Regretsandpromises Posted January 31, 2015 Share Posted January 31, 2015 Well I broke up with my girlfriend of 2 years because I was jealous even though I never had a reason to be. I told her the same day that I was just hot headed and apologized for doing it. She said that she was tired of this unsure relationship and has given everything to make me happy and she can't do it anymore. I did the worst thing and when she asked for space I bothered her for a week with sorries, until we finally said we both agreed this was the best thing to do. Now in 4 days its 3 weeks no contact and I want to see how she is doing and if there can be any room for a more healthy relationship one day. I spend everyday just improving my life and not being needy/jealous by being happy with being alone. I plan to send her a short nice text about a painting she had made me and to see how shes doing. Perhaps if I can show her why she loved me and that I have worked on my neediness....we could see if we work or not. Anyways any advice I really do think shes a great lady and want to at least give it my best shot. Link to post Share on other sites
Kinetica84 Posted January 31, 2015 Share Posted January 31, 2015 Well I broke up with my girlfriend of 2 years because I was jealous even though I never had a reason to be. I told her the same day that I was just hot headed and apologized for doing it. She said that she was tired of this unsure relationship and has given everything to make me happy and she can't do it anymore. I did the worst thing and when she asked for space I bothered her for a week with sorries, until we finally said we both agreed this was the best thing to do. Now in 4 days its 3 weeks no contact and I want to see how she is doing and if there can be any room for a more healthy relationship one day. I spend everyday just improving my life and not being needy/jealous by being happy with being alone. I plan to send her a short nice text about a painting she had made me and to see how shes doing. Perhaps if I can show her why she loved me and that I have worked on my neediness....we could see if we work or not. Anyways any advice I really do think shes a great lady and want to at least give it my best shot. It's tough to advise you on this. No offence but you say you're working on your neediness and reading between the lines in your post I don't think you have addressed that. I would give yourself a few more weeks so you can work out what you really want as right now you don't sound too sure. Always, no contact should never be used as a tool to get someone back, despite what the so called experts say. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted January 31, 2015 Share Posted January 31, 2015 I spend everyday just improving my life and not being needy/jealous by being happy with being alone. No you don't. You spend every day trying to morph into a version of you that you think she might like to be with. I plan to send her a short nice text about a painting she had made me and to see how shes doing. Perhaps if I can show her why she loved me and that I have worked on my neediness....we could see if we work or not. Anyways any advice I really do think shes a great lady and want to at least give it my best shot. Don't send her that short needy text, because it's needy. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted January 31, 2015 Share Posted January 31, 2015 You completely misunderstand NC. It's forever. You never go out of your way to communicate with the person, again, ever Your jealousy drove her away. You haven't fixed your issue in 3 lousy weeks so do her a huge favor & leave her be. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Hija77 Posted January 31, 2015 Share Posted January 31, 2015 I know it sucks to hear, but don't contact her. If she ignores you, that 3 week cushion you have goes right down the drain. If she responds and you don't like what she says, it's the same deal. Is it that you're scared she'll move on if she doesn't hear from you? If a few weeks is all it takes, she wasn't the girl for you anyway. The first time I got this advice, I was shocked, but now I'm passing it on: pretend she died. THAT'S how much contact you should have with her. Zero. 3 weeks isn't enough time to change your mindset. Leave her alone or she'll think you're desperate. Not a good look. It will get better. That's where you put your faith. NOT in her. NOT in getting back together. Have faith that you can move on and be happy again. It will happen. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
smellysocksuni Posted January 31, 2015 Share Posted January 31, 2015 Just don't bother. Move on. I wish I could take my advice, but if I can't do it I would want someone else to at least try. It's not worth it, man. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Cedar27 Posted January 31, 2015 Share Posted January 31, 2015 (edited) Give it a few more weeks. She might even reach out to you the longer you go. As for "no contact", some people here view it as an absolute-forever-never speak to your ex again-type of thing. That's their definition of it, so it's a little bit different than yours. For many people on this site who practice NC, the relationship is over for them, they don't want their ex back, and they need to use no contact for their own self healing. It sounds like you would like another chance with your ex, as many of us do. "Temporary no contact" is really what you need to practice. Because after a break up there needs to be a cooling off period. Negative emotions and feelings are raw, and time apart is usually a good thing. I'd say give it a few more weeks, and when you reach out to her eventually DO NOT BRING UP THE BREAK UP/RELATIONSHIP. I repeat, don't even mention it. Don't overdo it with how much you are improving yourself, but don't leave it out. Do a lot of listening, and give feedback to her. Be confident, but real. Don't be a fake happy and joyful overly optimistic idiot. Just be yourself, but improved, positive, and casual. Make sure you are improving yourself because you learned something from the relationship and not just because you want her back. She'll be able to see the difference. You may eventually realize with limited contact that she is warming up to you, or really wants nothing to do with you. By choosing to contact her again, you are opening yourself up to the possibility of getting hurt all over again. Are you prepared? For some, this possibility is entirely worth it. Is it to you? FYI, calling her and seeing if a relationship is possible in the future IS needy. If you are ever going to reach out to her again, it needs to be in a super casual way. Not the whole "insert random question you got from a text-your-ex back site, then proceed with 'how ya doing' and end with 'wanna get back with me'?. If reconciliation is possible, it needs to happen organically. Which will take a bit of time. Edited January 31, 2015 by Cedar27 Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted January 31, 2015 Share Posted January 31, 2015 If you are asking what to text to cook up a strategy, then it's nowhere near the time to break No Contact. