Just broke up with a guy

[mrs.nalgena]

Hi everyone

 

Two days ago, I broke up with a guy I was seeing for the last 6 moths. Even though I was the one who initiated the brake up, it's still incredibly hard. I feel so so sad and empty. And guilty. I think about him all the time and keep checking if he's gonna text me, although I know he won't. But I know it's for the best, because there were so many things that didn't work in our favor.

 

I am currently very far away from home and have no one here to talk to (it was a long distance relationship for the past 3 months and he's not from my home country, very complicated), so I came here because I needed to get it off my chest... I wish one of my friends was here to tell me I did the right thing and that everything was going to be fine, but instead I'm just sitting in my empty flat crying I know I'm feeling sorry for myself, but I just can't help myself... I hate these feelings, I feel like I'm never gonna meet someone who will make me feel like relationships are not that hard and can make you happy. I guess being single really is the best option for me.

Edited November 24, 2014 by mrs.nalgena

[frigginlost]

I'm probably in the minority here, but I think it is actually a good thing right now for you to process your feelings alone. What you don't need are friends telling you did the right thing, only you need to know that.

 

Take a few days to yourself to reflect. I am on the opposite side right now having been dumped. I'm 3 days in to NC, and want to take a full week by myself to process before seeking outside support.

 

Only you know what is right for you. Do not allow outside influences control that while you're vulnerable. Look within...

[mrs.nalgena]

I agree with you, but I just wish someone would give me hug now. Well it will get better and in the end I'll be wiser and stronger for sure. Interesting you mentioned that only I know what's right for me...my ex was often trying to tell me what's right for me (I know he didn't have bad intentions) even though I was disagreeing with him...

[Cedar27]

What you are going through is normal and a necessary part of the healing process. You are never alone when you have the power of your inner self to comfort you. What caused the break up if you don't mind me asking?

[mrs.nalgena]

(I was wrong in the first post, we were seeing each other for 8 months, last 3 months were long distance)

 

lots of things... when we first started seeing each other we both agreed it would be just for sex. But he fell for me fast and hard. When he told me that, I told him it would be better to stop seeing each other and we did. But he kept on contacting me and we got back together again. Later, I developed strong feelings too, but I always felt like he was pushing me to say that I loved him (which I eventually said, after I really felt it) and he always emphasized how much he was sacrificing for me and that there were lots of girls interested in him, but he chose me (probably implying I should be grateful). The main issue was that I still don't know whether I would be able to return back to the country...

 

Otherwise, he was very caring, kind and a good listener. He was there for me, when no one else was. But on the other side, he had a few jealous rages when he was drunk (because I was talking to a male work colleague on the party for example), he told me to f**k off twice, when I did absolutely nothing wrong, and he forced me into sex twice. I told him once about my two one night stands long ago before we met (we were talking about our past and I told him, I have nothing to hide after all. It was not like I was bragging or anything like that) and he kept on bringing that up every chance he had. It was like there were Jekyll and Hyde in him. I had a strong suspicion he would be very possessive if we were in an actual serious relationship... I was thinking a lot whether I should go back and give us a chance and live together and all, I know he would give me the world, but my gut was just saying no.

 

I am the kind of person who always sees the best when in a relationship. I was writing down today everything that happened, and only then started remembering all the not so great moments and realized how bad it was. Or maybe it wasn't, I don't know ... I told him many times I don't like it when he behaves like that and when we were talking about it, he made me feel like it wasn't a big deal. I still only remember how gentle and affectionate he was and I miss our moments terribly.

[Satu]

You did the right thing in ending the relationship. Some of his behaviour is definitely unhealthy.

 

If there's nobody there to comfort you, you'll have to comfort yourself the best you can.

 

Remember to eat well, and keep yourself hydrated. Get a bit more rest than you think you need. Exercise a bit every day, even if its just for a few minutes. Pay attention to your feelings without being critical of them.

 

Your feelings will settle down after a while, and you'll begin to feel better.

