Lionheart1557 Posted December 25, 2014 Share Posted December 25, 2014 (edited) So I am going to try to be concise as possible. Me and my ex dated for 4 months and she dumped me at the end of August. I lingered around like a jackass texting, calling, trying to reconcile the situation. We remained friends which was a huge mistake on my part. October we had a falling out but we were able to reconcile respectfully and decided to mutually go NC. I remained in NC until November 12th when I ran into her at the gym. I saw her and decided to approach her as I felt it was the mature thing to do. She seemed surprised and even thrown off when I came up to her. I kept the conversation short, asked her how she was doing, how her family was, and then said I had to go continue my workout. I did not linger around more than 30 seconds as I did not want the situation to get awkward. I went home felt like **** for the next few days as old feelings started to creep up. Fought through all that and just continued going NC. Fast forward to last Friday. I was walking into the gym and she was leaving, we both made eye contact from 30-40 feet out so we both knew there was no way of avoiding each other without saying hi. She said hi first and I casually said hi and she asked how I was doing and I replied good how about you? I did all that without stopping and making minimal eye contact. I probably came off as an ******* and it wasn't my intentions but my defenses are up so high that it was just my natural reaction. Then today I saw her in the gym with the corner of my eye but tried to make it obvious and just went about my workout. I know she saw me at one point because she put her hoody on and moved to a different machine away from me. I don't know if I pissed her off by not saying hi or if she was trying to avoid me but my mentality was that I am the dumpee and I have no reason to come up and acknowledge you when I already did that once. Went home and felt like crap again. I did get a good workout in so I guess that is something to be happy about. I am having a tough time dealing with this situation. I am obviously not over the situation and wish I had made more progress. I guess I need your guy's insight on this situation and what to do in the future run-ins or what not to do? Thanks and so much for keeping this concise lol. Edited December 25, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Edited for paragraphs Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted December 25, 2014 Share Posted December 25, 2014 Go to the gym at times she won't be there or find a new gym. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lionheart1557 Posted December 25, 2014 Author Share Posted December 25, 2014 I could do that. I mean I try to go at random times but that doesn't always work. As far as going to a new gym, not a chance. I have been working out there since the last 10 years. I just want to get to the point where I can just look at her and just be numb and feel nothing for her. Link to post Share on other sites
leafguy Posted December 25, 2014 Share Posted December 25, 2014 I would change up your times for the next little while to try and avoid the pain. That being said, you shouldn't shy away if you do see her. Im a big believer in faking it until you make it. If you do run into her, Id put on the fake confidence until you are truly that confident again. If it were me in this spot, Id be keeping my own routine and not giving her the satisfaction of knowing Im avoiding her. Not trying to be vindictive but it's a moral victory for the dumpee to see the dumper hurting as much as they are. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lionheart1557 Posted December 25, 2014 Author Share Posted December 25, 2014 I guess I can do that. I think you're right. I am just upset that I feel like I was healing and then every time I run into her it feels like a big set back. I want to get in good shape and make her regret her decision. I know that's not the right mentality to have but it does motivate me. Link to post Share on other sites
Elle1975 Posted December 26, 2014 Share Posted December 26, 2014 Well, who wants to constantly run into an ex? That's probably putting her off. Change gym, easier than feeling like crap every time you run into her. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lionheart1557 Posted January 18, 2015 Author Share Posted January 18, 2015 I know the general rule for a dumpee (me in this instance), is not to contact the ex on their birthday. Long story short, we dated for three months, and she dumped me in September. She made it look like she was so interested in me, introduced me to her family, and talked about all her plans for the future with me included in them, all to just randomly say she wasn't feeling in one day and wanted to break up. I did the things I was not supposed to do by freaking out and seeking reconciliation at first. Then I made the bone head move of staying friends for a few weeks before we had a falling out in October where we mutually agreed to go NC. I haven't contacted her since and just been focusing on myself. We crossed paths a few times at the gym where she said, "hi how are you?" first and I replied briefly and kept walking not making much eye contact. I'm still upset and saddened because I felt like we had a strong connection and she really spoiled me on my birthday. She showed up at my doorstep at 12:01 AM with presents and stuff. I feel guilty if I let her birthday pass without any communication. I feel hurt still and would like this person back in my life but I don't want to do anything that sets me back. On the other hand, I have came to terms and accepted that I have to move on and there is a higher probability than not that she will never contact me or come back. I have no idea what to do for this week on her birthday and I need you guys to give me the best answer. Thanks Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted January 18, 2015 Share Posted January 18, 2015 Do nothing for her and do something for yourself instead. No contact. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Deidre Posted January 18, 2015 Share Posted January 18, 2015 Stay NC. It's just another day, now. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Ieris Posted January 18, 2015 Share Posted January 18, 2015 I agree with Satu, do nothing. Lots of people use Birthdays, Christmas, New Years etc as an excuse to get in touch with their exes and put way too much thought into it, whereas the exes can't care less if they hear from you or not. Some might say "thank you" and some may completely blank you which will only set you back. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
