17 year old suffering from heartbreak

[Berke0]

I will try and be as brief as possible whilst still providing a decent insight.

 

I was with this girl since July and she was the first girl to ever walk into my life and I didn't realise how badly I feel for her until I lost her.

 

She ended it with me because I had a violent confrontation with a boy who was her "gay best friend" kinda character, due to he kissing him at a party. I told her the same night and she reacted terribly and called me a psyco. Devastated I went to her house the next morning with flowers to try and apologise but she wouldn't accept it at all. Later that day she ended it with me after she approached her friend and he refused to speak to her.

 

The next day a lot of name calling went on as I thought it I made myself hate her I would be able to get over her, this wasn't the case and it made the situation 100x worse.

 

I spent £100 on presents and she agreed to see me on Monday the 20th October. She had no intentions of taking me back but when I cried I think she pitied me and we agreed to keep our relationship CASUAL.

 

To be brief I didn't keep it casual and i smothered her and kept trying to get her to go back to how we were. She didn't like this an so need it with me again on the 2nd of November after we spent halloween together at a party where she fell asleep in my arms.

 

The first week I didn't message her but stupidly I have been begging her for the past two days But she says she doesn't want to be with me and wants me to leave her alone, and really I have been a mess.

 

My plan is to try and make things work again in future by perhaps keep thing things casual, coz I know that's the only way it could work.

 

Please help me out here

[johnson_j]

You're gonna learn the hard way, but it's best to just minimize your contact with her at this point. Love YOUR life. Go out with your friends, focus on school work. There will be lots more women, lots more.

[Berke0]

You're gonna learn the hard way, but it's best to just minimize your contact with her at this point. Love YOUR life. Go out with your friends, focus on school work. There will be lots more women, lots more.

 

I suppose, I am still young and can't imagine what some people in serious relationships go through if I feel like this after just a few months. I'll try and move on as you suggested

[Berke0]

It's just so hard I miss all the memories so much and everything reminds me of her. I want her back so badly I jut don't know how

[Berke0]

As I mentioned on the 14th, I had been begging for two days straight and I kept asking her to block me, saying "if you're really done with me just block me"

She wouldn't do so, and instead rang me on the phone and asked me to stop calling her and said "you don't understand what casual is" and and I attempted no contact for one day but failed miserably and went back to messaging her the next day, however this time we were speaking casually, and whilst she wasn't awfully keen to speak to me, she was still replying, perhaps out of politeness.

 

Inevitably I brought the conversation onto us, where she made it abundantly clear that she no longer had feelings for me and that she no longer missed me.

I was devastated, and as heartbreaking as it was I wasnt willing to just give up and move on, instead I adopted an approach which I was advised from my friends which would involve me behaving as though I had gotten over here and that I wanted to be with her "casually" - this was all part of a plan which would involve me attempting her to reconcile her feelings for me and try to get things to work how they did before in time, perhaps through casual sex.

 

A weeks and a half prior to this I had met up with a girl, and brought her to my house, I didn't really know what I wanted with her but when I was with her alone in my bed I just couldn't bring myself to make a move on her and instead confessed my love for my ex and apologised to her for wasting her time. After this, I told my ex all about my encounter with this girl; she was furious with me for treating this girl in the way I had and asked me why I wouldn't have sex with her and told me to do so. I then said I didn't want sex with any other girl and just wanted it with her; she told me that she didn't care and that she wanted sex with "other guys". Again I was heartbroken, and it was a few days after this when the begging started and I made my fiirst post on here.

[Berke0]

As mentioned before, she made it clear that me that I "didn't know what casual was" etc.

 

So I took my friends advice which was to LIE to my ex and tell her that I had slept with this girl who I had invited round my house before on a separate occasion. Remember, this was on the condition that my ex had ASKED me to do so, and had made it obvious she no longer had emotional feelings for me. The reason for me doing this was to convince her that I had in fact moved on and that I was no longer in love with her, but simply infatuated. This was a ridiculous thing to do, because as she told me herself, I can't go from expressing my love to my ex to then sleeping with a girl the next day. Like she said to me, you can't have sex with someone else sober if you're still in love with that person.

