chados Posted November 26, 2014 Share Posted November 26, 2014 So out of the blue she broke up with me. Call it gigs or whatever you want. It was exactly like that thread explained it to be. However i don't believe every situation is the same but it was funny that there wasn't anything different from what I've experienced. She could barely break up. I kinda broke up myself during or talk. Break or breakup. Hmm kinda the same? Anyways it was considered a breakup but she always left the door a bit open. She always said I need space and figure out who I am etc etc. I want this to work but not right now. If it's meant to be in the future it is. I still love you though. I know this won't be the last time we talk. The door is not open but she won't close it the last bit. Even when I told her I had to let her go she never said yeah or I understand. She said I feel you're pressuring me to give you a decision right away. Like she's wanting me to leave but still be around if she would change her mind. I mean we already broke up didn't we? It's a weird situation and it's both comforting and hurtful. I'm feeling good and moving on but I wanted to share a bit of my story. Feel free to ask questions and tell if you've had the same experience. How did it go? Link to post Share on other sites
loversquarrel Posted November 26, 2014 Share Posted November 26, 2014 That's funny how she says your pressuring her for a decision when you were quite clear to her about needing to let her go. I am always turned off by people who are so full of themselves that they think the world revolves around them. People who break up like this have clear issues with control. She is trying to maintain control over something she herself created. You were better off by setting your boundaries with her, now you can take the decision out of her hands and respect yourself in the process. Link to post Share on other sites
Firestarter1069 Posted November 26, 2014 Share Posted November 26, 2014 So out of the blue she broke up with me. Call it gigs or whatever you want. It was exactly like that thread explained it to be. However i don't believe every situation is the same but it was funny that there wasn't anything different from what I've experienced. She could barely break up. I kinda broke up myself during or talk. Break or breakup. Hmm kinda the same? Anyways it was considered a breakup but she always left the door a bit open. She always said I need space and figure out who I am etc etc. I want this to work but not right now. If it's meant to be in the future it is. I still love you though. I know this won't be the last time we talk. The door is not open but she won't close it the last bit. Even when I told her I had to let her go she never said yeah or I understand. She said I feel you're pressuring me to give you a decision right away. Like she's wanting me to leave but still be around if she would change her mind. I mean we already broke up didn't we? It's a weird situation and it's both comforting and hurtful. I'm feeling good and moving on but I wanted to share a bit of my story. Feel free to ask questions and tell if you've had the same experience. How did it go? EXACTLY the same thing that happened to me. To a T. We were supposed to move in together at the end of October and on October 1st I got the same "I need space to find myself again". Only problem on my end is I still can't fully move on/recover. Getting close though. Link to post Share on other sites
Author chados Posted November 26, 2014 Author Share Posted November 26, 2014 Yup that's what I think too. I don't know but from experience this breakup is very different. She wants space that's for sure and she doesn't want to talk. Yet it's like she can't say it's over. Maybe she'll Come back but who knows how long that could be. You never really get over your first real love, and I know i was. Considering how much she loved me it's hard for me to understand what happened. And hard to imagine she won't change her mind. Hopefully things will turn around but if they don't I think I'll be fine Link to post Share on other sites
Author chados Posted November 26, 2014 Author Share Posted November 26, 2014 EXACTLY the same thing that happened to me. To a T. We were supposed to move in together at the end of October and on October 1st I got the same "I need space to find myself again". Only problem on my end is I still can't fully move on/recover. Getting close though. It takes time. I think chances are she will realize things aren't gonna be better somewhere else. You get cold feet sometimes and it can take time for her to understand herself. It's a strange situation. Id say move on and improve yourself if you feel that you got something to work on. Not for her but for yourself. Chances of reconciliation or to find someone else is better if you learn from your past. Link to post Share on other sites
