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About a month ago i was dumped by my girlfriend after a 2 and a half year relationship. the relationship was great all the way until the last day (there were no underlying signs she was thinking about doing it before). She was everything to me and she truly loved me too and we had so many plans for the future, our relationship wasn't getting stale and we literally spent every second together and didn't annoy each other or want to be apart. it was almost like a 2 and half year honeymoon period. She always told me i was the best thing thats ever happened to her and i treated her great, did everything i could for her and put my all into making her happy. We had a fight over something small that escalated quickly (my fault) and ended with me saying hurtful things that i didnt mean. She took it to heart and it really got to her so she packed her stuff and left that night and a few days later decided she was done, no talk in person or anything. the problem is I've said things similar before and she doesn't think i won't do it again she said its been 2 years your not going to change. She said i love you so much but i need to make myself happy and find myself again and i know its going to hurt you but i have to do whats best for me i don't want to be in this relationship anymore. it hurts so bad to know i hurt the one i loved the most in this world and that loved me so much, that i could push away someone that thought the world of me. When she broke it off i did everything you shouldn't do and begged and kept texting her trying to talk and she just seemed angry and unfazed. she came and got her stuff when i was working and left her phone (phone was on my plan). I went to her work a week after the break up and gave her a note (all the reasons i love her etc.) to try to remind her of my good qualities but i could tell she didnt care. A few days later i messaged her and asked if she was willing to talk and after a few please please messages she responded and said chill ill talk when I'm ready. thats the last time i talked and have been going NC ever since, 17 days in. i don't know what to do, i want to fight for this but she won't even talk to listen what i have to say or that I'm doing everything i can think of to change and getting help. i don't want to let her just walk out of my life but theres not much i can do at this point but i really think it can be salvaged if we worked on things and if she tried to forgive me. 2 and a half years with someone and all of a sudden it seems so easy for her to completely cut me out of her life like I'm nothing.

Edited by Three1
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i want to fight for this but she won't even talk to listen what i have to say or that I'm doing everything i can think of to change and getting help. i don't want to let her just walk out of my life but theres not much i can do at this point.

 

Do not contact her. She will feel that you are applying pressure if you do.

 

Let her contact you if she wants to.

 

In the meantime, focus on your own wellbeing.

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after a certain amount of time should i reach out to see if she's cooled off/ready? or still just let her contact me

 

Don't initiate anything - she will feel it as you applying pressure.

 

She has already made this plain to you...

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i don't know what to do

 

I'll tell you what to do. Go work on whatever it is about yourself that makes you do the crap you do. Don't contact her until you figure it out, and I mean that you understand it, not that you promise to never be that way again.

 

If you are to have a serious conversation about trying again, she's going to want to hear about some serious progress. Otherwise, you're the same guy she's come to not want to be with.

 

And if it doesn't work out with her, you don't want to be that guy for the next one.

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questionsforthenouns

If I might ask, what was the stuff that you were doing that made her so upset? Just asking because it might help us further understand what happened and what you need to do to recover from all this

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A few things for you:

 

First: Absolutely no letters or begging from here on out. It demonstrates low value to her, even if you are high value.

 

Second: "2 and a half years and she doesn't care." Women have zero concept of time, so try your best to not let this bother you. Girls go off of how they are feeling, not the logical passage of memories and experiences.

 

Third: Do you have any social media you know she checks?

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If I might ask, what was the stuff that you were doing that made her so upset? Just asking because it might help us further understand what happened and what you need to do to recover from all this

 

Got into an argument (no shouting or anything) and ended it by saying things i didnt mean out the heat of the moment. I've apologized a lot but she won't even talk in person to hear me out.

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evanescentworld
First: Absolutely no letters or begging from here on out. It demonstrates low value to her, even if you are high value.

Completely agree.

 

Second: "2 and a half years and she doesn't care." Women have zero concept of time, so try your best to not let this bother you. Girls go off of how they are feeling, not the logical passage of memories and experiences.

Totally disagree.

Can we not generalise, please?

"I have experienced some women who..." is more accurate than 'Women... Girls....'

 

And why use both terms? 'Women' is more respectful, rather than 'girls', which insinuates that you believe we're all silly fillies with an inadequate mental capacity to deal with relationships in a mature way.

 

I never refer to 'men' as 'boys'. It's condescending, among other things.

 

Unless of course, it's patently obvious that that is precisely what they are.

 

Thanks. :)

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evanescentworld

(Just realised we've 'met' in another thread...! :o:D )

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Also, being away I've noticed some issues she could have had with me that i was blind to in the relationship. she never communicated them to me but i can figure out some stuff i can improve on. if any of these thing went into her decision it sucks because i know its stuff i could have worked on before and i know its stuff i can fix but she won't even give me chance to hear me out.

