How long does a girl remain emotionally unavailable after a breakup?

[harnold]

Obviously it varies and depends on so many factors. For example, a younger, insecure girl might jump immediately into another relationship, etc.

 

But, let's say a girl is otherwise very emotionally stable and secure with herself. I imagine she will want to take time out for herself before entering a new relationship.

 

One rough guideline I've heard is that it takes people one month to recover, for every year they were in a relationship. What do you guys think?

[Jsbodhi]

Hard to say, I wasn't with my boyfriend long, but I think it'll take me a while to recover, like many months, a year. But I have other issues to sort out too.

But I'm not clingy and don't mind being alone, another person might jump in faster

[harnold]

Hard to say, I wasn't with my boyfriend long, but I think it'll take me a while to recover, like many months, a year. But I have other issues to sort out too.

But I'm not clingy and don't mind being alone, another person might jump in faster

Yes, I'm primarily interested in hearing responses like this. From girls that don't feel the need to bounce from relationship to relationship.

[KatZee]

My ex dumped me and I was over it after 6 months. I've dated here and there but I haven't had a relationship since him. It's been 2.5 years. I feel like Ive gotten more and more emotional unavailable as time has gone on to be honest.

[adapting]

Totally depends on circumstances. I have been single for a bit more than a year and a half, and am just kinda sorta feeling like I might not be completely emotionally unavailable now. We were together for almost 6 years, and he dumped me when 2 people very close to me had cancer and a bunch of other **** was going on though... And honestly I still don't think I'm really ready for anything serious with anyone new yet.

[carhill]

Depends on personality, emotional attachment style, depth of investment and whether or not they 'get over it' while still in the relationship or after it ends.

 

Having been through the relationship and marital wringer, I can opine from the middle age perspective that women seem to, as they age, 'get over it' quicker and more completely; the more relationship and marital experience they gain, the greater their ability to process things quickly and in a healthy manner.

 

Personally, in my lifetime and demographic, I've never met a woman who's been truly 'alone' for more than a month or two. That's part of why it was so hard to find single women back when I was dating. Perhaps they could indeed have been 'emotionally unavailable' but they were involved with another willing guy quickly and, contrary to conventional wisdom, most turned out not to be rebounds, rather LTR's and marriages, eventually.

 

I watched this happen during my own divorce and also with my exW's best friend when she got divorced and must admit to a bit of envy at how they so quickly moved on, both to LTR's which have lasted, with the friend's unfortunately ending by her death. That's how life goes, for some. YMMV.

[me85]

I'm 16 months post BU. Was with my ex for 2 years. I've dated since but nothing at all serious. I'm very emotionally unavailable. It took me a long time to not be sad about my BU anymore. I'd say that I'm about 85% healed.

[Allumere]

everyone is different. I don't know carhill's age range...I am in my forties and with each relationship end it takes me longer to recover each time. I am over a year this time (and the relationship was about 9 mo) and not remotely recovered..and at the moment have no desire of going through the emotional pain of a breakup again so dating is not in the vocabulary.

[carhill]

My age, location and gender are described immediately under my username.

[NopeNah]

If you're looking for hope/validation that your ex isn't with some...good luck.

[mightycpa]

There's no rule. It varies according to how much the person loved the ex. My (male) periods of emotional unavailability ranged from years to one day, with most in between.

 

It just depends, and can never be counted on to be "the same."

[BC1980]

I've been single for a year and a half, and I feel emotionally unavailable at this point. Honestly, I was able to get over my past relationships at different speeds. My first took a year to get over. The second one took a few months, and my third took about 6 months. This last one has been an absolute nightmare to move on from for various reasons, including the fact that I was close to his son, we lived together, and he has unfortunately started working in the same building as me again. It honestly seems like every time I felt better and was making progress, the guy popped back into my life in some way.

 

In a nutshell, your question has no definitive answer. It completely depends on the person and the relationship, what the relationship meant to them, duration, any simultaneous emotional issues, and the list goes on.

[Allumere]

My age, location and gender are described immediately under my username.

 

LOL....and so it is Late night all dots rarely get connected.

[STM206]

One month for every year is just some number someone put out there to make us feel we need to be doing something different. It takes as long as it takes. If you've been hurt, then you'll heal at a pace that your heart allows. Don't Rush anyone, and don't let anyone rush you - simply be there for them as that's all they really want and need.

[LifeNomad]

everyone is different I think, some are better off handling it on their own, crying on their own, finding happiness in solace...

 

 

 

 

 

 

Others may find it easier to be with somebody, to ease their pain, to open themselves to someone for emotional support, if they can be honest with the person and not be or feel judged it sometimes makes things easier.