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I feel like my heart is being ripped apart....


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Me and ex were together for 2 years and broke up 2 months ago because he says he is at a stage of his life where he feels he's not ready to be in a relationship. It's not GIGS, and there is no one else. I'm sure of that. It's not because he wants to go off and sow his wild oats or anything. He just claims he needs to work on himself and he can't be with anyone right now.

I'm so hurt.

It still kills sooo bad. He's 23 and I'm 22 by the way.

 

During the two months I went NC but he said he still in love with me and he still cares and wanted to still be part of my life. I said no because it wouldn't help ME move on. I stuck to NC. He messaged me happy Xmas but I didn't respond. I gave in on New Years because I missed him so bad and I texted him happy new year. We started talking again (even though I should have stuck to NC I know - I'm weak). And then I suggested to meet up. He was delighted.

 

When we met up it was like nothing had changed and we were still so in love. We acted like we were still together and nothing had happened! He was so affectionate etc he told me he loved me and there was and had been no one else.

I was soooo happy. But then after he left we argued because he was still adamant he didn't want to be together. He said that even though he loves me - he isn't ready. I feel like I'm back to square one. He told me I'm the most amazing girl he had ever been with but he thinks what he's doing is the right thing. He said that he knows I could meet and fall for someone else but "that is the risk he has to take"

 

I'm devastated and distraught. Our relationship wasn't perfect and he had done a lot of crap but I love this guy and would have done anything for him.

Why didnt he love me enough? Why wasn't I good enough? What was wrong with me?

I feel so rejected. Will I ever get over this feeling of rejection?

Will I always remember him as the one I loved but who rejected me?

Does this ever get better???

 

I'm writing this with tears streaming down my eyes I just feel no hope in the future. I Know I'm only 22 but I thought I was going to marry this guy I never have loved anyone as much as him.

How will I even love again.

 

Sorry for the long post but this just hurts so much

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I just feel a range of emotions right now: angry, sad, hurt, rejected, pain

I feel like it's 2 years of everything down the drain. Everything we had together...down the drain. It's so unfair. I was the only one who wanted to preserve what we had

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I just feel a range of emotions right now: angry, sad, hurt, rejected, pain

I feel like it's 2 years of everything down the drain. Everything we had together...down the drain. It's so unfair. I was the only one who wanted to preserve what we had

 

Things happen in a relationship, you meet someone you fall in love. You close your eyes and you are sure, but its not always the case for both.

 

After you NC he keeps reaching out for what purpose?

 

He came back as if nothing happened, you were NC that should have put him on a right frame of mind, and would have taken things seriously, but he seems to be keeping you around.

 

I thought I was going to marry this guy

 

I'm sorry for this, but he is just so callous, how he can just walk out on somebody, come back and act as if nothing has happened and walk out again.

 

Go NC and heal, you don't deserve to be hurt like this....

Edited by bigtrouble
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Honey, deep breaths.

 

We have all been where you are - feeling the aches and pains of breaking up.

 

It does get better, but not overnight and not as fast as you'll want to.

 

Healing takes time and work. Go NC. You have to for you. Otherwise, you'll be stuck with the same sh itty feelings.

 

Don't look at it like you've done something wrong or you aren't good enough. This ended. It's okay. Someone else will come into your life eventually. I know you don't want to hear that right now, but it's true.

 

You are young. Cry when you need to. Journal. Be with friends. Eat right. Exercises. Take on new hobbies. Find your inner strength. Cry. Cry. Cry.

 

Then get up. Brush yourself off. Do your hair. Put on some makeup (if you like that stuff), get a new dress, and go out at strut your stuff.

 

You will be okay. You will be better than okay. Bc one day, you'll meet someone who will return your love.

 

Big hug to you...

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Don't blame yourself!! Relationships fall apart for millions of different reasons. What you described as far as your last meeting sounds SO disrespectful!! He acts like everything is fine, raises your expectations for a reunion, and then walks off like he's done nothing wrong?? What 's to like or love about that? He sounds like a tool who knows he's got you wrapped around his little finger. Show him he's wrong!! Move on with your life. He's already crushed you twice. Don't give him another chance. Go through the emotions, and accept this. I hope I haven't been too blunt. It's just that he seems like an ass, and you sound like a nice girl. Good luck!

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Thank you for the support everyone and for the advice on dealing with this terrible pain. Especially as I feel so so alone.

Sometimes I wonder if it's just me that feels this blinding pain. Sometimes I wonder if he feels this too, and if he does why isn't he doing anything about it????

I don't mean to sound pathetic and ungrateful but I really hate life right now. It well and truly sucks. I haven't been able to stop crying for 2 hours straight and the thought of him eventually falling for someone else KILLS me on the inside.

 

But I appreciate everyone's input. I WILL try my absolute hardest to move on! I will get through this! It will be fine. I just need to keep reminding myself of my worth and stop blaming myself and wondering what's wrong with me because I can't stop doing that!!!

