Thought I would share this with all my fellow dumpees...

[Chatmonkey]

[i did not write this - I happened to stumble upon it last week and it seemed very timely!]

 

People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime.

 

 

When you figure out which one it is,

you will know what to do for each person.

 

When someone is in your life for a REASON,

it is usually to meet a need you have expressed.

They have come to assist you through a difficulty;

to provide you with guidance and support;

to aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually.

They may seem like a godsend, and they are.

They are there for the reason you need them to be.

 

Then, without any wrongdoing on your part or at an inconvenient time,

this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end.

Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away.

Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand.

What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled; their work is done.

The prayer you sent up has been answered and now it is time to move on.

 

Some people come into your life for a SEASON,

because your turn has come to share, grow or learn.

They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh.

They may teach you something you have never done.

They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy.

Believe it. It is real. But only for a season.

 

LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons;

things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation.

Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person,

and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life.

It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.

 

— Unknown

 

 

 

I hope this helps you come to terms with the limits of a particular relationship.

[kenmore]

Thank you for this post Chatmonkey,

 

If I had to choose which of these categories my current dumper is, I'd have to say all three.

 

My first wife of 16 (almost 17) years died, and I felt completely heartbroken and lost. I had joined a forum (like this one) for widow(er)s, and that helped a little, but the loss was devastating. Finding my new wife was a Godsend! (the Reason.)

 

She gave me several gifts that will last me throughout my existence. Vacations to places I had never seen. New experiences (foods I had never eaten including sushi!) Sex like I had never had before. While it was for many times more than (A Season,) the metaphor is not strict, it is to mean (IMO) for a short but continuous time, and that is what it was.

 

Finally, the lifetime lessons. There are many. Some good and some bad, but all valuable. AKA (The Lifetime.) There is no question that the new experiences, knowing her as a person (she is a very strong and guided woman) and her organizational skills will be with me forever, good or bad.

 

While I will make the point that my first wife did the same and pretty much anyone we hang out with for a long time will, the concepts hold true. Your post gave me the strength to forgive and to cherish the dumper's presence in my life a little more.

 

I have been trying my best to find that in my heart. I really do love her and always will, even though I need to harden my heart now to protect myself. That is one of the most painful things I have ever had to do.

 

When my first wife died, I did not need to harden my heart, she died and it was not her doing. There was really no forgiveness (though some widow(er)s will tell you otherwise.) She wanted to continue with me.

 

But this wife does want to end "us". That is difficult to forgive and easy to hate. I am struggling, but forgiveness and love is my nature, so I'm sure it will prevail. It's so hard to listen to her painful stabs at me like when she says "I was so happy when you left that it took four months before I started feeling grief" or "I am happier alone" or "Though I wish you the best, we are done, please get your stuff out of my house.(She offered for me to leave my stuff there until I got "on my feet" and I'm holding her feet to the fire))

 

I feel your post will help me see the true facts unclouded by the emotional vitriol that is not truly her fault. It is fueled by her anger and bitterness and must be viewed as such. That will pass, and so will mine. While I know I have no future with this woman, at least I hope to have someone I can look back upon and appreciate what she did for me and what I did for her, and someday bask in the thought that it was positive for both of us.

 

So, once again, thank you.