Ex Girlfriend's Best Friend....

[Tanzmix]

Hey there!

 

First post on here so sorry if this has been covered elsewhere.

 

I was in a committed relationship for the best part of the last 3 years, both of us were faithful and happy until around 6 months ago. I was guilty of being a little insecure, she was my first love and in all honesty I was scared to lose her. Hardly mature I know.

 

We 'split up' for a couple of weeks but in reality she just wanted some space. We reconciled and had a conversation about things we weren't happy with and how we can make them better as a couple. Cue 4 months of brilliance.

 

Then all of a sudden just before Christmas she starts suggesting that she feels like she doesn't make me happy. I reassure her but she gets more and more down which in turn upsets me and everything just continues in a vicious cycle.

 

One friday a few weeks ago I said I had an issue with her going on holiday with a bunch of guys she had never met, especially as she had told me she was forgoing out holiday for the year to do a "girls holiday". I was fine with it but obviously not too happy to learn it was hardly an all girls trip.

 

We hardly spoke all weekend, which was incredibly unlike us, and then on the Sunday she asked to meet up to discuss things in person. My relationship ended that evening. I was heartbroken especially as I tried to suggest everything under the sun to try to fix things but she couldn't see past this current issue.

 

I instantly initiated NC knowing that I would be too tempted to beg and plead to get back together. I deleted her number, blocked her and all of our close mutual friends on Social Media and haven't spoken to her since.

 

The reason for my post is that her best friend has reached out to me asking how I am and telling me that my ex is missing me and fighting the urge to get in touch. Its totally opening the wound as I'm trying to move on and I really don't know what to do. Do I get in touch with my ex? I'd do pretty much anything to win her back or do I continue with the NC and let her come to me?

 

Yours Sincerely,

 

Confused young man.

[marcelo.santos]

Probably she is telling the true: She is investigating the area for your girlfriend that is afraid to contact you and get a "no" - But don't contact her: You will be breaking NC

 

she breaks with you and now she asks her best friend to help to you initiate contact back, instead of her?

 

No!

 

If she wants to contact you, she needs to do it directly.

 

If she wants you back: She needs to say directly: "I'm very sorry, I want you back, you are my true love... "

 

If you are still missing her you need to resist to this kind of strategy from these girls.

 

Continue NC - you are doing great!

 

If the friend of your girlfriend reaches you again: Be polite but do not give any information about your life nether accept her as a some kind of messenger.

 

If she really likes you and worth your time, she will contacts you directly and say the magic words.

[Diezel]

Don't. Don't contact either one of them at all.

 

Seriously. Remember when she was saying that she felt she wasn't making you happy? She was projecting. She wasn't happy AND she was trying to find a way to break up with you to explore options on that holiday.

 

Is this what you want to be? A secondary option that she can just decide to be with whenever she thinks she might be ready? And I wouldn't even doubt that she sent her friend to do her dirty work for her.

 

Leave it alone. Let it go. Move on.

[kendahke]

Hey there!

 

First post on here so sorry if this has been covered elsewhere.

 

I was in a committed relationship for the best part of the last 3 years, both of us were faithful and happy until around 6 months ago. I was guilty of being a little insecure, she was my first love and in all honesty I was scared to lose her. Hardly mature I know.

 

We 'split up' for a couple of weeks but in reality she just wanted some space. We reconciled and had a conversation about things we weren't happy with and how we can make them better as a couple. Cue 4 months of brilliance.

 

Then all of a sudden just before Christmas she starts suggesting that she feels like she doesn't make me happy. I reassure her but she gets more and more down which in turn upsets me and everything just continues in a vicious cycle.

 

One friday a few weeks ago I said I had an issue with her going on holiday with a bunch of guys she had never met, especially as she had told me she was forgoing out holiday for the year to do a "girls holiday". I was fine with it but obviously not too happy to learn it was hardly an all girls trip.

 

We hardly spoke all weekend, which was incredibly unlike us, and then on the Sunday she asked to meet up to discuss things in person. My relationship ended that evening. I was heartbroken especially as I tried to suggest everything under the sun to try to fix things but she couldn't see past this current issue.

 

I instantly initiated NC knowing that I would be too tempted to beg and plead to get back together. I deleted her number, blocked her and all of our close mutual friends on Social Media and haven't spoken to her since.

 

The reason for my post is that her best friend has reached out to me asking how I am and telling me that my ex is missing me and fighting the urge to get in touch. Its totally opening the wound as I'm trying to move on and I really don't know what to do. Do I get in touch with my ex? I'd do pretty much anything to win her back or do I continue with the NC and let her come to me?

 

Yours Sincerely,

 

Confused young man.

 

No. You don't reach out to either her or her friend.

 

You need to tell her friend to butt out of your business.

 

Her girl can pick up a phone and call you if she's that put out with missing you, but that doesn't change the fact that she lied to you about her plans and with whom she was going out of town.

 

She broke up with you because she didn't want to have to answer to you about what she intended upon doing while out of town with these guys she didn't know. If she still doesn't want to have to answer to you about it, then she just needs to keep her thoughts to herself and pull up her big girl pants.

[Diezel]

No. You don't reach out to either her or her friend.

 

You need to tell her friend to butt out of your business.

 

 

So wait... he shouldn't reach out to her friend but should tell her to butt out?

 

The absolute best response is no response. I'm sure the friend will get it when he doesn't respond at all.

[Standard-Fare]

I'm confused about why your ex's friend would be getting involved in this. I think it's safe to assume that's your ex directly engineering that if not writing the note herself.

 

Assuming that's true, that means your ex is too chickensh*t to have a real conversation with you and is trying to stir up feelings of guilt and doubt. It's manipulative and immature.

 

I'd ignore it and stay strong with the NC. If she wants to say something to you, she has to do it directly.

[Tanzmix]

I'm confused about why your ex's friend would be getting involved in this. I think it's safe to assume that's your ex directly engineering that if not writing the note herself.

 

Assuming that's true, that means your ex is too chickensh*t to have a real conversation with you and is trying to stir up feelings of guilt and doubt. It's manipulative and immature.

 

I'd ignore it and stay strong with the NC. If she wants to say something to you, she has to do it directly.

 

I had a feeling she might be involved. I am a year or so older than her and although it wouldn't make much difference in the grand scheme of things, I feel like I have matured far more than she has over the course of our time together.

 

Part of me feels like the friend is just trying to be amicable to make me feel better as we all got on so well over the last few years. She know's I'll be hurting and will miss her so perhaps it's just her trying to console me? Was a bit weird to hear from her out of the blue though.

[Chi townD]

Yeah dude. Let sleeping dogs lay. Your Ex discovered that she doesn't have a way to contact you. You've blocked her from all your social media outlets.

 

 

Here's the deal, she broke up with you so she could be single on a holiday trip and get wild with a bunch of guys guilt free. Now that the holiday trip is over, her friend states that she "missing you". So what!!!! She made a choice and that was to have you out of her life before her holiday trip. This shouldn't be a relationship of convenience where she gets to dump you and run off to sow her wild oats on a trip and then come back and say, "Okay, I'm back and I miss you again!" I mean, seriously! What would happen if there was another holiday trip again? You want to go through this a second time?

 

 

Plus, you really don't know if what the friend is telling you is the truth. Maybe her friend is missing you and missing seeing the two of you together. Maybe she's convinced that you need to be with her and is appalled at her behavior with these other guys and wants you to be "Captain save a ho" Because she believes that you're right for her.

 

 

Best bet is to ignore it and move on. If your Ex is serious about contacting you, she would have. I'm sure you didn't block her number and she knows where you live. Nothing is stopping her from going over there and knocking on the front door.

[Tanzmix]

Yeah dude. Let sleeping dogs lay. Your Ex discovered that she doesn't have a way to contact you. You've blocked her from all your social media outlets.

 

 

Here's the deal, she broke up with you so she could be single on a holiday trip and get wild with a bunch of guys guilt free. Now that the holiday trip is over, her friend states that she "missing you". So what!!!! She made a choice and that was to have you out of her life before her holiday trip. This shouldn't be a relationship of convenience where she gets to dump you and run off to sow her wild oats on a trip and then come back and say, "Okay, I'm back and I miss you again!" I mean, seriously! What would happen if there was another holiday trip again? You want to go through this a second time?

 

 

Plus, you really don't know if what the friend is telling you is the truth. Maybe her friend is missing you and missing seeing the two of you together. Maybe she's convinced that you need to be with her and is appalled at her behavior with these other guys and wants you to be "Captain save a ho" Because she believes that you're right for her.

 

 

Best bet is to ignore it and move on. If your Ex is serious about contacting you, she would have. I'm sure you didn't block her number and she knows where you live. Nothing is stopping her from going over there and knocking on the front door.

 

The clarify, the holiday is for later this year and I totally didnt have an issue with her going, I was just a bit funny about it supposedly being a girls holiday and then all of a sudden a load of guys are tagging along.

 

But I agree that she made her choice and should really be the one to contact me I guess. I don't want to be second best as she was always my first priority.