Verbally and emotionally abusive girlfriend

[SethDamien]

nobody is perfect but she is! Every time i'd open up about our relationship, she'd just yell "man up!" "you act like a girl!". Whenever I make mistakes, the tiniest ones, we would bicker on opposing reactions... i'd say, "why get upset? its just a small thing!" and she would say, "that's the problem! you're an idiot for overlooking such a small thing!".

 

Words like:

“I hate it when you act so pitiful. Stop crying and talk like a man.”

“I can’t stand to look at you. You make me sick.”

are commonplace.

 

Everything she does drives me insane. When she's texting a guy who i know she likes, i'd ask her, "what are you talking about?" and she'd violently react "why do you care?" and turn away from me.

 

She would have unreasonable expectations of me. She incessantly tells me my flaws and need to improve in a lot of ways, she'd make painful comparisons with her much smarter guy-friends and tell me how much better they are than me.

 

Every time i ask for leniency from her bitterness, she'd tell me: "if you dont like it, then pack up and leave!"

 

Dont get me wrong, at the best of times, she's sweet and caring, but im too afraid to open up a topic as it may incur her wrath again... she's unpredictable to say the least.

Edited November 22, 2014 by SethDamien
Long story short

[love2ride]

End the friendship and go no contact. Its the only way to get over her an move on. My ex was emotionally and verbally abusive to me. After we broke up two months later she came back acting all sweet and friendly saying she wanted to be friends. Like an idiot I caved. All she wanted to do was reel me back in until she had me then make me jealous. When I fell for her again she told me friendship was all she wanted. She even had sex with me. Now i'm back at square 1 trying to get over her while she is out there dating.

 

During our relationship she would freek out and call me nasty things over nothing. The last month before I moved out when we were actually broken up was the worst. She told me I was garbage, that for someone my age I had nothing. She thought I was gonna steal all of her stuff. She would say this in front of her two kids. It was bad.

 

It made it easy to leave and I was fine until she came back into my life and ****ed it up again. I don't know whats wrong with me but I wrote letters and apologized and begged for her back taking all the blame. I have no idea why I love her or feel like I do. I must just be lonely. She shows no emotion and acts like its nothing for her to move on. I hurt every day for some bitch who ****ed me around. So man go no contact. There is no reason to have her in your life even if it hurts and you think there is.

[SethDamien]

I dated my GF's cousin but it was hardly romantic. i really needed someone to talk to about my abusive girlfriend. We exchanged experiences about our special other (she too has a boyfriend). But the more my girlfriend stays abusive, the more I find comfort in chatting with her cousin. It became an emotional backlash if you will. At one point, I wanted to confess everything to her cousin I had a crush on her (but not to the point of courting her since I have the agenda to tell her how much I love my girlfriend.)

 

I don’t blame my girlfriend’s cousin for being confused. She’s just looking out for her family, so she finally told my girlfriend the truth. What happens when my girlfriend confronted me was a moment for the history books. (you conclude) That's how she finally ended it. I still do love her though, we've shared 4 wonderful years. more good than harm.

[elaine567]

This is emotional abuse, a form of domestic abuse, please just run, you cannot mend this.

You are already walking on eggshells, as you say, it is driving you insane, such behaviour will over years literally drive you insane. Get out now.

[SethDamien]

End the friendship and go no contact. Its the only way to get over her an move on. My ex was emotionally and verbally abusive to me. After we broke up two months later she came back acting all sweet and friendly saying she wanted to be friends. Like an idiot I caved. All she wanted to do was reel me back in until she had me then make me jealous. When I fell for her again she told me friendship was all she wanted. She even had sex with me. Now i'm back at square 1 trying to get over her while she is out there dating.

 

During our relationship she would freek out and call me nasty things over nothing. The last month before I moved out when we were actually broken up was the worst. She told me I was garbage, that for someone my age I had nothing. She thought I was gonna steal all of her stuff. She would say this in front of her two kids. It was bad.

