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She just left. with no warning


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Ok, so let me begin..

 

Some facts: I am 25 and she is 28

 

We have been together for over 3 years ( Lived together for 2 ).. Our relationship was an example to others. Never have I loved someone so much. We had everything a relationship can ask for. We trusted each other 200%. We respected each other. We loved, cared for each other. I treated her like gold.

 

One morning ( about 4/5 weeks ago ). We woke up, she left for work and still kissed me goodbye. Two hours later i get a text from her saying she needs some space and that she is very confused with her life at the moment. She is not sure if she is in the right career, she is not sure where she wants to be in life and she is worried as she is not entirely sure that she loves me enough.

 

This was a total shock to me.. I had NO indication of any of this. I couldnt quite understand what is going on so I asked her to please come home after work and talk to me about it. She went to her parents instead to talk to them about it. and that was it. she left. I contacted her and told her that the least she can do is to come and see me and give me some clarity on the matter. She agreed and took me for breakfast a day later. She said that she doesnt know whats going on with her (She kept crying). She said that she knows that she will regret this decision and she doesn't know what is going on with her.

 

This thing has shocked me to my core and I am not quite sure what to make out of it. Her parents has been phoning me to see how I am. They are saying that they do not know their daughter at the moment and they are just as confused as to what is going on. They also mentioned to me that she is drinking severely and they are worried about her. Her friends have also been really good to me, supporting me and inviting me out.

 

She has been sending me a text every now and again to see how am coping, I havent really replied as i believe strongly in no contact. as hard as it is. I have never loved someone this much and to stay friends with her is just no option.

 

The one weird thing that did happen, was that a day after she saw me for breakfast, she came around to fetch more of her stuff. she then had a very strange attitude towards me, trying to swing it around by blaming me for some stuff.. I think this was more her trying to justify the whole thing.

 

I am very confused - I just feel i need some closure. I also have a slight feeling that at some point she will come run back to me. But i dont think i can take her back - what if the same thing happens 10 years down the line.

 

For the first time in my life, I understand the saying "If you love someone you will let them go"... Im very hurt, lonely and deprest. I feel very empty.

 

I hope someone here can maybe shed some light or maybe someone went through something similar ?

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Something is nagging at her , if even her parents don't know what's up its unlikely she does . Can you think of any red flags over the last few months bro? Is she normally emotionally stable?

 

Feel for you man .

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Not really any red flags but there are some traits i have noticed getting stronger over the past few months.

 

1. Her drinking got worse

 

2. She has been very impulsive - making decisions without thinking them through and then taking no responsibility for anything.

 

3. She became very hard headed. She is never wrong and if she is then she justifies it.

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Reading your story I think there might be two possible problems in my opinion.

 

 

1. She may be suffering from a psychological disorder.

 

2. There is someone else.

 

 

Or she just might got bored with the relationship. Are there any indication of these?

 

Stay strong brother.

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I know there is no one else - I would have known by now.

 

I have thought of a few possibilities though.. I am wondering if someone maybe gave her some attention and she enjoyed it.. Maybe she thought the grass could be greener..

 

I also have thought that maybe she has got depression - although she never shown any sign of it except for her drinking lately. There has been times that she had shown a lot of unhappiness but that is because of her job etc. She also can get very unhappy when other people seem more successful than herself. She would get angry/unhappy if a friend of hers get a nice car because she cant do it.

 

I also feel that i maybe have lived a lie for all these years. that she infact never loved me to start off with. But then again i think of all the kindness, all the times she spoke about getting married etc.

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I know there is no one else - I would have known by now.

 

I have thought of a few possibilities though.. I am wondering if someone maybe gave her some attention and she enjoyed it.. Maybe she thought the grass could be greener..

 

You do realize these two statements right after one another... contradict themselves, right?

 

You're saying it's not possible immediately by "It's possible".

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What I mean is that i know she didnt leave me for someone else, and currently there isnt anyone else.. but its possible that someone gave her attention ( maybe hit on her ) and that made her think.. That's just how I have been thinking though..

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I am sorry for what you are going through. Even if you were oblivious to any possible red flags, I hate to say it but is sounds very much like there is someone else. There is a chance she will come back to you...if new "situation" doesn't work out.

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What I mean is that i know she didnt leave me for someone else, and currently there isnt anyone else.. but its possible that someone gave her attention ( maybe hit on her ) and that made her think.. That's just how I have been thinking though..

 

Hmm, if this was what happened then it have must been something significant (not necessarily physical) for her to leave you suddenly.

 

Based on your story we could speculate in a thousand ways and not get a solid answer.

 

IMO just, heal, work on yourself and try to move on. If she left you without explanations then this does not look good for your future.