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Farid Posted January 31, 2015 Share Posted January 31, 2015 Protect yourself FIRST. I mean, Do Not Contact Her until you are ready to see her happy in anther guys arms. Because chances are: she is, or soon will be. I'm sorry brother, we are trying to protect you. Yea, I know it's ironic. Why would you contact her if you really got over her right? The truth is, if you contact her before that, whatever you build up in your life, will come crumbling down if you see your worst nightmare come true. For example I did my due: I told her one last time that she was my dream girl, the love of my life, my most precious. When I saw her indifference, I just walked out of her life. Your love is worth something. Give it to a girl who will appreciate it! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
myheartaches Posted January 31, 2015 Share Posted January 31, 2015 I sorry. Please don't contact her. It's very needy when you constantly are the one texting first. You are doing soooooo well on NC. I am so very proud of you with how long it's been!! So keep up the work! Keep working on yourself :) 1 Link to post Share on other sites
marcelo.santos Posted February 1, 2015 Share Posted February 1, 2015 do not contact her - you already said you are sorry. If she havent contacted you after 3 weeks this is a signal that she is trying to move on - if you try to contact her this will not help you. sorry bro... move on.. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
erklat Posted February 1, 2015 Share Posted February 1, 2015 There is no time to break no contact. Drop the advice from Corey Wayne and other gurus, it's useless. No contact goes as long as if the other person were dead. Just she is not dead. She deliberately abandoned you. Plotting how to contact her is neediness and clinginess lvl over 9000. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
stellamaria Posted February 1, 2015 Share Posted February 1, 2015 I agree with those that are saying not to contact. If she wants you back, she will contact you. She already knows your feelings. I'm sorry though, I know it hurts. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
michael-034 Posted February 1, 2015 Share Posted February 1, 2015 Let me tell you this, because i've been there, you sound extremely needy.. Just saying you've changed, doesn't mean you have. 3 weeks is aboslutely nothing to change. Absolutely nothing.. Don't do it man, just let it be.. go NC and i promise you if you really changed, you won't even contact her again.. you'll just let it be.. you still sound very,very needy.. and you probably (like I) don't realise this because you're in love.. it will pass 2 Link to post Share on other sites
banana1522 Posted March 5, 2015 Share Posted March 5, 2015 There is no time to break no contact. Drop the advice from Corey Wayne and other gurus, it's useless. No contact goes as long as if the other person were dead. Just she is not dead. She deliberately abandoned you. Plotting how to contact her is neediness and clinginess lvl over 9000. Corey Wayne actually has very good, logical advice. I recommend that the men here check his videos you YT. He never says anything about breaking NC. In fact one of my favourite quotes of his is, if she broke up with you "walk and never look back." What you do if she contacts you however is quite different to what most people would suggest on this site. Link to post Share on other sites
Jonp219 Posted March 5, 2015 Share Posted March 5, 2015 I should be the last one to tell you this but don't do it man. 3 weeks ain't nothing work on yourself and give it time. If you feel the need to contact her in the future there's nothing wrong with that. I've seen dumpees put previous relationships back together, it can happen. If you feel she is the one, then you should hit her up once you get your life together. You may never experience a relationship as good as this one, some people here don't understand that. I might get some heat for saying that but I don't care. Link to post Share on other sites
Jonp219 Posted March 5, 2015 Share Posted March 5, 2015 If you are asking what to text to cook up a strategy, then it's nowhere near the time to break No Contact. Simon based on the stuff I've seen you write it seems like you're one the only people here who doesn't believe in forever-NC. When would you suggest it is time for someone to break NC? Link to post Share on other sites
Mi7522 Posted March 6, 2015 Share Posted March 6, 2015 Simon based on the stuff I've seen you write it seems like you're one the only people here who doesn't believe in forever-NC. When would you suggest it is time for someone to break NC? When you are indifferent to her, that way you won't care what type of response you get if you get a response at all 1 Link to post Share on other sites
mightycpa Posted March 6, 2015 Share Posted March 6, 2015 When you are indifferent to her, that way you won't care what type of response you get if you get a response at allAnd when really you get there, you won't feel like you have a reason to bother with that. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted March 6, 2015 Share Posted March 6, 2015 When you are indifferent to her, that way you won't care what type of response you get if you get a response at all And when really you get there, you won't feel like you have a reason to bother with that. Both of these hit the nail on the head. Link to post Share on other sites
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