Arabella10 Posted January 28, 2015 Share Posted January 28, 2015 My sort of ex-boyfriend and I are both 20 year old sophomores in college. All throughout freshman year last year, we had a constant thing. We made out a lot and knew we liked each other. However, I was too scared to get into another relationship as my first one in high school (as a senior into my freshman year of college) was awful. He dated one girl for about a month at the beginning of this school year, but nothing came of it. We talked all the time and I knew he had still liked me all along. I still liked him, as well. Like I said, I was terrified. At the end of November, we made it official. I realized that I loved this man. We talked about how happy we were and how excited for the future we were. Here's where it gets sad: I've been diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder and depression. I am on medication for it, which I just now have increased dosage. With my last relationship, I was, well, crazy. I accused my ex of every thing in the book. I thought he liked my friends. I thought he was in love with his girl best friend. I checked his snap chat points, who he was following on twitter, etc. That ruined our relationship fast. It all stems back to my own personal insecurities. I see myself as ugly, extremely fat, not worth anything. Because of this, I worry. I know that everything I say and think is irrational, but somehow I can't stop myself. When my new boyfriend and I started dating in November, everything was perfect. I wasn't worried about anything and hadn't been for a long time. But once we put the label "relationship" on it, the worries began. I accused him of liking one of our friends that he used to like. I accused him of sneaking around. I was crazy. Yesterday was the last straw for him. I argued all day.. I couldn't stop. I knew what I was doing was hurting him, but I was convinced that he didn't truly love me. Today, we got together to talk and I exploded. I cried and stormed out a few times. I should've been calm. He told me how he's tried to help me get better, but he's tired. And he had never told me until that moment how upset he was with me. I was caught off guard. I knew what I was doing, but he was always so sincere to me. He told me he was done and left. He even changed his Facebook profile picture and his relationship status to "single." I texted him and he said we can talk in a couple days once things have calmed down. I don't know what to do. I love this man so much, I can't lose him. He even told me he could see us being together forever at one point and that he loves me so much. I want to get better for him. How do I get him back? I know you probably will think he shouldn't be with me, but I love him so much I would do anything. Please help. Link to post Share on other sites
myheartaches Posted January 28, 2015 Share Posted January 28, 2015 So I am a psychology major. I honestly think that you have a paranoid personality disorder or a borderline personality disorder. Paranoid is pretty obvious about what it entails. Borderline personality disorder is when you fear abandonment. This could be developed because someone in your past has abandoned you, or you did not have a secure relationship with an adult. You should definitely talk to a therapist about this. CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy) is truly the best type of therapy. Going on medication and doing CBT will truly help you with this irrational thought process. It is very rough for people who are mentally unstable to be in relationships because they just think way too much. There is help though, and you will get better!! Link to post Share on other sites
towardthefuture Posted January 28, 2015 Share Posted January 28, 2015 My advice is do not take free psychological advice from an amateur unlicensed psychologist who diagnoses you over the internet from a two paragraph post My other advice is he's not your 'sort of ex', he is your 'ex'. You might try therapy anyway. You sound a little....... controlling and clingy. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
CC12 Posted January 28, 2015 Share Posted January 28, 2015 I know you probably will think he shouldn't be with me, You shouldn't be with anyone right now. You don't seem to have control over your emotions and behavior. You knew you were being hurtful and still couldn't stop yourself. I think you have a lot of personal work to do before getting back into a relationship with him or anyone else until you can control yourself and not hurt people you love. Link to post Share on other sites
myheartaches Posted January 28, 2015 Share Posted January 28, 2015 My advice is do not take free psychological advice from an amateur unlicensed psychologist who diagnoses you over the internet from a two paragraph post My other advice is he's not your 'sort of ex', he is your 'ex'. You might try therapy anyway. You sound a little....... controlling and clingy. Well, I found this to be extremely rude, and not very nice. You even stated that she should try therapy. There is absolutely no problem with being on antidepressants, and going to therapy. And there is absolutely no problem with having a personality disorder. It is just not healthy to always be so paranoid because it can hurt relationships. Even though you are over the Internet, you need to learn to be nicer to people. This is a website where people try and find support, not bash other members. Link to post Share on other sites