[mrs.nalgena]

Thank you for your words, it really means a lot. I don't wanna sound like I'm moaning, but it's so incredibly hard having no one right now and it adds to the feeling of loneliness so much. All I do is go to work and then back to my apartment... I'm counting down the days till my contract finishes and then I can go out of here forever.

 

I'm second guessing a lot. I keep on thinking about all of the good things he did for me. He cared for me like no one ever has before. I know he must be going through hell right now, although he told me once I could not break his heart. I hate myself for hurting him. If we weren't so far away from each other, there would be a good chance we'd be back together by now. I don't know what I want.

 

I have lost lots of weight since I came here and I was quite slim before. I can't eat much right now. I'm getting to the point where I'm not looking healthy anymore, but at least I'm not misusing alcohol, which I did in the past when my long term relationship ended. I'm gonna try to focus on myself now, and try to get the best out of this.

Edited November 25, 2014 by mrs.nalgena

[mrs.nalgena]

I feel like I'm talking to the wall here, but it still helps...

 

I'm starting to get second thoughts, I keep on looking at his photos and remembering our time, imagining how our life together would be (I realize I'm idealizing things). I'm ok when I'm at work, but when I get back to my place I just cry.

 

Today my best friend of 20 years (or at least that's what she used to be) messaged me after a month and a half. The last message I sent her was for her bday in early October and she didn't even respond, but she clearly had the time respond to every single hb wish on her facebook wall. Still I was so happy when I saw her name to pop up, but I was only to learn that she needed something from me. It made me realize I don't have any real friends left in my life, since I left home a few years ago... Only friend I had left was my x, he was such a support for me.

 

But then again, I've been thinking about some things from the past. I once opened a drawer in his bedroom and it was filled with women's underwear. He said it was from a girlfriend of his flatmate (she didn't live there). Apparently there wasn't enough wardrobe space in flatmates room. I actually believed that, but was I naive or...? He was always very possessive of his mobile, ALWAYS taking it to the bathroom. I mean, I know this doesn't change anything anymore, but my mind is all over the place.

 

I would much appreciate any comments

[mrs.nalgena]

I'm getting worse... I can't eat at all and cry all the time. Today I was with a customer, but all I wanted to do was run out and cry. I could barley hold my tears back till I reached my apartment. At least I can sleep a lot, so this makes the days go by a little faster. I wish I could fall asleep and never wake up.

 

I was so sure I was doing the right thing when I broke up with him, but now I think I managed to break my own heart. Yay. I have so many issues from my childhood which make unable to have a healthy relationship with a man. I'm getting sucked back to my dark thoughts, and it's not fun. I don't know whether I have the strength to go through this again.

[ConfusedMike]

I'm getting worse... I can't eat at all and cry all the time. Today I was with a customer, but all I wanted to do was run out and cry. I could barley hold my tears back till I reached my apartment. At least I can sleep a lot, so this makes the days go by a little faster. I wish I could fall asleep and never wake up.

 

I was so sure I was doing the right thing when I broke up with him, but now I think I managed to break my own heart. Yay. I have so many issues from my childhood which make unable to have a healthy relationship with a man. I'm getting sucked back to my dark thoughts, and it's not fun. I don't know whether I have the strength to go through this again.

 

It's so hard to control our heart even when we know that walking away is for the best. I second guess my decision to walk away because I loved my gf so much and my feelings for her have not diminished even though she wasn't faithful. I did try to stay with her after I found out because she was "the one" but the cold truth was that it was a fantasy and even if we stayed together, I'd question EVERYTHING and that's just not healthy. Can't build a relationship on deceit and lies. I take some comfort knowing that there are others that are/have experienced the same devastating pain and came away stronger so I look forward to the day when I feel like my old self, if even for a short while.

 

You made the right choice and you'll be stronger for it. Hang in there...I'm day 10 of NC and it seriously sucks but I'll remain strong and I hope you will too.