Could this be GIGS?

[Soccercrazed487]

So, my gf of 4 years and I broke up about 2 weeks ago. I'd say it was mutual, but I was basically forced into making the decision for us. Long story short, our relationship over the past 6 months has turned into more or less a really great friendship. The sex life died. The excitement and attraction definitely faded. I came to visit family after halloween, and while visiting my gf became distant, when I asked her what was wrong she said that she loved me but really enjoyed the time on her own. She is 22, and hasn't really been on her own. She told me that being able to come and go as she pleases and not have to report to anyone was something that she really enjoyed and she didn't know if she wanted me to come back or not right now. She told me the only thing she can tell me right now for sure is that she has no clue what she wants. Let me say that she sucks at making decisions, she can't even choose a type of soup or soda in the grocery store. So I decided it would be best to just come get my things, and move back with my family while she goes ahead and experiences the freedom that she obviously needs. She did not protest or really say to much about it, other than she didn't know what she wanted and would like the time to find out. I have not asked her to come back, or begged or pleaded with her in anyway. I've simply told her that I love her, and that I understand what she needs to do and if/when she changes her mind I will always be here for her. We didn't speak for the first 8 days, then I found out she had gone on a date with a new person and slept with them only a few days into our breakup. I kinda got on her case about doing something like that so soon…I apologized the next day and told her it wasn't my place to say what she can and can't do or be angry with her for doing what single people do. We then talked non-stop for the next 4 days, she even asked me for advice on getting rid of the new chick that she was "dating", she tells me every time she goes out to dinner or starts texting another person. She's said that she misses her friend (being me) and that she wants to be friends. We went to a movie and hung out at her place this past sunday, and it was like old times, minus the listening to her talk about other women and how she's transitioning into being single. She says it's hard being completely alone and very scary..but she has not implied in any way that she wants to try again, nor have I asked her if she would be interested. I did tell her before our movie friend date, that my intentions will never be honorable, that I will always be her friend and always be there for her but I will at the same time always want to be with her. She still accepted my movie date and my friendship. I'm not sure if that's just because she's lonely, or she wants me around for if things don't work out for her in this new "single life". She also tells me that she doesn't know how to be alone, she feels like without someone desiring her it means she is completely alone, and needs to have someone in her life.recently told her that I don't want a long term commitment from her, nor do I want her to only be with me, but I would like the opportunity to go on dates with her without being friend zoned. If she wants me to be in the friend zone only, then I have to let her go for now so that I can recover. We haven't spoken in two days..and I don't plan on speaking her unless she contacts me, or I accept the fact that us reuniting just isn't an option. Let me also say, that 2 years into our relationship she needed a time out, and ended up dating someone else, but came back after 2 months. So, the her leaving, wanting to "sow wild oats" isn't anything new to me… I just wonder if anyone else has had an experience like this, and if it their significant other came back or not?. Could she be suffering from GIGS?

 

I want her back and am willing to wait patiently. My concern right now is for myself, simply because I just graduated from college and am trying to make myself into the best version of myself. I know I can't give her 100% in the security and being a complete team player when I'm not where I need to be. Bettering myself is my #1 priority. I also feel that she needs this time to find herself, she needs to experience new people and different things in order to get it out of her system..if she stayed with me and never experienced life, she would never be able to give me 100%.

[Marco Valerio]

My friend, don't be blind. She chose someone over you, she changed the relationship she had with you so she could **** someone new. Don't be so naive to let her have you whenever she wants to. You deserve much more, your love deserves much more. You can't pretend to give your heart to someone that doesn't care of it. Please, start taking care of you and your needs, just the same she is doing for her owns.

 

Best regards friend.

[unforgotten]

My opinion.

 

If you want her back then definitely go NC for a very long time until she begs for being with you. Just ignore everything she does.

 

After she does that you have to set some terms on how your relationship should work. Jumping in and out just doesn't make sense. You both need to figure out what went wrong and how to fix that but I have this feeling your ex is not mature enough to do that and get in that mind state and I have no idea how you or anyone can get her there.

[Soccercrazed487]

I agree with both post. I have made it clear that I'm stepping back out of her life. I also am currently and will continue to do no contact. I know that at the end of the day I have to take care of myself, love myself and find peace with everything thats happened. Like I said, I am my #1 priority right now. I know it's crazy to want someone back that becomes uncertain of me every year or so in a relationship..and hopefully with no contact she'll either come back or I'll get the heck over it and move on with my life. The only thing that truly bothers me is how someone can be with another person for 4 years and when it ends, be completely okay. She didn't shed a tear and hasn't given any indication that it hurts to be apart. Other than she misses having me her life. I guess looking back, she's never really been emotional when she decides to leave…she only gets emotional when she decides she wants to come back. When she came back two years ago, we had been in no contact for 2 months and I was in a relationship with someone else and wasn't sure about whether I wanted to leave that relationship for her or not..that's the only time I've truly seen her be upset about us parting ways.

[unforgotten]

I guess looking back, she's never really been emotional when she decides to leave…she only gets emotional when she decides she wants to come back.

 

Because she doesn't decide over night. And I believe it's also partly a mask she wears telling herself she's ok and telling you she doesn't want you anymore. When the grass on the other side isn't greener like she hoped it would be then she turns back to you pushing on the right buttons so you have mercy for her.