towardthefuture Posted January 28, 2015 Share Posted January 28, 2015 Well, I found this to be extremely rude, and not very nice. You even stated that she should try therapy. There is absolutely no problem with being on antidepressants, and going to therapy. And there is absolutely no problem with having a personality disorder. It is just not healthy to always be so paranoid because it can hurt relationships. Even though you are over the Internet, you need to learn to be nicer to people. This is a website where people try and find support, not bash other members. lol. Fact: You are not a licensed mental health professional. Fact: No licensed psychologist would diagnose someone with a personality disorder without interviewing them for a significant period of time. I don't 'need' to do anything. You 'need' to take a step back and not tell random people they definitely have personality disorders. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted January 28, 2015 Share Posted January 28, 2015 I don't know what to do. I love this man so much, I can't lose him. He even told me he could see us being together forever at one point and that he loves me so much. I want to get better for him. How do I get him back? Even if you got him back, your issues will keep resurfacing and sabotaging your relationship, whether the current one that you have with him or a relationship in the future. You will keep recycling because until you focus 150% on yourself and overcoming what it is that holds you back, you will never be able to sustain a relationship. I know you probably will think he shouldn't be with me, but I love him so much I would do anything. Please help. "I love him so much" isn't enough. There's so much more than just love to keep a relationship afloat. Love doesn't compensate for unhealthy behaviors. You love him so much but regardless of those feelings, you've kept on jeopardizing your relationships. So what makes the next round any different? You feel this way because you've lost him. The moment he's back, you will resume with the issues you struggle with because he/relationship is what triggers you. Until you figure out yourself, nothing changes. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
LovelyDaze Posted January 28, 2015 Share Posted January 28, 2015 The most important thing right now is to be a healthier and happier YOU. You mentioned that you were diagnosed with anxiety and depression, are you (or still) seeking care in that area? A professional will be able to help you better able to handle your healing process from the added weight of your diagnoses. We all understand how you feel about wanting your ex back but the best thing to do right now is to not contact them and work on your own health and well being. It is your best chance at real happiness. Link to post Share on other sites
Diezel Posted January 28, 2015 Share Posted January 28, 2015 Let him go. Your push/pull is killing him. And if you two get back together, you are going to do it again. You love him so much and yet you hurt him so much. Good for him for doing what he needs to do, but what you need to do is let him go now. You said to him that you two will talk in a few days when things calm down, but when you mean things, you really mean YOU. How about you two don't talk and you instead try to work on you and your insecurities and your own issues before trying to embark on another relationship? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
myheartaches Posted January 28, 2015 Share Posted January 28, 2015 lol. Fact: You are not a licensed mental health professional. Fact: No licensed psychologist would diagnose someone with a personality disorder without interviewing them for a significant period of time. I don't 'need' to do anything. You 'need' to take a step back and not tell random people they definitely have personality disorders. Okay, you're right. I should not have taken my lecture studies, and just diagnosed someone over the Internet. I'm 22 so a lot of my psychology information is fresh in my mind. I was just trying to help because I love helping people. I do apologize, but I just wish you would be a little nicer. Link to post Share on other sites
Eighty_nine Posted January 29, 2015 Share Posted January 29, 2015 Okay, you're right. I should not have taken my lecture studies, and just diagnosed someone over the Internet. I'm 22 so a lot of my psychology information is fresh in my mind. I was just trying to help because I love helping people. I do apologize, but I just wish you would be a little nicer. I am a licensed therapist and while a personality diagnosis is a little too far, you're right that CBT could be very helpful for the irrational and rigid thinking. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts