Jump to content

Perfect then dumped


Recommended Posts

Hello everyone. I was in a relationship for over 8 months and it seemed perfect then dumped over a txt. I'm 39 with 4 kids and she was 25. I did not want to get into the relationship but she kept perusing it and we strangely clicked on every level interests,hobbies everything. We knew each other for about a year before dating so the age and knowing I had kids was no surprise.

 

She broke up with her ex and I was all she had to talk to no friends bothered with,so we clicked even more. About 4 months if that we started dating her parents,family all were ok with it knowing I treated her great and the ex was abusive. We did everything together with my kids and even our own time. 8 months later everything was as great as I could wish a relationship could go no obvious signs of anything wrong we txt every chance we could spent every minute we had together. Then her cousin moves to town and I was dumped by a txt.

 

The txt started off like every other txt the I miss you can't wait to see you I'll be home in 5min,then she asked if she could go out with her cousin and I said yea but I thought you hated going out...then I got the txt ...I need to live my life,I need to stand on my own to feet I'm tired of living my life for everyone else. She is now starting to go out which is not her thing mopen around her house,bitting everyone's head off when asked certain questions.

 

Also saying how confused she is and told her mom she could not break up with me face to face cause she couldn't have done it then. Posting pics of her nights out and dumb little quotes about how happy she is on the same day she dumped me. This has been a week now and since that surprising txt I never heard from her again. Over a year of me and her together everyday to nothing. Can't wrap my head around what happened and what to expect.

Edited by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Link to post
Share on other sites

Sometimes things are too good to be true. A lovely young girl falls in love with you despite of your complicated status (much older, with 3 kids).

 

Now she hurts you bad. She probably got a lecture from her cousine, now she's busy with implementation her cousine advises. She posts those night out pics as an autosuggestion to convince herself that she's happy and also to keep you from trying to pull her back.

 

I advice you to thank god you had this experience, knowing that great things have their expiry date.

 

I'm so sorry for you. Good luck

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author

What should I do about her family. Parents aunts uncles etc they keep in contact with me with all hopes everything comes back around like its a phase. They want me and my kids to visit them and they also want to visit me never went through with any of the invites but it's sad I got close with them all and they really enjoyed my kids being around. I'm not watching her space or asking questions about her but it's kinda hard she lives right out back I can see her place from my mine everyday. That's what keeps it fresh or just to think about her when her car isn't there

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
What should I do about her family. Parents aunts uncles etc they keep in contact with me with all hopes everything comes back around like its a phase. They want me and my kids to visit them and they also want to visit me never went through with any of the invites but it's sad I got close with them all and they really enjoyed my kids being around. I'm not watching her space or asking questions about her but it's kinda hard she lives right out back I can see her place from my mine everyday. That's what keeps it fresh or just to think about her when her car isn't there

 

Same week as the break up we spent hundreds on each other on Christmas gifts and exchanged them cause we loved to see each other smile and be happy. Also she brought up possibly moving in with me and my kids and sometime down the road possibly a child of her own. Never once had an argument disagree on anything.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
What should I do about her family. Parents aunts uncles etc they keep in contact with me with all hopes everything comes back around like its a phase. They want me and my kids to visit them and they also want to visit me never went through with any of the invites but it's sad I got close with them all and they really enjoyed my kids being around. I'm not watching her space or asking questions about her but it's kinda hard she lives right out back I can see her place from my mine everyday. That's what keeps it fresh or just to think about her when her car isn't there

 

This is very tough mate. Just on the mouth of Christmas too.

 

It's easy for me to say this because I was able to do this, but when my kids mother hurt me beyond belief I suffered for a year then decided to up & leave town. I moved 50 miles away.

 

Running away from my pain? Yes. Running away from my child? Hell no. I travel up to see him.

 

I guess I was in a better position than you to get up & leave though since I only have one child with one woman & he lives with her, so I had that freedom to choose.

 

Your situation is also a tricky one because you're close with the family & you can see her house! For me I would again leave town in that instance, but again it's easy for me to say having done it once before. But you're only going to prolong your pain by hanging onto those threads of the family situation.

 

One piece of advice I suggest you carry out immediately is to block her from Facebook. Seeing what your ex is up to all the time is a constant kick in the b*lls. Trust me I did that for 3 months & it hurt like hell.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
..she asked if she could go out with her cousin and I said yea but I thought you hated going out...then I got the txt ...I need to live my life...

 

 

Why did she feel the need to ask you if she could go out with her cousin?

 

And why did you feel the need to give her permission?

 

Was this a typical dynamic between the two of you, a parent/child dynamic?

 

I can imagine after being in an abusive relationship she would be particular sensitive to being controlled.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author

Yea I can't just up and move so that's out of the question. I did delete her and all mutual friends off facebook right after seeing the pics and post. We always asked each other if we can do or not do something just how we were and never had problems when asked before if she wanted to go out. I didn't care if she did go out it was only a few times we were together and I was invited also and some I wasn't but I also wanted her to have her time. And yes her ex was very controlling and semi abusive so that's why I let her do what she wanted cause he wouldn't let her. And for some of the family we were friends before our relationship but on the bad cause they really want us to be together they give false hope and let me know things. Like all my pics are still hanging my kids also how she is acting just info I don't wanna hear anymore. But some part of me does and I know it's not heathy or helping my situation get better.

Link to post
Share on other sites
Yea I can't just up and move so that's out of the question. I did delete her and all mutual friends off facebook right after seeing the pics and post. We always asked each other if we can do or not do something just how we were and never had problems when asked before if she wanted to go out. I didn't care if she did go out it was only a few times we were together and I was invited also and some I wasn't but I also wanted her to have her time. And yes her ex was very controlling and semi abusive so that's why I let her do what she wanted cause he wouldn't let her. And for some of the family we were friends before our relationship but on the bad cause they really want us to be together they give false hope and let me know things. Like all my pics are still hanging my kids also how she is acting just info I don't wanna hear anymore. But some part of me does and I know it's not heathy or helping my situation get better.

 

My opinion is that in a healthy relationship you do not have to ask if you can or cannot do something. Being considerate, yes! Asking permission, no!

 

Neither partner is the other's parent that they have to ask permission to go out.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

The best thing you can do is to put all your energies into yourself and your children.

 

In situations like this it doesn't really matter why she left. She just did.

 

Be civil and polite in any interactions with her family, but don't seek their company.

 

If you can face going No Contact do so. If not, do not seek her company, and be as detached from her as possible.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author

I am detached and was til I heard she was speaking with her ex again so I sent a good luck and good bye text just sad to hear someone willing to put themselves back into a bad situation when I treated her great. But need to let her go and experience what will never work again.

Link to post
Share on other sites

I don't think it has anything to do with age. She just sounds very flakey and possibly lied about her feelings for him until her ex became available to her again. Its not normal to have feelings chabge so quickly and then suddenly bail.

Link to post
Share on other sites
I am detached and was til I heard she was speaking with her ex again so I sent a good luck and good bye text just sad to hear someone willing to put themselves back into a bad situation when I treated her great. But need to let her go and experience what will never work again.

 

That's for the best, Joe. Promise yourself one thing though: When they break up and she comes running back, don't give her the time of day anymore.

 

Sorry you are having to go through this. I feel your pain.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author

Ok I have not spoke or seen her since recieved a Christmas text I responded and that was it. But my question is why when anyone she knows meaning her family want to visit me she flips on them. I never did anything to them or her. What would make her hate me so bad it comes to this. I knew them before we dated. Oh and her new fling didn't work out for her he wants nothing to do with her

Link to post
Share on other sites

I can feel the pain in your posts and I'm sorry fir you. I think she may never find the kind if happiness you two obviously shared, (which may have frightened her a bit) and will regret her decision. She was cowardly to do it the way she did, which makes me wonder how she would have managed any of life's real disasters and how much support she actually ever offered you?

Stay strong. My ex (aged 40) left me 4 weeks ago for a 22 year old and now seems to be blissful. I didn't even get a text, just saw them in the street and got told to 'f*** off' so I know where you're at.

Link to post
Share on other sites
×
×
  • Create New...