Lee112 Posted November 22, 2014 Share Posted November 22, 2014 So this may be a long one, me and my ex boyfriend broke up two weeks ago and I just can't let it go. It was a very bad breakup and I feel wrong about it even though friends and family say I shouldn't. So trying to shorten it, I was at my exes house and at some point he was getting on his computer to listen to some music and I was like but I don't want to listen and he was like I don't care. So I kept turning the computer off every time he turned it on, at first I was just playing and was like I don't want to listen. But then I guess he got irritated and said something like "if you don't stop thats exactly how I will be feeling about our relationship." So then I got mad because I'm like why would you say that about our relationship, what else is turning a computer off going to make you say? So I kept turning it off. Then he grabbed my face/chin really hard and on reaction I pushed his face back. He didn't say anything for a second, put the computer down and then grabbed my arms pulling me up from the couch and squeezing my arms really hard, then he put me down on another couch while still grabbing my arms, I couldn't move and then grabbed my face again so I can look at him and was like "stop do you hear me, stop." At that point I started to cry. When he let me go I got up to leave but then I came back and started yelling "what makes you think you can put your hands on me" and going back and forth and he kept saying "I don't know who you think you're talking to" and eventually he said "bitch leave." Then I said **** you and left. A few minutes later he texted me and said "were done cause you like to push buttons." Haven't talked to him since. I know I was wrong for turning the computer off, but now I just feel like this whole thing was all my fault and I feel terrible even though he put his hands on me. I need input please! Link to post Share on other sites
Mi7522 Posted November 22, 2014 Share Posted November 22, 2014 It sounds as though you enjoy antagonizing him and he just wanted you out of his life. Time to move on but you should really look at why you do things you do to get a reaction out of him Link to post Share on other sites
Mandalorian Posted November 22, 2014 Share Posted November 22, 2014 You shouldn't feel bad at all. Pathetic and disturbing reaction from him for something so ridiculously stupid, whatever the reason it is a disgusting reaction anyway. Be glad it is over and nothing more. Link to post Share on other sites
Arieswoman Posted November 22, 2014 Share Posted November 22, 2014 Lee112, Be glad you are out of this unhealthy relationship. You like to push buttons and he is abusive. Next time learn to communicate better or just walk away. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Quest Posted November 22, 2014 Share Posted November 22, 2014 It just doesn't sound good - you don't relate well to each other. Best not to continue in a situation like this. You shouldn't feel bad or take on all the responsibility for something that wasn't working. Link to post Share on other sites
ForbiddenFruit Posted November 22, 2014 Share Posted November 22, 2014 I speak from experience, I used to be in an abusive relationship for a long time. & If thats the first time he has called you names or touched you like that, I can just tell you now things are only going to get worse. Its called the cycle of violence. You go back everything is all happy and good, and then it happens again, he makes you feel like its your fault, and then you get back together again. And once you start the cycle its never ending. What he did was verbal abuse as well as physical abuse, do not feel bad at all. Hes trying to make you feel like it is your fault and it isn't. Its a mind game that controlling men play on us women. Stay strong and firm, just enjoy a happy single life. No woman deserves to be called names or pushed around like that. Draw your lines now before it is too late. I can promise you...controlling and abusive men have the power to ruin anybody, don't lose yourself along the way. Best of luck. I hope this helps you a bit. Link to post Share on other sites
Chuck636333 Posted November 22, 2014 Share Posted November 22, 2014 I'll say I agree violence is not the answer from a man or a woman...I don't believe in it. But I'll be the first to admit I have been with a evil female that knew how to get under my skin to make me freak out and yell or throw things and look like a lunatic and use it against me...All I'm saying is I'm one of the nicest people you'll ever meet and it takes A LOT to take me to that dark place but some females push those buttons on purpose.i made my mistake by not leaving a long time, I held on because I loved her and didn't want to live without her. I learned from it and I live with regret for some of the things I did. If you're with someone abusive or an agitator you have to 1 seek out immediate counseling (which I regret not doing) and figure out) or 2 walk away Link to post Share on other sites
Chuck636333 Posted November 22, 2014 Share Posted November 22, 2014 You can't just let it go and hope it gets better no matter what is said because it wont Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted November 22, 2014 Share Posted November 22, 2014 "bitch leave"... "we're done cause you like to push buttons." He realised he had crossed a line, he realised that he couldn't control himself and that was scary and he therefore told you to leave, and then followed it up with dumping you. No-one should respect anyone who manhandles their girlfriend, but he did the right thing here as regards dumping you. You pushed him too far, he reacted badly, and then he ended it. I think you are well out of it, do not pursue him. Some people just do not get on, they are like dynamite together. Leave him be and find someone else. Link to post Share on other sites
Chuck636333 Posted November 22, 2014 Share Posted November 22, 2014 He realised he had crossed a line, he realised that he couldn't control himself and that was scary and he therefore told you to leave, and then followed it up with dumping you. No-one should respect anyone who manhandles their girlfriend, but he did the right thing here as regards dumping you. You pushed him too far, he reacted badly, and then he ended it. I think you are well out of it, do not pursue him. Some people just do not get on, they are like dynamite together. Leave him be and find someone else. That's the issue I have...no one should respect someone who man handles their girlfriend? If you poke at dog over and over with a stick eventually it's going to turn around and bite. Then the dog gets put to sleep and no one remembers why the dog bit they just know he did so he's a viscous animal...it's not right to strike a female but why is it OK for a female to poke the stick knowing they can get away with it??? Sounds to me from the story he did restrain himself at his weak point and prevented further damage so good for him and the fact that he walked away and did what I could not do...kudos to him he did the right thing all around and now he will be labeled as a weak abusive man lol...unbelievable...Their are men out their that hit their wife over nothing and sexually abuse their wives and that is abusive trash. Then are men that are sweet caring giving and do everything in their power to make their partner happy everyday and have a weak point due to being disrespected and poked by the very one that they sacrifice everything for and they are placed in the same category.why is a woman not looked down at for punching a man and he grabs her and he is abusive...you women are very good at playing both sides of the fence you want to be equal to men, you can do anything a man can do and all that jazz but when needed you pull the "o I'm a woman that's not right" card and everyone goes along. Link to post Share on other sites