 

I also have finals in March and I really hope this doesn't get in the way!

 

Any more tips and advice on how to cope will be greatly appreciated

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I don't mean to sound pathetic and ungrateful but I really hate life right now. It well and truly sucks.

 

I don't have any great advice unfortunately, but I just wanted to say I feel exactly the same way about my situation with a girl I love. Every time she leaves me with just a sliver of hope we might be together, she says she never meant it that way and runs away.

 

She and I have a ton of mutual friends, so I've been trying to branch out a bit more and getting to know other people. That's actually helped me forget about her a bit.

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I don't have any great advice unfortunately, but I just wanted to say I feel exactly the same way about my situation with a girl I love. Every time she leaves me with just a sliver of hope we might be together, she says she never meant it that way and runs away.

 

She and I have a ton of mutual friends, so I've been trying to branch out a bit more and getting to know other people. That's actually helped me forget about her a bit.

 

It's so sad isn't it! I see so many men on these forums gushing and heartbroken about how much they loved their ex girlfriends and would have done anything to keep them! And I always think "God I wish he was like that!"

 

Well today I feel like im back to square one so I have to start NC again and focus on me, school, friends etc.

 

Forgive me for sounding naive or stupid but I honestly loved this guy so much I never wanted us to even have a chance to get over each other and become strangers. I hear stories of people coming back and saying they are 'finally over their exes and are happy!'. And to me it's all bittersweet. The idea that I WILL get over him is both reassuring and depressing. All the love we had for each other, gone.

Everyone says "I will find someone else who will cherish me etc". But I always just wanted it to be HIM .

 

However I do know that I have to go NC and move on and that such is life, I guess.

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sober and dry
It's so sad isn't it! I see so many men on these forums gushing and heartbroken about how much they loved their ex girlfriends and would have done anything to keep them! And I always think "God I wish he was like that!"

 

Well today I feel like im back to square one so I have to start NC again and focus on me, school, friends etc.

 

Forgive me for sounding naive or stupid but I honestly loved this guy so much I never wanted us to even have a chance to get over each other and become strangers. I hear stories of people coming back and saying they are 'finally over their exes and are happy!'. And to me it's all bittersweet. The idea that I WILL get over him is both reassuring and depressing. All the love we had for each other, gone.

Everyone says "I will find someone else who will cherish me etc". But I always just wanted it to be HIM .

 

However I do know that I have to go NC and move on and that such is life, I guess.

It's kind of funny, my ex ex BU with me, I can't remember why (lol) I think she really didn't told me her real reason. I was so pissed of (because of hormones too) that I went almost straight to NC. Some months later I had moved on and has hooking up with my ex. Guess what did get to my hears?!? "I wasn't expecting him to move that fast, in fact I was hopping that he would had fought for me and come back"

 

I did got pissed by that and I remember to think, how would someone that BU with me and hurt me, went straight away to NC was hopping that?! She must be out of her mind, I was very good that I had moved on must definitely! She sure wasn't the one! "I will find someone else who will cherish me"

 

See my point and were the "twist" happen in that line of thought?

Edited by sober and dry
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It's so sad isn't it! I see so many men on these forums gushing and heartbroken about how much they loved their ex girlfriends and would have done anything to keep them! And I always think "God I wish he was like that!"

 

If he was anything like us, you would have walked away, yes, we are not perfect, we show so little affection in our actions, its just, a man thing, but deep down inside we are so fragile, we gave it our heart, body, mind and soul.

 

We feel so much yet showed so little and now we are so, so, so, sorry...

 

And we never realize our mistakes until it was too late...

 

And how I wish you are like my Ex, who would just look back and give a second chance...

Edited by bigtrouble
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Marco Valerio

"Me and ex were together for 2 years and broke up 2 months ago because he says he is at a stage of his life where he feels he's not ready to be in a relationship. It's not GIGS, and there is no one else. I'm sure of that. It's not because he wants to go off and sow his wild oats or anything. He just claims he needs to work on himself and he can't be with anyone right now.

I'm so hurt.

It still kills sooo bad. He's 23 and I'm 22 by the way.

 

During the two months I went NC but he said he still in love with me and he still cares and wanted to still be part of my life..."

 

You can not imagine how many times I've heard those excuses and then seeing those persons weeks later making out with someone else. If I got a penny for each time I've heard it, I could buy myself a new Ralph Lauren's shirt.

Do not believe in what someone says when they break up with you. In most of the cases they will say or do whatever to avoid been seeing as the dumper or in cases as a cheater.

 

Move on with your life, that's the best for you !!!

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Ex texted me basically saying that he knows he 'can't give me the relationship I deserve' but that 'if life throws random challenges to me and my friends aren't enough & I need a different shoulder to cry on - he's there for me"

 

Ugh.

 

I didn't reply & not going to. I've been on this forum enough to know that this is breadcrumbs and not the "oh my lord I've made a terrible mistake I want you back" text lol.