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One morning ( about 4/5 weeks ago ). We woke up, she left for work and still kissed me goodbye. Two hours later i get a text from her saying she needs some space and that she is very confused with her life at the moment. She is not sure if she is in the right career, she is not sure where she wants to be in life and she is worried as she is not entirely sure that she loves me enough.

 

Your answer may be no more complicated than that.

 

The drinking is a bit of a concern, has she always drank or is this new for her?

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She has always enjoyed her alcohol. but it has never been a problem.. untill lately ( about 3 months ago ). It became severe binged drinking. She would drink and not stop once she starts, getting too drunk to talk or to walk. This is something her friends also noticed and she is well aware of it.

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She has always enjoyed her alcohol. but it has never been a problem.. untill lately ( about 3 months ago ). It became severe binged drinking. She would drink and not stop once she starts, getting too drunk to talk or to walk. This is something her friends also noticed and she is well aware of it.

 

My guess is that she is unhappy, perhaps even clinically depressed and she is self-medicating with alcohol.

 

At 28, in a 3 year relationship the next step, is marriage +/- kids, settling down and a life long commitment.

 

If she is considering a career change, then that may not gel well with domestic bliss, she may want to explore new horizons but is torn, between what she wants to do and what you have together. She may feel she doesn't want to settle down, she may feel there is more to life than what she has at the moment, and that is what I get from what she essentially said to you.

 

I would guess it has been playing on her mind for the 3 months she has been drinking and finally she made the decision.

However, decisions like that are hard to make and I am sure the drinking will continue as long as she is upset.

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Sometimes we are all fighters and sometimes we are runners.

 

 

People run for tons of reasons. Oftentimes it is ego, immaturity, selfishness and other times it is unhappiness, illness and safety. Sometimes safety is a fresh start because they can't face the pain.

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deathandtaxes
Reading your story I think there might be two possible problems in my opinion.

 

 

1. She may be suffering from a psychological disorder.

 

2. There is someone else.

 

 

Or she just might got bored with the relationship. Are there any indication of these?

 

Stay strong brother.

 

My knee-jerk reaction was there was someone else. But now that the alcohol stuff has been brought to light, I would heavily lean towards #1. Mentally ill people can do some irrational things. Sorry for all this OP.

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I feel for you, man, and I am going through the same thing.

 

Right now, you want closure. But you're not going to get that right away, so you need to stop trying. It will come in time.

 

If you've made it clear that you want her back, then you need to let her go, find her way and hope that she finds her way back.

 

She sounds like she has simply lost her way and that your relationship became a casualty of her uncertainty about her life as a whole. I would say the same for my wife.

 

I would encourage you to stop talking to her friends and family for a while, because that is going to prevent you from moving on, which is what you need to do, even if you don't want to. Give it some time, be by yourself and take a break from it.

 

It's hard, and it doesn't sound right, but letting her go is really the only way of actually getting her back, if that is what you want. Closure will come with time.

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You dodged a bullet here, man. Maybe tough to see it this way right now, but if after *3 years* together, she doesn't have enough respect for you... or simple human empathy for that matter... to sit down and tell you all this face to face... You don't want her. I'd say there is something off in her head, no normal human being would do that after a 3 year relationship.

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I'm so Sorry for you. I don't see any other option than the "someone else" theory.

 

She may have a drinking problem, she might be very confused about her life and work and love... she might have a psychological problem or few of them... BUT!!!

 

If it was one of these reasons only, or even all of them together, I still don't see how a girl after 3 years kiss you goodbye and never comeback, and "agree" to talk to you only after you beg her.

 

The solution to this mystery is very simple. She is with someone else and not for a short time, but at least 2-3 month before the breakup. She broke up because she couldn't handle double life.

 

She wanted to tell you after few days, but she didn't have the gut. every day that past, the need to tell you has increased, but so as the barrier to tell you. So she's been staying on the fence, and didn't know what to decide or do. She was confused and then started to drink, became defensive, and impulsive.

 

When she couldn't handle it any more it was too late and too much "guilt feeling" to tell you so she just ran away. She is forcing the other guy to keep their relationship in secret from everybody, because she is panicked from you to find out. So she is still in her private mess!

 

The minute she'll feel that she's waited enough, and can expose the other guy to the public, you'll hear suddenly that she has a "new boyfriend". on the same day her psychological + drinking + mental problems will quickly disappear.

Edited by lolablue17
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Wow thank you for all the response!

 

KBarletta, I hear you.. I have been really good with the no contact thing.. although she keeps sending me a text every now and again.. Like i said, for the first time in in my life i really understand the concept of "if you love somebody you will let them go"..

 

Invictus01, I also feel like that a lot. the one thing that I really struggle with is the fact that how can anybody just simply walk away like that.. after living together for so long. You can not tell me she just walked away without even missing me or hurting herself ? i dont get it... Thats why i say i feel conned in a way.

