Losing my Wife and Betrayal

[eblude]

Well. It is hard to share this since it brings back all memories. Been married for 5 years . it has been a hard relationship where my wife left me several times also once left me for another man during marriage .. But I loved her so much . I have done many mistakes mostly being dependent on her emotionally and working hard to fix her "Unfortunatly I have learned that you cannot fix none the hard way".

 

Well I lived and grew up in Italy . left home to be with her after she had hard time finding job and adjusting to the culture.

 

Anyway my wife left 3 mons ago .. out of the blue just left then day and the betrayal part that she filed divorce the day after and never told me about it .. I kept trying to text her and calling her asking her about the status of the marriage ... anyway to make it short she filed a restraining order claiming I controlled her mind and i might hurt my dogs "no way they are only family i have left".. and done many damage,

 

I am 31 and my wife was around 10 years older ... but i really loved her regardless age and something.

 

Now she left It been rough At times i miss her .. I am so scared that I will never move on since am so hurt and feel betrayal I am trying hard to forgive her . I know she has mental illness since she been hospitalized 2 years ago . I also tried to commit suicide a year ago when she left to that guy ... I feel so alone since she was only family i have here .. Sorry for making it long but been miserable relation but damn it i still miss her and now she put a restraining order over my neck i know i will never know why she tried to destroy me .. Again am not best man but i did my best to take care of her ... and I am afraid to give up all because I cannot handle the pain and loss

[eblude]

my issue is i keep going back minute to minute and all relationship sound surreal .. at times i wish i can go back in time and change something.. It is hard since i trusted my ex wife and ended up getting stabbed in the back she also took cash and left me without money for rent two days before rent overdo ,.,, I have anger , betrayal and missing her feelings all mixed up and i am trying to find a way to heal and move on

[Chi townD]

Dude, look at what you wrote. She left you several times in the marriage and once for someone that she was cheating on you with. Dude, she's not in love with you. Sooner you realize that, the sooner you can start healing from this.

 

 

Time to start working on you! Start making positive changes in your life. You need to write her off and another thing, NO GIRL IS WORTH ENDING YOUR LIFE OVER!!!!!!

 

 

Dude, there are more women on this planet than there are men. Trust me when I say this, there are so girls out there that know how to treat a man right. That won't run at the first sign of trouble and won't cheat. You need to start looking forward to finding this girl.

[EgoJoe]

Chi town is right. The tough love is real. We all ought to demand honesty and respect.

 

 

Perhaps this thread should be moved to marriage and separation so you can get advice from people who are familiar with a marriage breakdown.

[eblude]

I know .. my issue that wrongly my life was around her .. now she is gone I have a void.. I do not want her back. Maybe I miss having someone in my life . I know she was bad for me and I risked losing myself cos of her..

my issue is i still cannot believe that someone who I trusted have stapped me bad in the back and moved on stepping over me. I start working on heading process . I just battle with emotions specially anger and feeling like a total moron

 

Dude, look at what you wrote. She left you several times in the marriage and once for someone that she was cheating on you with. Dude, she's not in love with you. Sooner you realize that, the sooner you can start healing from this.

 

 

Time to start working on you! Start making positive changes in your life. You need to write her off and another thing, NO GIRL IS WORTH ENDING YOUR LIFE OVER!!!!!!

 

 

Dude, there are more women on this planet than there are men. Trust me when I say this, there are so girls out there that know how to treat a man right. That won't run at the first sign of trouble and won't cheat. You need to start looking forward to finding this girl.

[Satu]

You're really not good for each other. Not at all. Not a bit.

 

The best thing would be to go for total no contact, either direct, through an intermediary, or social media.

 

After that put all your energy into yourself, making yourself healthier and happier.

 

If you don't know how to make yourself healthier and happier, thats the real problem.

[eblude]

You're really not good for each other. Not at all. Not a bit.

 

The best thing would be to go for total no contact, either direct, through an intermediary, or social media.

 

After that put all your energy into yourself, making yourself healthier and happier.

 

If you don't know how to make yourself healthier and happier, thats the real problem.

 

I know I havenot had any contact with her since she left .. to be honest I was thinking I had a good life back home before I met her i was happy and had many friends. Just need to start a new journy. The thing even i do not want her I feel bad for her .. I mean she really has bad depression and mental issues thought i tried my best fixing her with doctors etc but I ended up losing myself and sanity .. but still I wish she gets it resolved and that idiot of her dad send her somewhere where she can gets help before it is so late .. I think I can forgive her but am working on forgetting her also .. just it is hard being alone in another country with little support and feeling like starting all from scratch .

