Dumped after 3yrs by text message!

[Jabs06]

Just trying to let off a bit of steam in this whole mess!! Last Friday my 43yr old bf spent all day trying to put me off seeing him and because I wouldn't bite he eventually finished it by text message and was quite ruthless & blunt.

I was devastated after his grand finale text I decided to go with nc just trying to hold on to the tiny bit of pride I had left .. I think we split because he's span a web of lies. We split back in July and I have this feeling that he never told his parents we had got back together and I was actually a secret.

 

We had been together just over 3 years and something doesn't dit right about out break-up. He's saying he doesn't want to be a family (with my 2 children) but I think there is more to this. Lots of things just don't add up.

 

I have done the nc thing & if it helps anyone else I prepared myself to feel awful. I told family & friends & have allowed myself to cry where possible. I even blocked his number from my phone not because I think he will call or text but for my own sanity. I don't want to be checking my phone every 5 mins. This way I know when my phone goes it's not him & there's no need to check my phone every 2 mins.

 

I know the split is prob for the best. My head tells me. I don't even have a lot of positives to say about him but my heart still wants him. But why?? It's awful I think I'm just going around on auto-pilot. I've tried to keep myself really busy which has helped. I'm dreading xmas though wish it would hurry up and be over and he's constantky on my mind & I wonder if I'm on his mind and wonder if he's sorry because he must know that the way he treated me last Friday was completely out of character and completely wrong.

 

I wish I could just forget him & I wish I could find the prospect of being single again exciting but at 42yrs old, I just don't

[mtnbiker3000]

Don't worry. You will feel fine in time. I'm also 43 and I was petrified of being single at this age. And the thought of dating again and starting over was just depressing. But it gets better. Trust me, you'll be fine. It will just take some time

[Ieris]

Well done for blocking his number, I think you are coping very well and know what you have to do. You loved and cared deeply for this person that's why your heart is hurting and that's normal. I guess you still want him because your heart hasn't caught up with your head.

 

When I was going through a break up and whenever I thought about him, I would repeat to myself:

 

"He doesn't want you"

"He doesn't need you"

"He never loved you"

"He lied to you"

"He cheated on you"

"He played you for a fool"

"You mean nothing to him" etc.

 

I had to hammer all that deep into my head in order to kill off any feelings I had for him. Lots of people sugarcoat things for their crappy exes and make up excuses for them but I wasn't going to allow myself to do that.

 

I know everyone has different ways of coping but this is what worked for me. Think of all the horrible and cruel things they had said and done to you instead of thinking about all the sweet things. The sweet things were "then" the cruel things are "now" and you need to accept it in order to move on.

 

I think you know he wasn't the right one for you so don't give up hope. Your guy is still out there and by the way 42 is still pretty young! x

[Danda]

My mother divorced in her 40s. It was a really ugly divorce, too.

 

When she stepped back into the dating world she was totally clueless, after having been married for over 20 years.

 

She is now happily remarried to her soul mate.

[e4u]

My mother divorced in her 40s. It was a really ugly divorce, too.

 

When she stepped back into the dating world she was totally clueless, after having been married for over 20 years.

 

She is now happily remarried to her soul mate.

 

 

Yeah, also know of a woman who got divorced when she was around 50. Now with the love of her life, someone MUCH better for her.

[newmoon]

you'll be fine. there is usually much more to the break-up than what you're told and it's usually a long time coming and you don't even know it. the reality - after you can clear your head to accept it - is that you don't miss the person as much as the loss of a relationship/potential. and 42 isn't even old, you'll eventually find another person, and if you don't, you'll manage anyway.

[Satu]

1. You're still in the crisis phase - you are very hurt, disappointed and angry, but the intensity of your feelings will reduce.

 

2. Don't suppress your feelings, or tell yourself that you shouldn't be feeling what you're feeling - that never helps.

 

3. Externalise your feelings by writing them down, talking to a trustworthy person, or using any other mode of expression that feels right.

 

4. Remind yourself frequently that you can and will have a good life without this person.

 

5. Tell yourself that you can and will love again.

 

6. Take care of your body:

 

Eat enough and eat healthily.

Drink enough water.

Get a bit more rest than you think you need.

