Told my Ahole text dumping ex, I got married

[Sugarkane]

The ex that brought me here. Never seen or talked to him since day 1. After a romantic evening back then, a few days later dumped me by text. I really loved and was serious about this guy. I've never cheated on anyone either. He texted back the next day he hated me and can't stand me. He texted many insults and ended it "I should've dumped you months ago". Great way to end things out of the blue, right?! I still suspect there was a third party wanting us to break up. No closure, no nothing. I contacted him recently saying I got married to someone who has a heart and not a cowardly *******.

[Sugarkane]

I was tired of being the good dumpee, with cruel Ahole dumpers.

[PegNosePete]

I hope it helped you feel better.

However try to remember, the opposite of love is not hate; it is indifference.

[Els]

Does your husband know you are texting your ex?

 

I dunno, if that move finally gave you closure then I suppose it might have been worth it. But I doubt it accomplished what you imagined it would. I think it would actually be an ego trip to him to know that he got to you so much that you thought about him when you got married, after all this time. The best revenge IMO would have been to forget about him instead.

[KatZee]

I get where OP is coming from. It's very easy to sit and say: "opposite of love is indifference," or "better option is to forget him and live a happy life."

 

There are only so many times a person can get s.hit on before you finally explode and need to retaliate back. I was like this with my ex. I took so much crap from him and just rolled over and took it. When he dumped me over text? I just took it. When he led me on after dumping me, I just took it.

 

Finally enough was enough 5 weeks later when he was extraordinarily cruel and heartless over text again... Meanwhile this was out of nowhere...and I just flipped on him. I said some of the nastiest things I've ever said in my life, let alone to this guy I thought was my world and that I'd marry.

 

It's almost three years since that day. And believe me, I am nothing but indifferent to that kid. But if someone were to come up to me talking about him, you bet I'd be putting my .2 cents in. And if I ever saw him in public??? Oh man forget it. I would ruin him and then I'd walk away laughing.

 

There was a great quote I actually saw yesterday and it's so true:

 

Once a woman turns against you, forget it. They can love you, then something turns in them. They can watch you dying in a gutter, run over by a car, and they'll spit on you. :lmao:

[jackinthebox1]

Yea but you just gave him more satisfaction with that text than you ever could in silence.

There are always two sides to a story, and things dont always work out. Keeping your dignity is the most important thing, however you feel inside

[Elias33]

You just gave him the idea, that you were thinking about him. That he mattered, and that he still matters. Revenge is almost always something one does to oneself as well

 

Congratulations with your marriage!

[Ducktape]

The fact that would wanted revenge proves that you still care. I'd explore them feelings and attempt to realize why you never found closure, before getting to serious with someone else. Say, a marriage.

[BC1980]

Did your ex text you back?

[Woggle]

As somebody who let my ex control my thoughts for too long you really need to stop letting him have so much power over you. Focus on a happy future and leave him where he belongs which is in the past. People like that are probably honored they are having such an effect on you so stop letting him win.

[Ducktape]

"Holding onto anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die" -Buddha

[MrMeh]

Not to sound cruel, but he probably thinks you're immature and pathetic. Anyways, enjoy your marriage!

[me85]

Ehhh...I think that was a bad idea. You should've just let him find out through mutual friends or social media.

[idoltree]

Yeah, if you're angry enough to seek him out to deliver such news then you're not over him. Worst part is that if he's got a clue, then he now knows that.

 

And did you actually get married or did you make it up to hurt him? If it's the former then I kinda feel bad for your husband, and if it's the latter I'm hoping you are under 20 years old, because that's pretty immature behavior.

[Zahara]

If it's the ex that brought you here, judging from your history, that was in the beginning of 2011. And it was a 10 month relationship. Four years later, you're still bitter and vindictive about it to the point of telling him you are married. The last thing you should have done was get married.

 

And it was a bad idea to tell him because you've just reinforced that you're not over him. A great ego boost.

[mammasita]

If he was that much of a d-bag, I don't really think he gives a rats a55 if you got married.

 

Did sending that text make you feel better though?

[jackinthebox1]

A 10 month relationship and you are here 4 years later complaining about it?