 

It makes me angry and hurt and sad yet warm on the inside all at the same time! I hate that this guy makes me feel a range of emotions!

 

I'm sticking to NC and pressing on forward & I'm not going to sit around trying to analyse what that text 'really means'. I'm feeling a bit stronger these days! Deffo still love & miss him and have a long way to go but I'm getting there!

 

I've disabled notifications on text messages and iMessage so that I would never know when he texts me. I find this better than blocking him. However I have blocked him on Facebook, Twitter and what's app and I've told all my friends and important people to what's app me for the time being (so I don't have to look at my messages)

 

I find this helps ALOT. I used to count days where he hasn't replied or texted and get sad over it. Now I'm oblivious and I can actually DO stuff with my day rather than stick by the phone all day.

 

Building up my self worth and self confidence and I have no regrets because I tried HARD to save us as much as I could (without losing my dignity) to no avail.

 

I still want him back but I know I don't need him in my life to be happy. I will be fine no matter what!

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I'm sure he would have loved a reply of "Thank you, that really means a lot. It's really nice to know that despite all this, you're still there for me."

 

PAH! No way. That would have eased his guilt and given him an ego boost.

 

I love this guy to the moon and back and trust me it was tempting to reply back and try to pursue him again but I told myself NO.

 

Not responding to anything short of "I want you back"

 

Also, he sent that text on Sunday early morning but ever since I disabled my text messages since last Thursday I never received it!

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I find it hard to believe that he is not ready to be in a relationship... after two years of being with you!! He can work on himself while being with you... he would have your help.

The first thing that comes to my mind is that he could be seeing someone else but feels guilty for leaving you and so he is messaging you now and again... to make himself feel better and to check that he still has 'hold' of you. Maybe he feels too young to settle down and he wants to experiment more? It sounds weird to me.

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It's not someone else. It's not about him wanting to explore and play the field.

He literally just wants time out to work on himself. Whatever.

 

The only thing I agree with you on is that it doesn't have to be over for him to work in himself. I've told him this and he says that it's important we break up until he feels ready to be with someone because if we carry on staying in our relationship, the mistakes he makes as a result of him improving and learning will drive us apart and he doesn't want that.

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It's not someone else. It's not about him wanting to explore and play the field.

He literally just wants time out to work on himself. Whatever.

The only thing I agree with you on is that it doesn't have to be over for him to work in himself. I've told him this and he says that it's important we break up until he feels ready to be with someone because if we carry on staying in our relationship, the mistakes he makes as a result of him improving and learning will drive us apart and he doesn't want that.

 

 

Yeah, pretty sure that's bull****.

People love to be with the one they love. It is excruciating NOT to be. So, the guy could be with the one he claims to love but he's choosing not to be so he can "work on himself" when he could do that anyway? There is just no way he is that self-aware yet still can't put it together how hurtful it is to you that he's in contact.

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I appreciate your comments but I'm 10000% sure it's NOT someone else.

 

If this be the case stop beating yourself and don't feel bad.

Respect his space and be happy that he will come out of it a better person.

Use this time to improve yourself too.

All is well then.

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  • 2 weeks later...
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Ex texts me after almost 3 weeks NC asking for a link to some TV shows along with his email to send the link to....

 

WHAAAT!!

 

Wtf ? How strange and random and so unnecessary. He could get a friend to send him that!

 

Is this another form of breadcrumbs? Should I not respond?

 

I will say that today I changed my social media profile picture of me in a stunning dress and I've been getting a lot of compliments for it. I'm assuming he still stalks me (I've blocked him and don't stalk him on social media but obv he can still see my DP)

 

Stick to NC?

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Ex texts me after almost 3 weeks NC asking for a link to some TV shows along with his email to send the link to....

 

WHAAAT!!

 

Wtf ? How strange and random and so unnecessary. He could get a friend to send him that!

 

Is this another form of breadcrumbs? Should I not respond?

 

I will say that today I changed my social media profile picture of me in a stunning dress and I've been getting a lot of compliments for it. I'm assuming he still stalks me (I've blocked him and don't stalk him on social media but obv he can still see my DP)

 

Stick to NC?

 

what an ass! Trying to get you into the friend zone. Yessss! Stick to NC. You can expect more of this bull**** coming your way.

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You already know the answer to that question!

 

It's a breadcrumb....so stick to NC :)

 

Stay strong, keep moving on with your life, be determined to be happy without him.

 

If he really wants you back, and isn't just lonely/keeping you on the back burner, trust me you'll know it.

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Definitely stick to NC. He's not ready to lose you completely, but he doesn't want to be with you right now either. It's an emotional roller coaster that you don't deserve. I know it's hard, but if it really is meant to be he will resurface and you can cross that bridge when you reach it.

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Ex calls me!

I let it ring and go to voicemail. Why is he contacting me again all of a sudden :(

 

What do I do??

 

Nothing. If it's breadcrumbs he'll give up. If he means it he will continue to do everything he can to contact you.

 

Whatever you do, do NOT respond.

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