Firestarter1069 Posted November 26, 2014 Share Posted November 26, 2014 It takes time. I think chances are she will realize things aren't gonna be better somewhere else. You get cold feet sometimes and it can take time for her to understand herself. It's a strange situation. Id say move on and improve yourself if you feel that you got something to work on. Not for her but for yourself. Chances of reconciliation or to find someone else is better if you learn from your past. I asked her what REALLY happened about a month ago, due to me thinking it was because of someone else, which she originally told me it wasn't. She told me what happened is she just needs to be alone, and I believe her. She is a very independent woman who has been relationship free for over 4 years. Our thing just kind of happened out of nowhere. Who knows maybe if it was meant to be it will happen. Even though I said I'm having trouble moving on I am in no means "waiting around" for her. Link to post Share on other sites
Author chados Posted November 26, 2014 Author Share Posted November 26, 2014 I asked her what REALLY happened about a month ago, due to me thinking it was because of someone else, which she originally told me it wasn't. She told me what happened is she just needs to be alone, and I believe her. She is a very independent woman who has been relationship free for over 4 years. Our thing just kind of happened out of nowhere. Who knows maybe if it was meant to be it will happen. Even though I said I'm having trouble moving on I am in no means "waiting around" for her. Yeah they become completely different. It's like they have no idea what's wrong and they feel that everything will just be better from one day to another. It's so weird. You almost get angry with them because they don't give you any explanation. They feel stuck basically and can't see any other way out. So has she wanted to stay in touch or is she actingn cold? Link to post Share on other sites
Firestarter1069 Posted November 26, 2014 Share Posted November 26, 2014 Yeah they become completely different. It's like they have no idea what's wrong and they feel that everything will just be better from one day to another. It's so weird. You almost get angry with them because they don't give you any explanation. They feel stuck basically and can't see any other way out. So has she wanted to stay in touch or is she actingn cold? Well the only time she contacted me recently was a month ago. That's when I asked her what REALLY happened. Other then a few text conversations we had about very general stuff between Oct. 1st and Nov 5th we haven't talked. I've even went as far as changing my breaks at work to make thing less awkward since we work in the same building. We actually met at work. We shared the same breaks. Link to post Share on other sites
Author chados Posted November 26, 2014 Author Share Posted November 26, 2014 Would you say she doesn't want to talk at all? It's so hard to loose someone with an explanation and yet so hard when you don't get one. I think if the relationship was good and they don't leave because of love but because of a crisis they will definitely be curious about the other persons life. You know we believe that things will be more fun but deep down when the phase ends and when the new carrier begins or you go back to your old life because the new one is over it's easy to regret your decisions. The friendship. That someone cares about you so much etc. it's just not something you find everywhere. All depends on how close you are I guess. Best thing is always to move on Link to post Share on other sites
Firestarter1069 Posted November 26, 2014 Share Posted November 26, 2014 Would you say she doesn't want to talk at all? It's so hard to loose someone with an explanation and yet so hard when you don't get one. I think if the relationship was good and they don't leave because of love but because of a crisis they will definitely be curious about the other persons life. You know we believe that things will be more fun but deep down when the phase ends and when the new carrier begins or you go back to your old life because the new one is over it's easy to regret your decisions. The friendship. That someone cares about you so much etc. it's just not something you find everywhere. All depends on how close you are I guess. Best thing is always to move on What makes this so difficult for me is we were friends, in fact we became best friends for over a year before we started dating. I wasn't looking for anyone and neither was she. It was one of those relationships that just sneaks up on you, in my opinion the best kind. But to go from on top of the world to absolutely nothing in what turned out to be under a 10 hour period is brutal. I'm obviously no expert but I think she doesn't want to talk to me right now. I don't think for negative reasons though. She told me she feels terrible that this had to happen. If I were to guess I think she's trying to focus on herself right now and might be worried that if she talks to me she won't be able to do that. I'm not sure if you saw my original thread on here but she is bipolar, 100% diagnosed by doctor, bipolar. Medicated and all. We never had one fight nor did her condition EVER play a part in the relationship. If it wasn't for the fact that she told me she was and knew she was taking meds and going to a doctor for this I would have never known. She was so down to earth, well until October 1st, but even then she was very genuine when she told me she had to get herself right. She told me it's nothing I did and that she loved me which is why she had to make this decision. Link to post Share on other sites
Author chados Posted November 26, 2014 Author Share Posted November 26, 2014 Yeah bipolar people can flip around fast. My girlfriend isn't but people in crisis acts the same way sometimes Link to post Share on other sites
