Being Strung Along?

[prieto123]

We broke up two weeks ago. I struggled with no contact and made some big mistakes (calling/texting/emailing a bunch). She sent me an email last week justifying the break up. I was going to meet with her for a drink the next day to say our final goodbyes. She called me in the evening telling me “she doesn’t want to say goodbye” and “she doesn’t want to close us off like a book”. I told her I’m willing to improve, and she said she needed time to reconsider. She told a friend the next day she is frustrated she “even wants me back” and annoyed at herself for calling.

 

Do you think she is just stringing me along for the comfort of knowing I am available for her? Maybe she knows she wants to move on but still has feelings and can’t say goodbye? If not, then I just want closure. I just don’t want to cling onto the hope she will come back if she’s just stringing me along, because it’s driving me crazy.

[tikay00]

We broke up two weeks ago. I struggled with no contact and made some big mistakes (calling/texting/emailing a bunch). She sent me an email last week justifying the break up. I was going to meet with her for a drink the next day to say our final goodbyes. She called me in the evening telling me “she doesn’t want to say goodbye” and “she doesn’t want to close us off like a book”. I told her I’m willing to improve, and she said she needed time to reconsider. She told a friend the next day she is frustrated she “even wants me back” and annoyed at herself for calling.

 

Do you think she is just stringing me along for the comfort of knowing I am available for her? Maybe she knows she wants to move on but still has feelings and can’t say goodbye? If not, then I just want closure. I just don’t want to cling onto the hope she will come back if she’s just stringing me along, because it’s driving me crazy.

 

Women are emotional creatures. She might have watched the Notebook, and got sentimental that night she called you lol. It could mean a million and one things. Maybe, she was scared you guys would sleep together that night, and didn't want to risk getting attached to you again.

 

Maybe, she has plans to meet up with a guy that night, and if it doesn't go well, she'll tell you she wants to be with you.

 

Or maybe, she is stringing you along, and doesn't want you to move on, so if she doesn't find her "one", then she always has you sitting, and waiting.

 

Women are impossible to read. No offense, ladies.

[dumbass2]

You need to become a ghost right now.

 

You will try to think about what she is doing and thinking, but it will drive you to the nut house because even if she told you something, at this point it wouldn't be the truth. You said you were needy and clingy right afterwards. Since that is the case you now need to go NC. Give it some time to be apart and see if she is still even someone you would want. Some time away might show you otherwise when you really think about. We dumpees see things through rose colored glasses when we were together, but I'm telling you, after 3 months NC with my ex, it allowed me to see things a lot differently and helped me a lot. I did not do it to get my ex back, but after 3 months, she did contact me again, but I felt differently and it's okay that I do. Would rather be single and happy then in a poor relationship.

[Ieris]

Don't cling onto anything, move on and improve yourself. Don't let anyone pick up you and toss you aside whenever it suits them, have some self respect or no one will respect you.

 

If she comes back, then you decide whether you want her back or not.

[Satu]

She wants you to be her Plan B.

 

Someone to use as a safety if she feels the need.

 

Do you want that role?

[LovelyDaze]

She's changing the narrative of the breakup.

 

As the other LS members said. This is more than likely a way to keep you hanging so that you are there just in case another guy doesn't work out. She's got one baby toe in your relationship and the rest of her body out of it...not all the way gone, but can pull herself back in when she wants to.Control the narrative yourself so you won't be left confused.

 

Closure is a fun word we used to believe we will feel better if we just have ONE last conversation or make ONE last attempt to rekindle that fire. Neither really works. Closure has to come from you and what you already figure is the end of days of the relationship. If she wants to dance around closing the door. Shut it yourself and go NC so you won't have to feel the agony of wondering "will we or won't we?"

[prieto123]

What can I do to change the dynamic? I really want her back.

[LovelyDaze]

What can I do to change the dynamic? I really want her back.

 

You go NC for awhile to sort out your feelings and she sort out hers for a little while. You both can't get back together whenever the breakup is so raw(2 wks). If you two do a tug of war dance of "I love you" "I can't be with you" "I miss you" "I need time" and be allover the place with that, then nothing at all will get accomplished and your relationship will have an even worse chance at finally succeeding.

 

I've currently read a few LENGTHY threads of a few LS members who are going through months and months of heartache because they won't go into NC and allow themselves the time to think and heal alone without their ex. Those people are still heartwrenching turmoil. It is mindboggling sad to read their updates. They are at a place of grieving where they probably could be much, much happier and healthier by now.