I can't help but think he may have broken this up for a reason if this is how you are after this long and that is why he has stayed away this long.

Please take a look at your behaviour in this and make sure that this never happens in another relationship/

If you have just got married and text him this then you are already on the way to ****ing your new relationship up

[loversquarrel]

Is that really the case? A 10 month relationship that ended 4yrs ago?

 

What I gather from this is an unusual amount of anger that you are harboring. I'm wondering if he broke up with you over text because he feared your reaction?? I'm asking because you seem pretty intense about this.

 

If you are married and still thinking about this other guy in this way you really are being unfair to your husband. Are you in therapy? It might help you through this.

[Sugarkane]

Is that really the case? A 10 month relationship that ended 4yrs ago?

 

What I gather from this is an unusual amount of anger that you are harboring. I'm wondering if he broke up with you over text because he feared your reaction?? I'm asking because you seem pretty intense about this.

 

If you are married and still thinking about this other guy in this way you really are being unfair to your husband. Are you in therapy? It might help you through this.

 

I've tried doing therapy before over other things eg unplanned pregnancy. And the level of expertise was atrocious- a complete waste of time and money.

[evanescentworld]

Therapy won't work if you are unwilling to work and make it effective.

 

It seems you would rather continue carrying the mill-stone rather than put it down and get on with your life.

 

Aren't you truly getting a bit tired of carrying your Suffering around with you, for so long? The angst is totally disproportionate....

[Sugarkane]

Therapy won't work if you are unwilling to work and make it effective.

 

It seems you would rather continue carrying the mill-stone rather than put it down and get on with your life.

 

Aren't you truly getting a bit tired of carrying your Suffering around with you, for so long? The angst is totally disproportionate....

 

I've had extremely bad experiences with therapy in the past, as I've said in other threads. I've been trying to find a good one about my interefering in laws, for about 18 months. Defiantly not through lack of trying.

[Ducktape]

If you truly met with several therapists and it never worked out, maybe it's time to find a common dominator.

 

Like... Maybe... You.

 

Maybe it is that you only wanna hear what you wanna hear. Therapy isn't supposed to be a walk in the park. Sometimes it hurts. Sometimes the truth hurts.

[evanescentworld]

I've had extremely bad experiences with therapy in the past, as I've said in other threads. I've been trying to find a good one about my interefering in laws, for about 18 months. Defiantly not through lack of trying.

 

Yes, I must confess, I experienced some severe trauma as a young girl. I became a classic 'victim' and went through some horrific times.

I found 3 therapists, all of which demonstrated some clear 'flaw'. (one, I know, was actually suspended as a result of her attitude towards me. Not my intention, but it's what happened.)

 

Having discovered that finding a good therapist was a hard task, I ended up investing in a library-ful of self-help books.

 

I can honestly say I ended up not needing therapists because I discovered my own part in perpetuating my burden-carrying attitude.

 

My experiences were one thing.

The fault for their still affecting them, was entirely mine.

 

That's where you and I differ.

I could see my schytt and determined I had to deal with it myself. And I did.

 

You can probably see your schytt but you seem to feel it's up to someone else to get rid of it for you.

 

While you remain under that illusion, it will always be with you, holding you back, keeping you down, and making you bitter.

[me85]

Bottom line...do not worry about your ex. Period. He is not a part of your life anymore. It's been over with him for 4 years. You're married to someone else. You have a completely different life. You won't live forever so don't waste your time dwelling in the past. If you feel better for "having the final jab" then great for you. Just be done with it now. And forever. People are slamming you on here because what you did speaks lowly of you and I know that seems unfair to you but you really did come off as childish and bitter in your OP.

 

However, I will say that everyone who was really truly badly hurt by an ex they loved very deeply that took a long time to get over would definitely be thinking the same way, "Haha I finally found someone who loves me and makes me happy!! Screw my stupid ex who broke my heart into a thousand pieces!" Cher's "I found someone" would be ringing in their ears...everyone would think about it...just not a lot of people would actually say it out loud. Much less, tell their ex, "Hey guess what? I got married and he's 10x the man you are." Or whatever you sent.

[cif]

OP, I actually found it kind of funny. And agree with the others.. let it go already. More contact will just feed his ego.