Is he really coming back???

[nat1838]

[color=indigo][/color]

 

Let me start off by giving a little background information. I am a 24 year old female and my 'boyfriend' is 18. We also work together. He has been working there for about 7 months. Not long after he started working with me he started being very flirty and I never thought anything of it. I always looked at him as a little brother. Well about a few months ago he told me that he liked me. I had never thought of him that way because of his age. Well I turned him down (very gently). He continued pursing me, and finally I gave in once I looked past his age. Everything about us seemed different than every other relationship either of us had ever had. We felt sparks with every kiss, not just the first. I know he felt the same as I did, there was no question about that. I was actually happy in a relationship for the very first time.

 

Well about a 2 weeks ago things started getting strange. "We" were fine. However, his life started getting a little topsy turvy. All kinds of things were going wrong, and he had many things on his mind. There is one thing that weighed on his mind more than anything. He had to make a decision about work and school and what roads to persue to get him to where he wants to be in life. This decision is all he ever thinks about and it is causing him a lot of stress. The more stressful things got the more he would back away from me and would'nt talk to me about what was going on. I asked him whether he was having second thoughts about us and he said that he wasn't.

 

Last week, I decided to try one last time to get him to talk. He decided this time that he would talk to me. He made sure to start the conversation out by telling me how he had finally found someone he really likes in me. He started talking about the decision that he needs to make with work and school and how important it is. (Which I do Understand). He said that he wants to put "us" on hold until he works through all of this. He said many times how much he really likes me. He told me he wants to give me all of his attention, but that he can't do that right now with all of this stress on him. He asked if I could give him time, and I told him I would give him all of the time in the world. I asked if he would be seeing anyone else during this time and he said "No, I told you, that I finally found someone I really like".

 

Well he treats me completely different now. I know we aren't together, but its different than that. He doesn't want me to touch him at all. Not even to put my hand on his arm or anything. He is cold and distant to me, but not to anyone else. He will hug other female coworkers, but not me. I asked him if there was more to the story than what he told me and he promises me there isn't. I asked him yesterday if he was actually coming back and he said "Yes I am, once all my decisions are made". The only thing I have to go on is the fact that he still looks into my eyes every time he talks to me.

 

Everyone is telling me that he just took the easy way out. I don't know what to believe, and it is tearing me apart everyday. I don't want to go to work anymore. I can't stand to be there with him and not be able to be near him. I am so confused. Is he lying to me? Did he really take the easy way out? Is he really coming back???

[bluechocolate]

Are you sure you want to give him all the time in the world?

 

You've been dumped. Sorry, but that is what it amounts to. He may feel under a lot of stress & he may even believe that when this stress is lifted from him he'll be able to slot you back into his now stress-free life. Don't count on it.

 

Maybe he is sincere. Maybe he thinks this is the best way for him to move forward. What is the best way for you?

 

You two work in the same office, he's an 18 year old boy who is saying he is under too much stress to have a relationship with you but says ".. I told you, I finally found someone I really like". Really? How long could he have possibly been looking?

 

I think your best bet is to let this one go.

[SoleMate]

Everyone is telling me that he just took the easy way out.

Yes, he's so young he probably hasn't had much experience breaking up.

 

I don't know what to believe

His words don't match his actions. So judge by his actions.

 

...it is tearing me apart everyday...I don't want to go to work anymore...I can't stand to be there with him and not be able to be near him...

I'm very sorry. I always advise against relationships among close coworkers, for exactly this reason.

 

Is he lying to me?

Weeeelllllllll...it may not be "lying". He may think there is actually a small chance of getting back with you. But I doubt it.

 

The more stressful things got the more he would back away from me and would'nt talk to me about what was going on.

In a strong relationship, both partners seek each other's support when times get tough. If he did not turn to you for support with a big life decision, it likely means that he does not feel very close to you. The ostentatious cold shouldering is a very bad sign.

 

Is he really coming back???

Almost certainly not.