anymore. I know she dumped me but i broke her heart and let her down when she gave everything into the relationship. i don't think she will be able to forgive me breaking her heart

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I'm telling you, she had these thoughts and feelings before you said word one. It's human nature to blame yourself entirely for losing a SO. But, really, it's not all your fault. Sure, maybe what you said hurt her, but it wasn't what made her leave. I promise you that.

 

It's great you want to work on yourself, as that is the best thing you can do at this point. But don't beat yourself up too bad. You're not a bad person!! You didn't single-handedly destroy this RS. She absolutely played a part in it too!! Again. I know this from personal experience and feeling very similar to how you feel now. That was almost 2 years ago :)

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Was it the first time that you told her something you didn't mean? Or was the "pack up your stuff and get out" a regular thing during your fights?

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i told her i didnt mean it the second i said it. i am working on myself cause i don't want to ruin things when its not even my true feelings. Do i have a chance at her forgiving me?

 

 

I don't know. If there's any hope the grand gesture is required. Get yourself to where ever she is now & apologize on bended knee with flowers.

 

 

It might not work but at least you will have tried, once.

 

 

If that doesn't work, the begging & pleading will serve no purpose. Walk away.

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I don't know. If there's any hope the grand gesture is required. Get yourself to where ever she is now & apologize on bended knee with flowers.

 

Please DO NOT do this. You will look foolish, needy, clingy and lose all self respect and dignity. Again, she is already done. Its been a while in the works. Most women think it through very carefully before saying anything about breaking up. It is not a spur of the moment decision fuelled by emotions. That's what us men do. Not women!!

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Some women do run away with the idea that they want the men to chase them. I don't know her so I can't say if she is doing this.

 

 

Also, we regret more in life the things we don't do then those we do. Yes, there is a good chance the grand gesture won't work but if you try & fail, at least you took a shot. If you do nothing & just assume she knew what she was doing, you will spend your whole life wondering what if?

 

 

I will tell you that when I finally pulled the trigger on 2 long term relationships, I was DONE. Both of those men came at me with the Grand Gesture. With the 1st I knew logically that we were bad for each other long term. With the 2nd I was so angry & hurt that the gesture had no ability to reach my heart. Knowing the men as I do, I know that their one last ditch effort gave them long term peace. I also did not think either was weak or sniveling. Had they come back & back again after I made it clear the 2nd time that I was done, I may have lost respect for them but I would never harshly judge somebody for taking their last best shot.

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Dated a girl for 2 and a half years. very serious, lived together did everything together plans for the future everything. One month ago, got in a fight and i said things i didnt mean and she left for a few days then decided she no longer wanted to be in this relationship anymore, no talk in person no accepting apology nothing. Moved back to her state, quit her job and tossed me out of her life and won't talk to me at all. In the beginning i begged and tried to talk but i knew it was pressuring her so I've been in NC for 18 days. Relationship was going great until fight and she really was in love with me and even told me i love you so much in her break up text. Why does it seem like me not being in her life anymore is so easy and its so easy to toss someone as important as i was to her out of her life completely?

 

From what you're saying mate, it would appear she has emotionally checked out.

 

When a girl emotionally checks out it's normally terminal for the relationship.

 

All you can do is cut contact and go on with your life. I know that is not what you want to hear but it is all you can do right now.

 

Sorry for your pain and i really hope you feel better soon.

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marcelo.santos

Keep the good job: Continue NC.

 

I dont know why you think it is being easy for her, but probably you are wrong: Is very hard to forget someone you have been so long.

 

If she do not contacts you, this means that she do not deserves you.

 

If she contacts you, this do not means she wants you back.. so keep this in mind.

 

keep moving on my friend.

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Hi there,

 

I'm reading this and wishing it was my ex who was writing it. I just broke up with what I thought was the love of my life after 2.5 years. We lived together, were accepted into each other's families, and planned on spending our life together. Granted, it began in college (he just graduated a year ago, and I have 3 months left). I broke up with him instantly when I found out information from co-workers about his night life. It was the icing on the cake after feeling like our relationship was suffering because of his drinking.

 

ANYWAY.

 

I called him, he asked if I was breaking up with him and I said yes. Never heard from him again. I was empowered at first, and then I wondered why I had never heard from him. Did our relationship mean anything to him? I wanted him to apologize, get his **** together and come back to me better.

 

Maybe that's what your ex wants. I wanted him to come back better and say he couldn't be without me any longer.

 

It's been about a month now since we broke up. I did eventually get a closure email from him. He basically said he would never regret the time we had together and I should contact him when we feel like we both have time. I still cannot believe that he didn't try to fight for me...he said his biggest fear in life was losing me. And I did nothing wrong.

