melell Posted January 6, 2015 Share Posted January 6, 2015 I was with someone for 7 years. Was a very sad breakup for me, and I really did care about them. Went completely nc within 2 months. And quit all fantasy about a 'possible' reconciliation. I didn't monkey branch, or date at all in this time. All my energy went into my progress as an individual, and being really introspective. 1.5 years later... I am very happy, I have not an ounce of romantic feeling left for my ex, running into them is like running into a distant relative I haven't seen in forever. 'oh, its you'. I stopped having any emotion when thinking about them at the 10 month mark. Soon after that I stopped thinking of them all together. Remember time does fly, be smart about it, and eventually it will mean nothing to you 19 Link to post Share on other sites
headinthecloud Posted January 6, 2015 Share Posted January 6, 2015 You did the work! Congrats. Amazing job. Love yourself more than anyone else and take responsibility for your own happiness. Those are the two big lessons I learned. Thanks for sharing your success story. Nice to see. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author melell Posted January 6, 2015 Author Share Posted January 6, 2015 You did the work! Congrats. Amazing job. Love yourself more than anyone else and take responsibility for your own happiness. Those are the two big lessons I learned. Thanks for sharing your success story. Nice to see. Ty And yessss, only looking to myself for my source of happiness was my biggest lesson, and one of the major things that made the whole experience worth it. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
gnick Posted January 6, 2015 Share Posted January 6, 2015 Only been a little over 2 months for me.getting over it seems like a pipe dream at this point. Congrats to you on your recovery 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author melell Posted January 6, 2015 Author Share Posted January 6, 2015 Only been a little over 2 months for me.getting over it seems like a pipe dream at this point. Congrats to you on your recovery I had good and bad patches for at least 6 months. months 2 and 3 were the hardest for me personally. Hang in there, it will get better, it always does eventually :] 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Maggie4 Posted January 6, 2015 Share Posted January 6, 2015 That's great. And the best thing about it... After you do it once, for the rest of your life you will always know you can do it again if you ever break up. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Haydn Posted January 6, 2015 Share Posted January 6, 2015 I was with someone for 7 years. Was a very sad breakup for me, and I really did care about them. Went completely nc within 2 months. And quit all fantasy about a 'possible' reconciliation. I didn't monkey branch, or date at all in this time. All my energy went into my progress as an individual, and being really introspective. 1.5 years later... I am very happy, I have not an ounce of romantic feeling left for my ex, running into them is like running into a distant relative I haven't seen in forever. 'oh, its you'. I stopped having any emotion when thinking about them at the 10 month mark. Soon after that I stopped thinking of them all together. Remember time does fly, be smart about it, and eventually it will mean nothing to you Hello M, Great advice, i can relate to most of what you said. Use the time productively. Obviously there must always be `wallow` time. But it`s not letting that control and overwhelm you. Sadly i did try to date straight after and it was not pretty! (Or maybe it was my choice of `date` movie) 4 Link to post Share on other sites
FancyFace Posted January 6, 2015 Share Posted January 6, 2015 I am turning green with envy LOL. I wish this was my reality. Right now I am a mess. It has been 7 weeks, I went into NC within 4 days. I feel as if the pain is getting worse not better. I can only dream of being in the place that you are in. Congrats on your amazing progress and well done for not falling into the trap that most people fall into of using things outside of ourselves to find healing like rebound relationships etc. Continue on your journey of self love and healing (especially by investing in yourself) and I wish you all the best. One day, I really hope that it will be me that can write a post like this. I can only hope and pray. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
hurts2death Posted January 6, 2015 Share Posted January 6, 2015 melell i really like your hair. nice post;) 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Bella2 Posted January 6, 2015 Share Posted January 6, 2015 I am very happy, I have not an ounce of romantic feeling left for my ex, running into them is like running into a distant relative I haven't seen in forever. 'oh, its you'. I stopped having any emotion when thinking about them at the 10 month mark. Soon after that I stopped thinking of them all together. Remember time does fly, be smart about it, and eventually it will mean nothing to you I can second this. I was with my ex for only a year. BU 4 months ago. The first two months were AWFUL. And now, just two months later, I'm surprised that when I see him in the street or so (it happens regularly), it's - as you say - like bumping into someone you sort of knew before. "Now you're just somebody that I used to know"..... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
erklat Posted January 7, 2015 Share Posted January 7, 2015 I had good and bad patches for at least 6 months. months 2 and 3 were the hardest for me personally. Hang in there, it will get better, it always does eventually :] We were dumped approximately at the same time judging by when you came on ls ! Yes, first three months are the toughest. I did substantial amount of fails in that timespan , but it was around 11 month mark when I had last panic attack about her. I have not met her yet, but I don't think I would wink. Too much water under the bridge. Nice post. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