bigtrouble Posted January 18, 2015 Share Posted January 18, 2015 I know the general rule for a dumpee (me in this instance), is not to contact the ex on their birthday. Long story short, we dated for three months, and she dumped me in September. She made it look like she was so interested in me, introduced me to her family, and talked about all her plans for the future with me included in them, all to just randomly say she wasn't feeling in one day and wanted to break up. I did the things I was not supposed to do by freaking out and seeking reconciliation at first. Then I made the bone head move of staying friends for a few weeks before we had a falling out in October where we mutually agreed to go NC. I haven't contacted her since and just been focusing on myself. We crossed paths a few times at the gym where she said, "hi how are you?" first and I replied briefly and kept walking not making much eye contact. I'm still upset and saddened because I felt like we had a strong connection and she really spoiled me on my birthday. She showed up at my doorstep at 12:01 AM with presents and stuff. I feel guilty if I let her birthday pass without any communication. I feel hurt still and would like this person back in my life but I don't want to do anything that sets me back. On the other hand, I have came to terms and accepted that I have to move on and there is a higher probability than not that she will never contact me or come back. I have no idea what to do for this week on her birthday and I need you guys to give me the best answer. Thanks You both agreed to NC stick with it... You are not over her it will hurt you, and you know it will set you back... Link to post Share on other sites
Trapito Posted January 18, 2015 Share Posted January 18, 2015 You owe her nothing, you two have broken up and are not friends. Don't buy her a present, it will make you look desperate like you are trying to buy her love. I'm really sorry you are hurting, but buying her a present will not make the pain go away. Instead give yourself a present, the present to move on and live your life to the fullest. You do this by implementing NC. Hang in there and keep posting, we are here for you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lionheart1557 Posted January 18, 2015 Author Share Posted January 18, 2015 Well, I was the never going to buy her a gift lol but I was only suggesting to contact her and wish her a happy birthday. But with your guy's replies, which I truly appreciate, you suggest I shouldn't. I'm just having a tough time plowing through the days. I have other women I am contacting and they seem to be interested but I am having a hard time maintaining my interest in them. Does anyone have any suggestions on how to regain interest in dating again? Is the wound too fresh? Thanks everyone for your replies Link to post Share on other sites
Trapito Posted January 18, 2015 Share Posted January 18, 2015 Don't contact her for her birthday, it's just a day like any else day. No need to send something nice to the person who rejected you and your love. You will get either no response, or a 'thank you'. Both responses will make you feel like sh-t. If you are not ready to date, then don't. Just take care of yourself, hangout with friends and family. Go get buff at the gym, take up a new hobby or follow a class. What ever you do, do NOT contact her. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
sober and dry Posted January 18, 2015 Share Posted January 18, 2015 Just heal, as you said, the wound is too fresh it seams. Link to post Share on other sites
bigtrouble Posted January 18, 2015 Share Posted January 18, 2015 (edited) Well, I was the never going to buy her a gift lol but I was only suggesting to contact her and wish her a happy birthday. But with your guy's replies, which I truly appreciate, you suggest I shouldn't. I'm just having a tough time plowing through the days. I have other women I am contacting and they seem to be interested but I am having a hard time maintaining my interest in them. Does anyone have any suggestions on how to regain interest in dating again? Is the wound too fresh? Thanks everyone for your replies I am fresh from BU and my Ex birthday is in 5days, I have decided to remain NC. Hang in there, you are not alone in this struggle. About Dating, if you are ready for it, Emotionally stable and available there is no stopping you. If not, it will feel flat and you will end up comparing your dates to your Ex this would mean you're not over her yet, and may affect your healing. But its different for everyone, some find dating as a way of distraction, or possibly finding romance or love to mend a broken heart. Edited January 18, 2015 by bigtrouble 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Chin Up Posted January 18, 2015 Share Posted January 18, 2015 My 2¢.. Don't send anything, and don't feel guilty for it! You're making up an excuse to contact her and rationalizing it with a special occasion. My exes b-day is a week from now and I'm not sending him squat. Well, maybe a flaming bag of doggy doo.. - I kid! (..or do i? *wiggles eyebrows*) A few weeks ago i was really flip flopping on this. The thought of not wishing him a Happy Bday made me feel really guilty and all around ..bad. I kept thinking "If I don't say something, he will think i hate him, or forgot about him, or he will be really hurt and angry. What if he's secretly hoping I send that text or make that call, and then i don't. He will be sooo sad. me oh my, whatever shall i do????" NOTHING! My emotions are in check now so I feel like i'm thinking straight. When he broke up with me, he forfeited any treatments from me that a girlfriend would do. We agreed to be friends, but he didn't act one. Not even a little..so he's forfeited any treatment from me as a friend, too. I'm also at a point where I honestly don't give a poop that it's his bday. I think me not saying anything will surprise him for a whopping 5 minutes but it also let's him know that i'm done and moved on. He isn't a priority anymore. She's going to make the most of her birthday no matter if you send something or not, so..I wouldn't bother. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
