It just fizzled out I guess..

[GettingOnWithThings]

Hi Guys,

Firstly my apologies for the long post - I just need to vent.

I met an amazing girl from a different country about 5 months back, she had travelled to my country for a week for work. Met her at a bar, and what started out as a one night affair ended up with us spending her remaining 4 days together. I dropped her to the airport and immediately made plans to see her again.

Luckily for me, I was attending a wedding in the US a few months later, and seeing as we had kept in touch, I invited her along.

We had a fantastic two weeks together and agreed that I should come over again as soon as possible. So I booked my tickets for December, all the while Skyping every day.

The week before I was due to fly out, I sensed a change - she was less responsive and to be honest it made me a little insecure.

Nevertheless, I flew over. Firstly she was late in picking me up, suggesting that I get a cab out to her place, when she eventually picked me up, I'm afraid that I was in a bit of a sulky mood, which set the tone for the trip.

She wasn't as physically close to me as before, and seemed distant, which made me act distant.

After I left, I was in a pretty bad place - we had spoken every day for 4 months at this stage, and I enjoyed having her as part of my life.

We spoke about things after I came home and she told me that she didn't feel an attraction towards me when I was over there, she was also on her phone in front of me quite a bit and would bring it to the bathroom etc.

To cut a long story short, she was still speaking to me daily up to Christmas, when eventually things came to a head. We had a chat about everything and agreed that while the previous trip was bad, the first two 'dates' were wonderful and it was worth giving it another shot. As she had recently started a new job, she had no leave to take to fly over, so I went over to see her (I'm just back). This trip there was no spark whatsoever, I'd try to kiss her and she'd pull away. On my last night, while lying in bed, she asked me if I'd brought a book to read, as she was going to sleep in the following morning! I simply told her that if she didn't want to do anything with me, all she had to do was say. She stopped silent, turned her back and went to sleep.

The following morning, I asked her if she'd prefer to call it a day, she said yes. Seeing as we had a few hours to kill before I was due to fly out, we went for a walk, whereby she ripped me to shreds. She told me that

I wasn't tall enough

She couldn't trust me to lift her up and make her feel like a real woman

I looked good in pictures, but it was different in the flesh

I was too shocked to say anything, so I just left.

 

I haven't spoken to get since, and reading back what I've written, I know I shouldn't, but I really liked the girl. Having her day those things has left me in pieces, and I don't know why she did.

 

I thought you guys might be able to help me move on.

[Zahara]

OP, these long distance courtships are hard to maintain.

 

She didn't see that you weren't tall enough or able to lift her when she met you the first time? She pulled those asinine reasons out of her butt to 1) relieve her guilt 2) blame you for it not working out.

 

She probably met someone, lost interest, got caught up too fast too soon, etc. Who knows. What's good is that you didn't invest time, money and deep emotions into this.

[todreaminblue]

wow...harsh......

 

for starters if you need a guy to be able to pick you up to feel like a woman......thats a personal problem in your own security.......the fact was she wasnt attracted to you and should have not ripped you to shreds.But honest and disrespectful....sounds like she has social issues....an inability to relate to others or a lack of compassion and understanding on how others feel....thats not on you you know......for whatever reason she wasnt attracted to you....i feel she had a really stuffed up way of dealing with it......i cant fix that.....i can tell you that she seems to have more problems than you to deal with...you will get over this and move on......and know your height and whther you can pick up a woman and hold her over your head doesnt count in the real world of womenness

 

you will find th ewoman who makes you feel manly.....and strong .....and the woman who wants you to feel manly and strong.....and in a way you are blessed that this relationship fizzled early rather than later....so you can find that woman...with less issues....and with more womanly traits and personal and intimate interaction savvy......smilin.....just take the time to heal.....and next time....take it slower...not so full on .....be more relaxed......good luck....deb

[GettingOnWithThings]

Thanks for your kind words guys. I was disappointed in myself that I didn't react but now I'm glad. After she said those things, we said our goodbyes at the airport and she burst into tears. I gave her one last kiss, the sent her a message as I was boarding thanking her for everything. The I told her that I was going offline for a while and blocked her on all media. I don't expect to contact her again.

