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I dated my first love in High School at 15... she was the love of my life. I was hers as well... we broke up and kept in SLIGHT contact for years after. She got married and had 2 kids.... the marriage went south and she split in early 2013. she moved back to the area and we got back together INSTANTLY. I was HEAD OVER HEELS IN LOVE and so was she. She literally saved me from a depression that I had been in for a LONG time before that. She said she had never stopped thinking of me since we broke up in high school. that she even thought of me on her wedding day.

 

 

We moved in together after 6 months. And it was great at first.... but then we started arguing a lot. It was a big change for me to go from the life I had to becoming a full time parent to her 2 kids plus the bills and all that come with it. But I thought I did well.... apparently it wasn't enough for her.

 

 

We split up in September first week. She started dating INSTANTLY... just innocent little dates. We still lived together until the last week of October but it sucked. we fought all the time and she lied constantly about going on dates. She said it wasn't my business what she did... but I knew

 

 

We would talk quite a bit after I moved out, but it was mostly me begging to get another chance. She was mostly just mean and rude to me. Around December 1st we had sex... she told me she was lonely and missed me and I really thought it was our "moment' where we might start working on it

 

 

I found out she had been dating the same guy for 3 months and that they had just had sex but she hated it and broke up with him. She basically used me for some good sex.

 

 

After that she went right back to dating new guys. while pushing me aside and ignoring me. A little over 2 weeks ago I went to her house and we watched a movie and I gave her a backrub. It wasn't romantic at all.. she was sort of cold... but nonetheless I got the impression we were maybe on a good path.

 

 

Two days later.... she meets some guy at work who takes her on a date. I showed up unknowingly while he was dropping her off. I flipped out and it was a crazy situation.... I sort of pushed her right into his arms.

 

 

On an ALMOST DAILY BASIS now this guy is at her house every night and pretty much sleeps over. We spoke... and she told me they're not having sex yet. Which I believe... she has a "3 month rule" but... I feel like with how crazy I acted and this guy saying all the right things and spending so much time with her I feel like hes really manipulating her and playing the part just to get in her pants. Shes VERY pretty. but this guy seems like a douchebag.

 

 

So.... Im MISERABLE without her. PHYSICALLY SICK. cant sleep... wake up sweating and my first thoughts are "oh my god... hes with her right now" And ill get in my car at 3 am just to drive by to see if hes still there.

 

 

SO... I've come up with every plan in the world to try and break them up. Which would instantly make her question if leaving me was a good idea.

 

 

What's everyone's thoughts on this...... I cant stand the "cut contact, ignore them and work on yourself" I need some PROACTIVE ****!!!

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Marco Valerio

The only PROACTIVE thing you can do is go NC. Why are you afraid of loosing such a terrible girl? Are you willing to suffer her manners and lies your entire life? Really? so poor you think about yourself?

Don't be a moron and shut her out of your life.

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The circumstances are different man but your feeling the same way I was a couple of days ago, my girlfriend dumped me and I've been in bits, all I can say is take the NC advice, it's the hardest thing in the world but eventually just a tiny bit it starts to get better each day. You will relapse, I did the driving passed the house thing and it doesn't work except make me a crazy stalking wreck.

 

Things to do.

 

Delete any contact, emails, texts, facebook etc and don't contact her

 

Stop driving by the house, have another outlet, gym, swimming, your mates, your parents, head in the opposite direction if you find yourself heading that way, have another destination you enjoy.

 

Don't contemplate breaking them up, she has issues, nothing you can do and you'll look a prick, their relationship will run its course.

 

Read this forum, look at other peoples advice, read self help books

 

Eat healthy and drink water, stay off the booze, try and sleep a little it will get better as I'm living this right now mate.

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The only PROACTIVE thing you can do is go NC. Why are you afraid of loosing such a terrible girl? Are you willing to suffer her manners and lies your entire life? Really? so poor you think about yourself?

Don't be a moron and shut her out of your life.

 

what makes her a terrible girl??? She never cheated on me.... she was good to me. We just started fighting a lot and broke up. After that she started dating guys.... I didn't say sleeping with them. Although I'm not sure about this new guy although its been 4 months or so since we broke up. Its not like shes being a whore.

 

 

And I want her back, simple as that. So that's my goal here... not to "move on" I think we'd have a real future with another fair shot.