 

Give each other some space. It IS your best chance at love no matter what.

[tikay00]

What can I do to change the dynamic? I really want her back.

 

"I still have feelings for you, and I want us to have a second chance, but I'm not gonna be your friend. If that's all you wanted, then I can't talk to you anymore, and if you respect me, stop contacting me. I'm moving on."

 

Don't have to say it exactly like that, but you get the jist.

 

And based on your posts, you're not ready to play it cool, and "be yourself" with her. You're just gonna sabotage yourself.

 

If she says I don't know, NC, and tell her not to ever contact you again. This won't deter her if she really wants to try again with you.

 

Normally, I'd just say straight up NC, but you can't just ghost on her like that. Then she's gonna blow your phone up, and you'll have to explain your stance anyways.

Edited January 27, 2015 by tikay00

[prieto123]

Correction, not that it makes much of a difference, but I mistyped - we have been broken up for a month.

 

I just found out she's on Tinder. It really made me feel like crap. All I want to do is see her on Thursday and just say we're done. She has had all of the control during the break, and is doing all she can to enjoy herself and be happy. I, on the other hand, have been a complete wreck. I guess I need to come to terms with the break up, and seeing her in person would do that. I also don't want her to constantly feel like I'm available at her beck and call.

 

NC isn't working for me. I violate it literally every 3-4 days. And when I do, it's bad. I guess I just keep clinging on to a hope she will come back, and getting a definite no might make it easier for me to move on.

[dumbass2]

"She called me in the evening telling me “she doesn’t want to say goodbye” and “she doesn’t want to close us off like a book”.

 

You should not even think of meeting with her. she has already told you what she wants. She is not going to give you a definite "NO". she is on tinder. She will need you to be there as a back up plan. She is, without a doubt, stringing you along.

 

YOU WANT TO TAKE CONTROL BACK?

 

BECOME A GHOST!!!!!

 

Seriously, it is the only way. If you meet with her you will get more mixed signals through her meaningless words. You will become more confused and hurt. You will regret it. I guarantee it! Do not do it. Go silent right now.

[LovelyDaze]

I just found out she's on Tinder. It really made me feel like crap. All I want to do is see her on Thursday and just say we're done. She has had all of the control during the break, and is doing all she can to enjoy herself and be happy. I, on the other hand, have been a complete wreck.

 

And that's why you should just end it now. No big Thursday send off or any long last talk. Most of us on LS know: There IS no real closure that comes out of the last meeting/conversation. Because the thing is? Days, weeks, sometimes even months later you always think of something you wish you would have said or asked your ex before the door was closed.

 

Closure comes from the inside so for your own sake just end it yourself so you won't be dragged around until SHE DECIDES she wants to deal with you.

[tikay00]

And that's why you should just end it now. No big Thursday send off or any long last talk. Most of us on LS know: There IS no real closure that comes out of the last meeting/conversation. Because the thing is? Days, weeks, sometimes even months later you always think of something you wish you would have said or asked your ex before the door was closed.

 

Closure comes from the inside so for your own sake just end it yourself so you won't be dragged around until SHE DECIDES she wants to deal with you.

 

Pretty much this. Gotta make an executive decision, and this is the right one.

 

And I absolutely feel you on the, "you always think of something you wished you would have said or asked your ex before the door was closed." Closure truly does have to come from you.

[tikay00]

"She called me in the evening telling me “she doesn’t want to say goodbye” and “she doesn’t want to close us off like a book”.

 

You should not even think of meeting with her. she has already told you what she wants. She is not going to give you a definite "NO". she is on tinder. She will need you to be there as a back up plan. She is, without a doubt, stringing you along.

 

YOU WANT TO TAKE CONTROL BACK?

 

BECOME A GHOST!!!!!

 

Seriously, it is the only way. If you meet with her you will get more mixed signals through her meaningless words. You will become more confused and hurt. You will regret it. I guarantee it! Do not do it. Go silent right now.

 

BOOM. I didn't want to be the bearer of bad news, but realistically, this is probably it.

[Holmes85]

Prieto123,

 

She called me in the evening telling me “she doesn’t want to say goodbye” and “she doesn’t want to close us off like a book”.

Translation: If it doesn't work out the way I want to (with someone else) I'll get back in touch with you, don't give up on me just yet, let me be sure with my new interest first, then I'll take care of you.

 

she said she needed time to reconsider.

Translation: Let me try out the new romantic interest and see where it goes.