I think I kept my dignity at least..even if I am too short

You guys were right about moving too fast - we both got caught up in it I guess.

In any case, just those 2 replies have made me feel a little happier

[Satu]

Thanks for your kind words guys. I was disappointed in myself that I didn't react but now I'm glad. After she said those things, we said our goodbyes at the airport and she burst into tears. I gave her one last kiss, the sent her a message as I was boarding thanking her for everything. The I told her that I was going offline for a while and blocked her on all media. I don't expect to contact her again.

I think I kept my dignity at least..even if I am too short

You guys were right about moving too fast - we both got caught up in it I guess.

In any case, just those 2 replies have made me feel a little happier

 

Your good character stands out a mile.

 

You will make the right person very happy.

[Zahara]

Thanks for your kind words guys. I was disappointed in myself that I didn't react but now I'm glad. After she said those things, we said our goodbyes at the airport and she burst into tears. I gave her one last kiss, the sent her a message as I was boarding thanking her for everything. The I told her that I was going offline for a while and blocked her on all media. I don't expect to contact her again.

I think I kept my dignity at least..even if I am too short

You guys were right about moving too fast - we both got caught up in it I guess.

In any case, just those 2 replies have made me feel a little happier

 

You handled yourself exceptionally well. With class and dignity.

 

Short? The one man than swept me off my feet and still stays in my heart to this day was much shorter than me!

 

I'm sure you stand tall in character.

 

Chin up! You're going to get through this soon.

[SoThatHappened]

The week before I was due to fly out, I sensed a change - she was less responsive and to be honest it made me a little insecure.

She wasn't as physically close to me as before, and seemed distant

I'd try to kiss her and she'd pull away. On my last night, while lying in bed, she asked me if I'd brought a book to read, as she was going to sleep in the following morning! I simply told her that if she didn't want to do anything with me, all she had to do was say. She stopped silent, turned her back and went to sleep.

we went for a walk, whereby she ripped me to shreds. She told me that I wasn't tall enough She couldn't trust me to lift her up and make her feel like a real woman

Man, I could write a book on this stuff after experiencing it first-hand and reading so many similar stories on this site.

 

It's gonna sting, but there's a 99.999% chance she met someone else.

 

All the sh!* she was doing was trying to find a "reason" to get rid of you. Saying you're not tall enough, ripping you to shreds for no reason, pulling away, acting distant... all textbook for her trying to justify breaking up with you to jump on someone else's d!ck.

 

Been there, experienced that, over it. You are SO much better off, man.

 

Absolute 100% no contact whatsoever for you. Block and delete every possible form of communication/social media/etc.

 

Trust me. This will go away. It just sucks right now.

[GettingOnWithThings]

It's great to see all of your different points of view. She probably did meet someone else. The change in behaviour, the texting, the coldness, who knows.

It hurts that I wasn't enough for her, then again I live in a different country so it was bound to happen I guess.

I just want to move on from this, she ruined all of the good memories with how she behaved and the things she said to me, in the long run that's probably a good thing.

It's a shame because the first few months were truly amazing.

In any case, thank you guys for listening.

[SoThatHappened]

I know how you feel, but remember this:

 

She couldn't find a good reason to breakup with you. That's why she did the crap she did. Feel good knowing the breakup wasn't because of you. You have nothing to regret.

 

She will regret hurting you once her new relationship fails.

[GettingOnWithThings]

Thanks man, I really appreciate that.

It's tough, I miss her despite all that nonsense, but you guys are getting me through the night.

[Zahara]

Thanks man, I really appreciate that.

It's tough, I miss her despite all that nonsense, but you guys are getting me through the night.

 

It's normal to miss her. You created an attachment to her. Just as you built it, you'll disassemble it in time. It won't always feel this way. Be gentle on yourself and don't for one second invalidate who you are because of what she said.

[GettingOnWithThings]

Thanks again guys. I won't lie, today's a tough day. Wondering what she's doing for the weekend, who she's seeing etc. I'll try to put it out of my mind.