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Why would he do this


HeartbrokenNewbie

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HeartbrokenNewbie

I just wondered people's thoughts on this..

 

My ex & I broke up about 17 months ago but it all got dragged out as there was so much stuff to split etc he then jumped onto another RS very quickly whilst I was devastated..

 

Anyway I picked my life up & things are really good even started my own business & generally doing very well, I know this has filtered back to him & I'm glad! Lol.

 

A few weeks back we had an argument by text & it got nasty.. Basically, I know I shouldn't have, I contacted him & said all the things I wished I'd said after the BU if I hadn't have been so heartbroken & wanting him back! It was my closure & I felt really good for it.

 

Fast forward & I've just found out that he has written on his GFs new profile picture of the two of them together that the night the photo was taken (no one asked) was nearly ruined by a *massive long rant about me* The pic was taken the night we had the row weeks ago!. Huh?

 

What on Earth is that all about it was weeks ago, no one asked when the pic was taken & he has used her profile pic to rant at me (his ex!)

 

I would be fuming if my BF used my profile pic of us to rant at his ex...

 

What is this all about, is he not over this? x

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It sounds like he can't make up his mind.

 

He jumped too fast into another relationship, you have to take time to mourn the loss of a previous relationship, or else you can't really be fully in the new one.

 

He obviously still wants you to have feelings for him, that's why he 's angry that you've moved on. Ranting about you to the new girl is not fair to the new girl.

 

With this behaviour he doesn't deserves either women. He needs to figure it out on his own. And you would do well to stay away from that mess.

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evanescentworld

Actually, you have to be part-responsible for this.

He's probably asking himself the same kind of thing:

 

"Why TF would she suddenly, randomly text me and have a go at me about stuff that really was water under the bridge, over and done with and finished? She has obviously been nursing this resentment for months - weird crazy chick!!"

 

Just because it was your "closure, and you felt good about it" doesn't mean it had any kind of the same effect on him.

Sorry, but I can't say I blame his actions. They're about as strange to you, as your picking a fight with him was, to him.

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HeartbrokenNewbie

I didn't act crazy or anything it was a composed but straight forward message..

 

It was an evening where I literally sat there & thought "wow I made it & not only did I make it but I'm 100% better off for it" really was a point of reflection after the awful way he left & the devastation I was left in . I know I shouldn't have, I admit that, but I was a mess when he left & I wanted to show him he didnt keep me down.. I felt so proud of what I had achieved & as he never gave me closure that was my final release x he was so cruel in what he done when we broke up x

 

I just find it odd he done that & I would be lying if I said, that after the difficult rebuilding I have done & the pain he caused us, that I wouldn't be rather pleased that the tables have turned x

 

I can't be any more honest than that, rightly or wrongly x

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evanescentworld
I didn't act crazy or anything it was a composed but straight forward message..

 

It was an evening where I literally sat there & thought "wow I made it & not only did I make it but I'm 100% better off for it" really was a point of reflection after the awful way he left & the devastation I was left in . I know I shouldn't have, I admit that, but I was a mess when he left & I wanted to show him he didnt keep me down.. I felt so proud of what I had achieved & as he never gave me closure that was my final release x he was so cruel in what he done when we broke up x

Closure doesn't come from your ex.

It's never due, from an ex.

It can never be given, by an ex.

The only way Closure comes, is for you to give yourself closure.

See, now, you haven't gained closure.

You just rabbited your mouth off, and started off a whole new bag of drama.

If you'd said nothing, and had instead been satisfied with knowing, for yourself, how well you've done, he would never have ranted about you on FB, and you wouldn't be here complaining about it.

 

I just find it odd he done that & I would be lying if I said, that after the difficult rebuilding I have done & the pain he caused us, that I wouldn't be rather pleased that the tables have turned x

Honey, he gave a schytt when he broke up with you, why the heck would he give a flying fiddler's elbow about you now??

 

 

I can't be any more honest than that, rightly or wrongly x

Fair enough.

but you could have kept your piece to yourself. Now, you've just stirred up more animosity.....and here you are, fussed about him and what he's done, again.

Are you going to want closure from this, too....?

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evanescentworld

Thank you.

Permit me to ask you a question:

 

If you had come on forum, and asked the members here about whether to contact him as you did, for the reason you did, and I had outlined my argument, above, as a response - would you have still contacted him, or would you have left it alone, do you think?

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It kinda sounds like you are not over this and it is not closed in your mind. If you truly want to be then you would just go NC the rest of the way and nothing he did would matter. When you make any contact with him at all, it does show that you are not over it. When you check his or his GF's facebook, you are definitely not over it.