[elaine567]

I know I havenot had any contact with her since she left .. to be honest I was thinking I had a good life back home before I met her i was happy and had many friends. Just need to start a new journy. The thing even i do not want her I feel bad for her .. I mean she really has bad depression and mental issues thought i tried my best fixing her with doctors etc but I ended up losing myself and sanity .. but still I wish she gets it resolved and that idiot of her dad send her somewhere where she can gets help before it is so late .. I think I can forgive her but am working on forgetting her also .. just it is hard being alone in another country with little support and feeling like starting all from scratch .

 

I suggest you pack up and go home, be with friends and family again and find yourself. Being with someone like this woman, is emotionally draining you need to be good to yourself and recharge your batteries.

[eblude]

I suggest you pack up and go home, be with friends and family again and find yourself. Being with someone like this woman, is emotionally draining you need to be good to yourself and recharge your batteries.

I wish it is that easy .. I mean I have job and house here while Economy is bad back home .. I still care about her but at same time maybe better keep away from me at any cost . thought at times I miss the dream of family i had in her "not her personally". still worried that i might never move on and she cause me destruction .. i know it is fear but I want to forget her and anything that has to do with her .. matter of fact I wish she never existed in my life

[elaine567]

I wish it is that easy .. I mean I have job and house here while Economy is bad back home .. I still care about her but at same time maybe better keep away from me at any cost . thought at times I miss the dream of family i had in her "not her personally". still worried that i might never move on and she cause me destruction .. i know it is fear but I want to forget her and anything that has to do with her .. matter of fact I wish she never existed in my life

 

She will only destroy you if you let her. YOU get to choose whether you move on or not.

She has no control of your life anymore, please go completely No Contact with her, as that will restore your sense of perspective.

Life is good, do not let one mad, cheating woman bring you down to her level.

[lolablue17]

Man. You were stung by a monster

 

She's cheating, and leaving you, (and leaves the dogs with you) and after 3 month she's coming with a restraining order that you "control her mind, and might hurt the dogs she herself abandoned????!!!!!!

 

It's not a woman, It's a real devil with a human mask. So first you have to realize and understand that anything you feel for her is the result of her offences. She is a PRO with this. She led you on, playing with your emotion, deceived you, used you only for her interests. You know, when People are victims of robbery occurred in their home, sometimes they lose confidence, they have nightmares, they're afraid of anything and anyone. That's what happened to you. You've been robbed

 

If you don't understand that. you'll find it very hard to heal. First inject this fact to the inside of your consciousness. SHE IS AN EXPERT WITH FRAUDS!

 

If you get this, it's half way of your healing. Fight her with legal ways, have a lawyer, The fact that she lies to court, doesn't mean the judge will believe her. i think any judge will follow the contradictions in her claims.

 

In addition I advice you to go to counselling or treatment. If you're short with money, take a loan... As an investment in your mental health.

Edited December 17, 2014 by lolablue17

[eblude]

Man. You were stung by a monster

 

She's cheating, and leaving you, (and leaves the dogs with you) and after 3 month she's coming with a restraining order that you "control her mind, and might hurt the dogs she herself abandoned????!!!!!!

 

It's not a woman, It's a real devil with a human mask. So first you have to realize and understand that anything you feel for her is the result of her offences. She is a PRO with this. She led you on, playing with your emotion, deceived you, used you only for her interests. You know, when People are victims of robbery occurred in their home, sometimes they lose confidence, they have nightmares, they're afraid of anything and anyone. That's what happened to you. You've been robbed

 

If you don't understand that. you'll find it very hard to heal. First inject this fact to the inside of your consciousness. SHE IS AN EXPERT WITH FRAUDS!

 

If you get this, it's half way of your healing. Fight her with legal ways, have a lawyer, The fact that she lies to court, doesn't mean the judge will believe her. i think any judge will follow the contradictions in her claims.

 

In addition I advice you to go to counselling or treatment. If you're short with money, take a loan... As an investment in your mental health.

 

Well To be honest I believe my wife is not a fraud she is mentally unstable .

The crazy part she filed divorce a day after she left and never told me about it . I tried to contact her many times just asking is it over are you divorcing etc .. she played it all behind my back and my fault is I never expected her trying to hurt me not even in my worst dreams.

 

A year and half ago she ended up in mental hospital with psychosis . beside her crazy dad hates my guts and wants my head on stick "has threaten to kill me multiple times" so yes I believe she has no clue what she wants and even if i ask her why she wont know herself.

 

I think my problem is the relationship was so emotional and I used alot of strength and energy trying to heal my wife from her issues .. I ended up risking losing house job and my sweet babies "dogs", What I am dealing with now is pain of betrayal and all years she inflicted me with bad doing and betrayal . I started counseling I also take some medications for depression since with her it hit the max.

 

I just cannot believe this happened to me .. I cannot believe I have invested 6 years in my life ending in a soap opera unfortunately real one.