 

As it turns out, her asking me to sleep with her was some form of sick test, and she was "done" once she found out that I had supposedly slept with another girl and that it made her frel "sick" to imagine me sleeping with somebody else and doing the things we did together. She told me that she lied and that she liked me the whole time, even when I was begging her and she wasn't replying abd saying she had no feelings, she still said she liked me and was in tears when she found out I had supposedly slept with another girl.

 

I don't know what the **** I was doing, I love this girl and the thought of other girls makes me feel sick, like I go to college and make 0 effort into my appearance because I simply don't care and I'm just not interested in what other girls' perceptions of me are except my ex's.

 

Before I told this horrible lie honesty was a quality that I was always proud of when I was together with her, and now I've ruined that too:(

 

If I had known she had feelings for me why the hell would i ever even consider making up such a lie, simply put i WOULDNT, I only did it bea cause I thought the only was to get back with her was to convice her I was over her and that I wanted to be "casual".

 

 

Ugh it's just so hard cos I feel like I've messed it up even further and now not only do I look like a d*ck for hurting her feelings I'm now a liar as well. I keep making these horrible mistakes and I feel like I've pushed her too far past her breaking point and any hope of us getting back together are slim.

 

I have been messaging her nonstop the days of Saturday and Sunday, and have been begging and trying to explain myself. I'm not going to message her in the week, not because I don't want to, but simply because she has college commitments and tbh I don't wanna piss off her off, cos I do respect her at the end of the day as much as I want to message her. It's going to be even harder cos her friends hate me for doing this and will most definitely convince her to forget about me and move on. I don't really blame them for doing so but I just wish my ex and her friends could understand the situation, I'm not a bad person, when I was with her I treated her so well; just when we ended I got so desperate and started to do ridiculous thing to try and bet her back not realising they would hurt her.

 

People will tell me to move on, but tbh I won't listen cos I truly do love her and will do everything and anything to get her back, she was so good to me and you just can't find girls like her. She is so beautiful and caring and I don't want anyone else. I have learned from my mistakes and I am a better person, and I don't feel like anyone else deserves This new version of myself except her, to me she is perfect.

 

Any advice would be greatly appreciated, please help me here

Edited November 25, 2014 by Berke0

[CT98]

Just don't contact her at all, I remember girls at that age being easily manipulated, she'll wonder why you're not contacting her.

 

Play it cool mate, all is not lost, as long as you stop with the contact.

[Berke0]

Just don't contact her at all, I remember girls at that age being easily manipulated, she'll wonder why you're not contacting her.

 

Play it cool mate, all is not lost, as long as you stop with the contact.

 

Right, I will take your advice. I have paragraphs on paragraphs of things I want to say to her in my Notes, on my iPhone and my plan was to say these things tbis upcoming weekend, kinda as a last push to see how she reacts.

 

When do you think would be the best time to message her? This weekend or maybe later than that? Im young and daft and don't really want to make any more mistakes, cos I've made more than enough haha

 

Please tell me when would be the best time to next speak to her, as like a final push

[CT98]

Wait until she contacts you, DO NOT contact her.

 

When she does, don't go in full steam reeling off a big speech, play it cool.

 

Think about how Clint Eastwood as Dirty Harry or James Bond might act, they'd be cool right? That's you. Cool as a cucumber.

[Berke0]

Wait until she contacts you, DO NOT contact her.

 

When she does, don't go in full steam reeling off a big speech, play it cool.

 

Think about how Clint Eastwood as Dirty Harry or James Bond might act, they'd be cool right? That's you. Cool as a cucumber.

 

 

But I'm worried that she might never contact me again, and feel like she may just move on and forget about me.

[Berke0]

Nonetheless I will attempt to be cool regardless of the circumstance! Thank you

[Berke0]

I've woken up this morning crying, it feels as if my best friend has died. I feel so empty inside, this really is a horrible feeling. I'm so desperate for a short term solution to stop this; texting her would probably do it, even though she wouldn't reply it would make me feel better to tell her how sorry I am over and over again a hundred times. However I wouldn't make any progress whatsoever and besides she has drama school today and I don't want to distract her.