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The circumstances are different man but your feeling the same way I was a couple of days ago, my girlfriend dumped me and I've been in bits, all I can say is take the NC advice, it's the hardest thing in the world but eventually just a tiny bit it starts to get better each day. You will relapse, I did the driving passed the house thing and it doesn't work except make me a crazy stalking wreck.

 

Things to do.

 

Delete any contact, emails, texts, facebook etc and don't contact her

 

Stop driving by the house, have another outlet, gym, swimming, your mates, your parents, head in the opposite direction if you find yourself heading that way, have another destination you enjoy.

 

Don't contemplate breaking them up, she has issues, nothing you can do and you'll look a prick, their relationship will run its course.

 

Read this forum, look at other peoples advice, read self help books

 

Eat healthy and drink water, stay off the booze, try and sleep a little it will get better as I'm living this right now mate.

 

 

 

I understand all that. But my ultimate goal is to try and get her back. That I feel is the only thing that will make me truly happy. So... all of these things MAY work... but ill still be miserable and miss her terribly.

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what makes her a terrible girl??? She never cheated on me.... she was good to me. We just started fighting a lot and broke up. After that she started dating guys.... I didn't say sleeping with them. Although I'm not sure about this new guy although its been 4 months or so since we broke up. Its not like shes being a whore.

 

 

And I want her back, simple as that. So that's my goal here... not to "move on" I think we'd have a real future with another fair shot.

 

 

 

You're in for a world of hurt if you don't wake up and open your eyes.

 

 

There are thousands, no millions of girls in this world, and you're hung up on the one that doesn't want to give you the time of day.

 

 

Dude, she is terrible towards you. You break up and she immediately starts dating other men. No mourning the loss of you; no mourning the loss of the relationship. What does that say about her feelings toward you?

 

 

She openly dates guys right in front of you. She goes out on dates and you what? Babysit for her while she's out enjoying the company of other men? How is that fair to you?

 

 

You stop by her house when she's being dropped off on a date and I have a feeling that if I was a betting man, she turned on you like a snake at the confrontation.

 

 

Another man's car or truck is in her driveway at all hours at night and even SPENDS THE NIGHT; yet, you believe she isn't sleeping around. Dude, I have a bridge to sell you. As you were driving by that house, at that very moment, that dude was on top of her.

 

 

You need to wake up! And when you're ready, we can give you the tools to heal from this and "move on" and then how to get your revenge.

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Dude, no matter how proactive you get you're not getting her back now, you'll just push her away more.

 

She's in the honeymoon phase of her new relationship, in the land of unicorns and rainbows, how'd you reckon you'll pull her away from all of that? Answer, you can do nothing dude. She's in a fog right now with her prince and all you're going to do is become the villain in this fairy tale.

 

Best thing you can do is go ghost on her and live a damn good life. C'mon man, Would you really want someone who doesn't want to be with you? Plenty of fish in the sea brother.

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You're in for a world of hurt if you don't wake up and open your eyes.

 

 

There are thousands, no millions of girls in this world, and you're hung up on the one that doesn't want to give you the time of day.

 

 

Dude, she is terrible towards you. You break up and she immediately starts dating other men. No mourning the loss of you; no mourning the loss of the relationship. What does that say about her feelings toward you?

 

 

She openly dates guys right in front of you. She goes out on dates and you what? Babysit for her while she's out enjoying the company of other men? How is that fair to you?

 

 

You stop by her house when she's being dropped off on a date and I have a feeling that if I was a betting man, she turned on you like a snake at the confrontation.

 

 

Another man's car or truck is in her driveway at all hours at night and even SPENDS THE NIGHT; yet, you believe she isn't sleeping around. Dude, I have a bridge to sell you. As you were driving by that house, at that very moment, that dude was on top of her.

 

 

You need to wake up! And when you're ready, we can give you the tools to heal from this and "move on" and then how to get your revenge.

 

 

 

 

well lets just say I KNOW that they haven't slept together yet. She has a 3 month rule. she doesn't break it for anyone... this guy and her have only known each other for 2 1/2 weeks.

 

 

I have a plan to make it look like hes cheating on her already.... and I think if its done right it can really work

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And I want her back, simple as that. So that's my goal here... not to "move on" I think we'd have a real future with another fair shot.

 

Don't you think that if there was any sort of fair shot, it would have happened by now. You've been passed up several times already.

 

And what's your definition of a fair shot at this point?

