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This post is ment as a motivation to all dumpees to stick to NC. I got dumped 3 weeks ago, well actually I dumped her but I had no other choice so technically I'm the dumpee. Long story short I got dumped for someone else, it could be GIGS or not, I have no idea. Here's the full story: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/second-chances/499971-left-me-someone-else-maybe-gigs

 

I'd just like to say that everyone who says that NC is the best thing to do is probably right. Since the break-up I haven't talked to my ex, luckily it comes quite naturally for me. I actually have no idea what I would say to her after what she did. What do you talk about with your ex when she left for someone else? Do you beg? I'm not the most confident guy and I still couldn't go and beg my ex to come back. No way! I'd rather be single.

 

I digress, I just wanted to say to all dumpees, if she left you for someone else stick to NC. Don't contact them, don't do it, don't make things harder for yourself because they're hard enough. NC really helps you get your life on track. I'm only three weeks into NC and I'm becoming sure that it's the best way to get over your ex.

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End of day 15 for me. I know the worst has past and knowing that instills me with confidence that I can complete NC to the point if I see or speak to her on occasion I will not be affected (which is hard to avoid sometimes as she lives around the corner).

 

Staying strong. Resisting temptation.

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jackinthebox1

The pain of being in NC is nothing to the pain of being rejected, findng out they have a new partner, going back to day 1.

NC is a no NB , no brainer

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It's been about a 6 weeks of NC now. She hasn't even tried to contact me. Sometimes I ask myself if she cares even a little bit, it seems not. I have bad and good days but I'm moving forward since I got no other choice.

 

I agree, better to stay NC than to find ut details about exes new relationship. I found out that she left me for someone else and that's the worst pain I felt ever. Stay strong, stay in NC.

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Great post! And I also like your motivation! Keep up the good work! Does NC help us heal and move on? YES! Does NC in conjunction with making positive changes in your life help us heal and move on faster? ABSOLUTELY! So, make sure you're making positive changes in your life!

 

 

This thread just helped put me in a better mood!

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10 days into complete NC. No text or anything from her.

 

Yesterday was a good day, the day before was awful, today is so-so.

 

I still blame myself for her leaving me for another guy. If only I could turn back time and do things different. I imagined my life with her and now it's all gone.

 

I don't have an urge to contact her but i desperately wish her new relationship would crash and burn and she'd come running back to me. I wish she'd experience just a little bit of what I'm going through now.

 

This was the girl I was supposed to marry. We were together for 7 years and now it's all gone. I try to focus on myself but depression is eating me alive and thoughts keep wander to her.

 

Life's not fair. I try to keep myself busy. Loneliness is a killer too.

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10 days into complete NC. No text or anything from her.

 

Yesterday was a good day, the day before was awful, today is so-so.

 

I still blame myself for her leaving me for another guy. If only I could turn back time and do things different. I imagined my life with her and now it's all gone.

 

I don't have an urge to contact her but i desperately wish her new relationship would crash and burn and she'd come running back to me. I wish she'd experience just a little bit of what I'm going through now.

 

This was the girl I was supposed to marry. We were together for 7 years and now it's all gone. I try to focus on myself but depression is eating me alive and thoughts keep wander to her.

 

Life's not fair. I try to keep myself busy. Loneliness is a killer too.

 

 

 

 

Dude, this was nothing you did. This isn't your fault. You didn't force her to cheat on you, that was a CHOICE she made. You had nothing to do with that.

 

 

If there were problems in your relationship, then fine. You can shoulder 50% of those problems and she should own up to the other 50%. But her cheating on you and leaving was 100% on her.

 

 

If you are depressed (and I speculate that you are after a seven year relationship) then see your doctor and get put on some anti-depressants. Nothing wrong with medication to get you through the tough spots. Also, I think you should seek some individual counseling to help you deal with the depression and these feelings you're having.

 

 

Dude, you're going to get through this. Believe me, I know how you feel. My Ex (the one I was supposed to marry too) cheated on me and left. So, there are people in the world that have gone through what you're going through right now. And do you know what? My life is AWESOME now! Yours will be too. You just need time to heal. Allow yourself to heal. Then work on YOU!

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Unforgotten it's not your fault she left you for someone else! You can't do anything about what she did in the relationship and after it. You can only recognise mistakes you've made, but by no means should you blame yourself for the end of your relationship. You must take some responsibility for it but in the end she was the one that wanted out and she did it in the worst kind of way possible.

 

Something similar happened to me and first I thought what could I have done differently to keep her but soon realised that that kind of thoughts are futile and self-damaging. I'm in 6 weeks NC and no contact from her, just stay NC and you'll see how you're doing in a month or two, just don't contact her.

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Day 25 of nc and 12 weeks post bu of 2.5 year relationship and having a strong urge to contact her.This weekend has some importance in our now ex relationship and i wonder if she is feeling or thinking the same about it as i am.

