So it's been a year...

[Mondmellonw]

It's been an exact year since I broke up with my ex.

 

And how do I feel?

In all honesty...

 

I have been able to grow a lot from that experience. But I haven't been able to fully let go of it yet. What do I mean with that?

 

Well... My self-esteem decreased a lot. Even when I do believe I have some talents and qualities (just as everybody else) most of the time I just feel like an idiot and a bad person.

 

I also feel kind of disconnected with my feminine/seductive side. I think this happened because I am on a defensive mode (I feel like I can't trust anyone, but this is also highly related to the fact that my self-esteem isn't as it's best nowadays. I had a lot of troubles with trusting my own perception of how he was treating me. Many people told me he was abusive and manipulative, but I had a lot of trouble accepting that. To be honest, sometimes I still do).

 

I have met lots of different guys, but none of them has really caused any kind of "feeling" on me. It's all just "meh".

 

I have of course had a lot of good days, with family mostly. And some of my best friends. But even with that and with my projects going on (I never stopped doing the things I used to enjoy before this experience) I feel kind of stuck, emotionally.

 

Maybe I am still emotionally unavailable? Maybe I can't forgive myself for having acted like a doormat?

(or.. Maybe I am not sure if I acted like a doormat, or not).

 

 

 

 

Some people here might react like: "Oh but you're so young and it's been a year, how you cannot just move on!?"

 

...

Please be kind and honest.

Edited November 24, 2014 by Mondmellonw

[STM206]

I'm coming up on 1 year as well and I am probably in the same exact place as you. I believe it's the limbo in between not being over them but progressing to moving on from them.

 

You spent time sharing your most personal moments with this person and for it to be over... Well it takes time to absorb it all.

 

Too many people put a time restraint on "when you should be over your ex" and if we passed that time frame, we begin to once again assume there is something wrong with us. News flash, you heal at the pace that works for you. Rushing it never works, ignoring it never works... But allowing it to naturally progress while being as productive as you can - always works.

 

That meh feeling when it comes to potential dates is all too familiar... But perhaps from your experience and having higher standards with a slight lingering of the ex... Will only ensure that you go into the next relationship with eyes open as opposed to jumping in head first.

 

Lessons learned for every one of us on here. It's never about what you want in a partner, but what you don't want - and that usually means everything our exes represented as they usually did something drastically hurtful to bring people like us onto these forums... Even a year later.

[me85]

Right there with you!!!! Ultimately my ex left me but I initiated the BU. For sure. I didn't trust him and I was right not too all along!

 

I'm completely emotionally unavailable. Definitely, definitely, definitely. I've been single for 16 months. It's great and I'm happy (I have goals for myself) but I'm still dealing with a lot of emotional baggage from my previous RS as well. I'd say I'm about 85% healed at this point.

 

I know how you feel, but even on my down days I still know I've come a long way in a year's time and so have you. Whether you think so or not, you have indeed.

[STM206]

On a side note, the trust factor is going to be the biggest hurdle of all I believe. When someone who says they would never hurt you, actually does - it makes you 2nd guess anyone's motives that you might have any romantic feelings for. Those red flags we ignored last time, seem to constantly be waving in our faces the next time.

[Mondmellonw]

I'm coming up on 1 year as well and I am probably in the same exact place as you. I believe it's the limbo in between not being over them but progressing to moving on from them.

 

You spent time sharing your most personal moments with this person and for it to be over... Well it takes time to absorb it all.

 

Too many people put a time restraint on "when you should be over your ex" and if we passed that time frame, we begin to once again assume there is something wrong with us. News flash, you heal at the pace that works for you. Rushing it never works, ignoring it never works... But allowing it to naturally progress while being as productive as you can - always works.

 

That meh feeling when it comes to potential dates is all too familiar... But perhaps from your experience and having higher standards with a slight lingering of the ex... Will only ensure that you go into the next relationship with eyes open as opposed to jumping in head first.

 

Lessons learned for every one of us on here. It's never about what you want in a partner, but what you don't want - and that usually means everything our exes represented as they usually did something drastically hurtful to bring people like us onto these forums... Even a year later.

 

 

I definitely don't want to fall for the wrong person again.

I mean, I don't want to get married with my next boyfriend, or look for a partner with that goal on mind... But I want to, at least, having someone who will be respectful and honest. So when bad times come, they won't be as bad as they were with my ex...

Always full of lies, of mid-trues and lots of insults.

 

 

Aside from that.. There was a good side.

I often wonder if it was real or faked.

 

 

 

Thanks for your words.

[Mondmellonw]

Right there with you!!!! Ultimately my ex left me but I initiated the BU. For sure. I didn't trust him and I was right not too all along!

 

I'm completely emotionally unavailable. Definitely, definitely, definitely. I've been single for 16 months. It's great and I'm happy (I have goals for myself) but I'm still dealing with a lot of emotional baggage from my previous RS as well. I'd say I'm about 85% healed at this point.

 

I know how you feel, but even on my down days I still know I've come a long way in a year's time and so have you. Whether you think so or not, you have indeed.

 

 

You seem now grateful that you're no longer with him.

I hope I can get to where you are soon. Thanks!

[me85]

You will. It took me a long time to let go and get over my ex but when I finally did, it was pure bliss. Your day will come.

[tobrieornottobrie]

It sounds like there is a lot that you are still dealing with, I hope that it continues to get better for you. Have you ever considered find a therapist or counselor to maybe help you work through some of the things that you have mentioned? Just a thought. Best of luck, friend.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

the brie's cheese knees

[Mondmellonw]

It sounds like there is a lot that you are still dealing with, I hope that it continues to get better for you. Have you ever considered find a therapist or counselor to maybe help you work through some of the things that you have mentioned? Just a thought. Best of luck, friend.

 

 

 

Yes, I will actually start to see one next week.

 

I don't want to become dependent on it (to go and be dependent so I can get better) and that is the reason why I was avoiding it... but we'll see what happens. Thank you

[Michael 93]

With you there Mellow.

 

Will be 12 months for me in not long..

 

What's scary is just how quick this period in my life has gone. It's all kind of becoming like a distant memory now. And that's more sad than anything else. Not sure if you have experienced the same feeling.

 

I am still nowhere near ready to engage in another relationship and haven't met the right woman even if I wanted to. I have even turned a couple down because my heart just isn't in it. And that's not fair on them..

 

All we can do is continue to improve ourselves and beat personal goals and achieve greater things.

 

I am particularly dreading this Christmas but I will stick to the basics learned and keep on going.

 

Give it time Mellow. One day you will meet someone again and it will all make sense.

 

Mike

[Mondmellonw]

With you there Mellow.

 

Will be 12 months for me in not long..

 

What's scary is just how quick this period in my life has gone. It's all kind of becoming like a distant memory now. And that's more sad than anything else. Not sure if you have experienced the same feeling.

 

I am still nowhere near ready to engage in another relationship and haven't met the right woman even if I wanted to. I have even turned a couple down because my heart just isn't in it. And that's not fair on them..

 

All we can do is continue to improve ourselves and beat personal goals and achieve greater things.

 

I am particularly dreading this Christmas but I will stick to the basics learned and keep on going.

 

Give it time Mellow. One day you will meet someone again and it will all make sense.

 

Mike

 

I indeed have experienced that feeling this days.

His birthday was two days ago and I felt really sad, that particular date brought back many memories. Mostly bad ones, if I'm honest....

 

I know I'm also not ready for another relationship, there are many motives behind this but the main reasons are:

1) I feel insecure

2) I haven't felt anything special with any of the guys I've dated so far.

3) I haven't reached indifference towards my ex yet.

 

 

So... I'll just keep on knowing myself and my needs. How to be a better partner, etc.

 

Thanks for your words, I hope we reach the point (of recovery) we desire soon.

Good luck Michael!

[irresolute]

With you there Mellow.

 

Will be 12 months for me in not long..

 

What's scary is just how quick this period in my life has gone. It's all kind of becoming like a distant memory now. And that's more sad than anything else. Not sure if you have experienced the same feeling.

 

I am still nowhere near ready to engage in another relationship and haven't met the right woman even if I wanted to. I have even turned a couple down because my heart just isn't in it. And that's not fair on them..

 

All we can do is continue to improve ourselves and beat personal goals and achieve greater things.

 

I am particularly dreading this Christmas but I will stick to the basics learned and keep on going.

 

Give it time Mellow. One day you will meet someone again and it will all make sense.

 

Mike

 

Mike you are super cute. Im sure you'll find a cute girl in no time

[Michael 93]

Mike you are super cute. Im sure you'll find a cute girl in no time

 

@irresolute

 

That's very kind of you thank you

[Michael 93]

I indeed have experienced that feeling this days.

His birthday was two days ago and I felt really sad, that particular date brought back many memories. Mostly bad ones, if I'm honest....

 

I know I'm also not ready for another relationship, there are many motives behind this but the main reasons are:

1) I feel insecure

2) I haven't felt anything special with any of the guys I've dated so far.

3) I haven't reached indifference towards my ex yet.

 

 

So... I'll just keep on knowing myself and my needs. How to be a better partner, etc.

 

Thanks for your words, I hope we reach the point (of recovery) we desire soon.

Good luck Michael!

 

 

No problem Mellow.

 

I totally agree with the points you have listed. Number 2 is especially important.

 

Exactly the least this experience can do is improve our knowledge of relationships and how to become a better partner next time.

 

We will speak again one day and wonder what the hell this was all about.

 

That I promise