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What happened to her?


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My girlfriend broke up with me almost 2 months ago, her reasons were my immaturity and the fact I got comfortable and didn't give her the attention she needed. Couple of days after the breakup i found out she is interested in another man. She said it was just a phase and I still tried to get her back and she was willing to give me another chance untill i told her some awfull stuff, half true, and she said she will never be with me again. More than a week ago, i asked her about herself and she told me she wants to be with this guy, he doesn't want to because he thinks me and her will get back together. It's just a matter of time until they start a relationship. She changed drastically, when we were together she wished for a wedding, a family and told me that I am the one for her. She said that this guy is mature, while she thinks i'm not...this guy is giving her attention while she said I have not. This guy is a smoker, she hates the smoke, I quit smoking for her. This guy is a cheap tuning guy, has a cheap old care and he "tuned" it and now she is all over car tuning, and when we were together she had no ideea about cars, or anything automobile related. He is gangster style, listening to rap music, now she likes rap music too. They work together, and now she is quitting university, she started working to keep herself in university and now she is quiting. She doesn't give a **** about me anymore, the man she was engaged with, she said she doesn't care about me much anymore. She said she can't just stop loving me after more than one month apart, but she wants to be with another man. She is a totally new person, all her life ideals are gone. How did this happen? Can someone explain me aprox. what is happening and what should i do?

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She fancies him and not you.

 

What you should do? Leave her alone. Find someone who is interested in being with you.

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evanescentworld

If you can climb inside her mind, and find out, let us know.

If not, it's utterly pointless trying to second-guess....

 

Frankly, the whys and wherefores of what exes do, are totally irrelevant.

Focus now on what you're going to do.

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Well, how am I supposed to have trust in a future relationship now, when I loved a woman for 3 years and ahe changed almost instantly. I feel so cheated...I was thinking that other people might've been in a similar situation and would know something about such stuff.

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evanescentworld

It's not for you to have trust. It's for others to show they're trustworthy. But the attention has to be mutual.

Not every girl you'll meet will be like her, so turn a new page.

SHE may be "untrustworthy" in your eyes - but she's an ex. Your future lady won't be anything like her....

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She changed because she likes the new guy, and wants him to like her back. She's showing interest in his interests.

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I would guess she is rebelling, she is seeing a different side of life and she likes it because it is new and exciting and she is probably loved up too. She is on one massive rebound trip.

At least he seems switched on, so at least that is something.

 

You are history, you are no longer relevant here, there is nothing for you to do.

 

Forget her and go find someone else or if you are not ready yet, then do something that will improve yourself, something you always wanted to do and throw yourself into that.

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Damn, I was hoping for something else. So, if this is a rebound, she might come back. Too bad I won't accept her if she will be with another man. I can't believe she did this. Well, c'est la vie. I guess telling her something now will only make things worse, right?

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evanescentworld

No. If this is a rebound she will just break up with him, but that doesn't mean she will come back to you. They rarely do.

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Frank2thepoint
How did this happen?

 

This must be a joke question, because you answered yourself in the first sentence of the post. Here, let me point it out to you:

 

My girlfriend broke up with me almost 2 months ago, her reasons were my immaturity and the fact I got comfortable and didn't give her the attention she needed.

 

 

Can someone explain me aprox. what is happening and what should i do?

 

Another joke question, because you answered this in the body of your post. I will spare you another quote, just paraphrase what you mentioned.

 

You neglected her, so she broke up with you. She decided to give you another chance, but you f*cked that up by saying something awful and half true. What that awful thing is between her and you, but it was enough for her to decide you are immature and ran into the arms of another man. In fact, she is willing to tolerate this new man's smoking habit, rather than being with you. You must have really f*cked up.

 

The damage is done, and she is never coming back to you. Learn from your mistakes, improve yourself, and stop taking a woman in your life for granted.

 

 

Well, how am I supposed to have trust in a future relationship now, when I loved a woman for 3 years and ahe changed almost instantly. I feel so cheated...I was thinking that other people might've been in a similar situation and would know something about such stuff.

 

Your ex-girlfriend is right about you. You are immature. A single bad experience, and you will resort to not trusting another woman again. You need to take some time off from dating, heal, and unf*ck your thought process. The whole point of experiences is to learn from your mistakes and become better.

 

 

Damn, I was hoping for something else. So, if this is a rebound, she might come back. Too bad I won't accept her if she will be with another man. I can't believe she did this. Well, c'est la vie. I guess telling her something now will only make things worse, right?

 

You're angry and frustrated. But continue acting immature will become a downward spiral. Don't contact her at all. Leave her be. Delete whatever connection you have with her (Facebook, Twitter, Snap Chat, phone number, email, etc.) and move on. Acknowledge the mistakes you made to yourself, improve, and heal.

