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Very nice guy but I am not interested at all romantically


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I start dating this guy recently (30, very well educated, many common interests), after rejecting him twice during last year. Some background: the first time I didn't want to see him due to family loss, the second time - I was in a relationship with someone else. However, in the end it was probably the lack of attraction and I thought he got the clue...

 

I thought so at least. He contacted me again last December, in a time that I was exiting a horrible relationship, so I went with him on a date. It was ok, we had good conversation but no spark. We met two more times in January. He NEVER initiated any form of physical intimacy, which honestly made the experience comfortable for me. Now he is asking me out again.

 

I don't know how to proceed. I never even flirted with him and I like him as a friend (nothing more), but still not sure what he wants from this dating situation. He is visibly very unexperienced, naive (in a charming way), and a good person, but very far from my type. Shall I cut all contact? Or try to "friendzone" him in a clear way (e.g. by inviting him out with me AND other people)?

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Marco Valerio

Tell him the truth!!!

Quote from the movie Flipped: "Next time you're faced with a choice, do the right thing. It hurts everyone less in the long run"

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He wants a relationship, and from a guys point of view once we decide we 'like like' you, it won't go away.

 

Tell him the truth, that you do not like him that way and simply ignore him. Any contact will usually be taken as breadcrumbs to interest.

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The simplest answer is often the best one: Just tell him you're not interested. If he continues to choose to hang out with you as a friend, he's probably either A. Accepted your truth and decided having a friend is better than nothing or B. Hoping you'll change your mind. Keep an eye out for B, because that's how some guys think. But at least if you're totally honest with him, then that is on him, not you.

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Okay, 30, well educated shows that he sets his goals and achieves them, probably has a decent job and career. Takes you out on a date or two and isn't pawing all over you; but rather, respects your space and gets to know you as a person and not as someone he just wants to take to bed? That about right?

 

 

Tell him the truth and cut ties with him. Do not try to friend zone him, it only fills him up with false hope and that's cruel. If those qualities I described are on point, then don't worry about him. As soon as other girls can see those qualities, he won't be single for long.

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I concur with everyone else, tell him you like him as a person/friend/whatever, but that you aren't interested in pursuing any form of romantic relationship. There's no need to be rude, and equally important, don't allow him to think your relationship is anything more than a platonic friendship ;).

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Why would you possibly consider dating him again when you have already said you are not interested in him romantically? Don't go out with him anymore. No one appreciates someone who is not interested wasting their time and money. Just be honest and tell him you are really not interested. I don't know why you need a thread about this.

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Haha, sure, I know he is awesome - if he wasn't a little socially awkward he wouldn't be single. Btw the social awkwardness do not bother me at all... It is the lack of physical attraction as superficial as it sounds :(

 

 

Okay, 30, well educated shows that he sets his goals and achieves them, probably has a decent job and career. Takes you out on a date or two and isn't pawing all over you; but rather, respects your space and gets to know you as a person and not as someone he just wants to take to bed? That about right?

 

 

Tell him the truth and cut ties with him. Do not try to friend zone him, it only fills him up with false hope and that's cruel. If those qualities I described are on point, then don't worry about him. As soon as other girls can see those qualities, he won't be single for long.

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Because I was not sure (and still I am not) what his intentions are (although I start interacting him on a dating site, as mentioned this was before last summer... ). Maybe naively of me I thought he may see me as a potential (platonic) friend.

 

Btw not wasting anyone's money/time :D I work around his schedule and always split the bill.

 

The thread was because I feel awkward to have a "talk" with him since I don't understand what exactly he wants - he is asking me out, but as mentioned, do not flirt or initiate anything physical. It will be our 4th date if I go out with him again... I just wonder from a guy standpoint, is it possible that he just likes me as a person, and that is why he keep contacting me?

 

Why would you possibly consider dating him again when you have already said you are not interested in him romantically? Don't go out with him anymore. No one appreciates someone who is not interested wasting their time and money. Just be honest and tell him you are really not interested. I don't know why you need a thread about this.
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sober and dry

If you also don't know what's his intentions that's even a better point to start with!

 

Platonic friend of someone you know so little?! That doesn't make any sense at all...

 

From a guy standpoint, he might not even fully know if he just likes you as a person, so why not keeping contact to get to know you better?...

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The thread was because I feel awkward to have a "talk" with him since I don't understand what exactly he wants - he is asking me out, but as mentioned, do not flirt or initiate anything physical. It will be our 4th date if I go out with him again... I just wonder from a guy standpoint, is it possible that he just likes me as a person, and that is why he keep contacting me?

 

If you have no physical attraction to him what difference does it make what his original intention is? Are you saying that your attraction to him depends on his attraction to you?

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If you have no physical attraction to him what difference does it make what his original intention is? Are you saying that your attraction to him depends on his attraction to you?

 

No, but if he is NOT attracted I would love to keep him as a platonic friend. Else will be unfair to keep meeting him.

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sober and dry
No, but if he is NOT attracted I would love to keep him as a platonic friend. Else will be unfair to keep meeting him.

I would say you are setting yourself up for a mess...

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I would say you are setting yourself up for a mess...

