Why do I feel bad?

[Kay0192]

My ex boyfriend and I had recently broken up due to him cheating on me.

We have been together for almost three years and in those years I have caught him cheating on me with girls online and I have caught him having multiple different dating accounts. Because I loved him a lot .. I was blinded and had given him second, third, fourth chances and so on, every single time he begged for another chance and when he says that he will change ... A part of me believed that he will change but every single time I was proven wrong .. I really don't know why I kept holding on..

 

Every time I take him back I feel very stupid because I know u deserve way more .. But I still end up taking him back ... I guess the heart wants what the heart wants ... Even I, myself know that I'm stupid to take him back after he cheated on me multiple times ..

 

I had been the best girlfriend I could have possibly be.. We met in our university days and I have helped him so much with his life and honestly.. He wouldn't be where he is without my help.. I sacrificed so much for him.. I helped him become successful while I put my own future aside .. I really did l

[me85]

So why can't he appreciate you and value you more than to cheat on you? At this point, it really isn't his fault anymore. It's yours because you allow it.

 

Sooner or later we are all forced to take a long hard look at ourselves in the mirror and see what's wrong with us to tolerate being mistreated over and over again.

 

I think you have really low self esteem. Do you not think you'll find better or that he's the only one who'll want to be with you (but also be with other girls) ?

 

Please don't misunderstand, I am not criticizing you by no means. I allowed my ex to walk over me too but I only took him back once. You just keep on taking him back? Why? Why really?

[Kay0192]

It won't let me edit but here it is ..

 

Hi guys, I need a little bit of help.. Idk if this will make sense or if this is even in the right place but I just need some help..

 

My ex boyfriend and I had recently broken up due to him cheating on me.

We have been together for almost three years and in those years I have caught him cheating on me with girls online and I have caught him having multiple different dating accounts. Because I loved him a lot .. I was blinded and had given him second, third, fourth chances and so on, every single time he begged for another chance and when he says that he will change ... A part of me believed that he will change but every single time I was proven wrong .. I really don't know why I kept holding on..

 

Every time I take him back I feel very stupid because I know u deserve way more .. But I still end up taking him back ... I guess the heart wants what the heart wants ... Even I, myself know that I'm stupid to take him back after he cheated on me multiple times ..

 

I had been the best girlfriend I could have possibly be.. We met in our university days and I have helped him so much with his life and honestly.. He wouldn't be where he is without my help.. I sacrificed so much for him.. I helped him become successful while I put my own future aside .. I really did loved this man and cared for him dearly ...

I was always there for him, through his ups and downs.. But when it comes to me, he was rarely there..

 

Anyways when we broke up a couple of days ago.. I had my last straw after I saw him on another dating site (I know it's wrong to snoop but after him cheating multiple times I couldn't help myself).. I said many many mean things like it's pretty sad that he needs multiple girls to make him feel good about himself and that he thinks he's all that .. I was very angry and many insults came out of me.. I'm not the type to get angry easily .. But this time .. I felt the most angry in my whole life ..

 

Anyways.. He told me that he's been depressed because we keep fighting (when I catch him) and that with the insults he felt rly low about himself and he even told me he's considering commuting suicide in the future and I wouldn't know about it .. After that it made me think.. Was I too much?

 

He made me feel that it was all my fault ... How am I not allowed to be angry when he's been cheating on me multiple times .. Why is it me that needs to feel bad that I caught him? I don't understand ... Now I'm putting this all on myself ... I'm the one who got cheated on.. I was the one hurt .. But I'm the one worried for his feelings .. It's unfair..

[MrsGrey]

Funny is we have very similar experiences. As i read your story, can't help but relate so much to it.

 

I am like you. I have been fooled a few times, took him back each time because he promised, cried, and begged.

 

I too did help and supported him in the career path he has been dreaming. Not to toot my own horn.

 

I did exactly the same. I insulted him, sent him not too pleasant messages. I was very very angry. And i felt being used.

 

I know how hard it is to walk away. But you need to take baby steps.

 

Focus your time with other things. Think of all the blessings you have.

And somehow you will realize, you don't need that Man.

[flightplan]

You feel bad because your ex is not meeting your expectations. Just throwing it out there, but my guess is you want him to make you happy.

 

That will never happen. He is not responsible for making you happy or meeting your expectations. If you feel he is being self centered, arrogant, inconsiderate, cheating, etc... why are you with him? What do you want from him? To stop doing those things so that you can be happy as a couple? It'll never happen. Does he owe you emotional stability? He is who he is... people are motivated by their own self interest, including yourself, you just don't want to see it or accept it.

 

The real answer to your question is because you have little to no self esteem. Stop hoping your ex is going to fix your world.

 

Take a break from relationships, focus on your emotional health. Learn more about who you are. Build boundaries and set a standard in your life. Raise your personal bar. Don't accept mediocrity. Learn to be more emotionally mature. It takes time but its sooooo worth the effort...

[Diezel]

You are codependent.

 

Look it up.

[Kay0192]

So why can't he appreciate you and value you more than to cheat on you? At this point, it really isn't his fault anymore. It's yours because you allow it.

 

Sooner or later we are all forced to take a long hard look at ourselves in the mirror and see what's wrong with us to tolerate being mistreated over and over again.

 

I think you have really low self esteem. Do you not think you'll find better or that he's the only one who'll want to be with you (but also be with other girls) ?

 

 

You're right .. I've recently came to realized that after the first few times of cheating it rly did become my fault as I was blinded and gave him the chances that he didn't deserve over and over again. I have no problem with me admitting that I was stupid because I really was and it took me many tears before figuring things out. I also admit that I have no self esteem.. But it wasn't always like that .. Before dating him I had everything. I went to a good school, I had good grades, I had many many friends, I had it all. But then I met him... He came from a broken family and for some reason I felt bad for him .. He had to work hard to get what I had and there I've started to take care of him.. I fell in love.. I helped him through tough times and I've forgotten about myself..

First time he cheated on me I was set to not taking him back, I've ignored his called but he kept begging and begging and crying saying I'm everything that he has and that if I leave he will have nothing ... After a lot of begging I took him back.. There I was again wanting to help this guy.. And I did, my focus became only on him and I'd help him out with university, jobs and every other things , I've supported him and I've sacrificed so much for him and then a few months later .. He cheated again. I ignored his calls,messages and emails once again. And he was persistent with his begging and he promised not to do it again. He deleted the profile, gave me his passwords and because of that I thought he rly did change. But I was wrong .. After that I keep thinking I've worked so hard for this man and I wouldn't let some girl online that he hadn't met at all take that all away from me.. I became possessive as he became the only thing I rly had left ... I had less friends.. I passed on good opportunities that I had overseas just so I can stay with him (before) and now I was having a hard time finding a job... I was scared and there I lost my self esteem.. My confidence was gone.. He took too much from me that we switched around and I became dependent on him.. He took advantage of me and I let him. So now that u say it's my fault, you're completely right, I'm not offended what so ever and I know I put myself here.. I am now in front of the mirror that you've been talking about and I know I'm a big part of the pain that I'm experiencing.

[mightycpa]

You need to write his qualities down on paper, then ask yourself whether you'd like to meet a new guy just like him. I'm guessing no.

 

I think you are codependent. I looked it up.

 

Personally, I think it is ok if he has nothing and nobody. That's his problem to solve, not yours.

 

It's ok if you feel bad for a while. But don't let that affect your self-respect. Act as if you are important to you too.