 

I know for many if you sounds like crazy mad story I wish it is just a story not facts of my life . maybe what I am wondering how someone can go thought all that ? It is not only a wife leave you? How can I ever trust a woman? it is total madness which at times make wish I wake up and nothing happened .

 

 

For now I am trying to focus on myself .. thought it is hard she and her depression prevented me from having friends in the us so starting all over again is really hard specially this is one of the times I wish someone call me just to have a coffee or something . someone tells me tomorrow gonna be a better day

[elaine567]

I think my problem is the relationship was so emotional and I used alot of strength and energy trying to heal my wife from her issues .. I ended up risking losing house job and my sweet babies "dogs", What I am dealing with now is pain of betrayal and all years she inflicted me with bad doing and betrayal . I started counseling I also take some medications for depression since with her it hit the max.

 

 

I guess you are co-dependent.

"The co-dependent person typically sacrifices his or her needs to take care of a person who is sick. When co-dependents place other people’s health, welfare and safety before their own, they can lose contact with their own needs, desires, and sense of self." Codependency Relationships - Codependent

 

You need to find yourself again.

[eblude]

I guess you are co-dependent.

 

 

You need to find yourself again.

 

Yes In that relationship I was co-dependent and I realized it when it was too late

[eblude]

Yes In that relationship I was co-dependent and I realized it when it was too late

 

Well co-dependent is a big word after reading.. I had some symptoms but I honestly thought I could fix her.. Now I wish she never meet any man cos she will destroy him ... She doesn't know how to love, live with other people and doesn't even acknowledge that she has a mental issue .. wish her the best away from me

[Chi townD]

I know for many if you sounds like crazy mad story I wish it is just a story not facts of my life . maybe what I am wondering how someone can go thought all that ? It is not only a wife leave you? How can I ever trust a woman? it is total madness which at times make wish I wake up and nothing happened .

 

 

 

You can trust people in time. Uggh...okay. Periodically I write out my story for some people looking for hope of recovery. I'll go ahead and write it out for you (some of the other veterans are probably thinking to themselves, "Oh God, Chi town's telling his story again!) Shut up! I don't do it that often!

 

 

A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away...I was in love with this girl, I mean, head over heels and she did a very good job and making me feel loved. I was going to ask her to marry me and I even put down a deposit on a ring. Until, something seemed off....I took a look and investigated it. I discovered she was cheating on me.

 

 

When I confronted her, she turned on me like a snake. She called me a loser, that I was never going anywhere; that I was never going to college or University. That I was satisfied working dead end jobs for the rest of my life just barely getting by. She went on to tell me how much better this guy was than I was and she was going with someone that actually had a future. No remorse and no apology from her at all. That was the last time I would ever talk to her again.

 

 

I was a mess for a while. I became a hermit. I would go to work and then back to my crappy studio apartment. I didn't hang out with my friends anymore and they were getting concerned that I was going to do something stupid. Then, one Friday, my best friend came into my apartment early in the morning. He called my boss and said I was sick and he was taking me to the doctor. He proceeded to pack a bag with a couple of days worth of clothes and he LITERALLY kidnapped me. Next thing I know we're at the train station and hopped a train bound for St. Louis. We checked into the hotel and proceed to see the city. I've never been there before so I just went with it. We toured the brewery. We saw the sites. I leaned up against the Arch. We caught a cardinals game and then we went to the clubs at night. I even danced with a couple of girls. When the weekend was over and we were on the train headed back. I realized what that trip was really about. I had made my Ex my entire world, but I was wrong. There was an entire world out there full of different places and different people. My Ex wasn't my entire world, but I let her be. From that point I got motivated. I was going to get my revenge and prove that everything she said about me was wrong. She was wrong about me.

 

 

When I got back, I applied for any University that would take me. I finally got one to take a chance and I started to go to school. I discovered something there. When I applied myself, I did really well. I found that I liked school after all. Nothing feels better than working hard on a paper and to have it come back with an "A" on it. Makes you want to go out and do it again. So, I went to school and a lot of it. Undergraduate and graduate school. Now, this was revenge for my Ex, but after a year and a half I realized something. I was doing this for me! Not for her! I was the one taking the tests and quizzes, I was the one writing the papers, not her! That's when I let go of her and started to focus on me.

