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She keeps calling me

Jaydilla

By Jaydilla,
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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Jaydilla

Jaydilla

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Recap:

My (ex)girlfriend through 14months broke it off 3weeks ago. Trust issues apparently. Well she told me she loved me like crazy and it was the toughest decision she had to make. I believe her. Because of earlier relationships, guys cheated on her and she was afraid that I might hurt her too.

I said that I was OK with the decision, but still i wondered if it was the right thing to do, why should I pay for previous bf's mistakes. Well such is life.

 

48hours later, she sents me a text, saying that she miss me. I call her up to she if shes ok, she wants me over & we spend the entire weekend, kissing, having sex & just chillin. Well by sunday I ask her to please let me know whats up. She says she wanna try & stick to her decision. I can respect that, but i was quite baffled, that she lead me on for en entire weekend. I told her please give me some space, and do not text or call me.

 

Then my phone actually breaks down and I contact apple to get a replacement.

So after 7 days without phone I borrow one of my friends phone to check if i had gotten any msgs, missed calls whatever. Dang! 5 msgs from her & loads of missed calls. She says she misses me, wanna hear my voice, it all so hard to get through this etc etc.

 

Hrmm I call her up, asks if shes ok, she says shes not. I tell her that im not really coping with all this all to well either, but we should respect her decision. She wants to meet, but I tell her that I dont really think thats a great idea.

 

Another week passes by without my phone, got a replacement this friday & well a few msgs (from her) and through this weekend she has called me a dozen times. I never answered. Then I got this message: "I know u have you phone back, my are you ignoring me? I feel ridiculous for calling, texting without you responding. If you dont wanna talk i can respect that, or if you want me back in your life. Anyways please respond, and well go from there"

 

What to do?

Well to be honest I would love to get back with her, but I dont feel its my job to tell her she made a mistake.

How to go about this situation?

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dyna85

dyna85

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Well, Jaydilla, this is a rather complex scenario and I can understand your hesitation given her ending things and yet continuing to bombard you with calls and texts.

 

You mention you were together 14 months. That's quite a while. When did the trust issues surface? Was there a specific incident that contributed to the breakup or was it a cumulative effect (ie. a buildup of issues over time)?

 

I think it really depends on what led to the break up and whether or not it is a deal breaker for you...

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Jaydilla

Jaydilla

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Stay the course of no contact. She seems unbalanced. How was she during the relationship?

 

She is a dreamy persona. Wants to do everything under the stars.

 

Well, Jaydilla, this is a rather complex scenario and I can understand your hesitation given her ending things and yet continuing to bombard you with calls and texts.

 

You mention you were together 14 months. That's quite a while. When did the trust issues surface? Was there a specific incident that contributed to the breakup or was it a cumulative effect (ie. a buildup of issues over time)?

 

I think it really depends on what led to the break up and whether or not it is a deal breaker for you...

Not really a specific reason. As we got to know each other, ofc we share stories etc.

She wanted me to promise that I would never cheat on her. I have no problem with promising that, but I can only show it, not tell. She clearly wasnt satisfied with that answer. I told her "action speaks louder than words."

I dont care about the "trust issues" as long as she get her act together.

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dyna85

dyna85

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Hmm.. if you promised not to cheat, then I don't get why she would break it off with you. Doesn't make sense. What other kind of assurance would she be looking for?

 

Either way, I can understand your hesitation with getting back together as she's not committing to it, and seems to be on the fence herself. See that's the thing with breakups. It's best to talk it out and try to seek a resolution without calling the relationship off.. otherwise one or both parties then must tread carefully and it creates a whole new set of questions (I am totally the pot calling the kettle black here, because I am guilty of breaking it off when something smells funky). In this case, the main question is why did she feel the need to completely call it off? Will those things leading to her calling it off resurface if you are to get back together or are you both willing to work through it? That's the main thing, because relationships require the willingness of two participants to come together and make it work, despite their differences, and despite challenges that come up along the way.

 

It seems like you want her to get her 'act together' (meaning- not have trust issues), yet what about accepting her in light of the fact that she has trust issues. We all come with our own set of insecurities, ya know? If you can't accept her for her, someone else will. The same goes for your issues. She can take it or leave it. I mean obviously, issues can be worked on by the individual, but you either grow together or grow apart; you both make the choice.

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Jaydilla

Jaydilla

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I can easybreezy through her issues I think. If she really wants to work on her issues (as I should with my own) I see no problem in getting things to work out eventually.

 

Thanks for a good advice.

 

I just am not sure how to respond to her messages. Because to me it sounds like she wants to figure something out, what it is idk.

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dyna85

dyna85

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Hey Jaydilla, I didn't mean to pin all of the weight of responsibility on you, just so you know. I also don't want you to go off of my advice as written in stone because you should trust your thoughts and feelings above all else. It is a bit tricky since she's not being clear on what she wants, and you don't want to put yourself all out there again to be burned for a second time, since she's already ended it once, so I understand. I am sure you will figure out what the next best step is and I wish you luck.

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EgoJoe

EgoJoe

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Play it cool, urge her to find herself and figure everything out. Tell her you'll be willing to talk when she has something worthwhile to say.

 

 

Just don't be incredibly available.

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EgoJoe

EgoJoe

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Don't respond.

 

 

I think she is being a little selfish. It's your turn. It's not a game. Just realize that you have all of the power.

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Chi townD

Chi townD

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We are a couple again, she regretted everything and was down on her knees. Wow what a change of scenery...

 

 

 

 

Okay. Well then, problem solved. BUT! You need to set up boundaries and demands such as possibly going to couples counseling. You can't be dragged through the wringer everytime she has an urge to "find" herself.

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EgoJoe

EgoJoe

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I second ChitownD's thoughts. I would also ask about her true underlying motivation. Ask in person, pay attention to eye contact and body language.

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Jaydilla

Jaydilla

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We had long talks bout the whole situation & i figure that we are not done yet. But oh well we'll see where things are going. Just glad to have her back by christmas.

Thanks for all your support & a great forum!

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