 

OMG, indeed. He got us tickets for a nice classical concert :( I feel so bad going with him since this will be our forth date and seems like he is willing to move further...

 

I haven't been responding his messages for days to give him hint but this failed apparently :( So now I am going with him to this concert, I will try to pay him my ticket back and somehow tell him the truth ...

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Haha, sure, I know he is awesome - if he wasn't a little socially awkward he wouldn't be single. Btw the social awkwardness do not bother me at all... It is the lack of physical attraction as superficial as it sounds :(

 

I know the feeling. I was talking to this guy and we connected so well over the phone and via text. He was so nice and sweet. Then when I finally met up with him (2 weeks of talking) there was nooooo physical attraction and I felt horrible!! It's so sad that attraction is almost as important as personality. I didn't wanna lead him on so I was taking it slow, and I just wanted to hang out a bit more to see if I can grow an attraction. Well, he said I was moving at the pace of a snail so I was like okAy bye! I was going slow for his sake to not hurt him!!!

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Haha, sure, I know he is awesome - if he wasn't a little socially awkward he wouldn't be single. Btw the social awkwardness do not bother me at all... It is the lack of physical attraction as superficial as it sounds :(

 

I saw this show recently called "Married at First Sight". People never met before, are introduced to each other at the alter. Crazy, but anyway, there was this one couple. The woman was not attracted at all to the guy, she started to cry, told herself it was a huge mistake, not to do it, etc. At the end of 30 days they were given the option to divorce or stay together. She ended up falling for the guy. His personality, patience with her, etc, won her over. Sure they had problems, be he accepted her unconditionally. They're still married to this day.

 

I have girlfriends that I didn't think were physically attractive to me at first, but I got to know them and fell head over heels. Substance wins everytime over looks... which eventually fades.

 

If you think it's in you to give the guy a chance, don't be so quick to dismiss him. If you can't, you can't, then just be honest and end it quick.

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OMG, indeed. He got us tickets for a nice classical concert :( I feel so bad going with him since this will be our forth date and seems like he is willing to move further...

 

I haven't been responding his messages for days to give him hint but this failed apparently :( So now I am going with him to this concert, I will try to pay him my ticket back and somehow tell him the truth ...

 

I'd call him up and tell him that you really appreciate the offer to take you to the concert but don't feel like the two of you are a good dating match. The sooner the better so he can find someone else to go with or sell the tickets. It sounds like you're leading him on at this point because you're scared to tell the truth about how you feel. That's not good.

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I saw this show recently called "Married at First Sight". People never met before, are introduced to each other at the alter. Crazy, but anyway, there was this one couple. The woman was not attracted at all to the guy, she started to cry, told herself it was a huge mistake, not to do it, etc. At the end of 30 days they were given the option to divorce or stay together. She ended up falling for the guy. His personality, patience with her, etc, won her over. Sure they had problems, be he accepted her unconditionally. They're still married to this day.

 

I have girlfriends that I didn't think were physically attractive to me at first, but I got to know them and fell head over heels. Substance wins everytime over looks... which eventually fades.

 

If you think it's in you to give the guy a chance, don't be so quick to dismiss him. If you can't, you can't, then just be honest and end it quick.

 

I love that show!! That was Doug and Jamie!!! They matched them together because he was the type of man she wanted- family oriented and funny. She wasn't attracted to him at all, but it was so adorable watching her grow a crush on him to loving him. They are so happy now!! :)

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OMG, indeed. He got us tickets for a nice classical concert :( I feel so bad going with him since this will be our forth date and seems like he is willing to move further...

 

I haven't been responding his messages for days to give him hint but this failed apparently :( So now I am going with him to this concert, I will try to pay him my ticket back and somehow tell him the truth ...

 

Ugh!

 

Look at your user name.

 

No Go.

 

Despite him being a great guy in many ways, you aren't attracted to him. Yes that is shallow, but it's normal.

 

Don't go to the concert with him. Tell him that you aren't attracted to him and leave it at that.

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  • 3 weeks later...
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Yes, I set myself up for a mess by being too indirect I guess.

 

In the beginning of the month after another invitation for dinner plus an invite for a Valentine's day event, I politely explained to him that I am looking just for friendship since I am not over my ex. I though this will end there, but recently he start contacting me again saying that he accept my terms.

 

I am ok with going for dinner with him as a friend but I am afraid he is way too pushy for proper friendship. He acts desperate and this frustrates me. No idea is it safe to proceed with the friendship stuff...

 

I want to be nice since he technically has done nothing bad, but his all-accepting behavior is concerning to me. Plus we live very closeby and it is hard to avoid him completely :(

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You are wasting his time and yours. Why can't you just be stronger and tell him you are not interested. Why do you continue to date him when you are not interested? Shouldn't you instead look for men that you are attracted to? I know you have set terms but anymore contact with this poor man is still leading him on.

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If you're too nice he's going to keep pushing and thinking there is hope. He's not respecting that you don't want to pursue anything romantically so you are going to have to be more direct. Do not accept dinner invitations or anything that is one-on-one with him. You can be friendly if you run into him, but if he continues to pursue you after you've rejected him, you may need to distance yourself more and more. It sounds like you've done your best to let him down nicely but he's not getting it.

 

Did you go to the concert with him?

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