Maximboi23 Posted January 26, 2015 Share Posted January 26, 2015 Fiancé and I havnt seen eachother since thanksgiving. Loved her so much but after almost 3 years got to comfortable and I guess took it for granted. Felt overwhelmed with finances and just needed a break for a little to get my head together and instead I pushed her away and she I guess had Someone lined up and left for good to be with him. I tried to come back and apologized and wanted to rekindle and get married because I loved her and her son so much. Now they r gone and I am in so much pain. Have been NC for almost 2 months and its so hard. I wake up thinking bout her and all day long and till I go to sleep. I have dreams about her every night some nights waking up and realizing its a dream. I just can't believe she is gone. I am haunted by thoughts and memories of us together. I avoid Goin to certain areas that we used to go to because it breaks my heart being there without her. I wish she was here so I can tell her that I love her so much and I miss her beyond belief. I know by now I can't see her coming back and she is probably erasing me from her life but I can't stop thinking of her. I'm standing here on this world alone and wish she was here. I miss all the little things even and I never thought that they would mean everything to me. I hope one day she remembers me and sees all the good things I have done. I am in pain even writing this post. I have joined the gym and trying to keep busy but nothing gets her out of my head. I'm so haunted and In pain. I hope one day I can find ease in my heart and not be so hurt. It's my fault and I made a mistake but I always took her back in the past when we broke up and always had an open arms for her waiting. I never have anyone of my exs an engagement ring or took them to therapy with me but I did for her because I really thought I found the one and want to grow old with and I hope we can rekindle one day if even it would happen. Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted January 26, 2015 Share Posted January 26, 2015 You sound like a dude that's got WAY TOO MUCH time on his hands. You need to keep busy. Get new hobbies and get involved. Take some classes. Join a sports club. SOMETHING to keep that brain occupied and thinking of other things. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
GoBlue Posted January 29, 2015 Share Posted January 29, 2015 I am very sorry for the pain that you are feeling. I know it from personal experience and that is why I want to tell you two things. First, the hurt you feel will lessen over the course of time and you will get back to normal. Second, remember how you feel in this moment and commit yourself to never taking someone for granted again. We men have a tendency of falling into ruts in a relationship to the point that the other person feels unwanted, or worse yet, used. Men often need some kind of major catastrophe to shake them out of their apathy and to realize the good thing that they have. By then, for many women, it's too late. Resolve within your heart that you will never take your love interest for granted. The grass is not greener on the other side of the fence, it's always better to go through life's anxieties with someone by your side, and being alone is not all that great a way to live. Be encouraged, things will turn around for you. You are in my thoughts and prayers. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
mightycpa Posted January 29, 2015 Share Posted January 29, 2015 (edited) Resolve within your heart that you will never take your love interest for granted. This is an almost impossible goal. People are people. You'll take other people for granted, and they'll do the same to you. Don't sweat it. The ugly truth is that there is likely no way for you to have acted such that she would not have left you. True, you probably looked at your behavior, and found it wanting at times, but you are human after all. You can certainly learn to recognize this behavior, but I will offer you that sometimes, when you're acting apathetic or annoyed or unimpressed, it is because you feel that way at the time. Anybody who can command your unwavering admiration day after day is out of your league... I don't care who you are. My advice is to embrace that pain, and squeeze all of the bad feeling out of it as quickly as you can. Don't be afraid to feel worse than you do right now... there is a limit, and the quicker you find it, the sooner you'll feel better. Write about your feelings, drill down really deep and understand them. Read what you write, and make it better. Get specific about what you miss, what you'd rather be doing and examine these things, and compare them to your old reality. I think you'll realize that the past wasn't all it was cracked up to be. Too many guys run away from this, because it hurts, and we're a practical animal... we avoid pain. Do yourself a favor, brave the fire and come out purified on the other end. After that, you'll find someone who can put up with your selfish crap every once in a while, and your relationship won't be so tenuous that it can be destroyed by your occasional flaws and missteps. I'm sure you overlooked her behavior, because you loved her. You should expect the same in return. Good luck. Edited January 29, 2015 by mightycpa 1 Link to post Share on other sites
sfbvarela Posted January 30, 2015 Share Posted January 30, 2015 Im ina similar situation bro. Took her for granted, she left me,now she is dating someone. Sucks so bad man. They say it will get better 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted January 30, 2015 Share Posted January 30, 2015 Apathy and passivity, the binary round that kills relationships. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
AJones Posted January 30, 2015 Share Posted January 30, 2015 Hey man, I feel your pain. This happened to me about 2 hours ago. After 3 years, I got comfortable, took her for granted (except not in my mind, but in my lack of effort). I realized all this after a first talk, and poured my heart out, apologize, truly believed I could change and make our relationship even stronger. She wasn't having it. I feel so betrayed that she wouldn't give us another chance. I feel so bad that if i had just acted differently we could still be going.. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Maximboi23 Posted January 30, 2015 Author Share Posted January 30, 2015 Thank you all for replying with so much information and kindness. I know all of you have great things to say and for me to think about. I just wish I knew this before and could have changed it when I had the chance. I loved her and her son so much with all my heart and soul. I loved and cherished both of them and our time together. I just can't believe she would jump vines to another guy after all I have done for her and her son. We had problems and breakups and I always Came back or took her back because I loved her with all my heart and soul. I got her a ring and wanted to marry her and be With her forever. I have been In therapy for almost 11 years and I took her a few times to work on us. I tried everything. I made mistakes and I regret them everyday. It is all clear to me now that she was the love of my life and I just couldn't seem to wipe the blur I had In front of my eyes. I feel so haunted everyday as soon as I wake up to when I go to sleep and also dream of her. I go to work and go to gym and try to keep busy but her face and everywhere we went haunts me and brings me to aching pain. Seeing places And going to the mall that I got the ring from kills me. Knowing we were there together getting the ring. I worked so hard to get it for her and to make her happy and she was so happy being engaged. She was never really that giving in the relationship but her love for me was enough and all I wanted instead of tangible things. I know time will heal and I will get better but I have been In few relationships and I am tired of the starting over. I love her and wanted to spend the rest of my life with her. I wish she never forgets about me and never forgets all I did for her besides the bad. I wish I can tell her to please forgive me for what I have done and I am a good man full of love to give. Link to post Share on other sites
sober and dry Posted January 30, 2015 Share Posted January 30, 2015 I'm going through a similar phase and I believe that you must accept the reality at this point. Keep strong man and learn the best you can from your mistakes to be stronger and stronger. Link to post Share on other sites
sfbvarela Posted January 30, 2015 Share Posted January 30, 2015 When I was Your Man - Bruno Mars This song will make you cry man. It will bring out all the emotion and pain. Haha Link to post Share on other sites
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