srah Posted January 7, 2015 Share Posted January 7, 2015 Thank you for this beautiful post. What an inspiration! The way I feel about my ex is "I love you. But I love myself more." I know this is the attitude to keep on having. Again, thanks! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author melell Posted January 7, 2015 Author Share Posted January 7, 2015 Thanks for all of the encouraging replies everyone. It is good to hear the experiences of others. I am not 100% sure, but I do think there is a lot to be said for not 'indulging' certain thinking habits. I have friends I have seen be hooked on exes for years and years... I mean they learned to function without them sure, but they still had them on a pedestal, still have a soft spot for them, and 'unfinished' feelings. In retrospect I could have easily been someone who was still caught up, and it took some serious changes in thought habits to make the difference. I had to actively force myself to avoid certain thoughts, and to take control of my perspectives logically rather than emotionally. The advice here made a big difference 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Light Breeze Posted January 7, 2015 Share Posted January 7, 2015 Thanks for all of the encouraging replies everyone. It is good to hear the experiences of others. I am not 100% sure, but I do think there is a lot to be said for not 'indulging' certain thinking habits. I have friends I have seen be hooked on exes for years and years... I mean they learned to function without them sure, but they still had them on a pedestal, still have a soft spot for them, and 'unfinished' feelings. In retrospect I could have easily been someone who was still caught up, and it took some serious changes in thought habits to make the difference. I had to actively force myself to avoid certain thoughts, and to take control of my perspectives logically rather than emotionally. The advice here made a big difference Yup, I refuse to pine for my ex for years and years. I think I have a respectable amount of mental strength to make a conscious avoidance of certain thoughts. It's actually working on me right now and total NC is helping big time with this. Your story is as inspiration. Thank you for sharing your experience. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
reddragon588 Posted January 7, 2015 Share Posted January 7, 2015 You started your journey around the same time I did... glad to hear your doing well! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Ruby Slippers Posted January 7, 2015 Share Posted January 7, 2015 Good to hear! I broke up with a guy I really loved for what I think were the right reasons 15 months ago, and I've pretty much done the right things to move on. But I still think about him more than I'd like, miss him, question whether my decision was right. But now with some experience I realize this is just me being the sentimental fool that I am. I moon over every man I really love until I meet someone new and love again. When that day comes, it will be a very happy one. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
batt Posted January 7, 2015 Share Posted January 7, 2015 (edited) Also avoid sappy love songs they just make things worse. I'm drunk lol Edited January 7, 2015 by batt 4 Link to post Share on other sites
hurts2death Posted January 7, 2015 Share Posted January 7, 2015 melell just think that now you are a love veteran plus you are so beautiful. what else could someone ask for. i am already getting magnetized ;) 1 Link to post Share on other sites
shoegal4 Posted January 7, 2015 Share Posted January 7, 2015 I had good and bad patches for at least 6 months. months 2 and 3 were the hardest for me personally. Hang in there, it will get better, it always does eventually :] This. This. This! This was my recovery process as well. Feels good to have come out on the other side. Time really does heal all wounds. Good for you, girlie 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Ganz7 Posted January 8, 2015 Share Posted January 8, 2015 I can second this. I was with my ex for only a year. BU 4 months ago. The first two months were AWFUL. And now, just two months later, I'm surprised that when I see him in the street or so (it happens regularly), it's - as you say - like bumping into someone you sort of knew before. "Now you're just somebody that I used to know"..... Don't know if this is a gender thing. It kind of saddens me to think that my ex could just bump into me or me into her and just think.. Oh, it's you. After all those years.. Maybe that says something about love or maybe about myself. It felt such a force of nature at the beginning. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author melell Posted January 10, 2015 Author Share Posted January 10, 2015 Don't know if this is a gender thing. It kind of saddens me to think that my ex could just bump into me or me into her and just think.. Oh, it's you. After all those years.. Maybe that says something about love or maybe about myself. It felt such a force of nature at the beginning. Interesting comment. This is the part the saddens me, but is perhaps a good reality check for anyone.. All those years spent together can and do lose their importance, imo they lose importance just as naturally as they held importance in the first place. It killed my romanticized ideas that love/partnership held some abstract important meaning. Oh god, I am a cynic now. lol. Link to post Share on other sites
Light Breeze Posted January 10, 2015 Share Posted January 10, 2015 . It killed my romanticized ideas that love/partnership held some abstract important meaning. Oh god, I am a cynic now. lol. Like you, I was with my ex SO for 7 years. Like you, I'm a cynic now (somewhat). Something innocent in you just dies and can never be revived. I think though, it's a good thing in a twisted kind of way. Link to post Share on other sites
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