 

My gf left me too and I'm already wondering how would it be if she came begging me to let's try again. It's really a hard situation to be in specially if you're still into her, I completely understand you. I have absolutely no idea how would I convince her that it's her who has to build on the trust. Because if you take her back just like that she will always have that upper hand taking you for granted and that kind of relationship just cannot work. You'll be always wondering how she feels about you and when she'll leave again.

 

I think that if mine comes back one day begging me to try again I'll mess with her head for a month or so pushing her through exactly the same situation I was once in when she decided to end it and would walk all over me and didn't give a crap about my emotions. Then (if by then I would still want us to try) I would tell her it's a slight chance we get back together again but first she must take a week off, think about all the things she did to me and tell me what went wrong, apologize, think about how we can work on our relationship in the future plus I would tell her that this is absolutely her last chance and if she f**** it up she won't ever hear from me again. But you must also realize that the relationship is about sharing and being equal. This should not mean you will be the one with power because that won't work either. You must forgive and move on like nothing happened. It's easier said than done I suppose.

 

Hope this works out the best for you!

[DrReplyInRhymes]

So, my gf of 4 years and I broke up about 2 weeks ago. I'd say it was mutual, but I was basically forced into making the decision for us. Long story short, our relationship over the past 6 months has turned into more or less a really great friendship. The sex life died. The excitement and attraction definitely faded. I came to visit family after halloween, and while visiting my gf became distant, when I asked her what was wrong she said that she loved me but really enjoyed the time on her own. She is 22, and hasn't really been on her own. She told me that being able to come and go as she pleases and not have to report to anyone was something that she really enjoyed and she didn't know if she wanted me to come back or not right now. She told me the only thing she can tell me right now for sure is that she has no clue what she wants. Let me say that she sucks at making decisions, she can't even choose a type of soup or soda in the grocery store. So I decided it would be best to just come get my things, and move back with my family while she goes ahead and experiences the freedom that she obviously needs. She did not protest or really say to much about it, other than she didn't know what she wanted and would like the time to find out. I have not asked her to come back, or begged or pleaded with her in anyway. I've simply told her that I love her, and that I understand what she needs to do and if/when she changes her mind I will always be here for her. We didn't speak for the first 8 days, then I found out she had gone on a date with a new person and slept with them only a few days into our breakup. I kinda got on her case about doing something like that so soon…I apologized the next day and told her it wasn't my place to say what she can and can't do or be angry with her for doing what single people do. We then talked non-stop for the next 4 days, she even asked me for advice on getting rid of the new chick that she was "dating", she tells me every time she goes out to dinner or starts texting another person. She's said that she misses her friend (being me) and that she wants to be friends. We went to a movie and hung out at her place this past sunday, and it was like old times, minus the listening to her talk about other women and how she's transitioning into being single. She says it's hard being completely alone and very scary..but she has not implied in any way that she wants to try again, nor have I asked her if she would be interested. I did tell her before our movie friend date, that my intentions will never be honorable, that I will always be her friend and always be there for her but I will at the same time always want to be with her. She still accepted my movie date and my friendship. I'm not sure if that's just because she's lonely, or she wants me around for if things don't work out for her in this new "single life". She also tells me that she doesn't know how to be alone, she feels like without someone desiring her it means she is completely alone, and needs to have someone in her life.recently told her that I don't want a long term commitment from her, nor do I want her to only be with me, but I would like the opportunity to go on dates with her without being friend zoned. If she wants me to be in the friend zone only, then I have to let her go for now so that I can recover. We haven't spoken in two days..and I don't plan on speaking her unless she contacts me, or I accept the fact that us reuniting just isn't an option. Let me also say, that 2 years into our relationship she needed a time out, and ended up dating someone else, but came back after 2 months. So, the her leaving, wanting to "sow wild oats" isn't anything new to me… I just wonder if anyone else has had an experience like this, and if it their significant other came back or not?. Could she be suffering from GIGS?

 

I want her back and am willing to wait patiently. My concern right now is for myself, simply because I just graduated from college and am trying to make myself into the best version of myself. I know I can't give her 100% in the security and being a complete team player when I'm not where I need to be. Bettering myself is my #1 priority. I also feel that she needs this time to find herself, she needs to experience new people and different things in order to get it out of her system..if she stayed with me and never experienced life, she would never be able to give me 100%.

 

My good sir, do not wait.

She's literally turned you into a plate!

You are friendzoned, an emotional tampon if you will,

You will only hurt yourself further while she finds a new thrill.

[Soccercrazed487]

@DrReplyInRhymes---I agree with you that I have been friend zoned and am the emotional "tampon". However, I only went on a friend date with her to see if there was still romantic feelings coming from her end..and there were not. Immediately following the date I made it clear that I do not want to be part of her life as simply a friend and that I will not be contacting her. I have no intentions of being her safety blanket while she learns to be on her own. I also, have all intentions of moving on with my romantic life, once I am settled. If an opportunity to be with someone else presents it self once I'm emotionally stable, I will definitely give it a try. I don't plan on pausing my life while she does her thing, but I will not ignore a reunion with her if in she does decide with me is where she'd like to be.