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HeartbrokenNewbie

Honestly.. I don't think I would have asked here.. I used to ask loads but this was different because I didn't care what he thought or how it reflected on me it was just my two fingers up at him (I know wrong!) at a point I knew I didn't want him back anymore (if only I'd have known that time would come at the beginning eh! Lol)

 

It wasn't just him breaking up that happens but he was awful & rubbed salt into the wounds.. I don't think my message to him even comes close to what he done but it was just a final release but I shouldn't have done really x

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evanescentworld

It's ok...I ain't gonna slap you upside de head any more than I have (and that was quite enough!) but if you think you shouldn't have done it, then you think you shouldn't have done it.

But it's done now.

Vow to drop it, let it be, and figure now, on really putting it all down, abandoning the baggage, and living life to the full, successfully, joyfully and entirely for your own satisfaction.

 

Enjoy Christmas. :)

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HeartbrokenNewbie

Thanks simon u are pretty much right even tho I didn't mean it like poking a sleeping bear...

 

Does it make me a bad person that I'm slightly happy that I made him growl!? Ah I know it's wrong! but this bloke walked out on the kids & I, gave us radio silence for months, blew my head up wondering what went wrong with no answers (texts & phone calls ignored... Just walks out & nothing from him), followed by weeks of feeling in the gutter with unanswered questions & having to rebuild our lives.. And finally I make it over the otherside & finally a growl from him..

 

Being totally honest, after what he done, I'm happy I made him growl.. I know I shouldn't say it but that is the truth :-( x

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Simon Phoenix
Thanks simon u are pretty much right even tho I didn't mean it like poking a sleeping bear...

 

Does it make me a bad person that I'm slightly happy that I made him growl!? Ah I know it's wrong! but this bloke walked out on the kids & I, gave us radio silence for months, blew my head up wondering what went wrong with no answers (texts & phone calls ignored... Just walks out & nothing from him), followed by weeks of feeling in the gutter with unanswered questions & having to rebuild our lives.. And finally I make it over the otherside & finally a growl from him..

 

Being totally honest, after what he done, I'm happy I made him growl.. I know I shouldn't say it but that is the truth :-( x

 

It doesn't make you a bad person, but it does mean that you hold some serious resentment still, which is not a good thing.

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HeartbrokenNewbie

Yea I do... but not like in the beginning when I was heartbroken & wanted him back it's more because now I have the clarity (hence my message to him that night) that the way he left & what he done was disgraceful..

 

I just wish someone could have shown me that I would feel like this one day ... I honestly thought my life was ruined but it was just the start of my own journey x

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Thanks simon u are pretty much right even tho I didn't mean it like poking a sleeping bear...

 

Does it make me a bad person that I'm slightly happy that I made him growl!? Ah I know it's wrong! but this bloke walked out on the kids & I, gave us radio silence for months, blew my head up wondering what went wrong with no answers (texts & phone calls ignored... Just walks out & nothing from him), followed by weeks of feeling in the gutter with unanswered questions & having to rebuild our lives.. And finally I make it over the otherside & finally a growl from him..

 

Being totally honest, after what he done, I'm happy I made him growl.. I know I shouldn't say it but that is the truth :-( x

 

People have done a lot worse than text an angry rant, but your actions are still not good for you. I'm not that concerned about him, but I'm concerned that you get to a point where you don't need to look for him to get an emotional reaction. Now, he's going to label you as the crazy, unstable ex, so you kind of gave him what he wants. He can show the text his GF and all of his friends and laugh. Your texting likely made him feel righteous for leaving you.

 

Now, back to you. You seriously need to get to a place where you aren't that concerned with him. Most people have, at the very least, wanted to fire off any angry text or email to an ex. I don't know how, but I never told my ex off. Oh, believe me, I could have, but I never said a darn thing to him along those lines. I sure was tempted though. I'm so glad I didn't though because the emotional freedom I have developed over time has been well worth it.

 

What's done is done. Wipe your slate clean, and don't contact him again. Am I correct that you have kids together? If so, only business like interaction with him about the kids. It took me a year of NC to be able to move on, so it's not an overnight thing. I was in an emotionally abusive relationship, and I had seriously low self-esteem by the end of it, but I made my way out somehow. If I can get out of the mess I was in, anyone can:-) You will go through highs and lows, but NC is your best friend right now.

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OP, something else that may help. Write a letter to your ex, saying everything you ever wanted to say, the good and the bad. Tell his arse off if you need to. Then, throw the letter away. A book I read said to burn the letter as symbolism, but I was scared I'd catch the house on fire. Look, the letter writing thing really worked for me because it validated how I felt. Even if my ex new saw it, it still made my feelings real.

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