 

I feel like my heads going to explode with all this.i have good and bad days and today i fear is going to be a bad day and i hate the thought of her out enjoying her life and moving on whilst im still trying to get through it and wondering if i'll ever move on because at the moment my life seems to be passing me by and im in this empty void.

 

I have to believe that time will heal the pain and i will move on but boy its a struggle to not contact her

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Thanks everyone. It's funny how my feelings change all the time. From feeling guilty to grief, hate, depression, betrayal etc. etc. I am at 13 day NC. Unfortunately I've seen a picture of my ex on FB with her new bf. A friend showed it to me kind of by accident. It said something like "If I make you happy than this is where I belong. <3". Man she was more beautiful than ever. My heart raced for a couple of seconds and I can't get the picture out of my head but at the same time I was kind of relieved. The feelings of guilt kind of vanished and were replaced by the feelings of betrayal. There are so many indicators (no proof) that she was actually seeing him when we were still together and lied to my face about it. I cannot believe what she did to me after 7 years of being together. This was not a way to end things. I would bet on my life that she would never cheat on me and leave me because of someone else but she did exactly that. Then blamed it all on me. When she broke down she did apologize though but that was nothing. The worst thing she said to me is she should have ended it with me 7 years ago when she saw what kind of person I am. We had some problems back then and I acted like a jerk but soon realized that was no way to go, forgot all about it , apologized and lived on, and now she brought it all back up to clean her own guilt of betrayal I guess. The things she did to me at the end and how she ****ed up my psyche... The pain she caused me I would not wish to my worst enemy. I somehow wish one day she'd realize what she did and felt just a little bit of what I was going through now. I had these horrible dreams of her cheating on me today and am feeling nervous the whole day. I miss her and remember the good times. It's like a kick in the stomach. I imagined my life with her and it's all gone. I do not have an urge to contact her and am trying to avoid her. I know there is no point of talking with her since she does not love me or want to be with me. I wish one day she'd realize what she did and crawl back to me but I think this is the end. She'll marry the dude and have a family with him. It hit me like a train. Anxiety I feel is really bothersome. On the positive end I feel a little less depression, a little less dwelling and I'm texting this girl which makes me feel better and makes me smile when we text, we're even going out on a date. I can feel a little positivity but at the same time I know noone is like my ex. The comfort, familiarity, inside jokes, attachment... I miss those things and I don't know how she can be all happy hanging out with that dude like nothing happened at all. Man I hope things would turn around for both of us.

 

Any thought?

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EmbeddedCortex
Thanks everyone. It's funny how my feelings change all the time. From feeling guilty to grief, hate, depression, betrayal etc. etc. I am at 13 day NC. Unfortunately I've seen a picture of my ex on FB with her new bf. A friend showed it to me kind of by accident. It said something like "If I make you happy than this is where I belong. <3". Man she was more beautiful than ever. My heart raced for a couple of seconds and I can't get the picture out of my head but at the same time I was kind of relieved. The feelings of guilt kind of vanished and were replaced by the feelings of betrayal. There are so many indicators (no proof) that she was actually seeing him when we were still together and lied to my face about it. I cannot believe what she did to me after 7 years of being together. This was not a way to end things. I would bet on my life that she would never cheat on me and leave me because of someone else but she did exactly that. Then blamed it all on me. When she broke down she did apologize though but that was nothing. The worst thing she said to me is she should have ended it with me 7 years ago when she saw what kind of person I am. We had some problems back then and I acted like a jerk but soon realized that was no way to go, forgot all about it , apologized and lived on, and now she brought it all back up to clean her own guilt of betrayal I guess. The things she did to me at the end and how she ****ed up my psyche... The pain she caused me I would not wish to my worst enemy. I somehow wish one day she'd realize what she did and felt just a little bit of what I was going through now. I had these horrible dreams of her cheating on me today and am feeling nervous the whole day. I miss her and remember the good times. It's like a kick in the stomach. I imagined my life with her and it's all gone. I do not have an urge to contact her and am trying to avoid her. I know there is no point of talking with her since she does not love me or want to be with me. I wish one day she'd realize what she did and crawl back to me but I think this is the end. She'll marry the dude and have a family with him. It hit me like a train. Anxiety I feel is really bothersome. On the positive end I feel a little less depression, a little less dwelling and I'm texting this girl which makes me feel better and makes me smile when we text, we're even going out on a date. I can feel a little positivity but at the same time I know noone is like my ex. The comfort, familiarity, inside jokes, attachment... I miss those things and I don't know how she can be all happy hanging out with that dude like nothing happened at all. Man I hope things would turn around for both of us.

 

Any thought?

 

I'm sorry dude. I think a lot of people have been there. I can certainly sympathize with the bolded parts and everything else, and I was only with her for around 2 years.

 

It's not really your fault man. And what you're feeling is normal. It was 7 years so it will take some time to heal.

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There seems to be a lot of break-up where someone else is waiting under the wings. I would take a bullet for her and would never thought that she is capable of doing such a thing, but I guess we are all convinced that our partners wouldn't do such a thing to us. Stay strong, it can only get better! At least that's what I keep saying to myself.

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