dumbass2 Posted January 18, 2015 Share Posted January 18, 2015 My ex broke up with me mid April and my birthday was 1st of June. I spoiled her for her birthday WHEN WE WERE TOGETHER. My birthday came and passed without anything and I really thought she would text me something. We were not in an agreed upon NC at the time and had recent communication. Send her absolutely nothing like everyone is going to tell you. It really is meaningless because you are no longer together and you are not friends, so what's the point? It wont help you at all because you send it just hoping for a reaction (or really, why else would you?) and don't get a "thank you" or anything else back and if you did you would take it as hope. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted January 18, 2015 Share Posted January 18, 2015 I'm still upset and saddened because I felt like we had a strong connection and she really spoiled me on my birthday. She showed up at my doorstep at 12:01 AM with presents and stuff. I feel guilty if I let her birthday pass without any communication She gave you gifts while you two were a couple. You two are not a couple anymore and are in NC mode. There's no friendship either so there's no point in acknowledging her birthday. Don't feel bad, guilty or beat yourself up over it. It is what it is. A relationship that has ended and you two aren't in each others lives anymore. Do NOT send her a happy birthday text or email. Link to post Share on other sites
erklat Posted January 18, 2015 Share Posted January 18, 2015 It is a relief not to acknowledge their special occasion . You should try it. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Marco Valerio Posted January 18, 2015 Share Posted January 18, 2015 I agree with Satu!!! you don't own her anything. She broke it off, she decided to go without you. Do not try to look for excuses to contact her, work on yourself, for the next girl that will come to your life. If someone doesn't want you in their life, it doesn't mean you have to do whatever is possible to change their mind, is their free decision. Love is not about begging, is about being loved and loving. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lionheart1557 Posted January 19, 2015 Author Share Posted January 19, 2015 Thank you all. I do not know what I was thinking? I am going on a date with a new lady today with no expectations and then on Wednesday (ex's birthday), I am taking out another new lady out to eat. I do not see any harm in playing the field as long as I don't lead anyone on which I have no intentions to do because I know how that feels and believe in karma. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lionheart1557 Posted January 22, 2015 Author Share Posted January 22, 2015 Long story short was dumped in October and she was there for my bday in September. I knew this day was coming and almost cracked and texted her. I felt crappy all day today and still do but I refrained from doing it. Thankfully I had a good friend who held me back from doing it. Logically I should be thinking that I shouldn't want someone who let me go but I guess my heart and mind doesn't comprehend what I know. I truly want her back but feel the odds are slim to none. My only question is by not contacting her on her bday does that make any chance of reconciliation (if there ever was a chance for it) more remote? Link to post Share on other sites
bigtrouble Posted January 22, 2015 Share Posted January 22, 2015 (edited) Long story short was dumped in October and she was there for my bday in September. I knew this day was coming and almost cracked and texted her. I felt crappy all day today and still do but I refrained from doing it. Thankfully I had a good friend who held me back from doing it. Logically I should be thinking that I shouldn't want someone who let me go but I guess my heart and mind doesn't comprehend what I know. I truly want her back but feel the odds are slim to none. My only question is by not contacting her on her bday does that make any chance of reconciliation (if there ever was a chance for it) more remote? I understand what you are going through I am 1 month after BU 13days NC. Tomorrow is my Ex B-day, I Know I lost her, still has illusion of hope. I miss her, I want to text her and say Happy Birthday. But in truth I am only deceiving myself I just want an excuse to contact her. Most of all I want her to respond thinking it might strike some good memories. Remember me, remember what we had. I know its wrong and I am really so weak and super tempted. Its a fool's errand and I am doing my best to hold back. What you feel is understandable. We gotta hang one and Man up... I am having a panic attack right now and my heart is racing beating irregularly... So much stress and I also have a job applications appointment on the same day... I hope I don't screw up or space out... Edited January 22, 2015 by bigtrouble 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lionheart1557 Posted January 22, 2015 Author Share Posted January 22, 2015 I understand what you are going through I am 1 month after BU 13days NC. Tomorrow is my Ex B-day, I Know I lost her, still has illusion of hope. I miss her, I want to text her and say Happy Birthday. But in truth I am only deceiving myself I just want an excuse to contact her. Most of all I want her to respond thinking it might strike some good memories. Remember me, remember what we had. I know its wrong and I am really so weak and super tempted. Its a fool's errand and I am doing my best to hold back. What you feel is understandable. We gotta hang one and Man up... I am having a panic attack right now and my heart is racing beating irregularly... So much stress and I also have a job applications appointment on the same day... I hope I don't screw up or space out... Thanks for the reply! Man, I have a job interview tomorrow too so I can relate and hopefully I don't screw it up. I have been in no contact for a little over three months. I know I lost her as well and really I couldn't kid myself that I am hanging on to false hope and by me wishing her happy birthday would have just made me more hopeful for nothing. I wish you the best with your situation and just hang in there. This forum is very supportive with people going through similar situations. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts