5 years together, should I back off?

[xShafted]

Me & my girlfriend were together for 5 1/2 years. I'm now 22, she's now 21. We got together August 6, 2009 & she told me we needed a break on January 5, 2015.

 

During the first year we were together things were fantastic, until I made a huge mistake & cheated on her. This happened after 6 months of being together. I hurt her bad & I ended up regretting it & begged her not to leave me. She gave me a second chance & over time we started becoming "happy" again despite what I've done to her. After another 8 months, I left for the military, we were deeply in love with each other. She stayed by my side while I was in basic training. She answered every single one of my calls & it was so obvious that she missed the hell out of me. She sent me emails with pics & other goodies since I haven't seen her in a while. Fast forward 3 months later, I decided I didn't want this military life & went back home. She always respected my decisions & stuck by me no matter what.

 

A few things have been unfolding while being in a relationship with her. I started becoming "mean" or got mad at little things for no reason. Not sure why because I loved her so much. I started becoming insecure when she went out with her friends "especially if she went to a club". I'm not a club person. She always said that it's like I don't trust her. I always said that I DO trust her, but it's other guys that I don't trust because I know how guys act at clubs... We always argued about that topic & kept going in circles. We didn't have anything in common in that department. She really is a sweet girl & isn't the type to go screwing around on me. We argued a lot though, about other stupid little issues that would often intensify into larger arguments to the point we started forgetting what started it in the first place. When I was mean I would yell or talk over her. But after like 2 years it got a lot better. We argued much less. I was WAY less mean. I kinda became soft... We had an amazing sex life. I was able to make her orgasm a lot & everything was just great in that department.

 

The last year or so, things have been pretty dead. We both were out of work & not in school. We always lived a few blocks from each other at walking distance until I had family issues & had to move around a lot in the same town. It came to a point where I had no where else to go & ended up living with her for 1 month, with her & her dad. Things were ok, but after 1 month, their lease on their duplex expired & they had a hard time looking for a place. They ended up getting kicked out & were forced to move all their stuff into a storage. I helped them move their stuff. So I ended up living back with my mother & she stayed at her girlfriends house for a bit, while her father lived with his friend. Her dad finally found an apartment. When they moved there, things became more of a mess because my girlfriends brother was paying for storage & screwed around with it and ended up losing everything... My girl lost her bed, other furniture, clothes, too much stuff. I was always by her side trying to help her as much as I could even when I'm broke. I somehow managed to buy her a brand new queen sized bed, because she was sleeping on the floor for months... Any ways things started to slow down hectically & I became lazy not putting in effort to go see her as much because it was just boring at her house (no tv, no internet). So I was always home making excuses. She was always bored & didn't go out much & I took that for granted.

 

In December 2014, she found a job. The only reason why she found a job was because I let her come to my house on weekends to use my internet & make phone calls. I was even paying for her cell phone bill for months because she was dead broke & needed the help. So she started working & pretty much started talking to me less. She started going to work parties & stuff. I started becoming insecure again... I felt like she was using me. One night I told her how I felt & she wasn't responding to my texts. I called her & she told me that she wanted space "to find herself" & that she doesn't feel the same way about me any more because of how I've been for the past year being lazy & not being romantic enough with her... In my mind I'm thinking WELL WTF WE WERE BROKE & I WAS THE ONLY ONE HELPING HER.... We both cried on the phone because we both knew that having this space would probably help the both of us...

 

I tried doing the whole no-contact thing but I was messing it up a bit & texting her telling her how lazy I've been blah blah.. A few days later I found out that she was flirting around with this guy at her workplace "call center". And after 2 weeks of this break she ended up sleeping with him while they were drunk... She told me everything along with the details because confronted her about it. She said that she regretted it & ended up feeling like crap. She also said that the sex was terrible compared to us lol.....

 

Yesterday we hung out together, she came to my house, we talked for a while, made each other laugh & just chilled then went to go see a movie & eat food. We really had a good time. To be honest I felt so relieved that she told me the truth about sleeping with that guy last week. I forgave her, but deep down I feel like I don't forgive her because she always said that she didn't wanna show her body to anyone else or start over... Yet she just did... She said that she wanted to take things slow & rebuild what we had in the beginning. I agreed but I feel like now I'm hanging over an edge with strings... She doesn't text that guy anymore so it was an obvious fling... So what do I do... Do I back off?

[Farid]

Yes it's a good time to back off and work on yourself.

And it will give her a chance to remember both your good side and bad sides, and make her mind up accordingly. When you stay too close to someone, all they see is what they saw last: it's usually the bad parts after a breakup.

 

You did well to admit that you got lazy and took her for granted.

Here is one thing you can learn from this: No matter what you are doing for a women, even if she is paralyzed and you hare spoon-feeding her and changing her diapers, let this be a lesson for you never to take a women for granted.

 

What I advise is let her party her ass off.

By the time she is done, enough time has passed for you two to analyze each other from a distance and see if it's still worth getting back together.

 

And nobody parties forever. There comes a day she is done partying and is ready to stay home with her man rather than going out.

 

If she doesn't choose you, you'll be at the age where you can find a women of the same age who is also done partying and ready settle down.

[xShafted]

Yes it's a good time to back off and work on yourself.

And it will give her a chance to remember both your good side and bad sides, and make her mind up accordingly. When you stay too close to someone, all they see is what they saw last: it's usually the bad parts after a breakup.

 

You did well to admit that you got lazy and took her for granted.

Here is one thing you can learn from this: No matter what you are doing for a women, even if she is paralyzed and you hare spoon-feeding her and changing her diapers, let this be a lesson for you never to take a women for granted.

 

What I advise is let her party her ass off.

By the time she is done, enough time has passed for you two to analyze each other from a distance and see if it's still worth getting back together.

 

And nobody parties forever. There comes a day she is done partying and is ready to stay home with her man rather than going out.

 

If she doesn't choose you, you'll be at the age where you can find a women of the same age who is also done partying and ready settle down.

 

Well I haven't done so well staying no contact for the first 2 weeks. I texted her every 2 days. Then one day we hung out, had something to eat & went to see a movie. We had a good time, we talked & made each other laugh. She said that she wanted to take things slow & that we are just "friends" atm but we can work our way back up again. She said that she wanted to go skating with me this weekend. I agreed, but after that night, I went no contact for a whole week, she texted & called me the other day but I ignored it. She still has me on her facebook along with our pics & videos etc.. Any ways is it a good idea to go skating with her this coming weekend? Do I have a chance of reconciliation? I really love her & I want to show her how much I do..

[mightycpa]

21 year old girl, "taking a break" from her boyfriend of 5 years, a little down on her luck who just banged a guy she met at her menial job after getting drunk, and then went and told her break-boyfriend about it

 

I forgot the original question, but I'm thinking that now is the time for you to tell her goodbye, no hard feelings and good luck.

 

You're only young once. You should be spending most of your energy improving your own lot in life, across the board. From what you've written, it is difficult to see how she can help you with any of that.

[evanescentworld]

How to tell you this?

 

Bluntly.

 

This is not a break.

 

She has broken up with you, hence the 'let's still be friends' crap.

 

Read this: Start to finish, up-ways, down-ways, sideways, all ways.

More than once (as questions if you need to) but you were too young when you got together for this to ever be a 'forever' deal.

 

It's over, she's out-grow you, but is obviously still close to you. Unfortunately, emotionally-speaking she's probably a couple of years 'ahead' of you and is more mature that way... so she's leaving 'child' things behind.

 

I suggest you read the Guide, and come to terms with that, but quit contact, until you feel just as comfortable with just being a childhood friend, as she obviously does.

[xShafted]

So I went no contact for the past week, ignoring her texts & phone calls. Then this weekend I slipped up & just answered.. We spoke for a bit, I kept it short.

 

Then she texted saying she was horny. We ended up dirty texting & she wants to come to my place next weekend. What should I do? I still love her.. But I don't wanna screw things up if we ended up back together.

[lovebug_5858]

So I went no contact for the past week, ignoring her texts & phone calls. Then this weekend I slipped up & just answered.. We spoke for a bit, I kept it short.

 

Then she texted saying she was horny. We ended up dirty texting & she wants to come to my place next weekend. What should I do? I still love her.. But I don't wanna screw things up if we ended up back together.

 

Stop.

Seriously. Stop

 

This is not the girl you once fell in love with. This is a completely different girl and the sooner you realize that the easier it will be. Forget her. She died.

If she's horny she can go back to her coworker- or not since "it wasnt as good as you guys"

She's just using you man, you'll be left heartbroken all over again once she's satisfied. This happened time and time again with my ex, and its a terrible feeling, don't put yourself through it.