 

I really really feel for you. I would love to talk more with you because I feel like we are in identical situations. We could learn from each other and be there for support. But please know, this was not easy on her. I am feeling the loss everyday.

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Hi there,

 

I'm reading this and wishing it was my ex who was writing it. I just broke up with what I thought was the love of my life after 2.5 years. We lived together, were accepted into each other's families, and planned on spending our life together. Granted, it began in college (he just graduated a year ago, and I have 3 months left). I broke up with him instantly when I found out information from co-workers about his night life. It was the icing on the cake after feeling like our relationship was suffering because of his drinking.

 

ANYWAY.

 

I called him, he asked if I was breaking up with him and I said yes. Never heard from him again. I was empowered at first, and then I wondered why I had never heard from him. Did our relationship mean anything to him? I wanted him to apologize, get his **** together and come back to me better.

 

Maybe that's what your ex wants. I wanted him to come back better and say he couldn't be without me any longer.

 

It's been about a month now since we broke up. I did eventually get a closure email from him. He basically said he would never regret the time we had together and I should contact him when we feel like we both have time. I still cannot believe that he didn't try to fight for me...he said his biggest fear in life was losing me. And I did nothing wrong.

 

I really really feel for you. I would love to talk more with you because I feel like we are in identical situations. We could learn from each other and be there for support. But please know, this was not easy on her. I am feeling the loss everyday.

It's fine, you made the best decision for your own life, but if you don't want to put up with him at his worst, don't be surprised if he thinks you don't deserve him at his best.

 

You rejected him, and now you wonder why he didn't fight for you. That's a bit selfish don't you think? After all, you didn't either.

Edited by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Wording ~T
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I didn't fight for him because I found out he was with all these girls at a bar, and I'll spare you the details. I didn't fight for him because he drunk texted his ex-gf with texts that people said made him a "scumbag." The person I love would never do this while sober. I've also stood by him when he was suspended for 2 semesters in college because of decisions he made while drinking. So I was always there for him, good or bad. But when he decided to no longer care about our relationship while drunk, then I had to walk away. So I don't think I'm being selfish. Can you really say that without walking in my shoes?

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Hi there,

 

I'm reading this and wishing it was my ex who was writing it. I just broke up with what I thought was the love of my life after 2.5 years. We lived together, were accepted into each other's families, and planned on spending our life together. Granted, it began in college (he just graduated a year ago, and I have 3 months left). I broke up with him instantly when I found out information from co-workers about his night life. It was the icing on the cake after feeling like our relationship was suffering because of his drinking.

 

ANYWAY.

 

I called him, he asked if I was breaking up with him and I said yes. Never heard from him again. I was empowered at first, and then I wondered why I had never heard from him. Did our relationship mean anything to him? I wanted him to apologize, get his **** together and come back to me better.

 

Maybe that's what your ex wants. I wanted him to come back better and say he couldn't be without me any longer.

 

It's been about a month now since we broke up. I did eventually get a closure email from him. He basically said he would never regret the time we had together and I should contact him when we feel like we both have time. I still cannot believe that he didn't try to fight for me...he said his biggest fear in life was losing me. And I did nothing wrong.

 

I really really feel for you. I would love to talk more with you because I feel like we are in identical situations. We could learn from each other and be there for support. But please know, this was not easy on her. I am feeling the loss everyday.

 

I tried to fight for her but she doesn't want to hear it, she won't speak to me. i would do anything to get help to not hurt her again but she won't listen.

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I didn't fight for him because I found out he was with all these girls at a bar, and I'll spare you the details. I didn't fight for him because he drunk texted his ex-gf with texts that people said made him a "scumbag." The person I love would never do this while sober. I've also stood by him when he was suspended for 2 semesters in college because of decisions he made while drinking. So I was always there for him, good or bad. But when he decided to no longer care about our relationship while drunk, then I had to walk away. So I don't think I'm being selfish. Can you really say that without walking in my shoes?

Oh, but I'm not saying you didn't have reasons to walk away. That's not what I'm saying. Nobody should should tolerate abusive relationships. You could have been Mother Theresa, and him, Hitler. It doesn't change a thing. You called it quits, and now you're sad he didn't chase you. That IS selfish.

 

And the reason people are able to give great advices sometimes is exactly because they didn't walk in your shoes. They come from another set of experience, and have a new angle on the issue. Don't resort to that excuse, because if you only look for answers from always the same way of thinking, you'll always receive the same kind of answers.

 

You don't figure out a solution to a problem by thinking the same way you did when you created it.

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