 

You're being blinded by your emotions. And trying to break them up, in whatever plan and scheme you've manufactured is only going to push her even further away. And you label the guy a douchebag when your ex is openly entertaining him -- he may want to get in her pants but she's surely not fighting it if he's at her home all the time. 3 month rule? Right. You're directing your anger at the wrong person.

Edited by Zahara
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well lets just say I KNOW that they haven't slept together yet. She has a 3 month rule. she doesn't break it for anyone... this guy and her have only known each other for 2 1/2 weeks.

 

 

I have a plan to make it look like hes cheating on her already.... and I think if its done right it can really work

 

 

 

 

Even the best laid plans usually end up working like hell in a hand cart. Sure, try it. Something will definitely happen. Chances are you can frame that restraining order she'll get out on you! Put it up on your wall.

 

 

Thanks, dude... I needed a giggle this afternoon. you KNOW they haven't slept together. Uh huh.... just like you KNOW that you're meant to be together. How's that working out for ya?

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I dated my first love in High School at 15... she was the love of my life. I was hers as well... we broke up and kept in SLIGHT contact for years after. She got married and had 2 kids.... the marriage went south and she split in early 2013. she moved back to the area and we got back together INSTANTLY. I was HEAD OVER HEELS IN LOVE and so was she. She literally saved me from a depression that I had been in for a LONG time before that. She said she had never stopped thinking of me since we broke up in high school. that she even thought of me on her wedding day.

 

 

We moved in together after 6 months. And it was great at first.... but then we started arguing a lot. It was a big change for me to go from the life I had to becoming a full time parent to her 2 kids plus the bills and all that come with it. But I thought I did well.... apparently it wasn't enough for her.

 

 

We split up in September first week. She started dating INSTANTLY... just innocent little dates. We still lived together until the last week of October but it sucked. we fought all the time and she lied constantly about going on dates. She said it wasn't my business what she did... but I knew

 

 

We would talk quite a bit after I moved out, but it was mostly me begging to get another chance. She was mostly just mean and rude to me. Around December 1st we had sex... she told me she was lonely and missed me and I really thought it was our "moment' where we might start working on it

 

 

I found out she had been dating the same guy for 3 months and that they had just had sex but she hated it and broke up with him. She basically used me for some good sex.

 

 

After that she went right back to dating new guys. while pushing me aside and ignoring me. A little over 2 weeks ago I went to her house and we watched a movie and I gave her a backrub. It wasn't romantic at all.. she was sort of cold... but nonetheless I got the impression we were maybe on a good path.

 

 

Two days later.... she meets some guy at work who takes her on a date. I showed up unknowingly while he was dropping her off. I flipped out and it was a crazy situation.... I sort of pushed her right into his arms.

 

 

On an ALMOST DAILY BASIS now this guy is at her house every night and pretty much sleeps over. We spoke... and she told me they're not having sex yet. Which I believe... she has a "3 month rule" but... I feel like with how crazy I acted and this guy saying all the right things and spending so much time with her I feel like hes really manipulating her and playing the part just to get in her pants. Shes VERY pretty. but this guy seems like a douchebag.

 

 

So.... Im MISERABLE without her. PHYSICALLY SICK. cant sleep... wake up sweating and my first thoughts are "oh my god... hes with her right now" And ill get in my car at 3 am just to drive by to see if hes still there.

 

 

SO... I've come up with every plan in the world to try and break them up. Which would instantly make her question if leaving me was a good idea.

 

 

What's everyone's thoughts on this...... I cant stand the "cut contact, ignore them and work on yourself" I need some PROACTIVE ****!!!

 

Dude, you are in an emotional state right now, everything you are going to do is gonna backfire on you BIG TIME.

 

You have blocked everything else that is happening and just want to achieve one thing and that is "getting her back".

 

So you want her back? Allow me to give you the advice to get her back, but let me also tell you, you are not going to like one bit of it.

 

- You need to retreat, you need to be calm and collected (sadly, it's not happening within a day, neither in a week, neither in 4 weeks, neither 2 months from now, neither in 4 months and remember the more you obsess over getting back with her, the longer it's going to take for you to be calm and collected)

 

- You need to pick up some hobbies, doesn't matter what hobby, pick any hobby besides the following ones, which are trying to get her back, contacting her, getting in another relationship to make her jealous, playing mind games, you know where I am going with this right?

 

- Once you are calm and collected and enjoying your new hobbies, why not set a goal, that you want to achieve something each month, something positive to add to your life, something that makes you feel good and better. Set some short term and long terms goals.

 

If you follow these 3 steps that I told you, boy you are in for a surprise by the end of this year or sooner, with time you'll know what it is, just not right now, what do you have to lose? Give it a try!

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She definitely doesn't love you, definitely doesn't care about you, definitely doesn't respect you, and doesn't even seem to like you.

 

By maintaining any kind of contact with her you're just setting yourself up for more pain.

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ConfusedHumanBeing
well lets just I KNOW that they haven't slept together yet. She has a 3 month rule. she doesn't break it for anyone... this guy and her have ly known each other for 2 1/2 weeks.

 

 

I have a plan to make it look like hes cheating on her already.... and I think if its done right it can really work

 

That last part made me sick and made me lose all respect for you as a person. Lucky for you, you can change your behavoir and have way more appeal than you do now.

 

You're selfish. You claim to "love" this girl but yet trying to sabbotage what she has now just so she can be with you. If you "love" her, you'd be happy knowing she was happy...instead of doing things someone in junior high would do.

 

The biggest red flag I see is she cannot be alone. She jumped from marriage, to you, to dates, to someone right after. She uses you as a backup plan when she feels lonely. Also a huge warning sign.

 

Anything you do now makes you look weak and pathetic. You say you want some "proactive s***" and the ONLY thing you can do is stop talking to her. Again, anything you do now will look awful and desperate...which from where I'm sitting, isnt far off.

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Marco Valerio
what makes her a terrible girl??? She never cheated on me.... she was good to me. We just started fighting a lot and broke up. After that she started dating guys.... I didn't say sleeping with them. Although I'm not sure about this new guy although its been 4 months or so since we broke up. Its not like shes being a whore.

 

 

And I want her back, simple as that. So that's my goal here... not to "move on" I think we'd have a real future with another fair shot.

 

Really? Haven't you even read what you wrote? here is a copy-paste

 

"We split up in September first week. She started dating INSTANTLY... just innocent little dates. We still lived together until the last week of October but it sucked. we fought all the time and she lied constantly about going on dates. She said it wasn't my business what she did... but I knew

 

 

We would talk quite a bit after I moved out, but it was mostly me begging to get another chance. She was mostly just mean and rude to me. Around December 1st we had sex... she told me she was lonely and missed me and I really thought it was our "moment' where we might start working on it

 

 

I found out she had been dating the same guy for 3 months and that they had just had sex but she hated it and broke up with him. She basically used me for some good sex."

 

Am I wrong? Please!!! you wrote it !!! If you don't want to see it ok...next time it will be you the one to blame for your pain!!!

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wow.... some of you here are VERY VERY rude. Sometimes you have to play dirty to make **** happen. I don't mind one bit. I don't blame her for dating.... I messed up a bit. And I pushed her away. NONE OF YOU know her... yet you're all claiming to know what actions she would be capable or. Yet I've known her for 17 years. Nothing that has happened has really surprised me. I came here for support and for ideas of getting her back....

 

 

yet pretty much all of you have that same tired old "just ignore her and work on yourself" well sometimes that doesn't work... sometimes you have to fight for love... and VERY VERY RARELY does working on yourself actually get your ex back....

 

 

all of you here are stuck on the "youll feel better about yourself in a few months and you wont even want her anymore" YES I WILL.... I've wanted her back for 17 years.... so none of you really know ****. So keep your attitudes to yourself.... I didn't have one yet most of you do.

 

 

I've started making a really nice video that I think will get her thinking.... and whether you guys like it or not.... this dude is a douchebag and he will cheat on her..... why not help it move along.

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Sometimes you have to play dirty to make **** happen. I don't mind one bit.

 

No, you don't have to play dirty. That only speaks of one's lack of character. But if you don't mind, then go ahead and do it but trust that even if she decided to come back to you, it would be for all the wrong reasons. That's no way to live because deep down you'll live with the fact that you had to manipulate and cheat people to get what you want and in that sense, nothing in your relationship with her or with anyone else will ever be genuine.

 

If she came back to you with an open heart and free will, is one thing. But you can't have that because you know it's not going to happen. So you scheme. How sad is that? And if you have to go through all that, isn't that a sign?

 

you have to fight for love... and VERY VERY RARELY does working on yourself actually get your ex back....

 

You need to have 2 people to fight for love. When one is fighting and the other isn't interested, then it's not fighting anymore. It's just you chasing someone that doesn't want to be with you.

 

all of you here are stuck on the "youll feel better about yourself in a few months and you wont even want her anymore" YES I WILL.... I've wanted her back for 17 years.... so none of you really know ****. So keep your attitudes to yourself.... I didn't have one yet most of you do.

 

If you don't like what you hear, then by all means proceed the way you best know how. We all speak from experiencing the same pain you are currently facing. The drama, the anger, the hurt, the mistakes -- what we're telling you isn't to lead you down a bad path but to help you. If you can't see it, then path this course yourself.

 

I've started making a really nice video that I think will get her thinking.... and whether you guys like it or not.... this dude is a douchebag and he will cheat on her..... why not help it move along.

 

Of course he is a douchebag. He is what stands in your way. So you have to concoct some horrible view of him in your head to justify your destructive actions.

 

Good luck to you.

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Dude take it from a guy who tried to fight for love and stop right now. It doesn't work. I know you want to do something. Every fiber in your being says I got to do something now. Don't ****ing do it. The best thing to do is walk away and act like her new boyfriend doesn't bother you in the least .say you only want her to be happy and if dating this guy makes her happy then that's what she should do. Then walk away and don't contact her. I bet from what you say she will be burning up your phone in 3 weeks. I wouldn't answer then either.wait for awhile. Next time you see her act confident unfazed and don't argue

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Guys who only want to get into a girl's pants don't wait around and play house for 3 months.

 

As for you, let it go. If you know who's over her house and when, waited at her place for her to show up.. you're probably stalking.

 

You mentioned depression, how are you doing with that?

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ConfusedHumanBeing

Hahaha if you know all the answers, then why ask us?

 

You cant fight for something that isnt there. Especially if that other party doesn't want you. People are different, but human emotions are the same. Point blank: If she wanted to be with you, she would be with you. No amount of letters, videos (probably the worst thing you can do), etc wont matter

 

You are using every single classic line everyone before you has used. "You.don't know her" "my situation is different" etc. Guess what man? Its not different. When 900 people are telling you the exact same thing....some of the same people who have been through this situation SEVERAL times and have seen it even more..you might be wrong. In this case, you are light years from being right.

 

Make that video will ruin any chance of what you want. Some sappy video, letter, flowers wont work. This isnt the Notebook. You cant force someone to be with you only they can decide that. She didnt choose you. Sucks, but there it is. And so ehat if he's a douchebag? That's not your place..You aren't there to save her she makes her own choices. You can't make people see anything they don't care to..which is why I'm regretting trying to help already.

 

You can continue to keep getting hostile at everyone for giving you free advice, but until you see what horrific mistakes you're making and continue to make, we cant help you.

 

Watch this maybe this can help you out and you'll see what we mean http://youtu.be/AilwnpQzUnQ

Edited by ConfusedHumanBeing
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wow.... some of you here are VERY VERY rude. Sometimes you have to play dirty to make **** happen. I don't mind one bit. I don't blame her for dating.... I messed up a bit. And I pushed her away. NONE OF YOU know her... yet you're all claiming to know what actions she would be capable or. Yet I've known her for 17 years. Nothing that has happened has really surprised me. I came here for support and for ideas of getting her back....

 

yet pretty much all of you have that same tired old "just ignore her and work on yourself" well sometimes that doesn't work... sometimes you have to fight for love... and VERY VERY RARELY does working on yourself actually get your ex back....

 

all of you here are stuck on the "youll feel better about yourself in a few months and you wont even want her anymore" YES I WILL.... I've wanted her back for 17 years.... so none of you really know ****. So keep your attitudes to yourself.... I didn't have one yet most of you do.

 

I've started making a really nice video that I think will get her thinking.... and whether you guys like it or not.... this dude is a douchebag and he will cheat on her..... why not help it move along.

 

You want help on getting her back? OK. First figure out what you did to make her fight with you all the time. There has to be something. Figure it out and FIX IT. That's going to take a while.

 

While you are doing that try to figure out what she did to make you angry with her all the time. Can you live with that behavior? Why do I ask that? Because you can't change her, the only person you can change is you.

 

Ok, now you've fixed whatever you did to make her argue with you and you feel that you can live with what she does to anger you. The next step is to let her know about the new you. To do that you'll have to contact her. Don't brag, don't beg. Perhaps, if she's between guys, you can take her out someplace nice to eat. Don't discuss your breakup. Talk about neutral things, things you two like. The goal here is for her to appreciate that you've tamed your inner demons.

 

After that you have to evaluate the situation. If it is still a go, see if she'll go out with you again. Don't rush things. Let them evolve naturally. Be strong without being a bully.

 

If she's not available because she's in a relationship with somebody, then you are screwed. You can wait around for a bit, but maybe not.

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I guess you can categorize me as one of the rude ones! :D

 

 

But, I do that to open your eyes. Hit you with a 2x4 in the back of the head to knock you out of that fog your in.

 

 

Look, you're gonna do what you want to do. But, given what you've told us about this girl, you're going to be hard pressed to find many that will help you get her back. We're outside the box and are seeing things differently than you see them.

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thank SOME of you for the nice replies.

 

 

here is why I feel shes at least SOMEWHAT different than most other women. SHes NOT a whore.... she DOES wait 3 months to sleep with someone. even the guy she dated after me said they didn't do **** for 3 months. NOTHING. And the second they did she broke it off with him and came running back to me.

 

 

I KNOW this new guy and her haven't had sex yet. Shes been with 5 guys her entire life including me and her ex husband. She was married faithfully for 8 years.

 

 

That's why I have the urgency to speed things up because.... I know this guy is just playing the role he needs to play to get into her pants. He does what he wants on days they're not together and plays the role on the days they are. She thinks hes a sweetheart because hes not pushing the sex and just hanging with her and being sweet.... I know because I was that guy when I was younger, I'd wait MONTHS and MONTHS to **** girls sometimes. I know this guy... she doesn't know that I do, but I do. And he IS a douchebag, not just because he stands in my way.

 

 

SO.... i'm sure that all of you are probably bitter from your own past experiences, but every situation is different. Do I think the video will win her back...? NO, I don't. But I think itll be nice for her to remember that we had a MILLION good times, because all she is focused on now is our arguing. So, the tape is there if this guy ever ****s up and she feels lonely she might watch it. The other fact.... I raised her 2 kids for a YEAR AND A HALF, I was the ONLY father they ever knew. So, naturally she knows the kids love me and miss me... that's another thing in my favor.

 

 

I have ABSOLUTELY done EVERYTHING WRONG up to this point. I turned into the crazy ex and stalked her and pushed her away by acting insecure and jealous. SO, in that aspect you guys are 100% correct. I need to grab my nuts and man up and better myself. Which I've been doing. I've been in the gym for 3 months now and I got big as ****. I got a few new outfits and I have an interview for a new career that would BLOW HER AWAY. she'd be very proud of it if it happens. I have a checklist of short term and long term goals that I work on every day.... so although I sit around depressed and crying almost every day, in the in between time I am being proactive in becoming somebody that she would WANT to be with..... if I lay around and do nothing it will just reinforce her not wanting to be with me.

 

 

SO, she DOES have a bit of an attitude and shes a bitchy one, but the ONE THING I can say after knowing her my entire life is... she is classy, and has morals and self respect and does have a good heart deep down, I just think that I've pissed her off and made the bitchmode come out. So, that is why I think mysituation is different.

 

 

add to that that she has only ever wanted to be with me for 15 years now.... and it was GREAT until we started having some issues. I think I still stand a chance even if you guys don't believe in fairy tales, someone has to.

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ConfusedHumanBeing
thank SOME of you for the nice replies.

 

 

here is why I feel shes at least SOMEWHAT different than most other women. SHes NOT a whore.... she DOES wait 3 months to sleep with someone. eveyour lifen the guy she dated after me said they didn't do **** for 3 months. NOTHING. And the second they did she broke it off with him and came running back to me.

 

 

I KNOW this new guy and her haven't had sex yet. Shes been with 5 guys her entire life including me and her ex husband. She was married faithfully for 8 years.

 

 

That's why I have the urgency to speed things up because.... I know this guy is just playing the role he needs to play to get into her pants. He does what he wants on days they're not together and plays the role on the days they are. She thinks hes a sweetheart because hes not pushing the sex and just hanging with her and being sweet.... I know because I was that guy when I was younger, I'd wait MONTHS and MONTHS to **** girls sometimes. I know this guy... she doesn't know that I do, but I do. And he IS a douchebag, not just because he stands in my way.

 

 

SO.... i'm sure that all of you are probably bitter from your own past experiences, but every situation is different. Do I think the video will win her back...? NO, I don't. But I think itll be nice for her to remember that we had a MILLION good times, because all she is focused on now is our arguing. So, the tape is there if this guy ever ****s up and she feels lonely she might watch it. The other fact.... I raised her 2 kids for a YEAR AND A HALF, I was the ONLY father they ever knew. So, naturally she knows the kids love me and miss me... that's another thing in my favor.

 

 

I have ABSOLUTELY done EVERYTHING WRONG up to this point. I turned into the crazy ex and stalked her and pushed her away by acting insecure and jealous. SO, in that aspect you guys are 100% correct. I need to grab my nuts and man up and better myself. Which I've been doing. I've been in the gym for 3 months now and I got big as ****. I got a few new outfits and I have an interview for a new career that would BLOW HER AWAY. she'd be very proud of it if it happens. I have a checklist of short term and long term goals that I work on every day.... so although I sit around depressed and crying almost every day, in the in between time I am being proactive in becoming somebody that she would WANT to be with..... if I lay around and do nothing it will just reinforce her not wanting to be with me.

 

 

SO, she DOES have a bit of an attitude and shes a bitchy one, but the ONE THING I can say after knowing her my entire life is... she is classy, and has morals and self respect and does have a good heart deep down, I just think that I've pissed her off and made the bitchmode come out. So, that is why I think mysituation is different.

 

 

add to that that she has only ever wanted to be with me for 15 years now.... and it was GREAT until we started having some issues. I think I still stand a chance even if you guys don't believe in fairy tales, someone has to.

 

First no one is being mean. Its honesty.

 

Do you want to take a guess on how many people on here have said the EXACT same things you have? Honestly almost word for word? We get about three a week if not more. Go read the threads. NUMEROUS PEOPLE. Just helped someone last week who was dead on your situation.

 

While you make think its some different scenario, its DEFINATELY not. That is why so many people on here KNOW what they are talking about and KNOW exactly what to do. People thats on this thread....ive seen their stories NO ONE IS BITTER. I've been out of my situation for three years now. Im now engaged to a wonderful woman and life is amazing. You want that too???? Then stop being so thick headed and actually LISTEN! Thats why you're here right?

 

First, you are NEVER going to get her and keep her in your mental set right now. Not even close. You're WAY too emotionally invested to make smart decision. You are desperate as all hell right now and that is a turn off to EVERYONE including your ex.

 

Your priorities are ALL messed up. Again, you're way too focused on other dude. Stop. It does nothing. You could probably have 900 different documents, videos, physical proof....if you show her, you come off as stalker, too messed up, and way too needy. You say you keep.making mistakes?! Doing what you're thinking about doing is a gigantic one.

 

You dont like when people say it go? Tell me this...when she came back the second time after her divorce, was it because you sent love letters, videos, and text every day? No it was because you didnt make her your life. Those same things look VERY insecure and that is what you're claiming to do wrong. So guess what? Do the opposite and go no contact! Dont talk to her and dont do anything. Go live your life. There is a strong chance she never comes back....but there is a stronger chance she stays gone if ypu dont listen to us.

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Dude, didn't you write that she's been with this dude for 4 months now?

 

 

Okay, look. Whatever you're planning is a bad idea. If she gets wind that you sabotaged her happiness and try to break up what she has now, she will resent you and you can forget EVER getting her back.

 

 

Here's the deal. You have made it plain and clear to her that all she has to do is snap her fingers and you would come running. She's not worried about you at all because she knows that she has you in her back pocket. She knows you are waiting on the sidelines and you are her back up plan.

 

 

You want to know the benefits of going no contact (NC) on her? As soon as the honeymoon phase of this new relationship ends, she going to wonder where you went. Why you haven't tried to contact her. Curiosity is going to get the better of her and she's going to reach out to you. Basically, she'll pull on the leash to see if the dog is still there. She'll discover that the dog is no longer on the leash and she'll go looking for the dog.

 

 

But, here's the rub. Her contacting you isn't to try and get you back, it's to throw the dog a bone and lure him back on the leash. She's looking to get you in the friend zone. Looking for an ego boost from you.

 

 

You know that this dude is a douchebag, but it's the choice that she's making. Girls get attracted to guys with a "bad boy" image. But, here's the thing. If they have a rep of being a "bad Boy"; sooner or later, they'll start to treat them badly!

 

 

My hope is that we get you healed up enough to know that you deserve more than being some girls back up plan.

Edited by Chi townD
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