 

 

When I graduated, I started my career an did extremely well in it. But, since my trip to St. Louis, I caught the travel bug. I wanted to see what else is out there. I traveled to other states to do things. Like, white water rafting in West Virginia, Deep sea fishing in the Florida Keys, Dog sledding in Minnesota. Then, as I was promoted in my job after a while my trips became international. I've been to Ireland, England, France, Spain, Japan, Jamaica, Cuba....I've been to no less than 20 different countries. Somewhere in that time a met a girl. She was smart, sweet, kind, professional and one day she said yes and became my wife. We've been happy for quite awhile now and she is actually 10 times better than my Ex in everyway possible. And I thank God she understands my need to travel. Sometimes she goes with me, sometimes she doesn't. The last big trip I took was to ride the Camino De Santiago. She didn't think riding a bike through France and Spain was her idea of fun. But, she went with me to chill out at a resort in Southern California not to far from the Santa Monica pier.

 

 

But, I got my revenge. I have a great life and a wonderful woman to share it with. I guess that's why I hang around here. To help you realize that you can have that too! To give you the tools you need in order to have whatever you want in life. You got knocked down pretty hard. But, your life isn't over, just this chapter of it. It's time to turn the page and find the motivation to start filling in the next chapter. You start on a fresh new page with nothing on it. It's up to you what you fill it with. Something inspirational or something tragic? It's up to you. And we can give you the tools you'll need but it's you that needs to use them.

 

 

I look forward to reading your success story.

[eblude]

I want to thank you all .. talking to you made me feel normal regardless of circumstances. She dumped me and I need to learn from mistakes and move on. Maybe I am afraid of living alone and never find a woman or resolving the issues of trusting another person developed during the marraige.

 

I am not a victim. I honestly knew that my relation will end one way or the other. I know my ex wife will leave me for a crazy reason . but I knew if i stayed with this woman i will end up DEAD . I have lost alot but thank god still have time the dogs and a decent job. Will need time to recover.

 

And maybe it is better forgetting about all and stop asking why or looking for answers. Maybe it is time to rebuild my selfesteem and happiness that this relationship has ruined .. I think I made it through 3 months "Never expected to be alive after the way she damaged me and the hell of a year i had".

 

I just need to accept all hell i been through and learn happiness is inside me somewhere and I need to find the person I once loved , my dreams ambition and the drive to keep me moving. As far as for her I really wish she takes this as a chance to face her mental issues and stop blaming her ex or relaying on her dysfunctional family .. and heal her self . I have learned you cannot fix people . you just can make a better person of yourself and real love makes you grow and become a better person.

 

And an advice if you start seeing red flags in person you meet FOLLOW YOUR GUTS and put your heart aside "hard to do" but will prevent you alot of pain .

 

thank you all you put hope again and realizing it is the end of the world

[elaine567]

Then, one Friday, my best friend came into my apartment early in the morning. He called my boss and said I was sick and he was taking me to the doctor. He proceeded to pack a bag with a couple of days worth of clothes and he LITERALLY kidnapped me. Next thing I know we're at the train station and hopped a train bound for St. Louis. We checked into the hotel and proceed to see the city. I've never been there before so I just went with it. We toured the brewery. We saw the sites. I leaned up against the Arch. We caught a cardinals game and then we went to the clubs at night. I even danced with a couple of girls. When the weekend was over and we were on the train headed back. I realized what that trip was really about. I had made my Ex my entire world, but I was wrong. There was an entire world out there full of different places and different people. My Ex wasn't my entire world, but I let her be. From that point I got motivated

 

You owe your life to that friend. He saved you.

[Chi townD]

You owe your life to that friend. He saved you.

 

 

 

Yeah, he's a great guy. But, I like to think that I'm emulating him on this site. That I'm kidnapping the hurt here and trying to get them to see that things aren't as bad as they seem. Except, I'm also try to get them away from that bad element in their life that got them here.

 

 

In a strange way, I would need to thank the Ex. It was her cruelness that got me motivated to make those changes in my life. If that never happened, I would have never seen the world, would never have a career instead of a job or met the girl I was truly meant to be with.

 

 

Rather odd when you think of it that way.

[eblude]

I believe that all happened for a good reason. It gave me time to to focus on my issues and learn how to cope . 2 months ago I was trying to find what to write on my death note , now am wondering about my hair cut or what music to play while driving.

 

I had my friends help me financially bad all are overseas make it harder to have the emotional support but I am still lucky to have them.

 

I can try to start looking at positive side and what i really want from myself instead of the broken dream I had in her

 

Still not easy at times specially when I am alone on weekend just missing having a woman in my life but I learned that I have to start from somewhere

Yeah, he's a great guy. But, I like to think that I'm emulating him on this site. That I'm kidnapping the hurt here and trying to get them to see that things aren't as bad as they seem. Except, I'm also try to get them away from that bad element in their life that got them here.

 

 

In a strange way, I would need to thank the Ex. It was her cruelness that got me motivated to make those changes in my life. If that never happened, I would have never seen the world, would never have a career instead of a job or met the girl I was truly meant to be with.

 

 

Rather odd when you think of it that way.