 

On other days it wasn't as hard because I had college and I would be occupied for the whole day. But today is Saturday and I have nothing to do and no friends to hang out with and I'm just scared this day will get progressively worse.

 

I want to talk to her so badly but I know it won't change anything. I'm just so scared that if I wait too long that she might move on and forget about me. Yet if I message her too son it might push her away even more. I really need to do something I'm struggling so so much

Edited November 29, 2014 by Berke0

[Berke0]

It's just so hard because I can't name anything bad about her. I think she is so amazing. It was so special when we were together, I never realised it, we had such a perfect relationship, we never argued EVER, we texted all day every day and it ended at a point where she was truly starting to fall in love with me. I treated her so well when we together, I was never a dick to her and she thought I was different from the rest. Her parents really liked me, her dad was interested in the same stuff as me, she was gorgeous, intelligent, ambitious and even loyal. A girl as beautiful as her, she would get so much male attention but she never entertained any of it or replied to it because she had me. I feel like such an idiot. I'm not a dick, I'm not a bad person I just reacted so badly in the heat of the moment and I regret it more than anything. I can't breathe thinking about it, it hurts so much the regret it kills me inside. She though I was so amazing, she spoke so highly of me to her friends an everythin was so perfect.

 

It was only when I lost her did I begin to behave like a dick to her, but I never wanted to hurt her, she gave me mixed signals and I did what I could to try and win her back, I shouldn't have listened to my friends but I was so desperate.

 

She was so perfect for me, she motivated me so much, she was my everything. Without her now I feel lost and don't know what to do. I take each day as it comes as if it's like a game or something, each day feels like a test and I have to somehow get through it. I am not considering my future here, my focus in college is dropping, my relationship with my dad and step mum is getting worse as I'm being so lazy and don't feel like doing anything. My councillor at college won't help me, she just listens and agrees with what I say but won't give me any advice. I have no one to talk to about this so I just vent all my emotions and thoughts on here.

 

I have tried talking to new girls but it doesn't do anything for me whatsoever, yeah talking to them is fun but it makes me feel sick to actually consider holding or kissing another girl, it's just not for me, I can't imagine doing it with anyone other than my ex.

 

I don't really know what to do, I'm a complete mess I'm just hoping and praying I can get her back cos I really don't want this anyone else

[Berke0]

A lot has changed since last Saturday. I managed to find a job on Monday and posted about it on Twitter. My ex saw this and messaged me saying "well done". This literally filled me with so much happiness, I was absolutely delighted that she messaged me first because I thought she never would. However as mentioned in the thread I kept it cool and we had a calm, casual conversation.

 

The next day she tweeted saying "I don't want you but I don't want anyone else to have you". This confused me, and really i only read what I wanted to see, which was the fact that she didn't want anyone else to have me. To me this was a great sign and again it made me so happy and made me believe there was still hope.

 

The next evening she put up a story on her snapchat of her in bed in my t shirt that I had given her on Halloween. I thought to myself "she must like me if she's still sleeping in MY clothes?!". Again, this made me so happy and really this was the best week I was having in a long time.

 

So, yesterday, being Friday I confronted her about her actions, yet as expected she just shot me down and made it so clear that she didn't want me. Then instead of playin it cool I went onto beg and beg and didn't shut up. I don't know what's wrong with me I know talking to her isn't going to change it but it just gives me temporary happiness. I can't trust her when she says she doesn't love me because she said that before and I don't know whether she's still testing me or not.

 

I eventually convinced her to block me on Whatsapp because I thought that would help me accept that it was over and maybe i would stop messaging her. Like the idiot I am, as soon as she actually did it I began to panic and felt scared and went onto text her over iMessage immediately after.

 

I really don't know what to do???? This feeling... Wow I can't explain it, it's horrible I'm just 17 but I lover her unconditionally and not having her makes me feel disgusting and weak. The only thing that keeps me going is reminding myself that I'll eventually get her back when we both know that's NEVER GOING TO HAPPEN.

 

I'm really struggling at this point, I know she still has feelings for me but doesn't want to get back with me because "we've been through too much".

 

I dunno what to do with myself, this feeling I wouldn't wish it on anyone, I just want it to stop.

 

Please help me