My Break-up and the progress

[Piggie]

Greetings from Holland!

 

I've been reading several posts on this forum and I must tell you guys: the advice y'all have been giving me has helped me a lot! So in return, I will write down my story and I hope it helps anyone out here.

 

4 months ago my ex-girlfriend and I have broken up. She had doubts about being with me and our relationship wasn't progressing as it should. We were stuck and it was kinda like a endless circle of going nowhere. I still did quite a lot to improve it, but wasn't getting much in return. When I look back I see I lost myself in the relationship and something we all must watch out for.

 

Anyways, we had a lot of confrontations about her doubts and irritations (she was almost irritated by everything I did: the way I eat, talk, stand etc.). She always said: "Maybe we should take a break." or "Some time apart will help." But she wasn't taking action, till I did in September. I told her: "If you can't do it, shall I..." And she said 'yes'.

I was broken. I still loved her very much, and I had the feeling I was forced into a break I didn't even want. But at that moment I thought it would be for the best. I heard mutual friends saying: "She just needs time." or "She told me that she still has the feeling you are getting back together." Confused as I was, I still had quite some hope.

I saw her 3 weeks after that and we had limited contact during that time. We had sex at that point and had a wonderful "Last night"... After that I went NC. I was a wreck. Still loved her, and wanted nothing else then her.

1 month of NC and I contacted her again. And it was the best thing I could have ever done. First some IM'ing on FB and after that I called her. So asked me how I was doing, and I told her I didn't know and was having doubts and confusing thought myself now. She told me she was seeing someone else, a guy from work. I was destroyed...

A mutual friend told me she had been seeing him 4 weeks after we broke up, was sleeping with him almost every day etc etc...

 

That was the turning point.

 

Still confused I had to convice myself she wasn't the one (1,5 months post break-up). I was still in love with her and hurt badly. How can she do something this? How can she just trade me in that easily? How can you jump from one to another?

1 month after the phonecall, I saw her again during a concert. We had a brief 'hello' and went our seperate ways after that. I saw her looking at me the entire time: probably to see how I am doing (which was still bad). But I held firm. After a while we had a brief conversation about work and study. She then asked me: "How are you doing besides work and study?" implicating... I told her: "Well, I think it's good that we broke up." Nothing more, nothing less. She responded with: "Ow, ok."

That's the last time I saw her.

Holidays came and it was hard. Still NC, but memories come boiling up and I sometimes became emotional.

Now, January began hard, but since 2 weeks it's mostly gone. I still feel some resentment towards her, so I am not over her. But I do not want her back.

 

I am so happy with my life. My study is going great, I love my work and collegues. And my family and friends, which whom I couldn't do without. I've been working out, getting attention from lots of different women and I am just an all around confident guy. After 4 months I just notice, I don't need her, don't want her and, if she ever came back, I wouldn't able thrust her anymore so it wouldn't work out anyway.

 

So my advice is. Start NC immediately, go through all your emotions (work on them and just let them all out when you need to). Talk with friends about it (this has helped me sooo much). I read some books about letting go and about where certain emotions and feelings come from (books from acknowledged psychologists). Work out or start playing a sport. Take up a hobby (I bought a new guitar (I am a singer/pianist myself) and just started playing till my fingers bled ). And just focus on YOU. She isn't her anymore, it's only YOU. You and your family/friends that will never leave you.

 

I hope you all get to the point where I am now. Still not entirely over it, but caring less and less, till just all feelings are gone and I only feel indifference.

 

Sorry for the long story, and ty for reading.

Greetings from Rotterdam, Holland

[jimmy1968]

I'm 7 months and it is still hard. My Ex has BPD and we have a child so I can't fully have no contact. The no contact has to be a mental thing which I believe maybe takes longer.

 

I'm getting stronger everyday and doing things for myself. Woman are finding interest in me and my new confidence. I have hobbies and my life is starting to revolve more around me and what I want. Not taking care of her.

 

The universe has given me a second chance and I'm rid of her, but as the one who ended it I still feel feelings toward her.

 

The sleeping with another men really bugs me. Think it might be a primal thing in our brain.

 

Thanks for your post!

[SycamoreCircle]

You do realize when she started to waiver in her feelings towards you, the guy was already in the picture?

[Piggie]

You do realize when she started to waiver in her feelings towards you, the guy was already in the picture?

 

No, I don't think so. And even if it was, it would only strengthen my view. Namely, that I don't want her in my life in any way.

[Piggie]

I'm 7 months and it is still hard. My Ex has BPD and we have a child so I can't fully have no contact. The no contact has to be a mental thing which I believe maybe takes longer.

 

I'm getting stronger everyday and doing things for myself. Woman are finding interest in me and my new confidence. I have hobbies and my life is starting to revolve more around me and what I want. Not taking care of her.

 

The universe has given me a second chance and I'm rid of her, but as the one who ended it I still feel feelings toward her.

 

The sleeping with another men really bugs me. Think it might be a primal thing in our brain.

 

Thanks for your post!

 

Having a child does complicate things. It is always a reminder of the times with her, which is, especially in the beginning, hard to deal with.

 

The sleeping with another ****s with your brain as well, but after a while it just doesn't bother me. Haven't seen her with a new fling yet, so that helps I guess.

 

Just focussing on myself, on the choices I am gonna make, having a good time while doing it and enjoying total freedom is where I am at now. A new love will come. Maybe not now, but in the future it will, I am sure of it.

 

I am only 24, so still got a long life ahead of me. I can do everything I want now!