Did I make the right decision to NC?

[Moussemoo]

Oh guys, I don't know what to do....

 

Short version of the story:

 

I used to live in Japan with an ex, we were together for 3 years. Recently, I came home to Canada on vacation, while on vacation, my ex messaged revealing that he had a big crush on someone else, hindering his ability to commit, and wanted me to give him time to think. I decided it was the end of our relationship.

I didn't take my plane back to Japan.

 

I've been NC for about a month and 20 days. Finding it hard to move on because I was totally unprepared for this, and we didn't even see each other's faces

 

Wondering if I'm just going through a phase... or is contact something I need in order to really move on.

 

 

Long version:

Rewind time back to September 2014,

I used to live in Japan with my ex boyfriend, we shared a place. We were together 3 years and lived together 5 months. We had plans to come to Canada, together after he finishes his job in August 2015. Though, he was always unsure about it and wanted me to give him time to decide if he wanted to work there for another year. The job is yearly contracted and they required him to decide in December. He could do another year from August 2015 to August 2016. I however, was sure i was coming back to Canada.

 

Even though I told him I can't control what he does, he's free to decide what he wants, there was still a lot of pressure beneath the surface. During the last 2 months I was with him, we fought a lot, and I felt physically stressed. I doubted the relationship so many times, I am spiritual, he isn't. He has communication problems, we are not from the same country. But we loved each other so it could work, right? I told myself that.

 

I flew home in September, in order to get a VISA extension, after that I was gonna go back in Japan for just another 6 months.

 

Here comes the surprise. 2 days before my plane day, I get a Facebook message from him, saying he wants to be honest, and tells me he is struggling to make the decision about next year and he realized he had developed a huge crush on someone else, didn't know what to do about it, he wasn't sure about our relationship and wanted me to give him time to think. Apparently it was so painful for him he started binge drinking.

 

In a moment of anger, I became a Facebook monster , I told him he deserved to eat all the cockroaches in the toilet and suck poop, and I didn't want anything to do with him ever again, I gave him my address in Canada and asked him to send my belongings. Then I blocked the guy. It was.. pretty disastrous as far as Facebook goes.

 

I then had a bunch of doubts back and forth thinking was it the right decision?? This guy was pouring his heart out at me and being honest, maybe I shouldn't have been so harsh. Maybe we should stick it out? But eventually, I arrived at the conclusion that undoubtedly breaking up was the right thing to do.

 

He later emailed me, and before I could say anything, he ended up saying he wanted to end it, too. His exact words were "Are you still coming? It's hard enough as it is, let's finish this like adults". That was really the end end end of it.

 

Japan was the first country I lived in abroad, I really liked everybody I met and my experiences there, the least thing I wanted to do was to pack all my sh*t in tears, come back crying on the plane over some guy. I didn't even take the plane back. I'm not sure that was a good move, 'cause now I have to rely on him to send things back, and I never got to say goodbye to any of my friends. I had no closure from Japan... I feel bad because I made the decision because I was prideful.

 

The ex had since then send me some more emails about how I should come back with the VISA, how the door is always open, we should talk in person. It was just painful seeing his emails, so I stopped checking. I've been in NC for about a month and 20 days.

 

In general, I feel like I'm doing the right thing with NC, some days I feel like I should contact him, others I feel that it's pointless to even consider. I'm just going through the break-up motions, still thinking about it every day, dreaming about it some days, wondering how he's doing... does it get better? I know it's still early... but am I not moving on because I didn't have a last talk? I can't even remember the last thing we did before I left

 

What do you guys think? Help is really really appreciated!

[Halcyon]

You made the right choice. Do not question that. Your relationship sounds similar to my relationship before my current one.

 

I've come to hate the term crush and huge crush because I found that she had been emotionally cheating on me and was using that term as a means to minimize what she was doing to me. It hurt so freaking much. She also asked me for time to "sort out her feelings" I left without looking back and have no regrets. I told her I was not going to be her safety net for when she got tired of playing the field and I stand by that to this day.

 

I deserve to be someones first choice not their second. Keep strong you are doing good NC is the right thing to do especially in this situation. Possibly his crush rejected him and now he's looking for a way back in.

 

However you need to tell yourself, he chose his crush over you. He only told you because he felt guilty not for you. Everything he did was for him. You deserve someone who will put you first and not have wandering eyes. Keep up the NC I know it's hard but I promise it gets easier with time.