SycamoreCircle Posted November 22, 2014 Share Posted November 22, 2014 You're asking about this particular incident---a physical flare up between two people---as if were we to decipher the choices underneath it behavior would be understood. This reaches back. This was building. Other issues were under the surface. You either know what those issues are or you're going to have to relate more of the dynamics between the two of you to us. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Hoosfoos Posted November 22, 2014 Share Posted November 22, 2014 Neither of you sound like you're mature enough to have a healthy relationship. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ForbiddenFruit Posted November 22, 2014 Share Posted November 22, 2014 I think we have to look at the context of this situation, and consider the unknown factors. YES there are many women out there who abuse their husbands and boyfriends and Yes it is wrong for them as well. I'm very glad you brought this up. The only reason why women don't get caught as much as men is because men feel like if they tell someone or press charges against a woman for battery or assault they will lose their "masculinity" so they choose not to. Therefore causing the phrase "I'm a woman that's not right" to become unpopularized by society. but the good women of society know that yes I am a woman and that no it isn't right. The details in this thread are too vague for anyone to determine who is wrong and who is right, but in the end if a couple can't have a relationship without abuse (mental,emotional,physical,sexual) then they should not be together at all. No matter who caused the abuse the best thing to do would be to split up and continue moving on in life. Respectfully, A.C. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lee112 Posted November 22, 2014 Author Share Posted November 22, 2014 I understand what people are saying about pushing a mans buttons a lot and making him react, but I actually don't push his buttons a lot. I honestly think that was thee only time. We argue of course, but I was never that woman in his face pushing him until that day. He has anger issues and he said he does. That was our first time ever arguing in person and every time we argued over the phone he would always be rude or belittle me. I just think he does not know how to control his anger at all. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lee112 Posted November 22, 2014 Author Share Posted November 22, 2014 I also think it is crazy how turning a computer off could push your buttons THAT BADLY. It's not like I was in his face cursing him out, hitting him or things of that sort. That's crazy to me because it was over something so stupid. And even after he put his hands on me I still did not touch him. But honestly that day I did not care. I always did so much for him, always there for him whenever he needed me and I was so fed up feeling unappreciated. I was fed up being taking for granted so maybe thats why I did what I did. I didn't want to listen to the music, do something I want for a change. Immature, but thats how I felt at the time. Link to post Share on other sites
loversquarrel Posted November 22, 2014 Share Posted November 22, 2014 You both lack respect and boundaries for each other. You don't belong together if this is how you both choose to be with one another. If a woman I was with went and turned something off that I was doing I would have ended it right then and there without ever laying a hand on her. Now if she asked me nicely because she wanted to talk to me, or I was interrupting what she was doing I would react courteously. I have been with abusive women, and yes I know what it's like to have them push my buttons or try to hurt me emotionally. I learned the best response to any form of abuse is to just walk away. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Chuck636333 Posted November 22, 2014 Share Posted November 22, 2014 Well then it's up to him to decide to seek help with that issue...I am in counseling for that reason because I don't want to give anyone the power to get me to that point...it is indeed a sign of weakness in a person.sounds to me like he's insecure or upset with something in his life that he brings out in your relationship. ..In no way was I sticking up for him in previous posts I just get tired of people like myself getting labeled over something like that when they give it their all every single day and the person making them out to be a monster is very vindictive. ...everything comes full circle in the end Link to post Share on other sites
Chuck636333 Posted November 22, 2014 Share Posted November 22, 2014 You both lack respect and boundaries for each other. You don't belong together if this is how you both choose to be with one another. If a woman I was with went and turned something off that I was doing I would have ended it right then and there without ever laying a hand on her. Now if she asked me nicely because she wanted to talk to me, or I was interrupting what she was doing I would react courteously. I have been with abusive women, and yes I know what it's like to have them push my buttons or try to hurt me emotionally. I learned the best response to any form of abuse is to just walk away. And this is spot on!!! That's where I was weak...I did not want to walk away because I didn't want to lose someone I thought was very special to me...true love turns a blind eye to lots of things, and I'm the first one to fight before I walk away. I feel like that is all too common and easy in today's world...but you have to seek out help with your issues...If you were able minded enough to fix them on your own you wouldn't have them in the first place. In my case she left me after 7 years and I wouldn't have ever done it...at the time I was devastated and it still bothers me from time to time because I lost the person I was closest with in my life, but it has been a blessing in disguise because I am actively repairing (my part) of the problems, getting into shape and actively trying to make myself a better person. I feel sorry for her that she takes no responsibility for her part in the problem and puts it all off onto me so she will have similar issues in future relationships I on the other hand take responsibility for my actions and live with regret so I can identify these issues and do something about it proactively instead of reactively Link to post Share on other sites
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