Do some easy exercise - nothing too strenuous.

If you feel physically unwell go to see your doctor.

 

7. Do not allow yourself to become socially isolated or withdrawn.

 

8. Establish Total No Contact with your ex. No contact directly, indirectly, or by social media. Thats not easy, but it helps.

 

9. Keep up with all your responsibilities and things you have to do.

 

10. Do not use alcohol or drugs in an attempt to self-medicate.

 

11. Post here as often as you want to. People here want to help.

[Jabs06]

Thank you so much for all your support.

 

I can't believe what happened this morning...I normally start work at 8am but this morning I had to go to work at 7am dressed as an elf and give out chocs & wine to our drivers, I was dreading this...single & dressed as an elf!!! But it turned out to be quite fun and I was actually feeling good, even telling my work friend that I felt quite good today...until I got to my desk, I opened my emails and there it was an email sent at 7:26am from him telling me how he didn't expect a reply but he wanted to apologise for last Friday, he handled it really badly and it got out of hand...I don't know if he emailed because he realises he's been blocked or if he was just trying to be formal.

 

I haven't replied. I'm so confused about it all and a little angry. He basically told me to leave him alone last Friday, when I asked to come and see him do we could end it properly and have closure he said he'd given me my closure...but it's ok for him to email me a week later at work.??

 

I have got so much I want to say to him but I don't even know where to start. I want to tell him my version of events & get it all off my chest!! I'm not even sure if he just sent it to ease his own conscience because he knows I didn't dreserve to be treated like that last week. He also professes to still love me & miss me although there is no mention he wants me back. I also can't help thinking that he's broke up from work today for 2 weeks so this could be a very lonely 2 weeks for him!!! Wish I could stop thinking

[BC1980]

I wouldn't write him back because he won't take what you say to heart. His email is basically his version of how things ended, so he can feel better about himself. You're not required to agree with him, and you aren't required to respond. Trust me, silence is your friend right now.

[Jabs06]

I'm thinking silent too. To be honest I'm not even sure how I'd start and it would probably end up like war & peace lol

 

I will leave it for now until I feel ready. He did say he didn't expect a reply. I think at some point I may need to get it off my chest. Maybe I'll write it but never send him.

 

I hate the way he's handled this. He's a 43yr old teacher & acts like one of the kids himself!!!

 

Still miss him tho .. Just trying to decide whether to stay at home or go to my moms for xmas.

[BC1980]

I'm thinking silent too. To be honest I'm not even sure how I'd start and it would probably end up like war & peace lol

 

I will leave it for now until I feel ready. He did say he didn't expect a reply. I think at some point I may need to get it off my chest. Maybe I'll write it but never send him.

 

I hate the way he's handled this. He's a 43yr old teacher & acts like one of the kids himself!!!

 

Still miss him tho .. Just trying to decide whether to stay at home or go to my moms for xmas.

 

You're so upset that when you respond, it will snowball. You run the risk of getting too emotional and saying stuff you may regret. Get upset and talk to friends and family, but don't get emotional with him.

[mtnbiker3000]

I hate the way he's handled this. He's a 43yr old teacher & acts like one of the kids himself!!!

 

Hahahaha. I'm a 43 year old teacher, and I'm sure my ex (also a teacher) would complain about me in the same way... Be easy

[Jabs06]

I'll try and not tar you all with same brush lol .. I just feel like he's very, very selfish then on more than one occasion just throws his toys out the pram!! I know I'm going to come back down to earth with a bump at some point over xmas but at the moment I can't actually think of anything good about him. It's made me feel stronger in a way that's he's got in touch but also a bit angry. Although I must stop trying to dissect the email.

 

Just out of curiosity can I get people's opinions because I feel a bit embarrassed asking family & friends.

 

I have 2 children & I work part-time, the money I earn pays the bills with a little left over & I just about get by. My ex is prob on about 50k he does have his own house but always stayed at mine, every night, maybe stopping at his own 3x a month if that. I rent my house, his is bought so he's paying his mortgage & I'm imagine minimum house hold bills as he's never there. At mine he eats, drinks, showers etc etc all the things you do in yr own house. Should he have made some sort of contribution to the bills or not??