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Also, being away I've noticed some issues she could have had with me that i was blind to in the relationship. she never communicated them to me but i can figure out some stuff i can improve on. if any of these thing went into her decision it sucks because i know its stuff i could have worked on before and i know its stuff i can fix but she won't even give me chance to hear me out.

 

Communication can't be one-sided though, so if she never conveyed her thoughts to you on certain things, that's on her. If she doesn't give you a chance, also on her. You can at least say you tried.

 

The thing is, you can't force things. If you're going against the tide, you're just going to get hurt. Best thing is to back off when you're unwanted. It will bring clarity to both of you.

 

Ever notice how things seem to fall into place when you just go with the flow?

 

That's not to say that your efforts to make amends wasn't right. You did the right thing. Yet, she's not having it for whatever reason, so I guess that's your cue to put the tug-o-war rope down on the ground and walk away.

 

It ain't worth it to keep pulling that rope, buddy. You're just gonna fall flat on your bum because she's not there on the other side pulling anymore.

 

I would put the focus on you for now and watch what happens.

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evanescentworld
Also, being away I've noticed some issues she could have had with me that i was blind to in the relationship. she never communicated them to me but i can figure out some stuff i can improve on. if any of these thing went into her decision it sucks because i know its stuff i could have worked on before and i know its stuff i can fix but she won't even give me chance to hear me out.

 

 

THis happens time and time and time again, and I have lost count of these kinds of posts.

 

Guys always see, or agree with, issues they should have, could have worked on, but either were aware of them, and didn't, or it WAS communicated, but they didn't listen.

 

After a while, the woman, after trying to put up with it/tolerate it/discuss it tactfully/point it out forcefully/keep going on about it (take your pick) finally gives up on all that effort, and throws in the towel and really cannot summon up any further will-power or energy to keep going - and sadly, only then does the guy protest "But I can change, look! I promise!"

 

Too little too late.

Lack of evidence and too much 'I no longer give a F*ck'....

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evanescentworld

Started watching, but felt like slashing my wrists by line three, so stopped.

 

Nice lighting though.... :D

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idk it hurts after 2 and a half years her loving me and saying i was the best thing that ever happened to her for her to move on this quick, doesn't seem to be affecting her at all.

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marcelo.santos

No matter how much it take - never! I said never! contact her again - cut any social media connection too.

 

If she contacts you, this do not means that she wants you back - just answer her questions, do not talk about the past - do not say "oh please come back" - now your only hope is the change her mid completely.

 

move on! Time is your only friend now.

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No matter how much it take - never! I said never! contact her again - cut any social media connection too.

 

If she contacts you, this do not means that she wants you back - just answer her questions, do not talk about the past - do not say "oh please come back" - now your only hope is the change her mid completely.

 

move on! Time is your only friend now.

 

why is time my friend

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THis happens time and time and time again, and I have lost count of these kinds of posts.

 

Guys always see, or agree with, issues they should have, could have worked on, but either were aware of them, and didn't, or it WAS communicated, but they didn't listen.

 

After a while, the woman, after trying to put up with it/tolerate it/discuss it tactfully/point it out forcefully/keep going on about it (take your pick) finally gives up on all that effort, and throws in the towel and really cannot summon up any further will-power or energy to keep going - and sadly, only then does the guy protest "But I can change, look! I promise!"

 

Too little too late.

Lack of evidence and too much 'I no longer give a F*ck'....

 

 

I respectfully disagree with this.

 

Believe it or not there are alot of women who don't or won't speak up about issues that they have about a relationship. Many women,yes, are very vocal and they give voice to their cocerns. But as I stated, there are some who don't.

 

I learned this the hard way. I sensed that things weren't quite right and had many, many times asked what was going on or if she had something on her mind. Each and everytime I was told that it was just something else unrelated to us on her mind or told that everything was good. She had many oppurtunities to speak her mind as I had asked a good number of times and tried 3 times to have a heart-to-heart talk about things.

 

I think some women are just afraid to "rock the boat" and so they stay silent or at least until someone else enters the picture.

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My ex did the same thing.I could tell something was wrong but every time I asked she would forcefully say nothings wrong and to drop it. I would have loved to have known what bothered her

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Tell you one thing I noticed. Your not perfect, but then she isn't either. Right now your ready to erect a alter and place her on it and that's a mistake.

 

You can't tell me that she doesn't have faults and does things that get under your skin and yet you didn't throw in the towel on her. There's more going on here that you don't know about. My advice is let her go and when she's ready to talk then hash it out but don't let her use you for her whipping boy.

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