 

It made it easy to leave and I was fine until she came back into my life and ****ed it up again. I don't know whats wrong with me but I wrote letters and apologized and begged for her back taking all the blame. I have no idea why I love her or feel like I do. I must just be lonely. She shows no emotion and acts like its nothing for her to move on. I hurt every day for some bitch who ****ed me around. So man go no contact. There is no reason to have her in your life even if it hurts and you think there is.

 

Thanks for the advice! i would have thought of what you said when she started showing her true colors a couple of years ago... i genuinely believed i am worthless and be miserable my whole life because i set my attitude based on her incredibly insane standards. When i asked her i didnt want to be friends anymore, she'd get angry and just yell "then GO! i dont care about you"... right now, its too early for acceptance, because everything is still fresh. im still in love with this high tempered, woman. But seeing how things have gone, i think im heading to the right direction. Thanks mate!

[Downtown]

At the best of times, she's sweet and caring, but im too afraid to open up a topic as it may incur her wrath again... she's unpredictable to say the least.

Seth, welcome to the LoveShack forum. Given that your GF is verbally abusive and unpredictable (perhaps even unstable), it may be worth a few minutes of your time to look at my list of red flags at 18 BPD Warning Signs. If most of those signs for Borderline Personality Disorder sound very familiar, I would suggest you also read my more detailed description of them in Rebel's Thread. If that discussion rings any bells, I would be glad to discuss them with you. Take care, Seth.

[SethDamien]

2. Frequent use of all-or-nothing expressions like "you always" and "you never;"

4. A strong sense of entitlement that prevents her from appreciating your sacrifices, resulting in a "what have you done for me lately?" attitude (e.g., not appreciating all the 3-hour trips you made to see her for two years) and a double standard ;

5. Flipping, on a dime, between adoring you and devaluing you -- making you feel like you're always walking on eggshells;

8. Verbal abuse and anger that is easily triggered, in seconds, by a minor thing you say or do (real or imagined), resulting in temper tantrums or cold sulking that typically start in seconds and last several hours;

10. Always being "The Victim," a false self image she validates by blaming you for every misfortune;

18. Always convinced that her intense feelings accurately reflect reality -- to the point that she regards her own feelings as self-evident facts, despite her inability to support them with any hard evidence.

 

i crashed out the parts that does not apply to her. When i say unpredictable, i say things that sound harmless at her but turns out to be another reason for her to give me hell. She's not dependent, not jealous, not impulsive, not manipulative nor controlling, and definitely not clingy. She's just plain angry. Whenever i tell her, "you're a big part of why i've improved my self" she'd yell in anger "PITY ME! I HELPED YOU, BUT WHEN WILL I EVER LEARN ANYTHING FROM YOU IN RETURN?" just saying im completely useless in her life. But other than that, what i left out rings true to her character.

[bubbaganoosh]

 

Dont get me wrong, at the best of times, she's sweet and caring, but im too afraid to open up a topic as it may incur her wrath again... she's unpredictable to say the least.

 

Really? If that's the case then i would hate like hell to see her when she's pissed.

 

Truth be told. YOUR FAULT!! Look in the mirror and take a good long look at the person staring back at you. That's whose at fault.

 

You let it happen and now what was once a vice is now a habit and whose the one that let it continue. You. When this first started you should have let her know that you wont put up or accept that kind of disrespect and done it in a way that she knew that you were as serious as a heart attack. Then booted her ass out and told her not to come back until she got some manners in her selfish ignorant body. Your fault.

 

Now you can continue to kicked around like her whipping boy or grow a pair and put a end to it. She has no respect for you and truth be told, respect has to be earned so earn it.

[SethDamien]

UPDATE

Thanks everyone for your quick answers! i really feel great now! Though I might feel the sting later on before i sleep. oh well. ....