 

She told a friend the next day she is frustrated she “even wants me back”

Don't be surprised if after a couple of weeks she drops the friendship bomb on you.

 

Do you think she is just stringing me along for the comfort of knowing I am available for her?

Yes she is stringing you along till she finds something worthwhile (or she already has), she's gonna give you a proper boot once things are secure with her new interest.

 

Maybe she knows she wants to move on but still has feelings and can’t say goodbye? If not, then I just want closure.

You don't get any closures from someone who are immature, in fact the closure would just pop up more questions, since she is going to give you a very minimum amount of information on anything and you would be running around in circles feeling worse than before.

 

 

I just don’t want to cling onto the hope she will come back if she’s just stringing me along, because it’s driving me crazy.

If you treated her well, you might hear from her at some point in the future, would they want you back? Possibly, but you should stand your ground then.

 

In short remove this girl from your life, she won't forget you (trust me), if she says why are you being this way? Tell her "It was your idea to breakup with me, I don't think we should talk to each other anymore, GoodBye" and do mean GoodBye after that, don't respond anything and stick to your guns, if she wants a reconcilation, she would let you know, till then don't give her any sort of replies.

[EgoJoe]

Whatever she intends or means. It does not matter.

 

 

She is not giving you what you want/need from a relationship so move on.

 

 

Go NC no notice and no explanation needed.

 

 

You got this. You are the man.

[prieto123]

You guys are great. I wish I had found this website earlier. I completely understand your points. Thank you so much.

 

This is my first breakup, and so maybe I'm just being overly optimistic.

 

When she initially sent me that letter justifying the breakup, I told her I'm completely out. I guess she was caught off guard and expected me to plead for her again. She broke down and said she is willing to reconsider and called me crying saying she isn't ready to say goodbye.

 

I just feel like if I talk to her in person and remind her of all I have done for her, and tell her I'm not going to be strung along anymore and am walking out...that she will take me more seriously as an option and not just as a plan B. Seeing me in person might also bring back those feelings. It'll be a "Now or never". i need to be harder to get. I honestly don't know if a relationship is the best option, but I do want to at least grab coffee with her a couple of times and see where we land. We did long distance for most of the relationship (18 months), and I moved to this city primarily because of her. Just when I moved she did this. I don't want to always wonder "what would have been". I just want to keep on fighting because i worked so hard and did so much to be in the same city as her, and now I can't even see what would have happened.

 

I really did a lot for this girl, and I stood by her during some of her toughest of times. I wasn't the perfect boyfriend and I certainly made mistakes, but I did my best. I've chased after her for the past month and have given her the "power". I haven't said anything bad about her, and I've admitted to my own shortcomings. I want her to feel the pain of my loss. I want her to feel like she lost something great. I want her to realize and at least appreciate everything i have done for her. I guess this meeting's main purpose was to remind her of that, and then to tell i'm walking away. At least this way, I'm walking away on my own terms and not her's. And if she wants me to be in her life, it's now or never.

 

I worry that with all of her friends and new guys, that she will forget me and not miss me anymore. Her feelings are still there, and day by day they go away.

[tikay00]

You guys are great. I wish I had found this website earlier. I completely understand your points. Thank you so much.

 

This is my first breakup, and so maybe I'm just being overly optimistic.

 

When she initially sent me that letter justifying the breakup, I told her I'm completely out. I guess she was caught off guard and expected me to plead for her again. She broke down and said she is willing to reconsider and called me crying saying she isn't ready to say goodbye.

 

I just feel like if I talk to her in person and remind her of all I have done for her, and tell her I'm not going to be strung along anymore and am walking out...that she will take me more seriously as an option and not just as a plan B. Seeing me in person might also bring back those feelings. It'll be a "Now or never". i need to be harder to get. I honestly don't know if a relationship is the best option, but I do want to at least grab coffee with her a couple of times and see where we land. We did long distance for most of the relationship (18 months), and I moved to this city primarily because of her. Just when I moved she did this. I don't want to always wonder "what would have been". I just want to keep on fighting because i worked so hard and did so much to be in the same city as her, and now I can't even see what would have happened.

 

I really did a lot for this girl, and I stood by her during some of her toughest of times. I wasn't the perfect boyfriend and I certainly made mistakes, but I did my best. I've chased after her for the past month and have given her the "power". I haven't said anything bad about her, and I've admitted to my own shortcomings. I want her to feel the pain of my loss. I want her to feel like she lost something great. I want her to realize and at least appreciate everything i have done for her. I guess this meeting's main purpose was to remind her of that, and then to tell i'm walking away. At least this way, I'm walking away on my own terms and not her's. And if she wants me to be in her life, it's now or never.