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Frank2thepoint
Deleting her from Facebook would be a good ideea? Won't it send a kind of bad message to her?

 

Yes it will be the best move you do. Stop worrying about her and what she will think. She already thinks you are immature. Just move on and heal, without any distractions of her life.

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She wants him to like her back, so she's mirroring him. Happens all the time.

 

How do you know so much about them and their relationship? And yes, deleting her from Facebook would be a good idea

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From her, she tells me all these stuff.

 

Edit: He likes her, he told her he likes her before we broke up.

Edited by Kira Onime
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evanescentworld

Oh good grief....! All the more reason to completely cut her off and make sure she can never contact you again! Jeesh, dude, you must be some special kind of masochist to put up with all her crud....!

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I feel responsable for her, she's been by my side for more than 3 years, seeing her now, with this guy, who is even worse than me, from what she's been telling me and the fact that she's quiting university. Yeah, at this point I care more about her well being than my self esteem, i want to make sure she is fine before I can let her go. I don't like where she's heading because it's ruining her future and she's been through alot and deserves better.

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evanescentworld

No, no, no.

 

She is NO LONGER your responsibility.

She ended the relationship and as such, terminated any obligation on your part to be there.

She has to accept the consequences of her choices.

This is not for you to take care of.

She's made her bed, she'd better learn to lie in it.

 

I'm sorry, but what you're thinking of, or proposing to do, is probably akin to grinding glass and rubbing it into your eyes.

 

self-inflicted torture.

 

please listen, take our advice, and drop out of her life.

her dependency on you merely means she's using you as a fall, back-up guy.

 

Not your job.

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I'm sorry, I'm 21 years old, I've had my share of girls until my ex but I've never been in love untill her. I'm being pathetic now and I know, but is it really ok to just ignore my feelings, her feelings?...I know she still loves me somewhere inside that cold heart she has now. She can't just change like that, can she?

 

I will do what you guys have been suggested me to do, since it's logical and healthier for me. But i just want to make sure I'm doing the best thing for her and for me.

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evanescentworld
I'm sorry, I'm 21 years old, I've had my share of girls until my ex but I've never been in love untill her. I'm being pathetic now and I know, but is it really ok to just ignore my feelings, her feelings?...

You're not ignoring your feelings. You're on the road to healing. Sure it's painful, but you need to get through this.

Ignoring her feelings? Absolutley. because fundamentally, she's being selfish. She's using you and has relegated you to the freind-zone, the best-buddy category. And by responding as you have done, you make her believe it's perfectly OK for her to mistreat you this way.

well, it's not. It's her ego just craving attention form all sides - and you're pandering to her....

 

I know she still loves me somewhere inside that cold heart she has now. She can't just change like that, can she?

of course she can! She just did, didn't she?! If she couldn't change 'just like that' she would still be with YOU!

 

I will do what you guys have been suggested me to do, since it's logical and healthier for me. But i just want to make sure I'm doing the best thing for her and for me.

Forget her.

She's an ex.

This isn't about her any more, get that through your head.

It's not about what's good for her, it's about what's best for you.

let her take care of her.

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  • 3 weeks later...
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Hello, I'm back.

I did as you guys said, I didn't talk to her, but she's been contacting me quite often recently. She starts conversation with various reasons, random internet video's, movie trailers, songs etc. Once she told me about the tattoo she wants to have, the sign of Infinity, we wanted to make it together when we were a couple but now she's the only one who wants to make it. She wants that tattoo so it will remind her of me, but the weird part is that she's going to make that tattoo being in the company of her future boyfriend, he doesn't know the meaning of the tattoo and like she said, he will never find out. She recently asked me if I like the dress she wore at a party and she's interested in my love life. She still wants to be with this guy, like she said but I think she's holding me for like a backup...I told her me and her will never get back together, and that we shouldn't talk, but she keeps starting up conversations.

What's wrong with her?

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What's wrong with YOU?

 

Forget what's wrong with her. Why are you entertaining all of her texts? She's just trying to string you along in case new guy doesn't work out... she can just come back to you.

 

The more you reinforce that notion, the longer she'll keep it up. Don't play along. Just cut out communication.

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The guy she's interested in probably wasn't all that interested in her (except for sex a few times I guess). Now she's making sure you are her plan B.

 

Go strict NC. And no, you don't have to explain or tell her that you don't want to have contact with her anymore, you just don't respond to her messages anymore and you won't take the phone when her number is displayed. If she tries even harder after you go NC, block her.

 

She's childish, selfish and frankly not girlfriend material - and since she's your ex, she's also no friend material.

 

Move on.

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