Firestarter1069 Posted November 26, 2014 Share Posted November 26, 2014 Yeah bipolar people can flip around fast. My girlfriend isn't but people in crisis acts the same way sometimes Like I said it's pretty hard for me still, but the best I can do is keep as busy as possible. I still have thoughts about her on occasion which brings me down for moments. I recently went to see a therapist, which really didn't help, but I was able to get my anxiety under control a little bit. Even though I needed to be prescribed medication. I would have rather not went that route but lack of sleep was killing me I believe. I'm sure I will be fine it's just weird having all these future plans with someone I deeply love/loved reduced to nothing. Link to post Share on other sites
Firestarter1069 Posted November 26, 2014 Share Posted November 26, 2014 By the way, I'm terribly sorry for hijacking your thread. Link to post Share on other sites
Author chados Posted November 26, 2014 Author Share Posted November 26, 2014 No I said tell your stories. It's interesting and yeah I understand completely Link to post Share on other sites
Firestarter1069 Posted November 26, 2014 Share Posted November 26, 2014 No I said tell your stories. It's interesting and yeah I understand completely Ok, I must have missed that part. You can believe me when something crosses my mind I'm going to post it. I find talking about it with non judgmental people very therapeutic. Link to post Share on other sites
Author chados Posted November 26, 2014 Author Share Posted November 26, 2014 Ok, I must have missed that part. You can believe me when something crosses my mind I'm going to post it. I find talking about it with non judgmental people very therapeutic. yeah its a great feeling to let things out. sometimes i feel we do it to much though. letting go and really make a difference in life will help you move on and possibly increase the chances of getting someone back. im actually doing pretty good with the healing process. but im not gonna tell you i dont want her back and hope she will one day. the feeling i have that she might come back is disturbing in a way and maybe that means i havent dealt with the loss because i never saw it as such. Link to post Share on other sites
Firestarter1069 Posted November 26, 2014 Share Posted November 26, 2014 yeah its a great feeling to let things out. sometimes i feel we do it to much though. letting go and really make a difference in life will help you move on and possibly increase the chances of getting someone back. im actually doing pretty good with the healing process. but im not gonna tell you i dont want her back and hope she will one day. the feeling i have that she might come back is disturbing in a way and maybe that means i havent dealt with the loss because i never saw it as such. I feel the exact same way on all your points. My sister probably hates me for bending her ear constantly. I'm 41 years old and I'm acting like a true "drama queen" about this. I also didn't see it as a loss. I really believe she needs this time to get herself right, I've never had any doubts that she made this up. I will say her one friend did tell me I've been her longest relationship in 4 years and her needing to step back and look at things from a different perspective is probably best case scenario. I know I keep saying this but I'm not putting my life on hold for this woman. I too was alone for just about the same amount of time she was. In fact I never went out looking for people as I was quite content on my own, but when we got together all that changed so fast. I've accepted the fact that we probably will never end up as "us" again, but there is that little nugget in my head that keeps telling me we had a lot together and had a lot coming. Until I can let that little part go I'm afraid there will be times I will need to vent or just open up about stuff. It's a grueling process, but I'm sure I will reach that point down the line. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author chados Posted November 26, 2014 Author Share Posted November 26, 2014 I feel the exact same way on all your points. My sister probably hates me for bending her ear constantly. I'm 41 years old and I'm acting like a true "drama queen" about this. I also didn't see it as a loss. I really believe she needs this time to get herself right, I've never had any doubts that she made this up. I will say her one friend did tell me I've been her longest relationship in 4 years and her needing to step back and look at things from a different perspective is probably best case scenario. I know I keep saying this but I'm not putting my life on hold for this woman. I too was alone for just about the same amount of time she was. In fact I never went out looking for people as I was quite content on my own, but when we got together all that changed so fast. I've accepted the fact that we probably will never end up as "us" again, but there is that little nugget in my head that keeps telling me we had a lot together and had a lot coming. Until I can let that little part go I'm afraid there will be times I will need to vent or just open up about stuff. It's a grueling process, but I'm sure I will reach that point down the line. yeah it sucks. someone leaving you is the worst pain. well i dont care if ive moved on or not i still hope that she one day tells me that she loves me. selfish to think that i dont want her to be happy with someone else but im not there yet. i think my girl will make mistakes down the road. what we had was special and i know its gonna be hard for her to find someone she can talk to like me. she always had her mom to talk with. when she met me she felt more comfortable talking to me. i know she will contact me one day. maybe its even possible to rebuild something from there if she has moved on. im thinking to much. time to stop with that. Link to post Share on other sites