 

I worry that with all of her friends and new guys, that she will forget me and not miss me anymore. Her feelings are still there, and day by day they go away.

 

Meeting up with her won't do a damn thing. You want her to feel the loss so bad, then NC is your only friend. Also, you chased after her for the past month? Bro, you might already be in eternal freind zone. I understand a few days, a week tops, but the past month?

 

Your only recourse is to go cold turkey, NC.

 

And if this makes you feel any better. Exes will NEVER forget you. NEVER. The fact that she chose you at one point in time, means you were her "one" at some point. That holds a special place in someone's heart, no matter how much time passes, and no matter what you think inside your head. Hopefully you weren't a rebound or something. Even if you weren't, there will always be a special place for you in her heart.

 

Yeah, she'll probably meet someone new, and fall in love again, but you will always have a piece of her heart. Same with us. We will fall in love again, but we'll always remember someone that we once loved.

 

It's life, man. Gotta keep your head up, and move on. Trust me, when you're over this chick, you're gonna be able to enjoy life again. EVERYONE thinks it's different, and that person was their angel from Heaven. What you fail to realize is, everyone's **** stinks, and there is no such thing as the perfect person for you. You're in the infatuation/nostalgia stage. Give it a month, and you'll see what I'm talking about.

 

And trust me. Going NC won't affect a thing. She will be back. And it's once you're over her. OR, when her new relationship doesn't work out. Either way, pray to God you're over her by then.

[myheartaches]

I say, do not initiate contact!! NO TEXTING OR CALLING. That kills us females! Do you know how many times we check our damn phones to see if we got a text from the special one? A LOT!!!

 

Just do you, and I am almost certain she will contact you first. I honestly have no idea if she is just pulling you along. But just let her get the feeling of not having you in her life, and then she will make a decision

[tikay00]

I will say one thing. I feel you on the whole, "I just need closure, and one last talk". It does help, but you have to go into being FOR SURE, if you hear the red flag words, that it's over. If I were you, I'd have that one last talk. Doesn't have to be in person. Can be over the phone. Have that one last convo. You should already know the red flag words. "I don't know yet." "If it was meant to be, it was meant to be." etc. Once you hear those, make the decision right there, that you'll never contact her again, and go NC.

 

Honestly, I'm just like you. Getting that last convo in actually helps to move on. When you get to read through the BS, and really know their intentions.

 

If you meet up with her, can you promise me one thing? When you hear her BS, you'll realize she was playing you, and go NC for life?

[Invictus01]

Generally speaking... if it feels like somebody is stringing you along... it is probably a correct assumption.

[LovelyDaze]

Generally speaking... if it feels like somebody is stringing you along... it is probably a correct assumption.

 

Why what Invictus01 said is so correct is that most of us in love don't listen to our own logic and reason so that the oncoming hurt/breakup will just go far,far away.

 

Your questions are things you probably already know in your heart. Listen to your gut feeling. Save your own self and go NC. As said before, closure comes from with in you.

[prieto123]

You're right. I just keep on thinking that if I meet her and tell her I'm done. She won't enjoy the comfort of having the "control" and "power" anymore. I can then go NC.

[LovelyDaze]

You're right. I just keep on thinking that if I meet her and tell her I'm done. She won't enjoy the comfort of having the "control" and "power" anymore. I can then go NC.

 

Be honest deep down inside what you want to happen if you do meet with her. Do you want to tell her that you're done OR have her see you and you see her and sparks reignite enough for you both to realize you MUST fight for the relationship? Really think about what you are aiming for.

 

That's why NC is always recommended from Day One of a breakup because the wounds are so fresh. You need some time to think. If you truly are ready to really say it verbally without a feeling that you will be suckered into lingering around for days, weeks, months, etc, then good for you. Start NC as soon as you tell her for sure then.

[prieto123]

I want to get a load off of my chest. I want to tell her how much I did for her and how I always stood by her side. I want to tell her that, no matter how much I love her, I need to move on because I can't be with someone who hurt me so much. I want her to feel my loss. She currently feels (rightly so) that I'm at her disposal. I want her to know I'm gone.

 

If she does come back, I want her to know what I'm worth. I want her to be willing to work harder, as I will be too.