 

After the break up, she wanted to stay friends out of compassion and out of guilt. The sad part is i just been through the desperation stage, texting her up, trying to convince her i'll change. Reading to what you guys have to say, i should be the one to leave her and let her do the grovelling.

 

Just to let you guys know, we live in one compound, i offered her a place to stay just to save her the hassle of finding a new home (this was before our break up). ALSO i was dumb enough to let her apply to the office i work in just so i could be with her. (one of my dumbest decisions). now the NC guide is killing me as i still have active contact with her daily. We're involved in the same project... talk about luck. We try to keep it professional but i cant help myself when we make eye contact. it rekindles my memories and i just break down on the inside. She even confessed to me she likes our office mate and they've been texting. But she said its nothing serious. (i doubt)

 

Ive read the article: "The All-New 2014 No Contact Guide!"

 

I wish there was a guide to moving on while seeing your ex everyday... To be honest, in the deepest corners of my thought, there's still a clinging hope that she'd change.

Edited November 22, 2014 by SethDamien

[love2ride]

Man I don't know how you can handle seeing her everyday. That would kill me.

[Jsbodhi]

I'm verbally abusive when I drink.

My boyfriend broke up with me because of it, told me he loves me forever, but that my behaviour is unacceptable, he won't speak to me.

You see, I gained a ton of respect for him for doing this, even though I'm dying here!!!

He also made me take a good long look in the mirror, showed me how much I need to make changes in my life. I'm a good person, own a business and go to school, just have emotional problems that surface when drinking, become evil.

I'm leaving him alone and going no contact, I hope we can get back together in the future, a few months or a year maybe.

My point is, hold onto your self respect and don't let her treat you like that, go no contact, and don't let her get a grip on you unless she changes, like counselling or something, make her show you, if she loves you and herself, she'll change her bad behaviours <3

[elaine567]

UPDATE

Just to let you guys know, we live in one compound, i offered her a place to stay just to save her the hassle of finding a new home (this was before our break up). ALSO i was dumb enough to let her apply to the office i work in just so i could be with her. (one of my dumbest decisions). now the NC guide is killing me as i still have active contact with her daily. We're involved in the same project... talk about luck. We try to keep it professional but i cant help myself when we make eye contact. it rekindles my memories and i just break down on the inside. She even confessed to me she likes our office mate and they've been texting. But she said its nothing serious. (i doubt)

 

I wish there was a guide to moving on while seeing your ex everyday... To be honest, in the deepest corners of my thought, there's still a clinging hope that she'd change.

 

Is there any way you could get a new job?

[Hoosfoos]

I was in a similar situation. People don't change, and staying in it longer would guarantee things would become worse.

[SethDamien]

I wanted to change jobs and move but what would i say to my boss? doesnt it sound shallow and selfish leaving my dream job just because i dont want to see her?

[SethDamien]

I'm verbally abusive when I drink.

My boyfriend broke up with me because of it, told me he loves me forever, but that my behaviour is unacceptable, he won't speak to me.

You see, I gained a ton of respect for him for doing this, even though I'm dying here!!!

He also made me take a good long look in the mirror, showed me how much I need to make changes in my life. I'm a good person, own a business and go to school, just have emotional problems that surface when drinking, become evil.

I'm leaving him alone and going no contact, I hope we can get back together in the future, a few months or a year maybe.

My point is, hold onto your self respect and don't let her treat you like that, go no contact, and don't let her get a grip on you unless she changes, like counselling or something, make her show you, if she loves you and herself, she'll change her bad behaviours <3

 

She's never been drunk. I shudder to think what she would be like if she did though. I admire you taking the step to change yourself. I do hope you'll get past this stage and you'r boyfriend will see your worth again. I do pray my exs is not completely heartless and she'd realize her fault too. But knowing her attitude, she's too proud and arrogant to have the guts to say what you've just said. She'll find a way to convince herself that she's never wrong