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the one thing that I really struggle with is the fact that how can anybody just simply walk away like that.. after living together for so long. You can not tell me she just walked away without even missing me or hurting herself ? i dont get it... Thats why i say i feel conned in a way.

 

She walked away because she cannot deal with the heartache - it is a lot easier to rip off a whole sticking plaster even if it hurts, than than to pull off little bits at a time over a long period of time.

I guess she hummed and hawed for the last 3 months and then decided to eventually go and make a clean break.

I guess at the time of leaving, she couldn't trust herself not to give in to your pleadings for her to stay.

She didn't want to talk it through, she had already made up her mind. She didn't want to be persuaded or emotionally blackmailed to stay, out of pity for you and loyalty to the relationship. She wanted out, she didn't want to stay and then regret it later.

 

What were you doing when she was obviously in mental pain drinking herself silly in that time?

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I did bring it up a couple of times.. but i was never angry towards her about it. Instead I wanted to support.. I tried to encourage her to drink less.. she agreed on it.. she once even said that she thinks shes got a problem.. It happened twice that i had to go fetch her from places as she got too drunk.. but again i wasn't angry towards her.. I was always worried and made sure she got home safe.

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I did bring it up a couple of times.. but i was never angry towards her about it. Instead I wanted to support.. I tried to encourage her to drink less.. she agreed on it.. she once even said that she thinks shes got a problem.. It happened twice that i had to go fetch her from places as she got too drunk.. but again i wasn't angry towards her.. I was always worried and made sure she got home safe.

 

I wasn't suggesting you were angry, but did you talk seriously about it, did you acknowledge there may be a problem in your relationship then, causing her to drink to excess?

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My knee-jerk reaction was there was someone else. But now that the alcohol stuff has been brought to light, I would heavily lean towards #1. Mentally ill people can do some irrational things. Sorry for all this OP.

 

It wouldn't surpise me if it's a combination. Bipolar disorder comes to mind.

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My advice stop looking for answers!! my ex wife done alot of harm and when I stopped asking why and analyzing I finally had more peace. Sometimes even she wont know why!! my ex had mental issues and is super implosive she can be a different person each day and no why to explain why she left .. put her and all questions behind your back and move on ... no need for answers

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Thegreatestthing

She just doesn't feel she loves you enough,that's all you have to go off.i would give her alot of distance so she can figure out how important you are to her.

I'm sorry you're hurting,try and read through the coping boards it will help alot.

 

 

Ok, so let me begin..

 

Some facts: I am 25 and she is 28

 

We have been together for over 3 years ( Lived together for 2 ).. Our relationship was an example to others. Never have I loved someone so much. We had everything a relationship can ask for. We trusted each other 200%. We respected each other. We loved, cared for each other. I treated her like gold.

 

One morning ( about 4/5 weeks ago ). We woke up, she left for work and still kissed me goodbye. Two hours later i get a text from her saying she needs some space and that she is very confused with her life at the moment. She is not sure if she is in the right career, she is not sure where she wants to be in life and she is worried as she is not entirely sure that she loves me enough.

 

This was a total shock to me.. I had NO indication of any of this. I couldnt quite understand what is going on so I asked her to please come home after work and talk to me about it. She went to her parents instead to talk to them about it. and that was it. she left. I contacted her and told her that the least she can do is to come and see me and give me some clarity on the matter. She agreed and took me for breakfast a day later. She said that she doesnt know whats going on with her (She kept crying). She said that she knows that she will regret this decision and she doesn't know what is going on with her.

 

This thing has shocked me to my core and I am not quite sure what to make out of it. Her parents has been phoning me to see how I am. They are saying that they do not know their daughter at the moment and they are just as confused as to what is going on. They also mentioned to me that she is drinking severely and they are worried about her. Her friends have also been really good to me, supporting me and inviting me out.

 

She has been sending me a text every now and again to see how am coping, I havent really replied as i believe strongly in no contact. as hard as it is. I have never loved someone this much and to stay friends with her is just no option.

 

The one weird thing that did happen, was that a day after she saw me for breakfast, she came around to fetch more of her stuff. she then had a very strange attitude towards me, trying to swing it around by blaming me for some stuff.. I think this was more her trying to justify the whole thing.

 

I am very confused - I just feel i need some closure. I also have a slight feeling that at some point she will come run back to me. But i dont think i can take her back - what if the same thing happens 10 years down the line.

 

For the first time in my life, I understand the saying "If you love someone you will let them go"... Im very hurt, lonely and deprest. I feel very empty.

 

I hope someone here can maybe shed some light or maybe someone went through something similar ?

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