Firestarter1069 Posted November 26, 2014 Share Posted November 26, 2014 yeah it sucks. someone leaving you is the worst pain. well i dont care if ive moved on or not i still hope that she one day tells me that she loves me. selfish to think that i dont want her to be happy with someone else but im not there yet. i think my girl will make mistakes down the road. what we had was special and i know its gonna be hard for her to find someone she can talk to like me. she always had her mom to talk with. when she met me she felt more comfortable talking to me. i know she will contact me one day. maybe its even possible to rebuild something from there if she has moved on. im thinking to much. time to stop with that. It's hard for me to get away from the thinking aspect of things. Especially since it wasn't a nasty break. Sometimes I wish I would have done something completely wrong or we would have been fighting constantly. Maybe then I would have been able to have that little nugget out of my head a long long time ago. Link to post Share on other sites
Author chados Posted November 26, 2014 Author Share Posted November 26, 2014 It's hard for me to get away from the thinking aspect of things. Especially since it wasn't a nasty break. Sometimes I wish I would have done something completely wrong or we would have been fighting constantly. Maybe then I would have been able to have that little nugget out of my head a long long time ago. yeah mine was actually decent. i felt i was having the last word. didnt complain beg etc. just accepted it. then ive done some mistakes contacting her but i ended it saying it was for the best etc and still never asked her to come back. she has been bad after the breakup and not during. she just really needs space. she wants to explore and stuff like that. i mean in a way i feel that she deserves that you know. and hopefully she comes back. compared to other relationships im having a positive feeling. but whatever, i cant wait for this. bipolar is serious when it comes to relationships so dont blame yourself. i mean my girl is acting like she is. and if that grass is greener thread is true then she probably changes her mind. so much thoughts. so much speculation. it took me 25 years to realize the grass indeed isnt greener. i guess some people never learn? Link to post Share on other sites
Firestarter1069 Posted November 26, 2014 Share Posted November 26, 2014 yeah mine was actually decent. i felt i was having the last word. didnt complain beg etc. just accepted it. then ive done some mistakes contacting her but i ended it saying it was for the best etc and still never asked her to come back. she has been bad after the breakup and not during. she just really needs space. she wants to explore and stuff like that. i mean in a way i feel that she deserves that you know. and hopefully she comes back. compared to other relationships im having a positive feeling. but whatever, i cant wait for this. bipolar is serious when it comes to relationships so dont blame yourself. i mean my girl is acting like she is. and if that grass is greener thread is true then she probably changes her mind. so much thoughts. so much speculation. it took me 25 years to realize the grass indeed isnt greener. i guess some people never learn? Oh, I'm not blaming myself, I was just simply stating I wish it there was something else that led me to where I'm at right now. I apologize for rambling. It's an extremely slow day at work today. Very little going on to distract me at the moment. Not to mention we are in the middle of a snowstorm. Even though we both hate the snow, it technically was the snow that brought us together. Me getting her to and from work in the storms last year ultimately led to us getting together. Link to post Share on other sites
Author chados Posted November 26, 2014 Author Share Posted November 26, 2014 Oh, I'm not blaming myself, I was just simply stating I wish it there was something else that led me to where I'm at right now. I apologize for rambling. It's an extremely slow day at work today. Very little going on to distract me at the moment. Not to mention we are in the middle of a snowstorm. Even though we both hate the snow, it technically was the snow that brought us together. Me getting her to and from work in the storms last year ultimately led to us getting together. Don't worry , spill the beans.. Yeah but no break up is good. If we know we feel bad. If we don't know we feel bad and wants to know Link to post Share on other sites
Author chados Posted November 27, 2014 Author Share Posted November 27, 2014 Anyone else got some experiences like this? Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts