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just need to say something


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Hi I am new to this forum and after reading a few of the posts just really feel like I need to get this out of my system.

 

Me and my partner of 2 years have recently split, she has 5 kids and the two youngest ones (twins) see me as their dad. The other 3 have regular contact with their biological father. They mean the world to me and our reason for splitting is that last month I had major surgery and what seemed like everyday she started to pick fights and was different things from me not doing enough to not spending enough time with her. I was recovering and struggled to pick myself up, but I did mainly to keep her happy. I was hoping after xmas things would have settled down.

 

They didn't and she continued to tell me about a lot that I was doing wrong, during this period I noticed her talking about someone she works with and things started to feel wrong.

 

I approached her and it went all wrong we had a major argument and she ended up taking the twins and spending the night over her brothers.

 

Things calmed down and we slept together I noticed a huge difference in the way she was and never ever experienced it like that with her before.

 

She sent me a text whilst I was working to tell me she was going out with her work colleagues and cancelled a date night which had been planned weeks before. In fairness she did say she arranged that whilst she was staying at her brothers cause of us falling out. I had a sneaky feeling this day she text me she was on shift with this other person and when I asked her she admitted she was.

 

My stomach dropped and later that day we had a conversation. I approached her with my feelings and she completely denied it saying I needed to get some help. I have since looked into moving out because I am seriously not coping. I went to see how much her phone bill was because it's in my name and as soon as I log in to the account it says you have used data outside of your allowance. There has been pics sent to a number I do not know and a quick google search brings up this person she works with.

 

She stayed out last night after a works night out and I have left her be she has said there is no reason for me to move out, but something isn't feeling right. She did text me yesterday saying something like if we are to begin discussing our future then you need to sort out your trust and I hate you thinking and feeling this way and that all she wants is my trust. I have made it clear that at this time I need to move out as this situation is unhealthy for everyone. Truth is tho I'm hurting like I cant even explain and also for the first year of our relationship if not slightly longer she had terrible jealousy issues which maybe wrongly I stood by her.

Am really sorry if I have babbled just needed to get it out of my system

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For the first year of our relationship if not slightly longer she had terrible jealousy issues which maybe wrongly I stood by her.
Kaikai, welcome to the LoveShack forum. Most of what you describe could be said of any young woman who is simply falling out of love. Yet, a few of the behaviors you describe -- the "terrible jealousy" and her frequently putting you down with criticisms -- are a red flag that she may have a great fear of abandonment. It therefore would be helpful if you would give us much more detail on what was so terrible about her irrational jealousy. Also, did she suffer abuse or abandonment in early childhood, say before the age of five?
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Kaikai, welcome to the LoveShack forum. Most of what you describe could be said of any young woman who is simply falling out of love. Yet, a few of the behaviors you describe -- the "terrible jealousy" and her frequently putting you down with criticisms -- are a red flag that she may have a great fear of abandonment. It therefore would be helpful if you would give us much more detail on what was so terrible about her irrational jealousy. Also, did she suffer abuse or abandonment in early childhood, say before the age of five?

thanks for your response :)

well it got the point I wasn't going out with friends and she even managed to get into my facebook and would involve my friends by contacting them and saying stuff like I was ignoring her it got really bad

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and forgot to add sorry I know that she has not had the best of relationships with her mum and dad and she has felt very let down by her parents

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In that case, Kaikai, I suggest you take a look at my list of BPD red flags at 18 BPD Warning Signs to see whether most of those signs to sound very familiar. If so, I would suggest you also read my more detailed description of these warning signs at my posts in Rebel's Thread. If that description rings many bells, I would be glad to discuss it with you. Take care, Kaikai

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thanks for your response :)

well it got the point I wasn't going out with friends and she even managed to get into my facebook and would involve my friends by contacting them and saying stuff like I was ignoring her it got really bad

 

 

I can relate to this Kaikai. Look at the stuff Downtown has linked.

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In that case, Kaikai, I suggest you take a look at my list of BPD red flags at 18 BPD Warning Signs to see whether most of those signs to sound very familiar. If so, I would suggest you also read my more detailed description of these warning signs at my posts in Rebel's Thread. If that description rings many bells, I would be glad to discuss it with you. Take care, Kaikai

 

 

Wow. BPD accurately describes my ex gf for the most part. It all makes sense.

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I can relate to this Kaikai. Look at the stuff Downtown has linked.

 

Haydn,

 

I have a shyness that is criminally vulgar! :)

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In that case, Kaikai, I suggest you take a look at my list of BPD red flags at 18 BPD Warning Signs to see whether most of those signs to sound very familiar. If so, I would suggest you also read my more detailed description of these warning signs at my posts in Rebel's Thread. If that description rings many bells, I would be glad to discuss it with you. Take care, Kaikai

thank you I shall take a look at that now it has been a while since I have viewed my post as I have since moved out and things have got much worse. She has constantly commented on my friends and genuinely believes that I am sleeping with them :( yesterday I changed my number and have had to block her on facebook... just really need the head space right now, though it is really hard when you have feelings for someone

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Kaikai, welcome to the LoveShack forum. Most of what you describe could be said of any young woman who is simply falling out of love. Yet, a few of the behaviors you describe -- the "terrible jealousy" and her frequently putting you down with criticisms -- are a red flag that she may have a great fear of abandonment. It therefore would be helpful if you would give us much more detail on what was so terrible about her irrational jealousy. Also, did she suffer abuse or abandonment in early childhood, say before the age of five?[/quote

 

was a really good read and so much of it relates to her....I found the black and white thinking very hard

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